|
littlesubjess -> How To Give A Cat A Pill (6/23/2006 2:22:19 PM)
|
1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding
a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and
gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding-pill-in right hand. As cat opens
mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve-pill-from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left Arm
and repeat process.
3. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws
tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push-pill to back of mouth with
right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
4. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear
paws,
ignore growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one
hand
while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop-pill-down ruler and rub cat's
throat
vigorously.
5. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another-pill-from foil wrap. Make note to
buy
new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases
from
hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
6. Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat's head just
visible from below armpit. Put-pill-in end of a drinking straw, force cat's
mouth
open with pencil and blow down straw.
7. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a beer to take
away
the taste. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from the carpet
with
soap and water.
8. Tie the little angel's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind
tightly
to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into
mouth
followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical
and
pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat to wash down-pill.
9. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the A&E, sit quietly
while
doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes-pill-from your eye. Call
furniture shop
on way home to order a new table.
10. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring local pet
shop to
see whether they have any hamsters.
LOLOLOLOL I JUST FOUND THIS HILARIOUS
jess xxx
|
|
|
|
