Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs?

Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs? (Full Version)

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korata -> Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs? (4/6/2013 9:17:23 PM)
Reading the profiles here I see that most Mistresses seem to want experience. Why would that be? What would an experienced submissive be or do that an inexperienced submissive can't learn?

LadyPact -> RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs? (4/6/2013 9:27:37 PM)
Are you familiar with leather care? High protocol? Do you know how to oil a whip or change the cracker? Are you proficient at definitions associated with kink so that I don't have to explain everything I say? Do you know how to properly represent a leather household or what kind of commitment is required to participate in the leather community? Do I have to teach you how to black My boots or tend to My corsets? When I dress for a community gig, do you know how to tie one? For some of us, there's a lot more to wiitwd than the obvious.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs? (4/6/2013 11:09:26 PM)
One reason could be that despite common conceptions, in real life we are not fetish delivery systems. That is a radical difference from the porn-contaminated expectations inexperienced people have gotten their fantasies from. Of course we can trot out all the tricks (and a lot more) just like they do on camera. But if we do not feel connected to you (general 'you') as a person and know you feel the same about us, we see no reason to accommodate you. Prodommes are available to try stuff out, but many of us here would view that type of experience as a negative. So what is a new person who would like to explore the lifestyle to do? 1) Read ALL of the Ask A Mistress FAQ and make your profile more inviting before contacting a dominant. That you've been fantasizing for a while is just lovely for you, but until we know you and love you, we do not give a flying fig about your fantasies. 2) Find groups close to your area and get involved. Get to know everybody. Do stuff with them socially. Wow them with your personality. Make yourself useful and be the first to volunteer when something needs to be done. 3) Accept that life does not imitate porn. $$ will buy you a session with a pro, but there are no shortcuts to the real thing. You still have to jump through the same hoops as you would in vanilla relationships. Best of luck to you, and welcome to the boards! ETA: A discussion pertinent to your topic: http://www.collarchat.com/m_4416241/tm.htm

SadisticMs2 -> RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs? (4/7/2013 4:59:04 AM)
The problem with most newbies is that with very few exceptions, they're going to remain newbies. In part is that the newbie himself isn't going to be willing to take actual steps to learn about the lifestyle, to get out to local munches and meet people, and progress. In part if he DOES get lucky enough to meet a Domme online who agrees to meet him, most likely he will chicken out and not meet because it's TOO real. Any Domme of experience can tell you that the chances of actually meeting someone who is completely new to the scene in an online setting such as this and have that turn into a mutually satisfying long term real time BDSM based relationship is more unlikely than hitting Powerball. Or maybe equally likely. I personally would see even attempting that as an utter waste of my time. Now. That said - you are actually in control of your own destiny. You do not have to wait around online hoping to meet a Domme who will not only give you a chance but will be a good fit for you. You can take an active hand in your own education by reading books about the lifestyle, asking intelligent questions here and engaging in conversation on the message boards here and elsewhere, by getting yourself out to local munches and workshops and make friends with others in the scene. That whole learning process will bring you miles closer to meeting someone, and you may even meet someone along the way. ' In other words....take charge of becoming the one WITH experience.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs? (4/7/2013 6:44:41 AM)
For what it's worth, I think something like this would get good results. "I don't have any experience serving a Mistress, but I'd really like to. I have taken massage classes and cooking classes. My favorite dish to prepare is ____. I also own a lawn mower and am not afraid to use it." If you demonstrate you're able to learn skills, and have the discipline to follow through with them, you will appear attractive in somebody's eyes.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs? (4/7/2013 6:54:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 For what it's worth, I think something like this would get good results. "I don't have any experience serving a Mistress, but I'd really like to. I have taken massage classes and cooking classes. My favorite dish to prepare is ____. I also own a lawn mower and am not afraid to use it." If you demonstrate you're able to learn skills, and have the discipline to follow through with them, you will appear attractive in somebody's eyes. Why do Dominant men consistently seem to have a better understanding -by a LOT- than most male subs do, of what precisely it takes to be the kind of male sub that Dominant women actually would be interested in?

thezeppo -> RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs? (4/7/2013 7:02:51 AM)
Because dominant men don't watch femdom porn?

SeekingTrinity -> RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs? (4/7/2013 7:08:44 AM)
~FRing it~ Experience isn't always necessary, though there are great exceptions Lady Pact outlined where experience is important. The biggest problem I personally have with completely inexperienced submissives is if they are caught up in the porn-based fantasy world of what they think BDSM is and they start looking at me like I'm a fetish delivery system designed to cater to them. I like what Red Magic had to say. Very straightforward and to the point. It isn't so much what an experienced sub knows that an inexperienced one doesn't. It's what the inexperienced one does to become knowledgeable and their willingness to take initiative to learn skills that will enhance their attractiveness to a dominant female.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs? (4/7/2013 7:13:43 AM)
Hahaha! I watch some femdom porn. Those ladies are hot.[;)] Not sure I'm "dominant" by everyone's definition, but I will say this: most dom guys know what it means to serve someone else, because almost no one is their own boss 100% of the time. So it's not really a question of being dom or sub; it's a question of being able to produce results, to be responsible. That, and, somewhere along the way, I figured out how to pick up chicks.

thezeppo -> RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs? (4/7/2013 7:50:29 AM)
Haha, fair enough. They are pretty hot, I'm not going to argue with you there! I think a lot of people have a tendency to forget there are people behind the kink. If you have had kinky desires your entire life and then you join a site like this, which is full of people with the same desires as you, it's only natural to want to talk about the kinky stuff that you haven't been open about before. I try and approach from the other direction - if I am talking to a Domme I already know we have that in common, she wants to be dominant and I want to be submissive. That's a big step compared to just talking to a woman I think is attractive, but why go on about the thing I already know we have in common? Far better to see what else we have in common and proceed from there. The other thing is that a lot of people label themselves as submissive as an umbrella term when in fact there are such a wide variety of different terms that would fit better. When I first joined here I thought I had submissive experience because my ex enjoyed foot worship and rough sex. I was quickly disabused of that notion! I was advised to consider whether or not I was actually submissive, and that has been a constant consideration since. I suppose ultimately that depends on the other person, so all the more reason I should get to know the person behind the Domme! ETA: Wait, you worked out how to pick up chicks? Do go on! :D

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs? (4/7/2013 8:21:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thezeppo ETA: Wait, you worked out how to pick up chicks? Do go on! :D Picking up chicks is so much easier than most guys would think. Remember, we're surrounded by morons whose only goal is to get in our pants all day, every day, from since we're about 12 years old. All a guy needs to really do to pick up chicks easily is give some sort of solid indication that he's not like that and considers other things more important in life that how much he's going to get laid... and women will fawn over him.

Level -> RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs? (4/7/2013 8:29:28 AM)
Hmmm... nothing wrong with caring more about a woman as a person, rather than as a semen receptacle (sp?), but there better be more than that.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs? (4/7/2013 8:46:08 AM)
Oh I'm not saying that that's all there's got to be to a guy to interest a women... It's just that it seems that in 99% of the cases, the kind of guys capable of doing that are also the kind of guys who got the whole rest of the package going on. So the main, and first thing as far as picking up chicks goes is showing her that you don't fall into the "morons" category. After she's actually willing to drop her guard a little cause you convinced her of that, she'll figure out fast enough what the rest of the package entails.

Level -> RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs? (4/7/2013 8:59:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar So the main, and first thing as far as picking up chicks goes is showing her that you don't fall into the "morons" category. [8D] You're right, that's pretty important.

thezeppo -> RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs? (4/7/2013 9:42:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar quote: ORIGINAL: thezeppo ETA: Wait, you worked out how to pick up chicks? Do go on! :D Picking up chicks is so much easier than most guys would think. Remember, we're surrounded by morons whose only goal is to get in our pants all day, every day, from since we're about 12 years old. All a guy needs to really do to pick up chicks easily is give some sort of solid indication that he's not like that and considers other things more important in life that how much he's going to get laid... and women will fawn over him. It probably helps if you don't dance like the super bendy flexy arms wavy man when you drink too much whiskey as well ;-) Good advice though. I was kind of joking - I'm not the smoothest guy in the world but I have learned how to hold a conversation at least!

Level -> RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs? (4/7/2013 9:58:16 AM)
Don't #1 [image]local://upfiles/243888/DEAD6C17DD35407C8BFCC5AEDA3D11B7.jpg[/image]

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs? (4/7/2013 10:08:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thezeppo I was kind of joking Me too. [;)] Hell, I'm the Goddess of logic... if I make a black and white assertion regarding human nature, you're pretty safe to bet there's some form of humor intended in there.

thezeppo -> RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs? (4/7/2013 11:01:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level Don't #1 [image]local://upfiles/243888/DEAD6C17DD35407C8BFCC5AEDA3D11B7.jpg[/image] I can't believe you've just outed me Level. Isn't this a TOS violation? ;-)

Level -> RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs? (4/7/2013 11:20:10 AM)
[8D] Purely accidental!

thezeppo -> RE: Most Mistresses seem to want experience - do any train bare bones new subs? (4/7/2013 11:21:41 AM)
Oh no, so there actually is more to it than that?

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