quote:

1: Is it right to lead the life style with a contract, and somehow let the master void that contract daily?
Survey says "No!" but at the same time I see it every day. And lived it for about 4 years.

Example: For 4 years I had an owner who I loved dearly. Being his pet, I specifically asked for attention and devotion when he felt I earned it. I'm a bit of a cuddle whore as a sub, i have no trouble admitting this and i told him straight up and i quote "I require a certain level of gratification. Be it as simple as a pat on the head or a 'good boy' remark when I do well."

At the time, I loved every second with my first master. He was teaching me so much and i worked very hard at doing nothing but pleaseing him and learning anything he had to offer. But,... nothing i ever did was right. Nothing I ever did was good enough. And even when I would go WAY out of my way and do some things I wish as a dom i'd have my subs do for me,... he didn't even thank me. Much less tell me i was a good boy. With our relationship clearly defined, was it right of him to be able to do that?

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2: A strictly non-switch relationship starts flip-flopping. Is this right?
My second master was not much better. Instead he would come home, and be tired as all hell and tell me "I'm too tired to be dominate." Well maintaining my place in his life i massaged his sore feet, rubbed his stiff back, and still nothing. He thanked me but again with the same request never gave a good boy or any sort of physical affection. Matter of fact he would start groaning and practically begging me to dom him... and most days being as submissive as i was i would try and act dominate to sate his needs. It.... was degrading to me in a way i didn't enjoy. I even spoke with him about it and when we got to talking of it he simply would say "Its stressing me out, i order you not to speak of it anymore" And,... it was an order I had to obey.

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3: Is it right to have doms give orders that may get you in trouble in public places?
Example: A friend of mine and his mistress where going out on the town to a club. But there was a catch. They where cross dressing. When they got to the bar/club (i forget which) The staff asks the sub to leave. Instead of complying he refused to leave his mistress' side as he was a very shy boy. She however refused to leave without at least 1 daiquiri and told them to allow him in. They would not let the man in, and they came to an agreement that the man would have to wait outside. I don't know what happened at this point on save that she left his leash tied to a rail outside the bar/club. What I do know is it has scarred him in a personal way and she still refuses to admit it was anything wrong.

quote:

5: One of my masters was a total leach. He did love me,... or so i thought. He respected me, told me i was a good boy, and even helped me regain some confidence. However, he was a kleptomaniac, with a drug headed family. I thought he often bought gifts for me when he had no job, said he did odd jobs just to get me presents and make me feel better. But,... latter,... i learned he got these things with stolen credit cards, and five finger discounts... making me accessory to theft. When i found all this out, needless to say i was stunned. Thankfully I got off with just a little community service for testifying against him. But... after he got out of jail, his mother had died, and he had no place to stay, so guess who he called. He called and ordered me to find a place for him to live... I did,... a local church. He lived there for a few months before he bought himself a bus ticket to Cali. I learned that he had since got hooked on meth and crack, and been to rehab. He cam back to thank me for it all, He said "I remembered when in rehab how happy you made me, And how dedicated to you i was. I'm sorry.

That... Tore me up. But to this day I cant bring myself to become some one else' real pet again. Am I wrong for having so little faith in doms? Or is it my place to be afraid?

quote:

ORIGINAL: VexAndSilence

Hi there! Its me Sex And Viol,... Vex And Silence again with another question of kinds.

I'll start it off by saying these experiences are not all my own, They are some my friends struggle with as well, and are too shy to seek a response.

Most of these are not 'right', but i'm wondering who the fault really lay with. Is it my/my friend's fault? Or the Doms'?

1: Is it right to lead the life style with a contract, and somehow let the master void that contract daily?
Survey says "No!" but at the same time I see it every day. And lived it for about 4 years.

Example: For 4 years I had an owner who I loved dearly. Being his pet, I specifically asked for attention and devotion when he felt I earned it. I'm a bit of a cuddle whore as a sub, i have no trouble admitting this and i told him straight up and i quote "I require a certain level of gratification. Be it as simple as a pat on the head or a 'good boy' remark when I do well."

At the time, I loved every second with my first master. He was teaching me so much and i worked very hard at doing nothing but pleaseing him and learning anything he had to offer. But,... nothing i ever did was right. Nothing I ever did was good enough. And even when I would go WAY out of my way and do some things I wish as a dom i'd have my subs do for me,... he didn't even thank me. Much less tell me i was a good boy. With our relationship clearly defined, was it right of him to be able to do that?

You told him what you needed, essentially setting a limit.
He did not give you what you needed but you stayed anyway which reinforced he behavior.
The minute you allow a limit to be wiggled, it becomes less important to the point where it is voided.
Was your need for affection written into the contract?
Contracts are only as good as the word of the person who signs them.
His end of the contract may have been important to him, but it does not sound as if your side was.

Was he a bad master or were you just unsuited to each other.
There are s-types who don't need what you did.
I am not one of them, so that kind of a relationship would not work for me.


2: A strictly non-switch relationship starts flip-flopping. Is this right?
My second master was not much better. Instead he would come home, and be tired as all hell and tell me "I'm too tired to be dominate." Well maintaining my place in his life i massaged his sore feet, rubbed his stiff back, and still nothing. He thanked me but again with the same request never gave a good boy or any sort of physical affection. Matter of fact he would start groaning and practically begging me to dom him... and most days being as submissive as i was i would try and act dominate to sate his needs. It.... was degrading to me in a way i didn't enjoy. I even spoke with him about it and when we got to talking of it he simply would say "Its stressing me out, i order you not to speak of it anymore" And,... it was an order I had to obey.

How did you dominate him as you are not giving any examples.

And again, you stayed in a relationship with a partner who was unwilling to meet your need for affection.

3: Is it right to have doms give orders that may get you in trouble in public places?
Example: A friend of mine and his mistress where going out on the town to a club. But there was a catch. They where cross dressing. When they got to the bar/club (i forget which) The staff asks the sub to leave. Instead of complying he refused to leave his mistress' side as he was a very shy boy. She however refused to leave without at least 1 daiquiri and told them to allow him in. They would not let the man in, and they came to an agreement that the man would have to wait outside. I don't know what happened at this point on save that she left his leash tied to a rail outside the bar/club. What I do know is it has scarred him in a personal way and she still refuses to admit it was anything wrong.



4: At one point in my life, I was Forced, for sheer amusement of an owner's friend, to be celibate and driven to the edge time and time again for over a month. Blue balls aside, I developed a fairly substantial health issue regarding an infection in my fellows. When asked how or why the doctor said ' It could be due to lack of release and over stimulation of the sexual organs.' My owner, not only let his friend play with me, but encouraged me never to finish, saying i would be punished if i did. I CLEARLY had celibacy as a major turn off and something he and I agreed would never have happen in any "overly prolonged" periods.

Yes, I have read that sort of thing can least to prostatitis.
But again, you set up a boundary or limit and then your master walked all over it.


5: One of my masters was a total leach. He did love me,... or so i thought. He respected me, told me i was a good boy, and even helped me regain some confidence. However, he was a kleptomaniac, with a drug headed family. I thought he often bought gifts for me when he had no job, said he did odd jobs just to get me presents and make me feel better. But,... latter,... i learned he got these things with stolen credit cards, and five finger discounts... making me accessory to theft. When i found all this out, needless to say i was stunned. Thankfully I got off with just a little community service for testifying against him. But... after he got out of jail, his mother had died, and he had no place to stay, so guess who he called. He called and ordered me to find a place for him to live... I did,... a local church. He lived there for a few months before he bought himself a bus ticket to Cali. I learned that he had since got hooked on meth and crack, and been to rehab. He cam back to thank me for it all, He said "I remembered when in rehab how happy you made me, And how dedicated to you i was. I'm sorry.



That... Tore me up. But to this day I cant bring myself to become some one else' real pet again. Am I wrong for having so little faith in doms? Or is it my place to be afraid?

Your issue is not with trusting too much but with your people picker.
You need to make better choices in who you choose to be your partner.
You need to decide what your limits and personal boundaries are and then adhere to them.
You need to work on your sense of self-preservation.
Being submissive does not mean being someone's door mat.



That's all for now, but i'll say this.... it has lead me away from being submissive and now I even seek to be purely dominate because of some of the treatments I've had. Am I wrong in assuming anything better from this life style? Or am i right to feel a bit neglected?

quote:

ORIGINAL: VexAndSilence

Hi there! Its me Sex And Viol,... Vex And Silence again with another question of kinds.

I'll start it off by saying these experiences are not all my own, They are some my friends struggle with as well, and are too shy to seek a response.

quote:

ORIGINAL: VexAndSilence


That's all for now, but i'll say this.... it has lead me away from being submissive and now I even seek to be purely dominate because of some of the treatments I've had. Am I wrong in assuming anything better from this life style? Or am i right to feel a bit neglected?

quote:

ORIGINAL: VexAndSilence

Hi there! Its me Sex And Viol,... Vex And Silence again with another question of kinds.

I'll start it off by saying these experiences are not all my own, They are some my friends struggle with as well, and are too shy to seek a response.

Most of these are not 'right', but i'm wondering who the fault really lay with. Is it my/my friend's fault? Or the Doms'?

1: Is it right to lead the life style with a contract, and somehow let the master void that contract daily?
Survey says "No!" but at the same time I see it every day. And lived it for about 4 years.

Example: For 4 years I had an owner who I loved dearly. Being his pet, I specifically asked for attention and devotion when he felt I earned it. I'm a bit of a cuddle whore as a sub, i have no trouble admitting this and i told him straight up and i quote "I require a certain level of gratification. Be it as simple as a pat on the head or a 'good boy' remark when I do well."

At the time, I loved every second with my first master. He was teaching me so much and i worked very hard at doing nothing but pleaseing him and learning anything he had to offer. But,... nothing i ever did was right. Nothing I ever did was good enough. And even when I would go WAY out of my way and do some things I wish as a dom i'd have my subs do for me,... he didn't even thank me. Much less tell me i was a good boy. With our relationship clearly defined, was it right of him to be able to do that?

No it was not right. If it was stated, and he agreed, then some validation was in order. Sounds like he didn't much care how you felt, he was more centered on him getting what he wanted and thats all that mattered. I do believe some so called Doms think if no validation or appreciation is given, the sub will work even harder to please them because the sub wants that validation they never seem to get. Dom gets more, sub is left feeling neglected and unappreciated, that doesnt work well over time. Leads to burn out, I myself need appreciation also, if its not given, resentment builds. I am curious, how did this relationship end by the way? Did he throw you away?


2: A strictly non-switch relationship starts flip-flopping. Is this right?
My second master was not much better. Instead he would come home, and be tired as all hell and tell me "I'm too tired to be dominate." Well maintaining my place in his life i massaged his sore feet, rubbed his stiff back, and still nothing. He thanked me but again with the same request never gave a good boy or any sort of physical affection. Matter of fact he would start groaning and practically begging me to dom him... and most days being as submissive as i was i would try and act dominate to sate his needs. It.... was degrading to me in a way i didn't enjoy. I even spoke with him about it and when we got to talking of it he simply would say "Its stressing me out, i order you not to speak of it anymore" And,... it was an order I had to obey.

THis so called Dom, doesnt sound much different then the first.

3: Is it right to have doms give orders that may get you in trouble in public places?
Example: A friend of mine and his mistress where going out on the town to a club. But there was a catch. They where cross dressing. When they got to the bar/club (i forget which) The staff asks the sub to leave. Instead of complying he refused to leave his mistress' side as he was a very shy boy. She however refused to leave without at least 1 daiquiri and told them to allow him in. They would not let the man in, and they came to an agreement that the man would have to wait outside. I don't know what happened at this point on save that she left his leash tied to a rail outside the bar/club. What I do know is it has scarred him in a personal way and she still refuses to admit it was anything wrong.

I absolutely don't agree with this at all. BUt I am not into public humiliation, and there isn't a master alive going to put me in that situation with me agreeing to it.

4: At one point in my life, I was Forced, for sheer amusement of an owner's friend, to be celibate and driven to the edge time and time again for over a month. Blue balls aside, I developed a fairly substantial health issue regarding an infection in my fellows. When asked how or why the doctor said ' It could be due to lack of release and over stimulation of the sexual organs.' My owner, not only let his friend play with me, but encouraged me never to finish, saying i would be punished if i did. I CLEARLY had celibacy as a major turn off and something he and I agreed would never have happen in any "overly prolonged" periods.

This is just wrong, wrong, wrong. Thats devotion gone to far, thats when the sub should jump up and take a stand. A good fuck you IM done, should do. AM I telling you to disobey? Damn right I am.

5: One of my masters was a total leach. He did love me,... or so i thought. He respected me, told me i was a good boy, and even helped me regain some confidence. However, he was a kleptomaniac, with a drug headed family. I thought he often bought gifts for me when he had no job, said he did odd jobs just to get me presents and make me feel better. But,... latter,... i learned he got these things with stolen credit cards, and five finger discounts... making me accessory to theft. When i found all this out, needless to say i was stunned. Thankfully I got off with just a little community service for testifying against him. But... after he got out of jail, his mother had died, and he had no place to stay, so guess who he called. He called and ordered me to find a place for him to live... I did,... a local church. He lived there for a few months before he bought himself a bus ticket to Cali. I learned that he had since got hooked on meth and crack, and been to rehab. He cam back to thank me for it all, He said "I remembered when in rehab how happy you made me, And how dedicated to you i was. I'm sorry.

NO comment on this one

That... Tore me up. But to this day I cant bring myself to become some one else' real pet again. Am I wrong for having so little faith in doms? Or is it my place to be afraid?

Considering your experiences, heck yah. BE AFRAID. What faith really did they deserve?



That's all for now, but i'll say this.... it has lead me away from being submissive and now I even seek to be purely dominate because of some of the treatments I've had. Am I wrong in assuming anything better from this life style? Or am i right to feel a bit neglected?

quote:

ORIGINAL: VexAndSilence
I'll start it off by saying these experiences are not all my own