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Financial Domination? - 4/8/2013 2:37:02 PM

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I was wondering what Mistresses think about this?

I've noticed over the years a massive increase in the amount of "Dommes" on this site who seem only interested in making money from desperate men. Since when has money been a such a big part of BDSM? I always thought submission was what dominant women desire. Surely being given a gift without demanding it is much more satisfying.

Also I wonder do dominant men on here demand tribute or do financial doms exist? My humble opinion is that a truly dominant woman has her life in check and does not require a submissive/slaves money or am I missing the point and is Financial Domination a real fetish and true part of BDSM.

Hi I'm Kay :)

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/8/2013 2:39:20 PM

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This subject has been beaten to death. If you're looking for information, I would suggest you give this thread a read.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_4224292/tm.htm

And in answer to this question:

quote:

ORIGINAL: submandibular

Also I wonder do dominant men on here demand tribute or do financial doms exist?

Yes, they exist.
.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 4/8/2013 2:41:20 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to submandibular)

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/8/2013 2:39:31 PM

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Here is a wonderful reference link for you. http://www.collarchat.com/m_4224292/tm.htm

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Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to submandibular)

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/8/2013 2:41:11 PM

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Thank you both, the link you provided was enlightening and interesting, seems my questions have been answered in a depth I couldn't have hoped for.

< Message edited by submandibular -- 4/8/2013 2:53:09 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/8/2013 2:53:56 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submandibular

Since when has money been a such a big part of BDSM?

Money and sex have gone hand in hand since the concept of money was invented.

Why would you expect BDSM to be any different just because there are more trappings involved?

quote:

ORIGINAL: submandibular

I always thought submission was what dominant women desire.

When somebody submits, they sacrifice something to the dominant party.
That sacrifice can either be in the form of time, effort, comfort, pleasure, or a whole hoist of other things.

When you're submitting because you're cooking dinner when she told you to, your submission is expressed by the sacrifice of your time.
When you're submitting because you're cleaning the bathroom somebody else's standards than your own, your submission is expressed by the sacrifice of your effort.
When you're submitting because tied up and taking a beating, your submission is expressed by the sacrifice of your comfort.
When you're submitting because you're not orgasming when the dominant told you not, your submission is expressed by the sacrifice of your pleasure.

Online, there are only a few ways one can sacrifice for a dominant. One of those ways is time, by for example doing things like research projects, or writing essays. The other way is money, because money represents a sacrifice of time, effort as well as comfort.

It's a legitimate form of domination, even if there are lots of people out there who attempt financial domination out of motives of greed instead of desire for domination.

quote:

ORIGINAL: submandibular

Surely being given a gift without demanding it is much more satisfying.

Whether or not it would be more satisfying would depend on the person in question. But there surely isn't any form of domination involved with receiving unrequested gifts.

quote:

ORIGINAL: submandibular

Also I wonder do dominant men on here demand tribute or do financial doms exist?

I know of several dominant men requiring tribute. Most of them are gay though.

quote:

ORIGINAL: submandibular

My humble opinion is that a truly dominant woman has her life in check and does not require a submissive/slaves money

I would agree with you that if a woman is depending on her "slaves" to support her, she's not in charge of her life, nor of them.

However, why would you assume that a woman demanding tribute would be dependent on the slaves for money, rather than see it as a nice extra, or enjoy the sacrifice made to her from a fetish point of view?

My household income is in the six figures. I don't need any money slaves would have to offer me. In fact, most subs I've seen with an interest in financial domination are on an income that, even if I would take every last cent I ethically felt I could from them, wouldn't make much of a difference in my life, other than add a couple luxuries here and there. Despite that, I absolutely enjoy financial domination, especially in a situation where I would be in total control of the sub's finances.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 4/8/2013 3:04:52 PM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to submandibular)

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/8/2013 3:12:42 PM

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Regarding money being a big part of BDSM and sex in general, I don't feel in my everyday life and experiences that money does play such an overtly big part in sex. Sure there are subtleties in relationships but it doesn't seem to be the dominant factor in it. I say it plays such a big part on this site, simply due the amount of people demanding money (not pro-dommes).

I understand that relinquishing your money is a form of power play.

With regards to receiving unrequested gifts, I would think that would be one of the most rewarding things, not being dominant, I could be wrong. I was suggesting that having someone give you something without demanding, purely as an act of gratitude or submission or both, would be satisfying. In every single one of my relationships, I prided myself on spoiling my Domme/partner with gifts without being asked.

I can see your point though, perhaps my logic was a bit off with that one.

From what that vast majority of FinDommes on this site in the UK have written in their profile (and how) I can tell that they are not on 6 figure incomes, nor work.

< Message edited by submandibular -- 4/8/2013 3:15:50 PM >

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/8/2013 3:17:42 PM

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"I want financial slaves, human ATM's. I wont give a shit about you but you will do everything to please me. I want to own you and your wallet. Want to be owned you know what to do ! "

The first profile I came across when I just went onto the site now.

(in reply to submandibular)

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/8/2013 3:18:06 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submandibular
Also I wonder do dominant men on here demand tribute or do financial doms exist?

Yes, yes they do. Think about the male Doms who want full control of their sub/slave's finances. Isn't that financial Domination? I think so. At first glance, I thought I'd be a smart ass and say they demand tribute in the form of BJs to screen new prospects, but then I decided to be more serious. Yes, before I was a Domme myself and I was looking at male Doms, I did run across two or three that wanted financial tributes. So, yes, they do exist.

NBMG

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I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to submandibular)

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/8/2013 3:24:15 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submandibular
"I want financial slaves, human ATM's. I wont give a shit about you but you will do everything to please me. I want to own you and your wallet. Want to be owned you know what to do ! "

What's wrong with truth in advertising?!

How do you feel about castration, and permanent chastity? M

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(in reply to submandibular)

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/8/2013 3:24:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl
Think about the male Doms who want full control of their sub/slave's finances. Isn't that financial Domination? I think so.

That's the way our relationship works and we consider that part of our dynamic.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/8/2013 3:31:13 PM

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BlkTallFullFig - I can see I'm not going to get anywhere here. My questions were answered, I read a much deeper and far more intelligent discussion on the links that OsideGirl and Lady Pact posted, I don't think I really do this argument much justice. There is nothing wrong with upfront advertsising, I was just making a point about how pervasive money is on this site.

No I am not into castration or chastity.

As for asking about men, I was not alluding to the fact that it is a female thing and I meant no disrespect to women by asking it, it was an honest question, I just wanted to know if they existed or not and they do.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/8/2013 3:32:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submandibular

Regarding money being a big part of BDSM and sex in general, I don't feel in my everyday life and experiences that money does play such an overtly big part in sex.

I didn't say that money necessarily plays a big part in relationships, I said money has always been tied to sex.

For as long as there has been money, people -both men and women- have been trading sex for money.
Not just sex in the form of literal penetration, but all forms and allusions to it. The fantasy of sex in all it's forms have been selling for as long as human beings have traded with each other.

BDSM is no exception to that...

There are women demanding money for the fantasy of D/s, because there are women, and there is money, and there is D/s. It's as simple as that.

I don't understand why you're so confused on why money is such a big part of the BDSM environment you can find online... the fact that money is that big a part of it seems self-evident to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: submandibular

With regards to receiving unrequested gifts, I would think that would be one of the most rewarding things, not being dominant, I could be wrong.

Being presented with an unrequested gift is not an uncommon occurrence. My husband does that all the time, as have all the guys I've ever dated, so do my friends and family at certain occasions, even colleges and casual acquaintances have presented me such gifts up on occasion. I have myself also presented unrequested gifts quite frequently to others. I wouldn't say it's a rare or special event, and it's certainly not "one of the most rewarding things". Not even in terms of what would happen within the context of a relationship.
Hell, it wouldn't even come close to the top 25 of "most rewarding things that can occur within a relationship".

quote:

ORIGINAL: submandibular

I was suggesting that having someone give you something without demanding, purely as an act of gratitude or submission or both, would be satisfying.

The definition of submission is: "1 the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person"

When presenting somebody with an unrequested gift, there is no yielding to the authority of another person involved.
There is no submission involved with such gifts, because the sacrifice and yielding is one that is self-imposed, and therefore a sacrifice you make toward the authority of yourself, not for the person receiving the gift. Presenting a person with a gift you chose to give them involves zero submission, even if you're in a strict M/s or D/s relationship with said person.

Receiving such gifts can be satisfying though, of course.

quote:

ORIGINAL: submandibular

In every single one of my relationships, I prided myself on spoiling my Domme/partner with gifts without being asked.

Good for you. I'm sure you both enjoyed that. Receiving/giving gifts and getting spoiled/spoiling can be loads of fun and very satisfying for both people involved. It does not, however, involved any submission at all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: submandibular

From what that vast majority of FinDommes on this site in the UK have written in there profile (and how) I can tell that they are not on 6 figure incomes, nor work.

I would concur with that, but advice you to take into consideration that just because something applies to most people, doesn't mean that it applies to all people.

In my opinion, most women demanding tribute/money from subs are not interested in domination, but that doesn't mean that all women are like that, nor does it mean that an interest in financial domination in which ever form possible can't be a legitimate fetish.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to submandibular)

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/8/2013 3:33:41 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl
Think about the male Doms who want full control of their sub/slave's finances. Isn't that financial Domination? I think so.

That's the way our relationship works and we consider that part of our dynamic.

I don't think there's a thing wrong with financial domination as long as both people are in it consensually. There are people who do actually get off on that and I say more power to them. I don't do it but, if someone else likes it, who am I to bitch? It's none of my business. lol

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/8/2013 3:40:13 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submandibular
There is nothing wrong with upfront advertsising, I was just making a point about how pervasive money is on this site.

Its as pervasive as it is because this is a sexually oriented dating site.

If you go to vanilla dating sites of an overtly sexual nature, you will find the exact same thing. On fling and hook up sites, there are constantly people looking to trade money for sex and vice versa, though their advertising of that fact may be more subtle if they're in a country where prostitution is illegal.

I'm still confused why you would assume this site to be any different, just because the sexual theme involved with the site isn't "casual sex", "MILFs", "find a threesome", but happens to be BDSM.

Are you assuming that BDSMers as somehow fundamentally different than the general population and is that why you expect this site to work so much differently than vanilla sites with a similar sexual focus?

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 4/8/2013 3:41:07 PM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to submandibular)

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/8/2013 3:40:44 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl
Yes, yes they do. Think about the male Doms who want full control of their sub/slave's finances. Isn't that financial Domination?

I gotta say that I see a universe of difference between how one handles finances in a committed long-term relationship and the more transitory pay-piggy stuff. No, it is not the same. Nor is Carol a whore because she provides sex in exchange for security... although that's certainly also a valid part of our marriage.

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(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/8/2013 3:54:33 PM

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You make some very good and clear points. It seems you have a much clearer picture of the situation than I do. Perhaps my clarity on the subject has been affected by personal experience.

I guess I can see that FinDommes are pretty much Virtual ProDommes offering another kind of less physical service for lonely men, its not really fair on me to not call them Dominant, their fetishe is just as valid as yours or mine. I don't think I could ever partake in it, but who am I to judge, seems the frustration of wading through constant profiles demanding money and not seeing many alternatives pushed me to the point creating this thread, rather rashly I must say.

< Message edited by submandibular -- 4/8/2013 4:04:24 PM >

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/8/2013 3:58:28 PM

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I have no experience on other sites. That is straight prostitution. I thought this was a site where people met who had similar fetishes and desires. Not a site to pimp oneself.

I would rather you didn't assume I thought it would be any different because it is BDSM. I seem to be a bit of an idealist. I had no idea prostitution was so rampant.

< Message edited by submandibular -- 4/8/2013 4:01:12 PM >

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/8/2013 4:08:54 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submandibular

I have no experience on other sites. That is straight prostitution. I thought this was a site where people met who had similar fetishes and desires. Not a site to pimp oneself.

I would rather you didn't assume I thought it would be any different because it is BDSM. I seem to be a bit of an idealist. I had no idea prostitution was so rampant.

It's not always straight prostitution, it can be in the form of cam girls advertising, women trying to get free meals in nice restaurants, women trying to get gifts from men they're dating, people advertising erotic artwork or porn sites, and so on and so on.

In any environment where sex is a major topic, all sorts of people will try to buy and sell it in all its forms, specifically in the ones that sell in the specific medium they're in.

The reason the prevalence of tribute seekers is higher here than on a sexually tinted vanilla dating site is because "selling the fantasy of domination for tribute" sells here, because domination is what lots of men on this site are interested in. If you go to a sexually oriented dating site with a different theme, women will be selling things that cater more specifically to that theme. That's just a matter of supply and demand.

And while this is indeed a site for people with similar fetishes and desires, there are also more vanilla dating sites that center around a similar fetish and desire, like BBW, midgets, MILFs, sugar daddy, polygamy and so on.
Very few of these sites are geared specifically at people engaging in prostitution, but my guess is -I haven't reviewed all of them- that you will find straight out prostitution going on at all of them, though sites with certain themes will attract higher numbers of prostitutes than others.

I also think that you're thinking too broadly about prostitution. Prostitution is specifically the act of engaging in a sexual activity with somebody for money. There are lots of way in which people sell the idea of sex for money, without actually engaging in sexual acts. But yes, the act of selling sex in all its forms, including just selling the idea of sex, is a very common occurrence. It happens in vanilla life all the time as well, although it is much more subtle there.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 4/8/2013 4:14:23 PM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to submandibular)

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/8/2013 4:20:19 PM

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No but what you said "to trade sex for money and visa versa" is prostitution. Granted, I'm not so naive to understand that it does exists. My point is that percentage wise, it is far greater than I thought it would be.

Maybe I should stop seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses, although it does seem much prettier that way.

I have no idea how this conversation got here but I must depart, I have to be up early tomorrow, thank you for the informative discussion, if only I was into public humiliation I would be having the time of my life right now! :)

Take care,

Kay

< Message edited by submandibular -- 4/8/2013 4:28:21 PM >

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

RE: Financial Domination? - 4/8/2013 4:55:59 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submandibular

You make some very good and clear points. It seems you have a much clearer picture of the situation than I do. Perhaps my clarity on the subject has been affected by personal experience.

I guess I can see that FinDommes are pretty much Virtual ProDommes offering another kind of less physical service for lonely men, its not really fair on me to not call them Dominant, their fetishe is just as valid as yours or mine. I don't think I could ever partake in it, but who am I to judge, seems the frustration of wading through constant profiles demanding money and not seeing many alternatives pushed me to the point creating this thread, rather rashly I must say.

It's always a good idea (on any message board) to do a search to see if the topic has been covered previously - before starting a new thread on it.

I've seen quite a number of threads on the topic, and yes, the number of FinDomme profiles just keeps getting larger and larger.

As far as I've been able to tell, the general consensus seems to be that financial domination is a legitimate fetish, but that doesn't mean that every FinDomme profile is legitimate. Let the buyer beware. The site warns everyone: "Do not send money to other users for any reason!" If you don't want to do it, don't do it. Users have the ability to block/hide any profiles they don't like. If a profile violates the Terms of Service, then users have the ability to report said profile(s) to the site administrators.

The above paragraph is probably the only and final answer you'll get on the question of financial domination.

Granted, some people haven't been happy with that answer and think all the FinDommes should be banned from the site, but they seem to be in the minority. Banning the FinDommes has been ostensibly ruled out, from what I'm able to gather by reading these threads. Same thing about suggestions to add a filter so users can browse without having to wade through the plethora of FinDomme profiles, since the consensus seems to be that a filter wouldn't really work.

The bottom line: It is what it is. As with anything in life, we learn to separate the wheat from the chaff.

There are a couple of posters I've seen who seem to be especially bitter about this whole FinDomme situation, and there have been some pretty heated arguments over it. (The thread linked above was actually one of the more civilized discussions on the subject.) So, in this forum, it seems to be what is known as a Grenade.

quote:

Grenade isn't actually a Warrior, per se, but it's an ordnance so widely employed that no Flame Warriors guide would be complete without mentioning it. When lobbed into a discussion forum Grenade instantly blasts civil discourse into smoking rubble. Grenade's explosive content can be adjusted to the forum's interests. Typical detonating materials can be Bill Clinton, George Bush, gun control, homosexuality, Reagan, abortion, taxes, conspiracy theory, the NEA, welfare reform, etc. When facing certain defeat a Warrior can stall even the most determined attack with a diversionary explosion. Grenade can bea particularly destructive weapon in the hands of Evil Clown, Issues, Troglodyte or even Weenie, but almost any Warrior can use it to gain a temporary strategic advantage. Eagle Scout has been known to throw himself upon Grenade to save the forum.

(in reply to submandibular)

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