How do You find Switching between Dom/Domme and slave/sub?

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How do You find Switching between Dom/Domme and slave/sub? - 11/10/2004 5:44:04 PM

cariad

Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
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Master has told this slave she may have slaves of her own, but she is awkward at coming up with tasks, punishments that suit the infraction, and to switch from slave mode to Domme mode.

How do You deal with switching from Dom/Domme to slave/sub? do You have any suggestions that may help this slave ?

while this slave is interested in having slaves of her own she wishes to have an online only relationship with a sub/slave, is this wrong? she knows that one can't get to know someone all that well on the net but she has an interest in having at least one slave online, but finds it hard to switch back and forth.

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The Path To Being A Good slave Takes Hard Work, A Willingness To Learn, Ability To Take Criticism and the Ability To Take Punishments Well. i Am Still Learning So Please Be Patient With me, As i Walk the Path to Being A good slave. SLRN: 742 958 000

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RE: How do You find Switching between Dom/Domme and sla... - 11/10/2004 8:11:56 PM

Suleiman

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Right or wrong you'll have to decide for yourself, but I see nothing unjustifiable in what little you have described.

I have never been, really, in the situation you are describing, although I have been in the occasional menage a trois with a second submissive. I frequently take a stance of being "alpha sub" - I expect the beta sub to be subservient to me, while they and I are both submissive to the dominant. This works very well when the missus and I are playing with someone, because I have a much more stern persona as a dominant than she does, creating a good cop/bad cop dynamic.

If, however, you keep the relationship you have as a purely online situation, there is no need to involve your master at all, is there? I would suggest eventually getting your toes wet, but for now, a little online roleplay is a great way to become more comfortable with your dominant side, and to decide on how you wish to behave as a dominant (as you seem to already be quite in touch with your submissive self)

One of the advantages, in my opinion, of being a switch is that, as submissive or dominant, you have some empathic understanding of how your partner may want to be treated. You can expect a submissive that serves you to give as much for you as you would for your master, and having this knowledge makes it easier to push them, and it also creates a shared bond between you, as they understand that you have gone through the same, and you honestly believe that they are able to withstand whatever viscissitudes come as part of their erotic durance.

(I've run out of ten dollar words. Had to pull a few from the twenty dollar bin)

Good luck in your search!

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to cariad)

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RE: How do You find Switching between Dom/Domme and sla... - 11/12/2004 1:09:11 PM

ShayLeah

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Joined: 11/12/2004
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Being able to Switch will of course depend on whether or not you are naturally wired to do so... to BE both Dominant and submissive.

If you see a line scale and at the one end there is submission and at the other end there is dominance and you imagine ALL of us falling somewhere on that line and where we are on it determines just how submissive and how Dominant we are... those of Us closer to the middle tend to be what is known as 'Switches'.... if we are on this side of the line then we are a submissive Switch.. (which is what I am... I have a very Dominant side to me, however my more natural role is as a submissive....).... my Mentor was a Dominant Switch which is the opposite of what I was... It was easier and more natural for Him to be Dom... yet His submissive side couldnt be ignored or not acknowleded (for to do so would force it to come out in other ways...

Now.. there are also Tops and bottoms in this Lifestyle ... and it maybe that you don't have that strong of a dominant side... yet you still would like to learn how to Top another.. and eventually have a slave of your own. Now is the time for sef evaluation and exploration. You can LEARN to be a Top or a bottom .. for that iis simply defined by the acts you choose to do where as being a Dom'or a submissive is defined by who and what we naturally are.

As for your online xperence ... I agree with the message above me.. do it... by working with a sub/slave online you get to 'feel' what it is you want to do and or say ..It is a great tool if used right can help you to not only disciover your natural place here amongst U/us .. it helps you to get used to the role and to be able to communicate in what you feel is the Domme mode... it will help you get used to being called Maam (<<a hard step for me ..cuz i still wanted to be a 'sister and just plain ol Shay)... and you can explore and experiment and learn and grown in a basically harmless and potentionally danger free media.

As for 'HOW' one switches back and forth that will of course depend on the Switch.. for we are as diffeerent if not more so than those who are mostly Dom/me and or mostly sub/slave.. . I do not switch to the day or to a moment... I do not wake up and then think hmmm I believe i feel submissive today ...

I do however know a few tho do do that . When I switch it is to a person.. and I believe= it is the strenghth of our personalities that dicatates who I am Domme to and who I am submissive to.. I find myself m ore in the area of equal to most.... submissive to very few and Dominant to a few

(in reply to Suleiman)

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RE: How do You find Switching between Dom/Domme and sla... - 11/12/2004 3:20:40 PM

cariad

Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
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Thank Y/you for Y/your help and advise, this slave really appreciates the different aspects and ways the words were posted for her. it's hard for this slave to switch to being Domme/"Top" from being a slave, she finds herself still on occasion saying this slave instead of *I*, *Me*, *Mine*, *My*, guess it's because Master has conditioned/trained her to say this slave or this one instead of the I, Me, Mine and My because it's His preference. (Don't know, Didn't ask, perhaps when she is brave enough to ask she will ask why.....LOL)

this slave hopes to learn more as she goes on in her journey to exploring her Domme side, but as she said she's a bit awkward at it because she feels herself more of a slave than being Dominant. hope that doesn't sound confusing or contradictory.

again thank Y/you for Y/your help and efforts to helping this slave better understand herself and her journey to exploring her Domme side.

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The Path To Being A Good slave Takes Hard Work, A Willingness To Learn, Ability To Take Criticism and the Ability To Take Punishments Well. i Am Still Learning So Please Be Patient With me, As i Walk the Path to Being A good slave. SLRN: 742 958 000

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RE: How do You find Switching between Dom/Domme and sla... - 11/12/2004 6:06:35 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
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From: Ontario, Canada
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Good luck. I got confused just reading it. :)

There are sites which offer punishment ideas online. I've come across a few good ones over the years. But, my best punishment theory is to know your sub well enough to understand what will really get to them. Plus, I really like making male subs blush. Keep in mind that you (the Dom) should get some enjoyment out of the punishment too. Chores are ok but humiliation is more fun.

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RE: How do You find Switching between Dom/Domme and sla... - 11/12/2004 8:07:10 PM

cariad

Posts: 943
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From: Calgary, Alberta
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Thank Y/you for the latest post.....this slave looks forward to learning and growing as a slave while exploring her Domme side :)

sites on good punishments ? hmmmmmmmm think this slave will keep that one to herself LOL, don't need to give Master any more ideas for punishments, it's bad enough she just recently gave Him one.

again thank Y/you :)

(in reply to Laura)

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RE: How do You find Switching between Dom/Domme and sla... - 12/7/2004 9:02:50 PM

honeyedsin

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For me I simply do those things that I enjoy as a bottom (for the most part). Take them the places i like to go. I can't switch back and forth with the same person though. And i have to admit I do find it hard to go back into a submissive mindset when relaying those actions I took to a Dom/me. I can't do both well at all <smile>

Think of how you would react to xyz and then what having them do those things would do for you, then explore it.

Sindy

(in reply to cariad)

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RE: How do You find Switching between Dom/Domme and sla... - 12/8/2004 6:46:53 AM

DomButNotForgotn

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Joined: 6/2/2004
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Why does your master want you to have slaves? Do you have a strong personality, and need an outlet? Do you like to train and coach, or punish on your own? Is he fishing for beta subs himself, and having you do the search? I'm just wondering.

Having a cyber-only sub is fun, but nowhere near as demanding as a live RT one, and the responsibilities are more vague for you & them. It's also harder to enjoy or confirm their actions. Punishment must be self-inflicted by them (if needed) , or farmed out to a Dom/mme local to their area, if they are remote, and having a RT Dom/mme do it sort of removes YOU from the equation, yes?

I wish yo the best. Take care.

Mark
aka DomButNot Forgotn

(in reply to honeyedsin)

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RE: How do You find Switching between Dom/Domme and sla... - 12/8/2004 6:16:35 PM

FelinePersuasion

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Dom but not fogotten.

All punishments do not need to be pychical for them to be a punishment. My x dominant punished me quite well with out ever laying a rt hand on me or insisting I do it myself such as hitting myself.or making another dom do it.

There's plenty of ways to Disipline a naughty online and long distant sub. Corpral punishment's just one of the many.

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RE: How do You find Switching between Dom/Domme and sla... - 12/17/2004 10:54:21 AM

SionedMorgan

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Joined: 12/16/2004
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As my profile and my introduction state. I have a Master, and he is allowing me to train another girl. This is interesting to me, because while I am a very self sufficient person I am very much a submissive switch. I would most certainly prefer to be Dominated, than Dominate. However, in order to get into a good Domme mindset, I make sure I remind myself that now I am in charge and that it's MY orders that need to be followed. Of course my orders are also given according to what my Master wants to see, but in general there are things I do with her that Master probably would not. My biggest problem area is in punishment. My pet tends to be a bit rebellious, despite saying constantly "Yes I want to be your sub". I find that I have to come up with non physical means of punishment otherwise the poor dear would not be able to go to work. Finding things that she likes and making them unenjoyable or making her do things that are uncomfortable for her are excellent methods of punishment.

I believe it was Suleiman who said that the "alpha sub" mindset comes into play. In a way for me yes it does. I think to myself, "What would Master want this new girl's behavior to be like, How would he like her to learn to serve?" and then I act according to the answer. When I am not sure I ask him.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

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RE: How do You find Switching between Dom/Domme and sla... - 12/18/2004 4:19:32 PM

DomButNotForgotn

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

Dom but not fogotten.

All punishments do not need to be pychical for them to be a punishment. My x dominant punished me quite well with out ever laying a rt hand on me or insisting I do it myself such as hitting myself.or making another dom do it.

There's plenty of ways to Disipline a naughty online and long distant sub. Corpral punishment's just one of the many.

Well said, and I agree. I prefer non-physical punishments over corporal ones. I would rather sculpt a sub into what I want using positive reinforcement, and if she enjoys a certain level of physical discipline, I would rather spank her just because I want to than for some "made up" punishment. I'm not a big fan of cyber, though.

Just telling a sub you are disappointed, or not having contact with them for a few days (ignoring them) is pretty strong stuff for many subs. Do you have any examples of what you think is effective, FelinePersuasion?

Please let me know - BTW, nice post.

Mark

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

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RE: How do You find Switching between Dom/Domme and sla... - 12/18/2004 6:42:48 PM

PerhapsitsFate

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Joined: 11/30/2004
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Careful when mentioning "ignoring" a submissive, as I've seen that do a terrible amount of damage to friends of mine. The thing most online Doms seem to want to do, is ignore someone without giving rhyme or reason, leaving the submissive lost, confused and ultimately it will not teach them a lesson, it will leave emotional damage. I know personally that a "wall of silence" is a good punishment tool to be used on me, but only when I have the complete explanation of what I did, and that I will be "ignored" for punishment, and there must always be a end date on that punishment. I think just disappearing and avoiding calls, messages, emails is a irresponsible way to treat a submissive, the best punishment ALWAYS comes with explanation.

Sorry if that's off thread, but "ignoring" as punishment is something I am strongly opinionated about..l

~fate~

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RE: How do You find Switching between Dom/Domme and sla... - 4/1/2005 9:22:15 AM

EzMagick

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I can not respond to your question from direct experiance as a switch, being a Master; but I can from that viewpoint in having a switch, who wanted her own sub. It would be better to go play with nuclear weapons in the street. If apologies are needed, then I will offer them, but to me a switch is someone who is undecided; indecision is an unacceptable weakness. Either one submits, or doms. A switch wants to have cake and eat it too. So, listen to your inner self, and decide what you truely are: sub or dom, then go from there.

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RE: How do You find Switching between Dom/Domme and sla... - 4/12/2005 12:50:15 AM

MistressTrin

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This is my edit: I had originally posted a rant in response to the previous post in this thread, but after considering it, I deleted that part to keep it from becoming a personal situation. After all, I am positive it was not intended toward me personally, so I will not take it that way. Thank you for your patience.

I don't switch between dominant and submissive with the same person. It's not possible for me. I've experienced it once, but it was a fluke of nature apparently (LOL). But, I can be very Dominant with one person and very submissive with another. It is important to feel comfortable doing both. I don't mean the discomfort of inexperience. You must be comfortable within yourself when dominating or topping. A need within you should be filled when interacting with your submissive/slave, as it is when interacting with your Master.

I know I am strengthened in my ability to recognize, cultivate, and enhance those needs and desires within me to become a whole and empowered person. In my giving I am completed - whether giving to a Master or a submissive. This is something only I can decide works for me. I feel fortunate in my submission and in my dominance.

As to finding ways to discipline your slaves, my rule of thumb is: be the kind of Mistress to my submissive that I would want to have. I want clear expectations, swift discipline (etc..etc...) as a submissive, so I start there when working with my own submissive and providing those things to him. After that, it's a matter of learning what works with that submissive and expanding upon it.

Good luck!

~Peace~ Trin

< Message edited by MistressTrin -- 4/12/2005 1:19:20 AM >

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