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Let's Talk: Fisting and Fingernails

It's Urban Myth Debunking Day again! Today's myth: "You can't fist with long fingernails." The hilarious thing about this one, to me, is that "long" always varies. Some people think any white at all (any nail past the quick/nailbed) is too long. Some draw the line at the fingertip's edge. Some say that any length natural nail is okay, while acrylics are Right Out.

Let's be practical about this, okay? Here's my quick-and-dirty litmus test. Stick three fingers in your mouth and work 'em around. Close your mouth with your fingers between your cheek and your teeth. It'll make you look a bit like a lopsided chipmunk, but who cares? Now, wiggle your fingers around like you are fucking with them. (Yep, looks stupid. If you're not willing to look stupid to figure out if you can do something safely, go play in somebody else's sandbox, not mine.)

If you can use your fingers well enough that, in that tight space covered in delicate mucus membrane, you don't get sliced up and your nails don't break, you're basically good to go. Remember to repeat this with gloves on (I know you forgot gloves the first time, you dirty bird!) and get a feel for how it feels when your fingernails come in contact with your cheek and gum inside a glove.

Here's the thing - your cheek is mucus membrane over a muscle. So's a vagina. So's an anus. It's not the same; cheek muscles are nowhere near as strong, and the skin isn't as stretchy. It is pretty much the closest you're going to get without practicing on an actual vagina or ass. Double bonus: you get instant feedback from your own pain sensors when you do that. You can learn what's uncomfortable and what's painful (in a very general sense) without putting anybody else at risk.

And one more note, specifically for acrylic nails. Acrylics have been banned in a number of places for food service workers, specifically because they create a great breeding ground for all kinds of microbes. Normal hand washing often doesn't catch the small cracks and splits that can easily develop in acrylics, especially if they are not regularly maintained.

That being said, I'm not saying you can't fist with acrylics. I am saying that you should be extra careful. Use a nail brush, before and after. Make sure you're thorough when you're washing your hands, and scrub those puppies down. This is less about your partner's health than about yours. You don't want a nasty nail bed infection, or a fungal overgrowth. Having your hands (your sweaty, hot, beautifully primed as a growth medium hands) inside gloves for an extended period puts you at a higher risk of all kinds of crap you don't even want. So scrub up extra well before you glove up, and you'll be minimizing the risk.

Don't be stupid, use basic hygiene, and practice practice practice. How much easier could it be? :D