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RE: should Doms be faithful? - 3/15/2013 11:11:36 PM

Mastertlb

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Nothing wrong with asking questions when deciding if He is your "one" But if He IS already your "one" then isn't that a mute question? you have to TALK to each other first BEFORE commitment. Both of you.. your wants, desires, hard limits, monogamy, poly and so on. If during the discussion He says yes I am a monogamous and He cheats? He has broken the contract n' you can leave but to TELL Him He HAS to be faithful ? He can't touch another woman? Well? that is a risk only you can decide to take.

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RE: should Doms be faithful? - 3/15/2013 11:20:59 PM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mastertlb
If during the discussion He says yes I am a monogamous and He cheats? He has broken the contract n' you can leave

I'm think she can leave whether or not he has broken a "contract".

In fact, yeah... I'm positively sure of it...

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RE: should Doms be faithful? - 3/15/2013 11:52:38 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
I'm think she can leave whether or not he has broken a "contract". In fact, yeah... I'm positively sure of it...

*laughs* I'd say she can leave if she can leave. Damn Leonidas for that great line... "She should do what slaves throughout the ages have done... flee if she is able."

And honestly, I pretty thoroughly trashed that "contract" with Carol. It was pretty clear when she married me that we were talking monogamy. Nor did I ever mention any change to those terms when I collared her. But the new deal is "you're my property not my wife". It isn't some contract or agreement that keeps her here. I'd venture to guess it has more to do with being ridiculously happy most of the time. Well, either that or I seriously need to send her to fleeing school. When I hear posts like this i just think of it as an idiot dom who didn't have enough control to get what he wanted. It isn't her fault. It's his.

@op
You don't sound happy. Stop trying to find answers in rules. I think you'd do better to look within yourself. Is this working for you? If you somehow manage to lock this guy closer to you by taking his collar do you really think that's going to make things better? Because honestly, more of a bad thing generally makes things worse.

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RE: should Doms be faithful? - 3/16/2013 9:18:49 AM

SomethingCatchy

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Flirght1 - Your profile says you are 46 years old. That makes you twice my age. I figured all this shit out 5 years ago. Why the hell are you still playing catch up?

If you're not going to use your brain then don't whine when things don't work out. How the hell did you manage to make it this far in life when you are clueless about how relationships are supposed to work?

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RE: should Doms be faithful? - 3/16/2013 12:14:23 PM

TNDommeK

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Stop trying to find answers in rules.

This right here. ^^^^^^

< Message edited by TNDommeK -- 3/16/2013 12:15:09 PM >

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RE: should Doms be faithful? - 3/16/2013 1:20:00 PM

seekingOwnertoo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
I'd venture to guess it has more to do with being ridiculously happy most of the time.

That is a great statement! And indeed, it is what i think!

Yes, I am submissive and had monogamy ingrained in me for years.

Yet, over the years I talked with many Dommes who are a bit more poly than I .. and finally met one was suggesting i could become Her beta ... and I liked Her!

Troubled, I posted a thread on Poly somewhere on the boards.

LP responded with the most brilliant insight; " It all depends on how you feel about Her "!

And that is the point!

If you are a sub .. and the Domme/Dom wants more ... well so be it. But IF THEY ARE ignoring your happiness, then you must leave!

But if you ARE happy ... you stay!

(to finish the story of my experience, i really didn't like Her that well! ;-)

But to the OP ... your own MWV. And you have to let your heart decide.

< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 3/16/2013 1:22:37 PM >

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RE: should Doms be faithful? - 3/17/2013 11:28:04 AM

lilcracker

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quote:

ORIGINAL: flight1

I guess I didn't explain that he said he only wants me but continues to talk to other subs/slaves. I don't want to be a brat but I don't think he should be chatting with his ex subs/slaves. Would it be okay if I chat with other Doms?

I still speak to my Former, as a matter of fact he attended my daughter's wedding. We have been friends for over 10 yrs, we just did not work as a couple. I am in a relationship currently, and not only has my partner met my former, we do hang out together. I think if his submissive didn't feel like it was okay for him to speak to me, I would be pretty upset that some johnny-come-lately was infringing on our friendship BUT I would also wonder who was the Dom and who was the sub. Bottom line comes down to trust....without it you have nothing. As for being a brat, I don't know about that but for 46 you ARE acting pretty childish. This is NOT 50 Shades....

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RE: should Doms be faithful? - 3/17/2013 3:07:10 PM

Dyfrynt

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If you were as up front with him as your profile comments, then he had to know you were seeking a monogamous arrangement. And if he had ideas about possibly not always being faithful he had a duty to tell you that up front. What this sounds like from your post is that the issue was never specifically discussed and the two of you assumed you were on the same page.

If so, that talk is long overdue. If you remain steadfast that monogamy is all you will accept, and he insists he won't be tied down to one person - well there's your answer. Time to part ways. And DO part ways. Trying to "make" it work never goes well.

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RE: should Doms be faithful? - 3/17/2013 4:55:22 PM

chatterbox24

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dyfrynt

If you were as up front with him as your profile comments, then he had to know you were seeking a monogamous arrangement. And if he had ideas about possibly not always being faithful he had a duty to tell you that up front. What this sounds like from your post is that the issue was never specifically discussed and the two of you assumed you were on the same page.

If so, that talk is long overdue. If you remain steadfast that monogamy is all you will accept, and he insists he won't be tied down to one person - well there's your answer. Time to part ways. And DO part ways. Trying to "make" it work never goes well.

I used to like my coffee black, now i like it with cream and sugar.
Sometimes making something work is quite rewarding. Depends on how you feel about someone and whether you can live without them.
Should a dom be faithful? depends on the promises he made, the discussion between the two of you and what he means to you. But most of all its What can you live with happily in the long run. Yes he should be faithful if thats what you need. You will either learn to live with the Doms way or leave him. Its all up to you.

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RE: should Doms be faithful? - 3/18/2013 8:17:19 AM

Dyfrynt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

I used to like my coffee black, now i like it with cream and sugar.
Sometimes making something work is quite rewarding. Depends on how you feel about someone and whether you can live without them.
Should a dom be faithful? depends on the promises he made, the discussion between the two of you and what he means to you. But most of all its What can you live with happily in the long run.
Yes he should be faithful if thats what you need. You will either learn to live with the Doms way or leave him. Its all up to you.

I believe we are mostly on the same page here. I split your comments into three parts.'

Part 1. Yes it can be. I should have made myself more clear. I was referring to trying to change a person. That is what almost never goes well.

Part 2. Absolutely agree with the underlined part here. It all depends on the promises made.

Part 3. This one I do not necessarily agree with. It kinda is the opposite of Part 2. He should not be faithful because "that's what [she] needs". If there was a discussion and he pointed out he would not be restricted to just one, what she needs is no reason for him to change his behavior. If she accepted his comment with the hope he would change to suit her desires, she should not be disappointed if he acts just as he said he would.

If his desires and her desires on monogamy do not match, they are not a good match. It can only end in disappointment, anger and ultimately dissolution of the relationship.

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RE: should Doms be faithful? - 3/22/2013 7:26:37 PM

ContainedJoy

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This is all something that probably should've been discussed at the beginning of the relationship. Have an open and honest discussion with your dom. If you want a monogamous relationship, you need to be clear about it. Your dom's desires might not match up with yours. In that case, find a compromise, or move on.

There were some tears, anger and drama with Master and I before we reached a compromise that made us both happy. It's a year later, and our relationship is healthy and fantastic, despite a nasty rough patch near the beginning. Some people can't be happy with a compromise. That's okay, too, it just means you need to find someone whose desires match your own.

< Message edited by ContainedJoy -- 3/22/2013 7:27:05 PM >

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RE: should Doms be faithful? - 3/26/2013 2:17:50 PM

littleone35

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I admit i did not read the other responses. I made it clear right from the start that is i acceptd him as my Master i had to be the only one ans. we will both be faithful, If he was not faithful to me or had no desire to be. That is a deal breaker for me. If you want him to be faithful you have to make that clear from the beginning.

Enen though i subimtted to him we waited 18 months for the collar, now it never leaves my neck. Don;t rush into anything. Gi youdelf 6 month to a year before you accey collar. That is just my 2 cents. Best of luck with your Dom.

Matt's littlone

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