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SelfControl - 11/10/2004 7:18:44 AM   
aliljaded1


Posts: 121
Joined: 6/20/2004
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ok here it goes....
i've been contacted quite a bit here by "doms" claiming to be r/l. the thing is that i've found men who look like they could use a bath , a shave , some clean clothes , and a haircut. they go on to tell me what they'd like to do to me and what i should do to them. i dont understand how someone claiming to be a certain thing cant' put their "best foot foward" *imho* first impressions are important . and so is hygiene and grammer . anyone else find this to be true???


< Message edited by aliljaded1 -- 11/10/2004 7:21:23 AM >


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RE: SelfControl - 11/10/2004 8:31:01 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
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I've found I'm contacted by a lot of people for whom english isn't a first language. I can deal with some grammar weirdness, from that perspective. I get frustrated, though, when it looks like -no- attempt has been made to present onesself even half-way decently.

I think a lack of self-control is demonstrated by those who write either without reading the profile of the person their writing to, or disregarding what is said in the profile. I figure even the LONGEST profile can't take more than 5 minutes to read. -Take- the 5 minutes so you don't look like a total idiot and tick off the person you're writing to. Someone e-mailed me a while ago basically saying he "wanted me" for a situation that was spesifically spoken against in my profile. I eventually asked him if he'd read the profile. He said "No, I'm a Dom. Dom's don't have to do that." Hrm.

Too, my profile's been on "pending approval" lately for some minor changes I made. I got no less than 5 e-mails while it was pending, asking what I was looking for. I don't understand...why couldn't said people just wait till my profile was -approved- to write?

So, physical apperance in pictures doesn't bug me. I can think of a lot of reasons pictures might not be great. But the lack of self-dicipline required to read a profile, and NOT respond if it doesn't fit what you want, says a lot to me about the person writing.

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~in the begining it is always dark~

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RE: SelfControl - 11/10/2004 7:44:25 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
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Very often, in real life, my personal grooming is... lacking. I have numerous bad habits which, try as I might, I seem unable to wholly rid myself of. My ability to verbally express myself is sorely lacking compared to my skills as a writer, and I frequently malapropically mangle some clever turn for phrase because I speak more quickly than I am able to compose my thoughts.

That being said, I am quite capable of, upon first meeting someone whom I intend to impress, taking the time to groom myself, put on clothing that is presentable, and to quickly remind myself of those aspects of etiquette and social graces which I normally do not bother with in normal day-to-day life. I have the luxury of living as I wish, rather than as others would expect of me, and to afford myself this luxury I often bypass conventional methods of attaining personal luxury.

I have known some few souls who lack the ability to do this, "slackers" and "flakes" who dress and act in a slovenly manner even when circumstances would dictate otherwise. Most of them, like myself, manage to get by because they are artists, and often, at least here in California, artists are not only allowed, but actually expected to be unconventional, disorganised, and even unkempt. Most of them do not manage to survive well in the real world after entering their mid thirties, becaue they are not, for the most part, particularly good artists - they simply have some hobby which has given them a socially acceptable excuse for not attending to their manners and appearance.

I can not further answer your question, however, as my experience is rather limited to my own immediate circle of friends, and my observations of the world around me. For the vast and broad panoply of folk who range through the internet, there may be as many reasons for the behavior you have described as there are reasons for declairing one's self dominant or submissive. "to each their own", as they say. Personally, I don't mind, within certian boundaries, because I am of a similar sort, and so is my wife. I can be a bit snobbish about writing and grammar, as has been pointed out in other posts, but even so I will take the time to try and winnow out actual content from what has been written. Lack of content means far more to me than lack of grammar or poor spelling. I may joke about "true beavers" (a young man I was corresponding with a few years ago began using a spell checker on his letters to me, and at one point dropped an L from believer, thus confusing the program) but I am still a rational being, capable of deriving meaning from context, thus the failing is as much mine as theirs if communications break down.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to aliljaded1)
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RE: SelfControl - 11/11/2004 8:08:22 AM   
IndySubPrincess


Posts: 34
Joined: 7/23/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline
You know, I agree, first impressions are very important. But when I think about self control, I think about guys who won't slow down and take the time to get to know me before asking to see my tits on cam. I swear to god, I am SSSOOOOOOO not into cam. So much that I have put my cam away forever. I am tired of it. But my concern is, if a guy who claims to be "MASTER" can not control himself, how can he possibly be capable of controlling me?

Just a thought.

YoungLady/IndySubPrincess

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My names are many, yet know that by all names I am the same.

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RE: SelfControl - 11/11/2004 8:12:05 AM   
aliljaded1


Posts: 121
Joined: 6/20/2004
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my point exactly. it reminded me of a man i met who said he was Dom and sat through an entire dinner knawing his fingernails down to nubs. YUX

_____________________________

**The mind is its own place,and in itself can make a heaven of hell, and a hell of heaven**


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RE: SelfControl - 11/11/2004 11:04:39 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aliljaded1

my point exactly. it reminded me of a man i met who said he was Dom and sat through an entire dinner knawing his fingernails down to nubs. YUX


Honestly, I don't think that's a reflection on his abiltity as a dominant partner. It's a bad habit, sure, but as someone said on another thread, dominant people are still people. They have bad habits and good ones. I don't expect my partners to be superhuman in their self-control.

~shrug~ That'd bother me on a meeting/date too, but I wouldn't see it as a reflection on his/her dominant ability

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

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RE: SelfControl - 11/11/2004 1:49:35 PM   
newflowers


Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: aliljaded1

my point exactly. it reminded me of a man i met who said he was Dom and sat through an entire dinner knawing his fingernails down to nubs. YUX


This reminds me of my first meet. By his request, we were to meet at a semi fancy restruant for Sunday bunch. I arrive in sweater and skirt and heels, hair and makeup done to perfection. I'd even taken time to have a manicure and pedicure. He was wearing a faded hawaiian shirt with shorts and tennis shoes. Okay, so call me a snob, but I was not impressed, after all, he chose the place we were to meet, you'd think he'd be dressed appropriately. And it went from bad to worse when he complained about his ex for most of the meal. All of this annoyed me, but the very worst thing - he bit his nails. EWWW!!!! Besides being a nasty, dirty unsightly habitly, I love hands, it is one of the features I look at, maybe even more than the face, hands should be well-shaped (no control over that) and well-kept (definite control over that). I simply could not imagine those icky ragged finger touching me - the thought was overwhelmingly gross.

I do believe that first impressions are extremely important. Genetics determines one's looks, but we have control over the way those genetics are presented to the world.

newflowers

(in reply to aliljaded1)
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