RE: Mental Health & BDSM ?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Mental Health & BDSM ?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Health and Safety >> RE: Mental Health & BDSM ?

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Mental Health & BDSM ? - 3/25/2013 6:22:08 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mikedusade

Is D/s just manifestation of under lying mental heath issues ?

In my experience this would appear to be the case . Perhaps I am attracted to those with such issues ?

But the vast majority of subs ive met have proved to have had mental health issues and personality disorders

Some more serious and toxic than others

But all leading to make long term relationships with them impossible

Maybe it's your hat that's attracting all of the crazies....

_____________________________

The Red

(in reply to mikedusade)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Mental Health & BDSM ? - 3/25/2013 6:29:47 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mikedusade

Is D/s just manifestation of under lying mental heath issues ?

In my experience this would appear to be the case . Perhaps I am attracted to those with such issues ?

But the vast majority of subs ive met have proved to have had mental health issues and personality disorders

Some more serious and toxic than others

But all leading to make long term relationships with them impossible

It could be that you are attracted to those types. It is also possible that you are presenting yourself in a way that attracts those types. Maybe you could talk to someone who could help you see why you keep finding yourself in this position.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to mikedusade)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Mental Health & BDSM ? - 4/1/2013 11:51:45 PM

jwl3948

Posts: 10
Joined: 3/6/2013
Status: offline

I know this is off the main question that was asked but it is a subject that came up in the responses. It is one thing to understand and know where a behavior, tendency or feeling comes from. It is a whole other thing to try to unlearn it. For most of us the best we can hope for is to be aware of it and try to keep it in mind when we make decisions rather than going on our gut instinct. Ivan Pavlov’s dogs probably salvated at the sound of that bell for the rest of there lives even if food was never give after it rang from then on. The dogs may have in time learend that the ringing bell did not mean food any more but I doubt that you could ever erase the thought of food coming into their minds at its sounding. Some people believe you can undo it by forced repeated exposer to a different outcome given the same stimulation. Let us say that Pavlov started to beat his dogs every time the bell rang rather than feed them like he had done in the past. The dogs would now associate the ringing of that bell with a beating and probably show fear and try to get away. You might be able to train the fear response as the primary reaction but I think the thought of food wood still be rolling around in there head as well. I apologize in advance if the following example offends someone or touches too close to home. Let us say a woman has been raped. From that time on no amount of consoling or therapy will ever erase that events influence on her. She may learn to override the negative feeling she feels. She may in time learn not to think about it or even block it from her memory all together but it will forever influence her in some way even if it is from her subconscious and she is not aware of it.
So yes it is good to be aware of the things that make you tick. That way you can try to make better choses but those things that make you tick will always have an influence to some degree no matter what you do. Sometimes it’s easy to learn something but next to impossible to unlearn it if it is deeply ingrained in to your conscious or subconscious.

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Mental Health & BDSM ? - 4/2/2013 3:04:16 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alhamdullilah
I still say, for myself and as relates to all of my fetishes... I think... *grins* - deviance from the apparent universal norm is not, in and of itself, dysfunction. I don't even believe the apparent universal norm is genuinely the norm.

I'm a lot closer to that "apparent universal norm" than most posters on this site and I'm the first to say that I know of no such "norm". I know people speak about something akin to "missionary position with the lights out" as if it were some sort of norm but I don't actually know of any couple for whom that's true.

@OP
By "D/s" I assume you are referring to top/bottom play since "dominance" and "submission" or way too broad to be addressed as some sort of mental health issue. That'd be a lot like suggesting that being male/female correlates tightly with some mental health problems. Anyway, I don't think getting up to kinky stuff in the bedroom is indicative of anything other than a desire for kinky stuff in the bedroom.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to alhamdullilah)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Mental Health & BDSM ? - 4/2/2013 6:50:28 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

But I do think it's a lot easier for people to claim that anyone who likes this is dysfunctional rather than acknowledge why they are attracted to dysfunctional partners.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to JeffBC)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Mental Health & BDSM ? - 5/16/2013 3:13:39 AM

Rasnow

Posts: 53
Joined: 8/30/2010
From: La La Land
Status: offline

Isn't everyone a little bit mad?

If anything BDSM has significantly helped my mental health "issues".

(edited for spelling)

< Message edited by Rasnow -- 5/16/2013 3:14:27 AM >

_____________________________

Every person has his own brand of lunacy

http://www.modelmayhem.com/2637149
http://www.facebook.com/sarahleeberryart

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Mental Health & BDSM ? - 5/16/2013 3:53:06 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

FR:

As someone who freely admits to having had mental health issues in the past, who's still prone to depression, who's been on meds, AND who's been in therapy more than once (going back 45 years), I'd LOVE to field this one.

First I have to point out that sexual sadism and sexual masochism are no longer considered mental illnesses. MOST people who enjoy these things are considered on the outer fringes of what mental health professionals consider 'normal.'

I'm sure there are subsets of people whose desires place them outside of what is considered 'normal' -- they are in the minority.

In my 35 years in this lifestyle, there has been a growing (JMO, YMMV) trend for BDSM wannabers to engage in practices that get someone hurt, and it's not always physical, far too often it's mental. Some of these are sadistic predators and masos with victim mentalities. Others are too clueless about safety practices and their own personal selves to be a good mental fit for this lifestyle. So yes, I think these people exist, and I blame their trending to this lifestyle on the internet which has made being into BDSM the next cool thing, not to mention giving the predators and the victim types a huge pool of potential 'partners.'

For the most part these types are easy to spot.

There are plenty of people in the lifestyle who do not have mental health issues, or whose issues are being dealt with. I would be one. I'm not aware of any studies I can refer to, but at a guess I would state that those in this lifestyle are as prone to mental health issues as the rest of the population.

_____________________________

(in reply to Rasnow)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Mental Health & BDSM ? - 5/16/2013 5:36:54 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

Hmmmm. I will admit some of the scenerios or acts I hear about in this lifestyle are over the top for me. Pretty crazy. I think mental illness comes to mind, but just like any community there are crazies.
I also hear a lot of stories, where people are just really self aware, they like adventure, adrenaline rushes, or serotonin rushes, and it makes them feel alive. It takes certain things for them to get there, and so that's what they do. Nothing wrong with that as long as people aren't ending up in the hospital or its non consensual.

Ive heard some beautiful stories of couples/or poly so in tune with each other, its amazing. Great communication skills, leading structured lives, and seem very content and stable.

Through my experience, I am actually much better off mentally then I was before.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Mental Health & BDSM ? - 5/16/2013 7:12:39 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

While I agree with most of what you say, I think if you consider the "victim mentality" a mental health issue (I do), then more people with mental health issues DO gravitate to BDSM. We see on here all the time people who obviously have that victim mentality.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: Mental Health & BDSM ? - 5/16/2013 7:37:14 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

I had a victim mentality. Hell at first I was a victim! dumb as they come, didn't know my ass from apple butter when it came to this. But overtime, the things you put up with are on YOU. You are no longer a victim when you are fully aware of what is going on and putting up with it. Sometimes it takes awhile to really take a good hard long look at ourselves, it is to painful. But once you do or can, it will put you in a much better position to be an advocate for yourself and make good decisions. Taking ones own destiny into your hands, is always a good idea, if you find yourself in a bad situation, blaming someone else is counterproductive for change.

< Message edited by chatterbox24 -- 5/16/2013 7:38:23 AM >

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: Mental Health & BDSM ? - 5/16/2013 8:19:28 AM

soldiersslutgirl

Posts: 4
Joined: 5/6/2013
Status: offline

I am a slave. Not just a sex slave, or a weekend slave, or an internet slave, but a 24/7 live-in, I am property slave. I personally have a lot of mental disorders, extreme anxiety and BPD among them. I was diagnosed with all my disorders when I was a teenager and still a virgin and had no clue what BDSM was. In my early adulthood, I went through some bad shit. Some of the things I went through I have no doubt made me into some of the fetishes and fantasies I have now. I do not think that after being a for real 24/7, everyday slave that I could go back to not being that. I need someone to control me, I need someone to make my decisions, I need someone to protect me, I need someone to take care of me and love me. My Master views me as his most prized possession, so of course he is going to take care of me and protect me. He wanted someone who would obey him and yet needed him to take care of and protect them. I call him Daddy more than Master because he takes such good care of me, like a father does his child. Don't get me wrong, I am punished when I mess up, I do obey him, I try to be a good slave and keep him always happy. I was in extremely strict slave training for a year and a half before he collared me, I had to change everything about my lifestyle, but it needed done because I was headed down a very dark road when I met my Master.

That being said, do I think that ALL slaves and subs have mental disorders? Definitely not. Some people just get off on submitting. Some people get relief from submitting because they have to be dominate in their everyday life. There are tons of reason why people submit, just as there are tons of reasons why dominates dominate. I know far fewer people in our real life BDSM circles that have mental disorders than those that do. And of the ones I personally know, there are more dominate females with disorders than submissives (m or f).

As far as saying someone is attracted to another with a mental illness (in d/s or friendship), I am not so sure how I feel about this. Some of my best friends have issues from depression to PTSD, but I don't think that is WHY I am friends with them, or gravitated towards them when just meeting them. My Master is actually 100% mentally stable. And I don't think he got with me just because I was "damaged" lol. Although, his protectiveness, strictness, and stability did attract me to him.

Just my 2 cents :)

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: Mental Health & BDSM ? - 5/18/2013 1:10:49 AM

SoulAlloy

Posts: 2106
Joined: 8/23/2009
From: Preston, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: egern

Surveys have found that BDSM people as a group are, in fact, slightly less prone to mental health problems than the general population.

However, they are also, as a group, more self-aware than the general population. This may lead to a higher level of self-reported emotional problems, abusive backgrounds et cetera. This may lead people to conclude that there is a higher incidence of such problems.

Whilst I'm not sure about the first statement, the second rings true for me. In an arena where we already discuss our deepest desires and sexual fantasies, is it really that surprising we share our deepest pains and fragilities also? We are often (perhaps foolishly) just that open with one another.

I've struggled with depression for a long time (indeed a search here you might find a topic I started on it), a good portion of my kinky friends know, vanilla friends not so many. Of the few vanilla friends I have told half have come back to me and said "me too", which surprised the hell out of me as they seemed to be completely happy and full of life every time I saw them.

_____________________________

"Better to be a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without" - Confucius

"It'll be alright in the end - if it isn't alright, it's not the end." - unknown

Kinky crossdressing Whovian

Host of the Preston (UK) Munch, 2nd Wednesday each month

(in reply to egern)

Profile

Post #: 32

RE: Mental Health & BDSM ? - 5/18/2013 7:59:39 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Every person who knows me, knows about my depression. I make no secret about it, specifically for one reason. I want it out in the open to show that because you have a mental illness does not mean you can't lead a normal life. It all comes down to taking care of yourself physically, mentally and spiritually. I'm tired of it being a stigma. I'm tired of people not getting the help they need because they're afraid they will be looked upon as crazy. I want people to see that you can be healthy despite the label put upon you.

I have severe depression. But I take my meds. I take breaks with small vacations and praying and making sure I'm getting out in the sun and getting some form of exercise. Also having a partner who will help you out with it is a God-send. Even if you don't have a partner, there are always others out there who are more than willing to talk to you and be there for you. You may be surprised to find out those who you didn't know have a mental illness, do have it but like you, were afraid to talk about it.

So my point is, just because one has this label put upon them does not mean they are not healthy.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to SoulAlloy)

Profile

Post #: 33

RE: Mental Health & BDSM ? - 5/18/2013 8:18:13 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

I have anxiety disorder I might look calm but inside but BP is rising and I have a tremor inside in new social situations. Most people wouldn't identify it, in a person encounter because I began fighting it a long time ago. But I am totally exhausted when I encounter a situation which requires interactions in a group setting in RL situations. I purposely took a job once because it required me to do public speaking. Each time I was mortified to do it, but I practiced so much, I was good at it. But it became to much, because it never got easier. But I faced that fear. I do take occasional meds for it, but I will not take them routinely. I rather try to power through it unless it gets bad.
No shame in having problems, its when you let them take over your life, when you do have the ability to improve them that is the shame.
I do understand though, some peoples mentality disability is so debilitating there is no just fighting thru it, and they just can not help it, no more then a person with a badly broken arm can use it.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Profile

Post #: 34

RE: Mental Health & BDSM ? - 5/19/2013 9:09:09 PM

Charles6682

Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline

I just saw on the news today that the new DSM-V is finally out.I have yet to have a chance to look at it but I am very curious as to what the new DSM-V has to say.All I can say is it is about time.We need a new,updated DSM that better reflects the reality of today.

_____________________________

Charley aka Sub Guy

http://www.Facebook.com/SubGuy

https://Twitter.com/SubGuy6682

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Profile

Post #: 35