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EMOTIONAL MASOCHISM - 3/12/2013 9:18:54 AM

tulsmuc

Posts: 17
Joined: 4/3/2012
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Are there any emotional masochist out there?

Recently I have embraced this part of my sexuality. Not like I had any other viable options.

I don't want to continue emotionally and psychologically raping men to get what I need. I would like to have a relationship where it is understood that I have these needs and desire to have my needs met.

Here is the hard part. I can't meet someone and tell them I want them to humiliate me and abuse me emotionally without them thinking I'm a weirdo, desperate or crazy. So I take what I need from them emotionally in the end they still prefer to think I'm a weirdo, crazy or desperate with no self esteem. Of which I am neither.

My self esteem is off the charts, my mind is sound my sexuality however thrives on emotional masochism.

So I am asking for suggestions on how to breach this topic with vanilla as well as men in the lifestyle becz they don't necessarily get it.

CS

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RE: EMOTIONAL MASOCHISM - 3/12/2013 9:24:51 AM

RedMagic1

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Joined: 5/10/2007
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Yes, there are both male and female emotional masochists. In my experience, they are pretty fucked up.

If you want a relationship, you can find one. If you want a healthy relationship that lasts, my suggestion would be that you work on yourself for a while. Get to a place where you can give (or receive?) humiliation that builds you and your partner up, instead of hungering for harmful things.

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RE: EMOTIONAL MASOCHISM - 3/12/2013 9:27:31 AM

mnottertail

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There are litterally millions of emotional masochists living in your town, probably...

It aint at all uncommon, you are so very not alone.

There are at least as many millions of men (or women) that would (for lack of a better word) 'service' that kink for you., also probably in your town right now.

It is generally the sort of thing you don't want to go discussing right after the soup course....

And for me (and I do not speak for anyone but myself) I think the way to approach that is like the ole and lena (I come from a norwegian community) jokes.

Ole was driving his buckboard from Fergus to Elizabeth with Lena at his side...
He put his hand on Lena's knee..........

She smiled coquettishly, batted her eyes at him and said seductively,

Oh, Ole!! You can go farder den dat!!!

So he drove all the way to Erhard.

Sorta like .... smile, shy......I like it when you talk dirty to me........and then.....

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RE: EMOTIONAL MASOCHISM - 3/12/2013 11:13:28 AM

LadyPact

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I'd skip the vanilla folks for a partner for emotional S/m. Heck, there are a lot of kinky people who don't understand why a person wants to feel a certain way during a scene, so trying to explain it to non-kinky folks is just considered to be too much work, in My opinion.

Find somebody who specifically enjoys emotional sadism. Not as easy to find as looking for physical pain because there are different precautions and a lot of folks won't engage in this as casual play. (I don't do this outside of a dynamic so I know the person well enough not to inflict unintentional damage.)

It can be done.

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RE: EMOTIONAL MASOCHISM - 3/12/2013 11:34:03 AM

myotherself

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Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
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It's funny, but early in the day when I started in kink (about 8 years ago), the only Doms I played with seemed to want a level of emotional masochism from me. Unfortunately (for them) it wasn't something I could do. I could feel emotionally abused and humiliated, but those feelings lingered long after the play time and soured the relationships in the end.

Now I'm with Master. He's not an emotional sadist, but he does make me do stuff that SHOULD make me feel humiliated (going by my previous relationships). But they don't. They make me feel servile and 'lesser' than him, but after the play or activity has finished I feel so much closer to him, and we both appreciate how it reinforces my role in our relationship.

I don't think that makes me an emotional masochist, but perhaps an outside viewer might see it differently.

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RE: EMOTIONAL MASOCHISM - 3/12/2013 1:23:16 PM

Missokyst

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I am sure there are a lot of emotional masochists out there. However, I doubt they know that it is what they are when they do the things they do. Kudos for knowing yourself.

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

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RE: EMOTIONAL MASOCHISM - 3/12/2013 9:41:03 PM

sexyred1

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You can safely and sanely get your needs met. You have to stop thinking that you need to manipulate men into giving you what you need.

You can communicate very effectively that you love x, y, and z and would love to incorporate it into your relationship.

I don't suggest you do this with anyone immediately. You should be dating a bit first, know you have good sex with them and good chemistry and then introduce it.

God, when I started sharing what I was into with men, they were always really surprised but also really excited that I had the self awareness and self confidence to know what I needed and that I trusted them with the information.

Don't tell the wrong people; like I said, trust and communication. And someone who is into you, will get it.

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RE: EMOTIONAL MASOCHISM - 3/12/2013 11:22:35 PM

tulsmuc

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Thanks for your responses

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RE: EMOTIONAL MASOCHISM - 3/13/2013 4:10:45 PM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Does being humiliated and degraded make you feel stronger? Then explain it that way. Don't use words like abuse that have only negative connotations. Explain the positive results of this kind of play.

But expect that healthy partners who will do this will be hard to come by. And you don't want a relationship with the unhealthy ones.

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