RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents

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Zonie63 -> RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents (3/25/2013 9:43:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady It also seems as though many here think that the child was not doing anything "that bad" and the parents are morons. Of course, DBG gave the post an inflammatory title, because in all of her (not) so infinite wisdom, she determined the main point of the story was this was a poor grief stricken girl who really just needs a shoulder to cry on while her mean, bad parents do nothing but give her rules and don't care about her loss. Bullshit. The child was acting like a little shit. They did everything they could think of, and none of it work. They grounded her, took privileges away, talked to her, gave her counseling and still she thought it was ok to be a disrespectful little brat. When you raise a challenging child and find yourself pulling out your hair trying to figure out how to deal with it, when counselors, talking, grounding, privilege loss, everything under the sun doesn't work, then you have the right to comment. Until then...well, y'all really haven't got a clue, OP most especially. Strictly speaking, none of us posting here has a clue about this particular family. But we all have the right to comment, not just because of Free Speech, but because they're the ones who chose to put their business out in the street and invite public commentary. Besides, all of us were children at one time, so I think that gives us all the right to comment. We do have a clue. Some of us had crappy parents while growing up. It happens. Also, there's no indication in the article that she was acting "like a little shit." They never said exactly what she actually did to warrant this punishment, and the only counselor that was mentioned in the article was the Christian counselor whose idea for this public punishment. For all we know, "acting defiant" could mean daring to question Christian theology. Maybe she was otherwise well-behaved, and they were punishing her just because she wasn't conforming to their religious indoctrination. That's what it sounds like to me.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents (3/26/2013 7:16:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady It also seems as though many here think that the child was not doing anything "that bad" and the parents are morons. Of course, DBG gave the post an inflammatory title, because in all of her (not) so infinite wisdom, she determined the main point of the story was this was a poor grief stricken girl who really just needs a shoulder to cry on while her mean, bad parents do nothing but give her rules and don't care about her loss. They are mean parents for HUMILIATING her. If I was a teenager, I'd rather be whipped with a belt in privacy of home than forced to do something that could result in years of teasing. How long is this girl going to be BULLIED as a result of this punishment? The purpose of punishment is to correct undesired behavior at that moment in time and then move on. With public humiliation, there is no moving on until the teasing stops. Bullying can continue for months. Years even. Sometimes bullying never stops until the teen either graduates or drops out because they can't take it anymore. Those who have experienced bullying know what I'm talking about. It starts with being humiliated somehow, maybe a teacher or parent embarassing a child in front of peers. Then the teasing starts and continues indefinitely. Imagine what it would be like to have to go through that knowing it started from your own parents humiliating you. How could any loving parent want to risk punishing a child in a way that could result in peer bullying? IMO, ANYONE WHO THINKS PUBLIC HUMILIATION OF CHILDREN IS OKAY SHOULD NEVER HAVE CHILDREN! (ETA This does not include one on one humiliation like a child returning a shoplifted item to a store and confessing to the store manager. There's a big difference between one on one humiliation and public humiliation.)

LafayetteLady -> RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents (3/26/2013 8:56:16 AM)
You keep going on and on that this girl is going to face teasing and bullying, but there is absolutely not one iota of fact behind your claim. Bullying doesn't start with someone humiliating a child, it happens because some children are bullies. It can be because you clothes are from WalMart, or you aren't wearing the latest name brand sneakers. Maybe your parents have decided you shouldn't have a cell phone, or be on FaceBook. Based on your comments, parents should then provide all these things to children so they won't be bullied and it's ridiculous. Your previous posts (including one you currently have regarding high speed internet) show you lack the ability to recognize cause and effect very clearly, so your post doesn't surprise me. As for zonie surmising that the parents are simply punishing the child for not accepting their Christian beliefs, that is as ridiculous as assuming this punishment is going to lead to years of bullying. Zonie, your obvious problems with the Christian beliefs is coloring your view.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents (3/26/2013 9:37:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady You keep going on and on that this girl is going to face teasing and bullying, but there is absolutely not one iota of fact behind your claim. Bullying doesn't start with someone humiliating a child, it happens because some children are bullies. Plenty of children come from families who can't afford expensive clothing. How many children have parents that make spectacles of them? It sure makes it easy for the bullies since the parents have already done the work for them. I know for a fact public humiliation does result in bullying because I'VE SEEN IT HAPPEN. As for zonie surmising that the parents are simply punishing the child for not accepting their Christian beliefs, that is as ridiculous as assuming this punishment is going to lead to years of bullying. Zonie, your obvious problems with the Christian beliefs is coloring your view. How do you know they aren't? I think the assumption that public humiliation won't result in bullying is far more ridiculous.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents (3/26/2013 9:44:57 AM)
Bullying doesn't result in teens dropping out of school either does it? [8\|]

defiantbadgirl -> RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents (3/26/2013 10:16:12 AM)
If public humiliation isn't damaging, then why are human service workers required to follow CONFIDENTIALITY LAWS?

LadyPact -> RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents (3/26/2013 10:29:01 AM)
OP, I am trying to keep in mind that some posters have such a victim mentality that they want to see victim in everything they post. While all the 'scarred for life" hyperbole is going on, I'd like to enter two points for consideration. Like it or not, a little embarrassment does work in certain situations for correcting behavior. How many stories are out there of examples like a) kid steals something from a store and b) has to return it, apologizes, and that is enough of a lesson that they never do it again? There's another thread on this category right now about a man who built a flipping EMPIRE based on bodybuilding. His drive to do so stemmed from the fact that he didn't want to be bullied. In 2003, he sold a portion of what he had built for 350 million dollars. With that in mind, it has to be believed that not all people react the same way.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents (3/26/2013 10:43:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Like it or not, a little embarrassment does work in certain situations for correcting behavior. How many stories are out there of examples like a) kid steals something from a store and b) has to return it, apologizes, and that is enough of a lesson that they never do it again? I completely agree. A little one on one embarassment is very effective in situations like shoplifting. In fact, that's likely the approach I would take if I had a child who stole something. But I would never embarass a child in front of his/her peers or entire community because I'm smart enough to know the repercussions could last a very long time.

LafayetteLady -> RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents (3/26/2013 1:03:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady You keep going on and on that this girl is going to face teasing and bullying, but there is absolutely not one iota of fact behind your claim. Bullying doesn't start with someone humiliating a child, it happens because some children are bullies. Plenty of children come from families who can't afford expensive clothing. How many children have parents that make spectacles of them? It sure makes it easy for the bullies since the parents have already done the work for them. I know for a fact public humiliation does result in bullying because I'VE SEEN IT HAPPEN. As for zonie surmising that the parents are simply punishing the child for not accepting their Christian beliefs, that is as ridiculous as assuming this punishment is going to lead to years of bullying. Zonie, your obvious problems with the Christian beliefs is coloring your view. How do you know they aren't? I think the assumption that public humiliation won't result in bullying is far more ridiculous. Yet, children are most often bullied for their appearance, especially poor children. So your argument there, as usual, doesn't hold up. How many cases have you seen where a parent publicly humiliated a child resulted in bullying? Was that even the public humiliation that you spoke about, or was it more likely a child dumped their lunch tray in the cafeteria in front of everyone, or perhaps threw up in class, or maybe for a younger child had a bladder accident? I can surmise that the parents are Bible thumping Christians from the article. Why? Because putting that slant on the article would have gotten it more reads and more comments. I'm still waiting for you to post ONE legitimate link that says public humiliation such as this would cause bullying. Your opinion is far from legitimate.

LafayetteLady -> RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents (3/26/2013 1:05:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl If public humiliation isn't damaging, then why are human service workers required to follow CONFIDENTIALITY LAWS? You made the same asinine comment on the other thread, and again, I will point out to you that HIIPA laws aren't on the books to keep people from being embarrassed either. Confidentiality laws exist to protect people's privacy. Just like no one is posting the balance of your bank account. It's not anyone else's business. Is there no limit to your inability to connect the dots correctly?

LafayetteLady -> RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents (3/26/2013 1:07:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Like it or not, a little embarrassment does work in certain situations for correcting behavior. How many stories are out there of examples like a) kid steals something from a store and b) has to return it, apologizes, and that is enough of a lesson that they never do it again? I completely agree. A little one on one embarassment is very effective in situations like shoplifting. In fact, that's likely the approach I would take if I had a child who stole something. But I would never embarass a child in front of his/her peers or entire community because I'm smart enough to know the repercussions could last a very long time. Embarrassment and humiliation is embarrassment and humiliation. You now trying to back pedal and say "some humiliation is ok" doesn't change that. As for the final sentence in your post...well, history seems to show otherwise.

JstAnotherSub -> RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents (3/26/2013 1:33:23 PM)
~FR~ kinda sorta Unless they are batshit crazy and abusive, I think a parent knows best what type of punishment will work for their child. They (I) learn this by trial and error. Some kids need a talking to, some need a spanking, some need things they love taken away, some need to be stood on the corner in front of the community holding a sign. There is nothing about this particular story that indicates that the parents are batshit crazy, in fact they come across as really caring for their daughter. The part about them not thinking about what others would think about this punishment, which has so many here up in arms, is actually what convinced me that they are genuinely trying to do what is best for their child. If I am doing what I think is best for my child, I don't think about, nor care, what John Q Public thinks about it. It is none of their fucking business. OP, you want to sit and make horrible accusations about this family, when you have absolutely nothing to back up your beliefs, except your view of the world, which has been proven to be somewhat "different" on these boards over the years. You wouldn't do this to your child. Good for you. I hope if you have children, you can perfectly discipline them and they will never ever say I hate my mom or my mom is the meanest mom in the world or such things. You will be perfect in every way I am sure. As for the rest of us mere mortals, judge if you want to, but your judgement does not in any way mean that you are correct. It just means that you have an opinion, as we all do......there is a saying about that I think, refers to assholes or sumthin.....I can't recall.

cordeliasub -> RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents (3/26/2013 2:09:50 PM)
I am not sure bullying would be my biggest concern with this punishment. The thing that bothers me about this punishment is that it seems reactive, vengeful, and emotional rather than actual....adult parenting. And I think that may be the key. Okay, I am showing my age here....but the generation just below me seems to be the first generation raised where everything revolved around them and everything was supposed to be easy and feel good. Now they are having kids and.....guess what, not everything feels good or is easy. They grew up in the whole "the way to deal with your feelings is to vent every one of them" psychology era...and so they just...shoot from the hip. Kids are left to play computer and watch TV so the parents can still do their thing, the teachers are the ones to blame if the kids get into trouble....and then one day mama gets pushed too far, and because she has no adult coping skills...she knee jerks and they paint a sign. Don't get me wrong, both my brother and I (esp him lol) did some pretty awful stuff....and my parents got MAD...but they always measured and thought through their responses. I see this girl doing that one last thing that was the straw that broke the camel's back, and the parents just going off and doing the most angry thing that came to mind in that moment. Just seems like everything is all reactive and chaotic instead of....proactive and adult.

LafayetteLady -> RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents (3/26/2013 5:38:07 PM)
Cordelia, I honestly don't think it was reactive, considering how much else they tried that didn't work. This child has no fears of her parents, and in fact, seemed to finally get the point, apologizing to her parents when it was over. Some kids need something much stronger than a talking to for a point to be driven home. Seems like she is one of those children.

cordeliasub -> RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents (3/26/2013 6:00:06 PM)
It does seem there are more of those kids who are unfazed by authority than there used to be. As a teacher it has amzed me to see the trend increase over a couple of decades in the classroom - kids who pretty much just don;t care what the consequences are. I do wonder how this girl was raised from toddlerhood until now. A parent can;t wait until a child is 9 or 10 to start having boundaries, not that these parents did that. But 10 years old is almost too late for parents to decide to start being parents instead of playmates....and I have seen it more times than I can count. One thing I will say - at least THESE parents seem to understand that having your kid "like" you and be your "friend" is not the point of parenthood.

littlewonder -> RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents (3/26/2013 6:53:53 PM)
quote: Those who have experienced bullying know what I'm talking about. Yeah all that bullying from first grade till the day I graduated with being told to put a bag over my head...nooo...I have no clue at all about bullying. I guess I should be out there telling everyone that they all did me wrong and I hate the world now because of them and they should have never done that to me. [8\|] There's this little thing called growing up, stop playing the victim card, and pulling on your big girl panties

littlewonder -> RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents (3/26/2013 7:10:01 PM)
I absolutely love some of the responses below this article, especially the one about us raising our children to be pansies. It's oh so true! http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/florida-parents-publicly-shame-13-year-old-girl-sign-article-1.1294558

LafayetteLady -> RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents (3/26/2013 8:18:04 PM)
But often, children don't start being this way until a certain age, and than BAM! Seems like it happens overnight.

Zonie63 -> RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents (3/26/2013 8:24:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady You keep going on and on that this girl is going to face teasing and bullying, but there is absolutely not one iota of fact behind your claim. Bullying doesn't start with someone humiliating a child, it happens because some children are bullies. It can be because you clothes are from WalMart, or you aren't wearing the latest name brand sneakers. Maybe your parents have decided you shouldn't have a cell phone, or be on FaceBook. Based on your comments, parents should then provide all these things to children so they won't be bullied and it's ridiculous. Your previous posts (including one you currently have regarding high speed internet) show you lack the ability to recognize cause and effect very clearly, so your post doesn't surprise me. As for zonie surmising that the parents are simply punishing the child for not accepting their Christian beliefs, that is as ridiculous as assuming this punishment is going to lead to years of bullying. Zonie, your obvious problems with the Christian beliefs is coloring your view. Are you saying it's more ridiculous than assuming that the child was "acting like a little shit" when not even one example of misbehavior was cited? I know Bible-thumping families, and I know what they're like. I'm not saying that this family is necessarily like that, but we don't really know, do we? We don't know that the child was acting like a little shit, nor do we know that the parents aren't irrational religious zealots punishing their daughter for no good reason. Why would you be so quick to assume that the parents are right in this case? Sometimes, parents are wrong (sometimes very wrong). Playing the "Because-I'm-The-Parent" card might work with kids who don't know any better, but that doesn't mean that parents are always right.

LafayetteLady -> RE: grieving teen humiliated by parents (3/26/2013 8:46:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Zonie63 quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady You keep going on and on that this girl is going to face teasing and bullying, but there is absolutely not one iota of fact behind your claim. Bullying doesn't start with someone humiliating a child, it happens because some children are bullies. It can be because you clothes are from WalMart, or you aren't wearing the latest name brand sneakers. Maybe your parents have decided you shouldn't have a cell phone, or be on FaceBook. Based on your comments, parents should then provide all these things to children so they won't be bullied and it's ridiculous. Your previous posts (including one you currently have regarding high speed internet) show you lack the ability to recognize cause and effect very clearly, so your post doesn't surprise me. As for zonie surmising that the parents are simply punishing the child for not accepting their Christian beliefs, that is as ridiculous as assuming this punishment is going to lead to years of bullying. Zonie, your obvious problems with the Christian beliefs is coloring your view. Are you saying it's more ridiculous than assuming that the child was "acting like a little shit" when not even one example of misbehavior was cited? I know Bible-thumping families, and I know what they're like. I'm not saying that this family is necessarily like that, but we don't really know, do we? We don't know that the child was acting like a little shit, nor do we know that the parents aren't irrational religious zealots punishing their daughter for no good reason. Why would you be so quick to assume that the parents are right in this case? Sometimes, parents are wrong (sometimes very wrong). Playing the "Because-I'm-The-Parent" card might work with kids who don't know any better, but that doesn't mean that parents are always right. Actually, because it wasn't reported by some Christian news source, yea, we can be sure that they aren't religious zealots. After all, what better hook could a reporter want, since it is common practice to try to vilify Christian parents in the news? I'm sure you do know Bible thumping families. I'm also pretty sure, based on what you say here, that your view of them is pretty dim. I also know Bible thumping families, couples, singles, kids, etc. This doesn't scream "irrational religious zealot." It just doesn't. Yep, sometimes parents are wrong. More often than not, though, they are right. Even if you don't see it, you don't live in their household, really know what their situation is or anything else to so quickly judge them as wrong. Now before you say I don't know enough to quickly judge them as right either, I do know that the position I'm sitting in supports the parents to make the decisions that best suit their family, which you don't. And quite frankly, it is neither your or my business to determine whether they are right or wrong. The police and CPS both interviewed the family and the young girl in question, and found nothing amiss. So unless you have information straight from the family, I will defer to the people who know the child best.

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