Do you have any experience switching at the flip of a coin? Advice requested.

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Do you have any experience switching at the flip of a c... - 3/19/2013 11:37:25 AM

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I'm interested in whether it's possible to be both but one at a time, Top and Bottom?

For example, would it 'mentally' work with people to flip a coin, and, say, today be a top, but next time, the coin comes up tails, so then I'm the bottom?

Both intrigue me - but I don't know how 'workable' it is in real life?

Anyone with experience in switching at the flip of a coin who has advice for me?

RE: Do you have any experience switching at the flip of... - 3/19/2013 11:41:15 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cilicia
Anyone with experience in switching at the flip of a coin who has advice for me?

I don't now if this helps or not but here goes.

Carol and I aren't very tightly bound along the top/bottom scales. We are strongly D/s but really we don't feel much attachment to T/b. We like our skin touching. We like sex. It feels good. I don't know that it matters to us who's on top and who's on bottom... at least not much.

It's not infrequent that we will swap top/bottom more than once during a single encounter. We just don't care about it enough to care. I don't see why everyone in the world must be squished into the tidy little BDSM boxes. We find it VERY workable to ignore BDSM rules and be ourselves.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Cilicia)

RE: Do you have any experience switching at the flip of... - 3/19/2013 12:53:44 PM

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~FRing it~

Based on my own personal experience, it can be done. I wouldnt have been able to say that over a year ago because I had always held the belief that switching with the same person was an impossibility. I think that it depends on the people involved more than anything else. But it for sure isn't easy. It's also very easy to take care of the physical stuff, but the mental stuff takes more time to acclimate to the change in direction.

(in reply to JeffBC)

RE: Do you have any experience switching at the flip of... - 3/20/2013 8:10:55 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cilicia

I'm interested in whether it's possible to be both but one at a time, Top and Bottom?

For example, would it 'mentally' work with people to flip a coin, and, say, today be a top, but next time, the coin comes up tails, so then I'm the bottom?

This is pretty much what we do. We take occasional breaks when we are just "vanilla". When the mood strikes one of us, we just bring it up, and the ball gets rolling immediately. It can last for a few hours or a few weeks. If we want to stop or switch, we just do so.

We've also known each other for a LONG time. (like since preschool type long time) We're pretty good at reading each other and quickly adjusting to the other's wants/needs even if we don't feel particularly dominant or submissive at that moment. Although, we tend to counter each other nicely most of the time. Like when he gets the urge to be bossed around, I coincidentally have the urge to be bossy :P I think you really have to gel nicely with a person to flip flop.

We're both switches, and we don't really identify as dom/sub or top/bottom. I think that makes a difference in us being able to jump back and forth so easily.

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

RE: Do you have any experience switching at the flip of... - 3/21/2013 5:00:54 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cilicia

I'm interested in whether it's possible to be both but one at a time, Top and Bottom?

For example, would it 'mentally' work with people to flip a coin, and, say, today be a top, but next time, the coin comes up tails, so then I'm the bottom?

Both intrigue me - but I don't know how 'workable' it is in real life?

Anyone with experience in switching at the flip of a coin who has advice for me?

I've never done it by flipping a coin or any other random means of choosing. It's always been more a matter of who feels more like playing which role at the time.

However, very few people who can switch are 50/50. I'm much more of a submissive than I am a top. Most of the other switches I've played with are much more into topping than bottoming.

(in reply to Cilicia)

RE: Do you have any experience switching at the flip of... - 3/22/2013 1:58:08 AM

absolutchocolat

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Whatever feels right for you, do it. My and my former submissive were both switches and we would alternate roles seamlessly. There's no wrong way to be a switch!

(in reply to Cilicia)

RE: Do you have any experience switching at the flip of... - 3/28/2013 11:00:33 PM

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Well, I haven't used a coin toss, but I've topped and bottomed to the same person within the same scene, or in back-to-back scenes before. :) I only can switch top/bottom rather than Dominant/submissive, though, with the same person.

(in reply to Cilicia)

RE: Do you have any experience switching at the flip of... - 5/25/2013 11:59:13 AM

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I was in a relationship where we each granted the other one some time that we could use in hours.

It was pretty fum, and I think it made be a bit more responsible as a Dom as well, as I KNEW that anything I gave, I would most likely get, not that I was complaining though.

It made for some pretty interesting sessions, because we would end up inspiring each other, and getting VERY creative from it.

That's in the past for me now, but I can see the excitement.

(in reply to Cilicia)

RE: Do you have any experience switching at the flip of... - 5/25/2013 5:28:00 PM

WinsomeDefiance

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I knew an amazing couple once who did the flip of a coin thing. Out of all the couples I've known over the years, they were the couple that stood out the most to me. I was fascinated by their dynamic. Both were dominant individuals who topped and bottomed within their relationship. They would flip a coin to see who was going to bottom for that day/party/week whatever.

They were so much fun to watch, and be around. It seemed to work really well for them, but I sometimes think they were the exception rather than the rule.

(in reply to MasterSadric)

RE: Do you have any experience switching at the flip of... - 5/26/2013 1:24:04 PM

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From: Middle River, MD
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I've never decided by flip of coin.
I can say that I don't switch in d/s dynamics although I am switch.

However, I can switch roles as a top and bottom in a scene with the same person.

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(in reply to Cilicia)

RE: Do you have any experience switching at the flip of... - 5/28/2013 8:06:43 AM

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I think flipping a coin or whatever could be fun depending on the couple involved as well as their particular inclinations. For example. I just love power games in bed. When I'm Toping I'm a good Dom and when I'm bottoming I'm just as good. It's cuz I get off on power exchange. Period. But my Wife is uncomfortable in the Sub role despite having "sub tendencies". We both have more fun and are more relaxed when she tops. I enjoy being such a good Sub that I inspire her to be a fun Dom.

I could flip a coin and go either way. But Wife is more comfy being in control. So that's what we do these days. Tomarrow might be different. If you guys are having great fun then you gotta be doing it right. No matter what.

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)

RE: Do you have any experience switching at the flip of... - 5/28/2013 8:24:38 AM

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I'm a dual natured person, a volatile person, a person who can switch mood on a dime for sure. That I switched my mood does not switch my orientation with those I'm involved with. I'm still a sub to my dom, and a dom to my sub.

How does that work? Well, they both know what kind of person I am. Neither expects me to play a particular role all the time, since that's not me. So if the dom experiences me being less than sub, he knows how to trigger a more sub response in me if he wants or needs it. If he doesn't, he doesn't care. As I said, it's who I am.

The sub knows I am not a 24/7 dominant personality. I am *his* dom though, and I know how to get a sub response from him if I want/need it.

With all that out of the way, yes, I know couples who seem to be able to switch back and forth effortlessly at the drop of a hat. And they don't seem to be just role playing, they're switching.

I think a lot of newbies like the idea of switching (in more a role play sense), and that's good for them. It's a great way to learn who and what you are. Since some people make assumptions, like, I'm male I must be dom, w/o ever trying the other side. Is that for everyone? No. Some know they are mostly sub or mostly dom and would never feel comfortable in the other role. Others are like me, they switch with different people, not with the same person.

To each they own.

_____________________________

(in reply to Cilicia)

RE: Do you have any experience switching at the flip of... - 5/30/2013 5:11:31 AM

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Well for me it's easy but I'd say that's becuase I'm always my male master's sub but can either be domme or sub to the girl I'm playing with!

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

RE: Do you have any experience switching at the flip of... - 6/18/2013 8:37:00 AM

umber

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Joined: 6/17/2013
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The joy of being a switch! The lady who introduced me to this lifestyle started off as a Domme (in a very gentle way), but gradually encouraged me to take more control.

We worked together and would often toss a coin or use some other random method at lunchtime to pick the Dom(me) for the night. Then we'd have the whole afternoon and tube ride home in anticipation.

(in reply to Treasure29)

RE: Do you have any experience switching at the flip of... - 6/24/2013 9:33:50 AM

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I can do this with the right partner.

(in reply to umber)

RE: Do you have any experience switching at the flip of... - 6/24/2013 12:43:59 PM

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Joined: 8/10/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cilicia

I'm interested in whether it's possible to be both but one at a time, Top and Bottom?

For example, would it 'mentally' work with people to flip a coin, and, say, today be a top, but next time, the coin comes up tails, so then I'm the bottom?

Both intrigue me - but I don't know how 'workable' it is in real life?

Anyone with experience in switching at the flip of a coin who has advice for me?

This is my specialty.

I parse out "top" and "bottom" from "dominant" and "submissive." I prefer top/bottom because it more accurately describes whose will is being satisfied at the moment. It seems like you're interested in playing Dirty Dice more than anything else...

You and your partner(s) need to be the kind of people who have the ability to switch. You often read people's profiles that say "I could never ever submit to a person I've dominated." Some people are less strict about it, but really struggle. If they can't handle it, don't try to change them. They need to be comfortable in the moment. If it works, it's a total non-issue. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. If it doesn't work for a person they either a) can't do it and really struggle, or b) slowly lose patience playing a sex game they'd rather not play. When they run out of patience the evening is ruined. RUNED! (Not a typo. It's runed.)

It begs the question, are you really a switch? Your profile makes it seem like you just love eating pussy. It kind of feels like you have a particular kink you want exercised on you at your convenience. "Force me to eat your pussy because I love it so much." You know you can do that as a top/dominant, right? All you can eat, in fact. You can make her beg or command or feel spoiled or filthy...

In short, my advice is:

1) Only do it with partners who are excited for it.
2) Don't lie to yourself.

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to Cilicia)

RE: Do you have any experience switching at the flip of... - 11/2/2013 1:35:27 PM

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My wife and I are switches and can turn on a dime. Why are we making such a big deal out of this? We thought the old sexual mores and their rigidity was what this site was against? So now we fall into the same trap? Maybe what we just said makes little or no sense to the younger members. However, as a former flower child and product of the sexual rigidity generation - i must warn against "slip slidin' away" into those familiar roles and titles.

(in reply to Cilicia)

RE: Do you have any experience switching at the flip of... - 11/6/2013 6:51:29 PM

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No actual coins involved but we seamlessly flow from one to another.

Saturday at the dungeon first scene was an all out fight.

Then I switched over to the dominant role, did some fire play and blood cupping.

Then I switched to the submissive role when he did some mean things to me with knives.

We also don't tend to "top" and "bottom", control is control. We're either fighting for it or freely giving it.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to sinmast)

RE: Do you have any experience switching at the flip of... - 11/6/2013 7:50:07 PM

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From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sinmast

My wife and I are switches and can turn on a dime. Why are we making such a big deal out of this? We thought the old sexual mores and their rigidity was what this site was against? So now we fall into the same trap? Maybe what we just said makes little or no sense to the younger members. However, as a former flower child and product of the sexual rigidity generation - i must warn against "slip slidin' away" into those familiar roles and titles.

No coin tossing needed. We just make love.
We like to talk about what we plan to do with one another to keep it exciting. Along with the anticipation, we enjoy being spontaneous.

My boy still thinks he is a switch. His last mistress trained him to be one.
But no matter what we do, I am his dominant. He is my submissive.
He is more sub than any of the others I have had.
We do not want or need anyone else to fulfill us, so that is all that matters.
Agreed that too many kinksters make a big deal about basically nothing, who is doing the topping or the bottoming. Who cares?

_____________________________

"The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman's heart."-- J.G. Holland

(in reply to sinmast)

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