RE: A lying slave (Full Version)

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drummerman4u -> RE: A lying slave (3/7/2013 1:34:43 PM)

Kana,
Well written and advise taken. Thanks.

Sincerely...



kiwisub12 -> RE: A lying slave (3/7/2013 1:45:04 PM)

She didn't lie - she also didn't have a directive from you to tell you every time someone outside your relationship called her. From what you say, she is the sinned against, not the sinner. And i think she may be owed an apology. You were upset at her for something someone else did.

If i was her i would be pissed. First off you weren't clear with how you wanted her to handle talking to outsiders
second - you don't trust her good judgement - since you think someone can "steal her away". She has a brain and a heart and able to use both - and if she really wanted to be "stolen" , she would be out the door.
third - you apparently have trust issues you need to address, because that can break up a good relationship faster than almost anything i can think of.



kiwisub12 -> RE: A lying slave (3/7/2013 1:46:34 PM)

oops- double posted



Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: A lying slave (3/7/2013 2:12:23 PM)

Perhaps next time a rule needs to be in place she is to confirm things like that first, before just assuming you had known.


Saves a lot of confusion.
quote:

ORIGINAL: drummerman4u

she says she is so sorry for not telling Me he contacted her but she says she assumed that I knew.



drummerman4u -> RE: A lying slave (3/7/2013 2:14:26 PM)

kiwisub12,
Thank you for your insite and your advise.

Sincerely....



drummerman4u -> RE: A lying slave (3/7/2013 2:18:11 PM)

Toppingfrmbottom,
Thanks it has been put in place.



TenderTorment -> RE: A lying slave (3/7/2013 2:22:52 PM)

Lots of good advice here OP from some very respected members, One thing I would add is why such an aversion to her being in contact with him in the first place? Does that come from insecurities within you? If so that may have clouded your judgement from the outset and now maybe a good time to air those during your discussions.

And from one drummer to another Kudos on the kit, although I have to say, what's with the angles of your snare? I'd struggle to hit a rim shot on that lol.

Good luck to you both though.



DesFIP -> RE: A lying slave (3/7/2013 3:38:25 PM)

She doesn't need to rebuild your trust in her, because she didn't lie. Someone else lied to her and assuming you had been fine with this for months you threw a hissy fit.

You need to rebuild her trust in you for being insecure, for giving permission you didn't want to give, for expecting her to read your mind and do as you wanted which was directly opposite to what you said.

Personally, I wouldn't get back into bed with someone as passive aggressive as you appear, I'd be looking to move and to find someone honest and trustworthy and secure in himself in the future. Which obviously is her ex's attraction. He is confident. He isn't passive aggressive.

Plus I doubt her ex needed to have people online explain basic things to him. This shows you in a bad light.



JeffBC -> RE: A lying slave (3/7/2013 3:42:05 PM)

I agree Des but I'm not hopeful that message is going to sink n. Idf I'd done what the OP says he did I'd be mortified and not profuse apology mode. But his focus seems to be on correcting her nonexistent errors with additional rules. It makes me wonder how she sees him.



HarryVanWinkle -> RE: A lying slave (3/7/2013 3:42:53 PM)

I'm impressed by neither your drum set nor your profile. In fact, combined with your post, it makes me very suspicious of your motives with this thread.

According to your profile, which was allegedly written by your "slave", she needs another slave to teach her how to be a slave. Huh? It then goes on to specify the age range and physical type that this "teaching slave" must fit. I say again, huh?

Something smells very fishy around here.

quote:

ORIGINAL: drummerman4u

slavegirlyj,
I agree with you and we are gonna talk tonight when slave gets home. We will work past this and move on. Thanks for your kind words and the props on My drums.

Master JC...




LightningVeins -> RE: A lying slave (3/7/2013 4:16:59 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

She didn't lie - she also didn't have a directive from you to tell you every time someone outside your relationship called her. From what you say, she is the sinned against, not the sinner. And i think she may be owed an apology. You were upset at her for something someone else did.



I couldn't agree more. Is your slave supposed to be cut off from humanity? Reading your post makes it sound that way. I would never tell my pet not to talk to someone. On the not to-do list, speaking to someone else is the very least of my concern. Even if they were to speak to a past owner. It seems silly somehow. If she's fully moved on from her past owner, then your worries should be nil. Perhaps you think she hasn't which is why you reacted so sharply.



UllrsIshtar -> RE: A lying slave (3/7/2013 4:19:49 PM)


As far as everybody saying that she didn't lie, if this quote is accurate:

quote:

ORIGINAL: drummerman4u

I recently found her texting her former Dom and she denied it. I showed her the text and she said nothing was going on between them.


Then she did lie.
She lied when he asked her if she was talking to this other guy, and she denied it.

It would also indicate that she knew she didn't have permission, and was actively trying to hide their conversations from him.


___________


Now drummerman4u, as far as you are concerned, I'd strongly advice you to formally release this girl from her collar, and would probably advice you to break up with her altogether, though I don't know enough of the details for that.

This girl has clearly indicated that she doesn't respect you, you've clearly indicated you don't own her, and your actions and reactions to this event have most likely make her lose even more respect for you. I seriously doubt she thinks very highly of you at this point, and I'd be absolutely shocked as if she considers you a man she admires and looks up to.
I doubt you've got anywhere to go but down hill from here... aside from the fact that I bet your relationship isn't all that rosy to begin with.

Cut your losses, learn your lesson, and move on.



UllrsIshtar -> RE: A lying slave (3/7/2013 4:21:47 PM)

.



JeffBC -> RE: A lying slave (3/7/2013 4:26:11 PM)

Well crap Ish. I was tracking that on my first post then lost sight of it. Not that I'd be very pleased with myself were I the "master" in this story anyway.



MissImmortalPain -> RE: A lying slave (3/7/2013 4:36:43 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: drummerman4u

I showed her the email he sent Me



quote:

ORIGINAL: drummerman4u

Hello slavegirlyj,
gave him permission which I didnt because he never contacted Me.


These two quotes suggest she is not the one lieing. Can you explain them?

*a little personal "dom" advice* - Let her talk to ex. The worst that can happen is you might find out she still has something going on for him. Which will save you time in the long run.



MissImmortalPain -> RE: A lying slave (3/7/2013 4:40:51 PM)

*edit* sorry about the double post...computer has gone crazy.



UllrsIshtar -> RE: A lying slave (3/7/2013 4:41:28 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain


quote:

ORIGINAL: drummerman4u

I showed her the email he sent Me



quote:

ORIGINAL: drummerman4u

Hello slavegirlyj,
gave him permission which I didnt because he never contacted Me.


These two quotes suggest she is not the one lieing. Can you explain them?

*a little personal "dom" advice* - Let her talk to ex. The worst that can happen is you might find out she still has something going on for him. Which will save you time in the long run.



I read those two as being: "he didn't contact me to ask for permission" and "he sent me a nasty email after I found out they where talking" but I may be off with that, because the timeline is not literally stated.
Either way, I wouldn't be shocked if he's lying to, about a variety of things.



MissImmortalPain -> RE: A lying slave (3/7/2013 4:49:54 PM)

I had to ask because it just seemed a little silly. Who cares more about their drums than their realationship....oh, wait, I know its drummers (never date drummers they are nuts) It also seems a little silly that he knows the ex was trying to own her again. How does he know that and why didn't he just go with "Okay I said you could talk to him but he isn't looking for a friend so now you can stop talking to him"



DarkSteven -> RE: A lying slave (3/7/2013 5:58:11 PM)

Sorry but too much doesn't make sense. I suspect we're being fed a much-edited version of reality.



LadyPact -> RE: A lying slave (3/7/2013 6:01:23 PM)

Off Topic.

In the future, OP, please do not send Me friend request just because of answering a thread.



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