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Your opinion please - 11/9/2004 6:28:50 PM   
feline


Posts: 1101
Joined: 2/23/2004
From: CA
Status: offline 		OK . . . for all the Masters/Doms with collared subs/slaves;

What is your opinion on another Master/Dom contacting your sub/slave without your consent?

Thank you,







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RE: Your opinion please - 11/9/2004 7:28:03 PM   
femdom4u2besub


Posts: 35
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		I'd say that was just pretty much bad manners.

(in reply to feline)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Your opinion please - 11/9/2004 7:29:26 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		Midear Feline-

I need a lot more to answer. Was it an arguebly 'friendly' contact ? are we talking online or real world? Did the DIQ have any prior introduction to the other DIQ?

Generally, My answer would be that since I will not ever restrict any communications for my partner, at worst, it might be rude. And since I generally won't acknowlege rudeness, I'd likely think nothing of it at all.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

acckjowal ge<-- what happens when I sneeze while typing 'acknowlege'

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RE: Your opinion please - 11/9/2004 8:01:25 PM   
INSIDEYOURMIND


Posts: 483
Status: offline
quote:

without your consent?


I think this says it all, if it is without my consent, I would not like it, and if the Dom knows beforehand that the sub is collared, it would not be very honorable to do so without consent.

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If I got smart with you.................
How would you know?

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RE: Your opinion please - 11/9/2004 9:27:11 PM   
TaurusMCMLVIII


Posts: 88
Joined: 1/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

What is your opinion on another Master/Dom contacting your sub/slave without your consent?


I will make 2 assumptions here-
1. "contacting" is defined as saying hello either by online (email, IM, etc.) or other "normal" communications (phone, saying "hello" in person, etc.)
2. you are asking ME what I would do if my su/slave was approached

I would do nothing. I think it is fine. Being someone's sub/slave whether collared or not does not mean the world is off-limits. I would have the confidence that my sub/slave would do the right thing.

For my next response, I will make an assumption that I believe was your original intention-
1. "contacting" is defined as the Dom "making a move" on the sub/slave.

Again, I would do nothing. This is also fine for same reasons stated above. Wearing a collar (or a wedding ring in the vanilla world) doesn't preclude people from approaching another person.

Instead of being concerned with the "other" Dom's actions, maybe it would be more productive to examine why it would bother the Dom (I'm assuming that the Dom is the one with an issue versus the submissive in this situation). Are feelings of insecurity or jealousy present? The Dom should look at the attempted contact in a different light-
a. be flattered that his sub/slave attarcts the attention of another Dom.
b. look at it as a "test". if the relationship is an honest and strong one then any contact will just fall by the wayside, thus reaffirming the strength of the relationship. If it raises some interest on behalf of the sub/slave then maybe the relationship isn't quite what the Dom thought it was. Better to find out sooner rather than later.

(in reply to feline)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Your opinion please - 11/9/2004 9:30:06 PM   
MrThorns


Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Well...my slave receives quite a few emails every day without my consent. I used to get butt-hurt over the idea of someone else was attempting to get to my slave without having the common decency to speak with me first. Nowadays, I chuckle as she reads the emails to me as most of her responses state very clearly that she is owned and that any further contact should be requested through me. I think that I have only received one such request in 4 years.

As far as real time...that is a different matter. Most, if not all of the BDSM crowd that we associate ourselves with know that she is mine. I am approached first if someone desires to play, speak, or have any physical contact with her. If that courtesy was not extended, I believe that we would definately have some issues to... er..."discuss".

I think the request should be made to speak with an owned slave as a matter of "social protocol" as well as out of common courtesy. I just don't get overly concerned with the HNGs barking at my girl's door.

~Thorns

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"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Your opinion please - 11/9/2004 9:45:46 PM   
NoCalOwner


Posts: 241
Status: offline 		If you mean online:
My slave was getting a lot of mail which she felt was inappropriate, so I wrote her profile. It contains warnings, like the following:
"While I do give her permission to talk to anyone here, and I won't arbitrarily rule out other possible activities, there will NOT be any changes of ownership. That said, feel free to socialize with her -- that's primarily what we're here for. As long as you don't try to challenge her loyalty to me, everything will be fine. Thanks in advance for your cooperation, NoCalOwner"

So I don't forbid it. On the other hand, she has gotten very little mail from Dom/mes which stayed appropriate (in her opinion) for long, so I may as well have forbidden it.

We're 24/7, have been together for ages, and my trust in her is absolute. I suspect that makes me relatively laid back about matters, and I would not blame anyone for doing things differently.

If I had forbidden contact without consent, and it happened anyway, I'd be pissed, but so what? I write him a peeved sort of note, she blocks him, end of story.

If you mean offline:
There are a couple of Dommes who have individual permission, but only a couple. If anyone else did it, I'd be at least a little bit annoyed with them. How annoyed would depend entirely on the details.

_____________________________

"Find more pleasure in intelligent dissent rather than passive agreement; for if you value intelligence as you should, the former implies a deeper agreement than the latter."
-- Bertrand Russell

(in reply to feline)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Your opinion please - 11/9/2004 9:54:42 PM   
NoCalOwner


Posts: 241
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TaurusMCMLVIII
Instead of being concerned with the "other" Dom's actions, maybe it would be more productive to examine why it would bother the Dom (I'm assuming that the Dom is the one with an issue versus the submissive in this situation). Are feelings of insecurity or jealousy present?

It is simply bad manners. No jealousy or worry whatever, it's just very disrespectful, and in a friend, perhaps even treacherous. It's not what it shows he thinks of her, it's what it shows he thinks of me.

_____________________________

"Find more pleasure in intelligent dissent rather than passive agreement; for if you value intelligence as you should, the former implies a deeper agreement than the latter."
-- Bertrand Russell

(in reply to TaurusMCMLVIII)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Your opinion please - 11/9/2004 10:35:15 PM   
cariad


Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
Status: offline 		this slave apologizes for sticking her nose in here, but she is an owned slave and while Master allows her to play with others seeing W/we are 3000miles apart she does NOT do so with out first getting all pertinent information and passing it to Master or having Him speak with the Dom/Domme in question.

this slave is free to chat with other Dom/Dommes in messengers, irc, here, and other groups as long as she makes it known she is taken and where her heart is.

on irc she is permitted to scene with other Dom/Dommes as long as her limits are respected.

this slave had a very scary experience last year in Dec. and since then has asked Master to speak with the Dom/Domme in question and if He doesn't feel it's right this slave won't "play/scene" with the Dom/Domme. she also has a few Dom/Domme's she knows where she lives that she speaks with and They check out the Dom/Domme in question for her as well as she does her own research.

Master has collared this slave both online and R/L, and her heart is with Him as is her body, mind and soul. she would NEVER do anything to betray His trust, love or pride in owning her as His slave.

again this slave apologizes for sticking her nose in here but the post she got in her email prompted her to respond.




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The Path To Being A Good slave Takes Hard Work, A Willingness To Learn, Ability To Take Criticism and the Ability To Take Punishments Well. i Am Still Learning So Please Be Patient With me, As i Walk the Path to Being A good slave. SLRN: 742 958 000

(in reply to NoCalOwner)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Your opinion please - 11/10/2004 5:08:45 AM   
lovingmaster45


Posts: 261
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline 		I share my sluts with respectful dominants. All of their profiles clearly state that play with them is very possible and that I should be contacted if that is what is sought. Guys don't read. They look at the hot pics; they proposition my sluts; and they get blown away by the slut because they have shown disrespect for her, for me, and for our relationship. about 1 in 100 do it correctly and I can assure you, they are in for the time of their life. We just got back from Black Rose where my sluts were shared quite a bit with dominants who "have a clue". You will find people at real BDSM events know the lifestyle etiquette that is required for play. The internet fools are easily spotted; don't concern yourself with them. It is a total waste of time.

_____________________________

Master Jerry


(in reply to cariad)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Your opinion please - 11/10/2004 5:37:53 AM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		As mentioned earlier, the issue isn't a matter of being contacted, but rather contacted inappropriately. If someone were to proposition my girl i.e. demand her time, attention, etc, in the capacity as a sub or slave, and knew she was involved - this is a problem. If it's someone on the street asking her what time it is, then obviously I have no problem.

Its about the context.

Stephan

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"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Your opinion please - 11/10/2004 5:59:52 AM   
ManicVortex


Posts: 20
Joined: 11/10/2004
Status: offline 		I actually ran across this problem today at this site. I see the home page and a profile of a submissive popped up.. I read through it and it was very well written as she expressed her commitment to her Master and I simply wanted to do a 'quick send' to let her know the meaning it had for me but seeing that she was owned, I was hesitant. I didn't send the message after all out of respect.

As a Dom if I feel motivated to make contact with another sub, I need to do my research so I can offer respect to any Dom/me they might have. My tendency would be to contact their Dom/me first whenever possible for permission to do so unless specifically stated it's ok in the profile.

BTW I am not referring to R/T contact.

Manic


(in reply to Voltare)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Your opinion please - 11/10/2004 11:01:16 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		feline,
You would think that since beth and I are listed as a couple that wouldn't happen with us, but it does often. How do I feel? Well, quite honestly - honored! I enjoy knowing that beth is desirable to others.

Contacting her without my consent or prior knowledge occurs frequently. Being a bit 'anal retentive' of protocol requires me to handle the response. I do so usually something to the effect that; since they have indicated by their manner that they have no respect for our relationship, they aren't allowed to correspond with beth. But when someone contacts us respectfully and asks to correspond with beth, I not only approve it, but encourage it.

I have much more experience then beth in this lifestyle and from the beginning I brought her to parties and other lifestyle functions to learn and observe. That experience as well as IMing with others and reading the message threads on Yahoo and now at CollarMe have been very good learning tools. You can't gain different perspectives from a single source no matter how much experience that source has.

Just this morning she was IM'ing with a Dom from CollarMe that contacted me yesterday, and asked to chat with beth. Interestingly enough, he began IM'ing beth first and then came back to tell me. Of course beth had already informed and asked permission before acknowledging his 'hello'.

I don't feel threatened and my confidence doesn't waver when beth is contacted. It's yet another function of TRUST.

(in reply to feline)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Your opinion please - 11/10/2004 11:16:27 AM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

but seeing that she was owned, I was hesitant. I didn't send the message after all out of respect.


I have received some very polite emails from doms asking if they should go through my Master or if its ok to talk to me. Maybe you could contact her starting with that. Everyone likes to receive compliments.

< Message edited by proudsub -- 11/11/2004 1:49:40 PM >

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Your opinion please - 11/10/2004 11:01:54 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		It depends on the dom's intentions, and those are usually not hard to gauge. If a dom has a bona fide reason for contacting my sub, it's fine with me, and he doesn't have to go through the rigamarole of asking my "permission" first.

But if a dom contacts my sub in order to seduce her, I'll be displeased.

Lam

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Your opinion please - 11/11/2004 8:02:05 AM   
Temji


Posts: 43
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		greetings...

there is contact... and there is ... contact...

friends are always welcome... unwelcome advances are just that... unwelcome...

the caveat for Me is does the DIQ know of her relationship...?... if not, He needs to be told... if so... then he needs to be ...told...

be well,

Temji KnightStorm

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Your opinion please - 11/11/2004 6:13:59 PM   
RealityFix


Posts: 156
Joined: 8/12/2004
Status: offline 		That he's going to get a new asshole torn for stepping on my toes.

(in reply to Temji)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Your opinion please - 11/12/2004 7:56:10 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		My opinion depends entirely on what I perceive his intentions to be. I see no harm in it if it is just friendly socializing; if he is hoping to seduce her I see no harm in that either except for annoying her and wasting her time.

Having said that, I'll admit to starting with a bias toward suspecting that he thinks he is just so charming that she will prefer him to me. That makes him an idiot because he isn't smart enough to realize he is nowhere near as wonderful as I am.

< Message edited by happypervert -- 11/12/2004 8:48:50 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Your opinion please - 11/13/2004 7:31:36 AM   
wetrope


Posts: 117
Joined: 8/9/2004
From: GATINEAU, PQ
Status: offline 		I am not so full of myself to think i'v got it all, and would hope she might find something out there that tickles her fancy.

I would never restrict my sub from communicating outside our little world, even if the grass is a little greener over there.

But how far would i let it go, well my sub honors me by communicating fully about who she talks to, and who she meets, and what they talk about or what they want to do with her. Most of these just want a bj, or want to see her on cam, too risky for r/t!!! Unfortunately she mostly comes across wanabees, want to hear what she has done or experienced, they realy have no clue what this beauty of a sub realy wants.

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Wetrope

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Your opinion please - 11/16/2004 8:08:26 PM   
MasterDerek5


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/24/2004
Status: offline 		Dear feline,

In my opinion once a Dominant know the sub/slave is involved in a D/s relationship, whatever the nature of the relationship they should contact the Dominant of the sub first.

It is very rude to contact someones sub directly once you know the situation. Having said that, it is important that the sub exlain they are in such a situation adn that all sontacts should be sent to the Dominant.

I hope this helps.

Regards,
Master Derek

(in reply to feline)
Profile   Post #: 20
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