RE: When public shaming of your kid goes wrong!

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RE: When public shaming of your kid goes wrong! - 3/26/2013 12:53:31 PM

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I can definitely say that different kids react to different punishments. And some are more difficult than others. One of mine is not easy and is already extremely defiant. I'm hoping she's getting it out of her system early - wishful thinking, I know. I'm only about to round the corner to the teenage years so I can't comment on what I have done for my trouble teenager, only base off what my parents did.
They were extremely creative and patient and I had apologized many times to them once I grew out of my rebellious stage. They did not publicly humiliate me, threaten boot camp, or any other measure that may have been considered "extreme" to some. By no means did they have it easy. I don't know if I will be as strong as they were, but I will do my best to try. I'm also not quick to say I won't do anything "extreme" if my children are headed down a dangerous path - I will as a last resort and desperate attempt to keep them safe.

Now, what this guy did was idiotic and sickening and I believe he will get what he deserves. I agree that his punishment arguement sounds like a cover for his true intentions.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: When public shaming of your kid goes wrong! - 3/26/2013 12:55:44 PM

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And what experience would that be since you admit your parents never did it, and you didn't do it as a stepmother?

The bottom line is that there are children that it doesn't matter how much time you take, they really just aren't going to get the point. Some, like mine, suffer severe Oppositional Defiance Disorder (which is still causing him problems as an adult), others have other issues. This new age concept that talking and reasoning with a child will solve all that ails them simply doesn't take into account all children.

Note: lw never made her daughter wear a sign, simply stated that she would have had she thought of it when her daughter was at her worst. I completely sympathize with her feelings, because I know how she felt given the problems with my son.

(in reply to absolutchocolat)

RE: When public shaming of your kid goes wrong! - 3/26/2013 12:57:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

And the whole anti-bullying stance....

If public humiliation isn't damaging, why are human service workers bound by CONFIDENTIALITY LAWS? How would you feel a counselor you were seeing publically humiliated you? Do you think it's any less damaging to someone that's younger than you?

I hope this asshat enjoys spending his life on the sex offender list for distributing child pornography.

Really? That's why you think it is? I guess HIIPA laws are so people don't get publicly humiliated as well, huh? If you are going to spout utter bullshit as fact, then maybe you should find some links to back it up.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: When public shaming of your kid goes wrong! - 3/26/2013 12:58:44 PM

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Honestly? If I could have afforded military school for my son, he would have gone. It would have done him a world of good.

(in reply to theshytype)

RE: When public shaming of your kid goes wrong! - 3/26/2013 1:04:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat

He probably confiscated it.

Also, I hate when these goofy parents say that these kinds of punishments are "last resort". Bullshit. I remember when my sister and I would act out, my parents would tell us we weren't allowed to go outside, nor were we allowed to watch TV or play with toys. It was either read a book, clean the house, or write an apology letter and appeal to the mercy of the court, lol. Needless to say, we were like angels after that, for the most part.

quote:

ORIGINAL: theshytype

Wow. Besides the obvious issue, what is he doing with her phone anyway?

we had the same style punishment. unfortunately ... not many kids these days would take not being able to play outside as a punishment.

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RE: When public shaming of your kid goes wrong! - 3/26/2013 1:09:43 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Honestly? If I could have afforded military school for my son, he would have gone. It would have done him a world of good.

I was just about to say the same thing. Same with boot camp. That idea went out the window when they put that show on tv and girl child thought it would make her more popular at school.

quote:

ORIGINAL: theshytype

I'm hoping she's getting it out of her system early - wishful thinking, I know.

Bahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Yeah, you have fun with that.

(I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing with you. It's just a case of you not getting there yet.)

quote:

They were extremely creative and patient and I had apologized many times to them once I grew out of my rebellious stage.

There is that part. If I had a buck for every time girl-child-now-adult apologized or said something positive about her upbringing or Mom's methods, I wouldn't exactly be rich, but I could have a darn nice shopping spree.

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(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: When public shaming of your kid goes wrong! - 3/26/2013 1:54:00 PM

absolutchocolat

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I have seen my friends do it with their children, and now they regret it. My ex-gf's mother locked her in closets and made her wear urine-soaked clothes to school and they do not speak to this day. There were nights she woke up in the middle of the night screaming. We had to get a night light. All sorts of shit. So don't tell me I don't have experience with it.

Talking and reasoning is not "new age". My parents grew up old school -- they got beaten, pure and simple. No talking, no time out. They decided that rather than just spank us (because, yes, sometimes they deemed it necessary), we could understand why we were being punished.

I don't knock alternate styles of parenting, whatever floats your boat. Mine works for me, and I was simply adding another voice to the debate.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

And what experience would that be since you admit your parents never did it, and you didn't do it as a stepmother?

The bottom line is that there are children that it doesn't matter how much time you take, they really just aren't going to get the point. Some, like mine, suffer severe Oppositional Defiance Disorder (which is still causing him problems as an adult), others have other issues. This new age concept that talking and reasoning with a child will solve all that ails them simply doesn't take into account all children.

Note: lw never made her daughter wear a sign, simply stated that she would have had she thought of it when her daughter was at her worst. I completely sympathize with her feelings, because I know how she felt given the problems with my son.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: When public shaming of your kid goes wrong! - 3/26/2013 2:00:41 PM

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I have been blessed because my kids are just...really good kids, and I cannot take credit cause I didn't do anything special. Growing up, I was the one who crumbled over just a look of disappointment, while my brother did whatever the heck he wanted and just glared at my parents throughout the three hour lectures. He was....difficult. They never publicly shamed him, but I dod remember that every time he came home from going out, it was a standing rule that if he even seemed the least bit off, my parents took him top the ER to have blood drawn and tested for drugs/alcohol, and if it was positive, his car was confiscated, everything non-essential was taken from his bedroom and locked up, and he was basically on house arrest. I don't know how parents who endure tough stuff handle it.

However, this goes beyond parenting into illegal, and this guy had to be a special kind of stupid not to know that.

(in reply to absolutchocolat)

RE: When public shaming of your kid goes wrong! - 3/26/2013 5:44:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat

I have seen my friends do it with their children, and now they regret it. My ex-gf's mother locked her in closets and made her wear urine-soaked clothes to school and they do not speak to this day. There were nights she woke up in the middle of the night screaming. We had to get a night light. All sorts of shit. So don't tell me I don't have experience with it.

Talking and reasoning is not "new age". My parents grew up old school -- they got beaten, pure and simple. No talking, no time out. They decided that rather than just spank us (because, yes, sometimes they deemed it necessary), we could understand why we were being punished.

I don't knock alternate styles of parenting, whatever floats your boat. Mine works for me, and I was simply adding another voice to the debate.

There is a difference between public shaming and abuse. I'm very sorry your ex-girlfriend had to be raised by someone clearly abusive, which is what locking a child in a closet and making them wear urine soaked clothes to school is. Not the same as public shaming as was in the other post, but certainly a criminal act such as the topic of this one.

Obviously though, there were times when your parents found that talking to you just didn't work, and they resorted to spanking, which unless something has drastically changed, many consider to be abuse nowadays as well.

(in reply to absolutchocolat)

RE: When public shaming of your kid goes wrong! - 3/26/2013 5:45:48 PM

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Wow, cordelia, by the way you say it, they had to do that multiple times, which must have been pretty expensive punishment for them! Well, today you can buy those drug tests in the stores.

ETA:

As to how parents of difficult children endure it....well, sometimes we lock ourselves in a room and cry, scream, look up to the heavens and ask why, lol. Other times, we just keep trying (most of the time actually).

< Message edited by LafayetteLady -- 3/26/2013 5:47:04 PM >

(in reply to cordeliasub)

RE: When public shaming of your kid goes wrong! - 3/26/2013 5:52:35 PM

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They did it at least three times....finally my brother got the message that they meant business.

He went off to college, made a few more mistakes, came home, finally finished school, and now he is successful, happy, and a great man. So there is light at the end of the tunnel even with the most challenging kids.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: When public shaming of your kid goes wrong! - 3/26/2013 7:22:32 PM

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The military offered to pay for military school for my daughter after her father died. To this day I wish I would have taken them up on the offer.

And yes, like LafayetteLady, my daughter was the same as her son. It even got to the point where I had to have her committed and even after she came back home, she refused to do anything different, refused to take the meds, refused therapy, still would threaten to hurt me, not do anything at all she was told to do, etc...After that I had kicked her out for a few weeks. I told her I didn't care where she went but don't come back until she could figure out to live here without her anger and other issues and to continue her meds and therapies. What did she do? She left home. Was that abusive of me? Possible. Do I care? No. Do I regret it? Not at all. I was grasping at straws. The only other option was to call the police. Well being that I worked with the police at the time, I had talked to them and all who knew my daughter agreed I should have put her in juvie but I just could not bring myself to do it.

Now if anyone else has ever had a child like this and still thinks that what those parents did was abusive then you can feel free to call me abusive. If I would have thought it could help her even a teeny, tiny bit...even .5%, I would have done it. I was desperate.

Thankfully she's an adult now and is not like she used to be although she still has her outbreaks from time to time. I am thankful she has started to fix her life with all of this but she still has far to go. I can only hope that one day I don't get any dreadful news or she returns home where I will be in danger possibly again for my own life and her's.

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RE: When public shaming of your kid goes wrong! - 3/26/2013 11:06:24 PM

absolutchocolat

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When I was at my worst -- choking my sister until she almost died, punching holes in walls, breaking a boy's arm at school -- my parents didn't take the easy way out by beating me into submission. They talked to me. They figured out that I had been abused by someone I trusted instead of resorting to extreme punishments. So, when I see parents like this idiot and the ones on the other thread, I shake my head. I just feel for those kids. I can imagine what those kids did that was worst than the things I've done -- and that's not even half of it -- that would warrant that type of response.

So, yeah. I was one of those difficult kids. I still wouldn't do to a dog what these parents do to their kids.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: When public shaming of your kid goes wrong! - 3/27/2013 3:21:37 PM

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You think they didn't talk to her to try and rationalize with her? YOu don't think I didn't sit down with my daughter and try to get through to her and try to find out what was going on with her????

Wow...do you think they were so stupid as to not try that first???? LOL.....wow.

Once again, not all kids will stop once they are talked to. Hell, I even removed absolutely everything from my daughter's life...friends, toys, tv, radios, games, leaving the house, etc....none of it worked. I even removed her entire bedroom including her bed. She didn't care. She slept on the floor..with no pillows or blankets. She simply did not care. She continued with her ways. Nothing could stop her. She did whatever she wanted no matter what I did. I mean it's pretty bad when even the psychiatrists at the mental hospital tell you she is beyond help because she refuses to even talk to them let alone even take her meds or anything else.

So I'm glad just talking to you helped. If you think parents haven't gone down that route the first time, all I can say is be thankful for being naive.

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RE: When public shaming of your kid goes wrong! - 3/27/2013 5:26:51 PM

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~FR~
Seems like these stories are a dime a dozen these days. Jesus, just because people can breed obviously does not mean they should. With "parents" like these, how can any kid turn out half-way normal? Some of the folks who have children and do all they can to betray and warp them amaze me. Starving and beating your children is not the only way to abuse them. If you can't raise children positively, you should do whatever you can to prevent reproducing. Many parents are absolute jokes. So sad.

luci

< Message edited by slaveluci -- 3/27/2013 5:27:15 PM >

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(in reply to absolutchocolat)

RE: When public shaming of your kid goes wrong! - 3/27/2013 5:33:31 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

heh. I could only ever dream of such.

Like I said, they may want to be extremely thankful then for having such perfect children or being such perfect children with normal parents or any parent at all, who taught them something, anything and cared that they should be quiet and behave, etc....

Just because someone doesn't agree with public shaming - no matter how "deserved" you may think it is - does not mean they are naive or had "perfect" children. I just personally believe that shaming your child in front of others is wrong and immoral and it makes you (the general "you") an asshole. If you can't handle your child's actions, get help from someone who can. If they can't help you, just know that shaming them is never the answer. Seek help from another who CAN figure out what to do. There's more than one source of help out there and betrraying and humiliating one's child is never the answer. It's cruel and stupid and outright lazy parenting. You can argue the point all day but it's simply wrong.

luci

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RE: When public shaming of your kid goes wrong! - 3/27/2013 7:40:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat

Check out this Rhodes Scholar:

Dad shares nude photos of daughter as punishment

Way to go, genius.

Him I'd bust for promoting child porn.

Way different case than the original.

I would agree even though the article seems to have been removed

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