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15speed -> switches (4/27/2013 2:04:42 PM)

Whenever I use my phone to browse the filters don't seem to work and I get a lot of switches.. Being curious about "switches" (female) I read a few profiles and never found a reference to their switching. MY question is this: do they not know (i.e. just picked something), is it sub to Dom, straight to bi or just can't make up their mind and why not specify.



Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: switches (4/27/2013 2:08:54 PM)

I'm a switch because I enjoy both bottoming and topping. As plain and as simple as that.



lizi -> RE: switches (4/27/2013 2:16:06 PM)

Maybe their switching is something they discuss if they find that they wish to explore things with someone; lots of women don't put much out about their private lives because whenever they do that, guys tend to not want to talk about "getting to know you things" and instead go for the kinky and sexual topics. I for one don't put anything in my profile, when it is visible, about what I do in the bedroom, so I don't find it odd that others don't specify much in those areas either because if I do have something in there it seems to open the door for any strange male to talk to me about personal things- which I would rather not do.

Inferring that someone "just picked something" in reference to their sexuality is rather patronizing...don't you think? How a switch switches is personal to every person, just like how others submit or Dominate; it's not always sub to Dom or vice versa. It's whatever works for them. Again, I'd think they'd discuss that with someone when it was time to talk about bedroom things.

Why they don't specify I think I already covered, because guys latch onto that and think you're going to do whatever they like if you have anything kinky or sexual in your profile. Maybe these women would rather talk about badminton or vegan cooking with a stranger before getting around to discussing what they do in the bedroom. The checkboxes are general categories to define us, if there are questions about what the checkboxes mean, then you'll have to get to know the person a little in order to find out. Just like in life.



15speed -> RE: switches (4/27/2013 2:38:34 PM)

As usual I guess that I'm just to darn black and white, thx for the insight.



lizi -> RE: switches (4/27/2013 3:31:06 PM)

Black and white works for some things, it's not quite as applicable when you come to people. It would be nice in many ways if people were able to be categorized like laundry detergent, but they're too quirky for that, which I'm sure you know already.

You know, on sites like this women get tired of being treated like a commodity. Respecting their status as people with boundaries (I'm not saying you don't) will get a man much further in talking with them. I'm sure for some it might work to put in their profile that they like to be screwed while reciting the Pledge of Allegiance in order to find a kindred soul, or it might be something that the person wants to discuss after they get the feeling that the one they're talking to is someone worthy of that revelation. Compatibility as people is harder to find than compatible kinks. It's assbackwards to me to select a man based on his kinks- the pool of men to choose from would be huge, I'd get nowhere with that approach.

I have found that once sex and kink are on the table, a man will hardly ever go backwards to discuss my strong interests in art and traveling. To me kink is something I'm willing to negotiate for the right person, I don't have things there that are set in stone, they vary according to the person I'm with. I do however, need someone who is interested in art and traveling. Does that make more sense? I'm looking for a person to match my life up with, I'm not looking for a matching kink - kink is the easy part.



DarkSteven -> RE: switches (4/28/2013 1:20:56 AM)

Yep. Binary is very easy. People are either male or female, straight or gay, Dom or sub.

When you get away from that, people can be cis or trans, bi, and switches. Then you have degrees, such as someone that's 90% sub and 10% Domme, wondering if she should list as switch or Domme. Not to mention that I try to differentiate between switches that either have a preferred role and are capable of switching, versus someone that needs both roles and will either hook up with another switch or else have to go poly to fill all needs.




NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: switches (5/26/2013 6:59:04 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: 15speed
I guess that I'm just to darn black and white, thx for the insight.

Yep. Not all of life is binary, either/or. There are switches, bisexuals, and a whole lot of other things. To make it more complicated, there are some switches who don't need to be in both positions at the same point in their lives, some that do, some that do can switch with another switch within one relationship, and some that do go poly to fulfill each side with a separate person. Nope. Life is not all binary and either/or. [;)]

NBMG



MasterSadric -> RE: switches (5/27/2013 1:29:35 PM)

There are a number of different kinds of switches.

Some are dependent on who they are with. If they are with someone more dominant than they are, they are submissive. If they are with someone less dominant, they assume the dominant role.

Then there are others who switch, but only with other switches, and again, one will prove to be more dominant than the other, and one tends to top more than the other.,

And still more, are those switches who "like a break" from their primary role.

It is a VERY broad term, so if you want to know what you are dealing with, just ask.



MasterSadric -> RE: switches (5/27/2013 1:32:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

Yep. Not all of life is binary, either/or. There are switches, bisexuals, and a whole lot of other things. To make it more complicated, there are some switches who don't need to be in both positions at the same point in their lives, some that do, some that do can switch with another switch within one relationship, and some that do go poly to fulfill each side with a separate person. Nope. Life is not all binary and either/or. [;)]

NBMG


Not only that, but I know a bisexual switch who is Domme, but ONLY with other women, and always sub to men.

It's all a spectrum, not black and white.



DesFIP -> RE: switches (6/5/2013 5:52:22 PM)

I wonder if the op always wants to dominate every woman he sees, including ones 20 years older than him or young enough to be his grand daughter. If not, then it would seem apparent that just as he needs certain things to want to dominate someone, so might a switch need certain things to sub to one or dom another.

For many people it's person specific. If the person doesn't give off the appropriate vibes or chemistry that you need, then you have no interest in them no matter how they label themselves.



SeekingTrinity -> RE: switches (6/6/2013 8:52:36 AM)

~FRing it~

There is no black or white when it comes to human beings. I am a dominant female with everyone except one man. He is a dominant man with everyone except for me. We switch with each other AND we both happen to be bisexual. We blow black and white out of the water



SwitchNSpanky -> RE: switches (6/10/2013 9:35:42 AM)

Yep. I totally agree. Every couple or group has a unique dynamIc. Find and define yours so you can play better and safer.



SwitchNSpanky -> RE: switches (6/10/2013 12:36:07 PM)

Hehe. I'm the most dominant guy in the room. Period. If some guy claimes diff. I'll kick out his knees then handle the rest. Make him give me his wife and money. Car. Whatever. If I want it. I take it. But the right chick with the right looks. I'm putty in her hands. No question. So... I admit. I'll switch. So.. I'm a switch. Simple.



chasingbliss -> RE: switches (6/19/2013 8:21:51 PM)

for me to know I was a switch took time. I lean to the submissive side of things but in daily life I'm dominant. I am also at times in the bedroom but it takes time for that side of me to come out, it isn't the most powerful aspect of me but I am a strong personality and cannot deny it is there. I believe there isn't as much talk about it because people in this lifestyle like things usually "cut & dry." Being a switch makes things more dicey.



chasingbliss -> RE: switches (6/19/2013 8:26:02 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Yep. Binary is very easy. People are either male or female, straight or gay, Dom or sub.

When you get away from that, people can be cis or trans, bi, and switches. Then you have degrees, such as someone that's 90% sub and 10% Domme, wondering if she should list as switch or Domme. Not to mention that I try to differentiate between switches that either have a preferred role and are capable of switching, versus someone that needs both roles and will either hook up with another switch or else have to go poly to fill all needs.





love this. that is all.



Secretdamsel -> RE: switches (6/30/2013 4:33:45 PM)

Switching things up in various ways can be educational and fun...don't take it so seriously.



splatterpunk -> RE: switches (7/17/2013 3:12:01 AM)

the love of my life and i are both switches and both highly sadomasochistic. we are ridiculously violent with each other when we fuck or play or whatever. we also fuck around with gender roles like crazy. after having been together seriously for a pretty long time now it's surreal to me to think about people who strongly and exclusively identify as dominant or submissive.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: switches (7/17/2013 3:32:25 AM)

It may be surreal to think of some as dom or sub, that is the way some people are. Just like some of us are switches.

Do I think there are some who label themselves as switch b/c they don't know who they? Sure.

Do I think some switches are neither highly dom or highly sub? Sure.

I could have written this reply myself:

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSadric

There are a number of different kinds of switches.

Some are dependent on who they are with. If they are with someone more dominant than they are, they are submissive. If they are with someone less dominant, they assume the dominant role.

Then there are others who switch, but only with other switches, and again, one will prove to be more dominant than the other, and one tends to top more than the other.,

And still more, are those switches who "like a break" from their primary role.

It is a VERY broad term, so if you want to know what you are dealing with, just ask.


I think Stevens' suggestion to ask if they are poly or monogamous up front is a good one, depending on how you roll.



splatterpunk -> RE: switches (7/17/2013 3:42:31 AM)

quote:

It may be surreal to think of some as dom or sub, that is the way some people are. Just like some of us are switches.

Do I think there are some who label themselves as switch b/c they don't know who they? Sure.

Do I think some switches are neither highly dom or highly sub? Sure.

I could have written this reply myself:


yeah, natch.

it's hard to think past how you're wired. when someone is like "what's it like being a switch" my instinctive first response is "woah, what's it like NOT being one? that's gotta suck."



MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: switches (7/17/2013 3:51:25 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: 15speed

Whenever I use my phone to browse the filters don't seem to work and I get a lot of switches.. Being curious about "switches" (female) I read a few profiles and never found a reference to their switching. MY question is this: do they not know (i.e. just picked something), is it sub to Dom, straight to bi or just can't make up their mind and why not specify.


There are a lot of males who label their profile as "Dominant", even further describing themselves as "alpha male" but come to Me wanting to be dominated, locked in chastity, and have their daily lives placed under My control claiming they are "actually a submissive". I think some people get their vanilla side mixed into their profile designation too much, i.e. "dominant in vanilla world, submissive at home". I'm ok with that, but they should be more specific when describing themselves if they want to attract the attention of the right person.
I don't switch, so switches don't appeal to Me at all. I understand switches can have a lot of fun with other switches, but I don't have time to waste on people who don't understand, some people *DON'T* switch so don't think you are going to convert them to join your "side(s)". I've described negative incidences here in the past that Domme friends have experienced. Switches can take that BS elsewhere.



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