Lady Dominant-New Style? (Full Version)

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111597 -> Lady Dominant-New Style? (11/10/2004 8:58:53 PM)

I have been reading posts from the female dominants in the group and I wonder if I am on the same planet as everyone else. Can a traditional lady with traditional values be a Dom/me?
Yes.
First and formost, I am not against female domination because I do not know that much about the lifestyle yet to understand it. What concerns me is the general disregard for our fellow human being.
It is one thing to be given the gift of domination; however, we are abusing power when we chose to disregard our submissive/slave's health.
I really belive a true submmissive male gives their whole heart mind and body to us to cherish and to take care of.
My slave in my opinion was abused by two women in his past. It hurt him phsically, and I am going to help fix that. He is a natural submissive.
I accept that and the responsibility that goes with that gift.
Maybe it was because I was trained as a submissive that I feel this way.
The lifestyle is not about abuse, but domination and control. I have found that the best leaders lead through example.
Do I enjoy being a Mistress? I enjoy being a Domme more than I ever imagined, but I care about the welfare of my slave.
I know what he needs, but I know what I will not make him go through again for the sake of Domme Rule.
Let's get real.
I could be wrong. It maybe girl talk, but I don't like seeing people being taken advantage of because they are submissive or a slave. It is a gift from their heart, mind, body, and soul.

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Lady Dominant-New Style? (11/10/2004 9:42:35 PM)

Hello Lady Jan,
Thanks for this posting, as am always glad to see/learn more about thoughts that occur to me... I agree with you that being Domme does not mean one is careless/heartless (or so I've read, lol), but this lyfestyle is vastly expansive in terms of what it entails; and it is up to each person to decide his/her best match in terms of need/desire. In my novice experience, I have done several things I like, and am working on the entire scope of what a D/s relationship will be for me, and what forms of play we will engage in, but have found that a majority of subs I've encountered are either "too extreme" for me, in terms of how much pain/torture they need (physical/mental), or there's the large married male population looking to play/cheat and play... Depending on what circumstance one enters into a relationship, almost anything could happen.
So, it's okay to ask/critique Dommes, but I think the responsibility has to be shared (including that of your formerly abused slave).
Have a good day/night,
Lady in RI



LadySonelle -> RE: Lady Dominant-New Style? (11/11/2004 10:51:19 AM)

Can I hear an "AMEN!"? Actually, the style you describe, being a caring Domme, is NOT *new*... it is closer to Old Guard than the current online crop of Dommes I see.

The bratty, demanding seemingly uncaring Mistress would seem to Me, from 23 years' perspective, to be a newer thing. I loathe the idea that to some newbies it seems that the scene is all about losing one's temper and becoming a right brat!

When.if a slave of Mine misbehaves, they are quelled not with a shout or a whip, but with a sharp, soft voiced word. "michael! No..." and The Look.

And as for care of the sub... that ought to be first, formost and frequent. My standard is what I call the "comfort check" which meand that every toy I own is tried out first on My own flesh before being used by/on the submissive. I repeatedly test and try all My toys and bonds.

When I own a dog (canine, 4 legged) I will regularly run My hand under his collar and over his bedding to be certain that they are comfortable for him. Why? Because a dog cannot verbally tell Me if he is uncomfortable. I check My toys because, while a slave or sub *can* tell Me, sometimes, sub headspace precludes such complaints, or, by the time damage is discovered, damage has resulted!

I want my beloved submissives and slaves to be *better* for serving Me. Currently I have a sub who is a college student. I reward his study time although it takes time away from serving Me. His academic work will make him better, sharper, it will improve his overall life and tHAT is what I *want*!

We dominants are favoured by selection... there are far more submissives than Dons, and in many ways we can become spoilt for choice... but that does not excuse us from responsibility... in fact, it makes such responsibility heavier. There is no finer gift than the willing submission of the human being kneeling before us and if we are to be worthy of that gift, we MUST be compassionate and loving along with all our other attributes of Dominance!

Have I turned awa slaves? Yes! One man came to Me and begged to be humiliated. When I began the scene, he was sobbing freely. I began to question him, to elicit the causes for his distress. He was not pretending, he was not "in role" he was *suffering*! It turned out that he had been abused horribly as a child. I told him that while I might be able to ameliorate his distress for a short time, that I was NOT a professional psychotherapist and his problems were, at that time, FAR to severe for Me to do anything meaningful to help him. I referred him personally to a kink-friendly therapist.

I love every one on My slaves very much and if I didn't, I would have no right to call myself 'Lady'.

Lady Sonelle



MsCameron -> RE: Lady Dominant-New Style? (11/11/2004 11:14:04 AM)


quote:

have been reading posts from the female dominants in the group and I wonder if I am on the same planet as everyone else. Can a traditional lady with traditional values be a Dom/me?
Yes. First and formost, I am not against female domination because I do not know that much about the lifestyle yet to understand it. What concerns me is the general disregard for our fellow human being.


I'm a little confused. You've read posts here that indicated submissives/slaves were being taken advantage of or their health and welfare was being disregarded?
Could you be a little more specific?

MsC



happypervert -> RE: Lady Dominant-New Style? (11/11/2004 12:32:28 PM)

quote:

I have been reading posts from the female dominants in the group and I wonder if I am on the same planet as everyone else.


The answer is no -- you are not on the same planet as everyone else. You are saying that other posts by female dominants show a "general disregard for our fellow human being", and I have not seen even one post like that.

There is nothing in your post about the way you treat your submissives that I haven't seen written by virtually every other female dominant in these forums. So it looks to me like you are just taking an unfair swipe at all of the other ladies while patting yourself on the back for being just like them.



MistressFire70 -> RE: Lady Dominant-New Style? (11/11/2004 1:11:54 PM)

I can't tell you how many times I've seen Ladies, upon entering the scene, assume they must be a Bitch Goddess. And, not only that, they must look like some porn star in order to do it. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about these roles, I'm complaining that we are taught, by media and such, that this is what we MUST be. This is not true! We can be ourselves...Dominant and caring individuals who may or may not have a sadistic side. Hell, we can be masochists if we want. Be who you want, be it Loving Domme or Bitch Goddess. Just be true to yourself.


Fire



Laura -> RE: Lady Dominant-New Style? (11/12/2004 5:49:15 PM)

I think a lot of women never explore being a Domme because they assume you have to be some kind of aggressive bitch. The media stereotypes Dommes as hyper aggressive, mean, out of control bitches. I doubt that will change any time soon.

Also, most men do seem to be pretty extreme. Though, I wonder how much of that is based on reality and how much is fantasy. Reality can be a cold shower for some.

Anyway, I was disappointed. I thought this thread was going to be about something new. lol



stef -> RE: Lady Dominant-New Style? (11/12/2004 6:49:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura

I think a lot of women never explore being a Domme because they assume you have to be some kind of aggressive bitch. The media stereotypes Dommes as hyper aggressive, mean, out of control bitches. I doubt that will change any time soon.

I think you can blame a lot of this on the pro-dommes themselves, or perhaps the photographers they use. There seems to be an almost unwritten rule that their photos must have them scowling, clenching their teeth or acting in some otherwise imperious or menacing fashion. It's rare to see a pro smiling or laughing in a photo.

~stef



MistressDREAD -> RE: Lady Dominant-New Style? (11/12/2004 10:38:09 PM)

quote:

The lifestyle is not about abuse, but domination and control. I have found that the best leaders lead through example.


you are only speaking about the D/s side of BDSM which is a very cornered and small side to Our Large and Wonderful Alternate Lifestyles. And not all leaders are Dominate nor all Dominants leaders.
There are many My Self included whom take great pleasure in giving pain, humiliation, degradation to others and there are Id say maybe three to One of those whom enjoy recieving pain for pleasure either physically, emotionally, mentally and this Lifestyle is NOT just about Domination and Control. Dominants/submissives/slave roles do not even have to be a part of the scene and contract of players and practicioners in the S/M side of BDSM. It is sad that your posession was abused in the past physically HOWEVER, as an adult I can only let half the blame be given to the person whom inflicted such on Your posession because as an adult your posession had sumthing that is of more power then any thing or anyone else to any human and that is free will and choice. Just by you having the posession there with you now tells Me that the posession found a way to remove itsself from the situation that was harming it physically and I will assume even tho I dident read it in your words that your posession is not a masocist and had a contract signed with its limits of what it accepts and does not as a hard limit and this was ignored... of course if your posession did NOT have a contract and went into a Alternate Lifestyle relationship with out such security items in place then in My opinion it was asking for troubles not having any definition on paper of how the ownership and relationship will carry on and using rules regulations and proticals of Our Lifestyle. JMO



MistressDREAD -> RE: Lady Dominant-New Style? (11/12/2004 10:41:22 PM)

quote:

sfgrrl I disagree


just look at all the Pro Domme pics
here on collarme and I CAN tell
you they are all sum smiling and beautiful
Woman. I think My pic is about the
only one Ive seen here on collarme
that is mean looking and Im not even
a Pro Domme! LOL



BeachMystress -> RE: Lady Dominant-New Style? (11/13/2004 2:57:54 AM)

I'm not sure what planet you are on. Most of the Domme who post in here seem to be caring people who often give good advice. The only thing I can figure is you're so incensed about the "abuse" your sub suffered that you're "taking it out" on any Domme who isn't you. The rest of us are evil nasty beings who abuse and mistreat. Oh riiight. Not even. You even say that you don't know enough about the lifestyle yet to understand it. Do not judge what you do not understand.

What may seem to you to be awful and hurtful may be exactly what that sub craves. So is the Domme who gives it to him in a controlled environment harming him? You need to understand that some subs need the humiliation, strong physical punishment or such to achieve release. I watched a session last weekend that ended with the sub in question being beaten until he bellowed like someone had sliced off his foot and wasn't able to stand. It brought people running. This is just his way of achieving release. He was thrilled with how the session went and on the way home was dancing in his seat. Was he abused? If you say yes, you don't belong behind the whip. The Domme he is collared to has his welfare in mind and cares about him, He is in a very healthy D/s relationship and is happy and thriving. You need to ask yourself WHY the sub you currently have went for an abusive relationship twice. After the first time a relationship ends in abuse, people tend to guard themselves against it. I would encourage him to seek counseling to find out why he felt he was worthless enough to deserve such treatment. Most subs realize their value. Unfortunately BDSM does attract victims and users also.

You said
quote:

I know what he needs, but I know what I will not make him go through again for the sake of Domme Rule.Let's get real.
So lets get real. The reality seems to be that you have someone on your hands who is a victim with low self esteem playing out an abuse scenario time and time again. Your treating him like a precious treasure will probably not meet the need he has to be defiled. It would be nice to think that tenderness and caring could fix everything. But, if he doesn't solve his problem, I wouldn't place odds on the relationship working. Both people must have their needs met for things to work. If he continues to need to be punished for some subconscious problem, no amount of love will make up for that.He should get real professional help. If he were my sub, I'd order him to do so. And yes, I have ordered subs to the Dr before, both for their physical and mental well being. Many of us take owning a submissive very seriously.

You are buying into the whole media stereotype Domme and painting us with that unfavorable brush. I suspect you do not have any Domme friends. You need some. Find a local Dommecentric organization (or start one if none exist.) Having someone to turn to for advice and guidance is invaluable. You have the passion to be a Domme, now you need to learn acceptance of others without judging and to understand that your way of doing things isn't the only right way. Keep learning. We need people who care in this lifestyle. Just learn to control the knee jerk judgemental side of things. Good luck in your journey.



cynnacent1 -> RE: Lady Dominant-New Style? (11/13/2004 4:25:40 AM)

quote:

The lifestyle is not about abuse, but domination and control.


True, i agree (although for many the lifestyle is about much more than just domination and control). AND ... as i am not sure of what type of physical abuse you are refering to in regard to the slave you speak of (just not enough info. provided for me to be sure) it seems to me that there is a fine line between physical abuse and physical pains received concentually.

i for one am a submissive woman who enjoys being the recipient of a 'limited' amount of pain. In my submission to Master, (INSIDEYOURMIND), it has been understood by Him since day one that i have concented to His inflicting 'limited' amounts of pain upon my body. It was also agreed to that He will at times decide to 'push' these limits, and He has and although i sometimes yelp, and cry out in ways that MIGHT give the neighbors reason to call the cops if they would hear, it doesn't mean i wish to stop or feel as i am being abused.

My point in explaining such is simply to say from a submissives viewpoint: To one who is observing from the 'outside' some types of play could seem to be abusive and such can not always be verified by simply just watching what is right in front of you. Sometimes a clearer view can be obtained by 'asking' for clarification. The important question could be, "Has this degree of play been concented to? Is it concentual?.".

quote:

MistressDREAD:
I think My pic is about the
only one Ive seen here on collarme
that is mean looking and Im not even
a Pro Domme! LOL


i have one pic (am scowling) in which some might say i look mean too and i am not a Pro Domme either !! ... LOL. And by the way, the bubbly bath pic looks anything but mean ... kewl pic. [;)]



LadyAngelika -> RE: Lady Dominant-New Style? (11/13/2004 8:06:29 AM)

Jan,

What brought this post on?

quote:

I have been reading posts from the female dominants in the group and I wonder if I am on the same planet as everyone else.


I'm not sure what posts you have been reading Jan. I've been participating on these boards for a few months now and I have read quite a bit of their posts. I have gotten to know some on a deeper level beyond the framework of this message board. We have exchanged, helped each other out, taught each other things, etc. I think that an overwhelming majority of the dominant women who participate on these message boards are well balanced, fundamentally good individuals.

You say you are new to this lifestyle. I'll be honest with you. When I first got into this lifestyle, I subbed because I had a hard time imagining myself doing some of the harsher things (I now do) to people. I had to take the time to wrap my head around it all because at first glance, a lot of it might seem abusive. But when it is done with consent, who are you to judge what goes on between two individuals?

I suggest that you drop some of your preconceived notions and just let yourself discover without prejudice. You'll probably find it all that much more enjoyable.

Oh and welcome to the boards :)

- Lady Angelika



111597 -> RE: Lady Dominant-New Style? (11/13/2004 3:49:48 PM)

First of all, let me clairify a couple of issues here.
First, I just went to a Munch with people from alternative lifestyles of different aspects of the lifestyle. I was most impressed with them because they were very kind, and non-judgmental.
I attended the dominant munch and my slave attended the submissive much.
It is interesting that one the dominants is a minister. .
Other are business people, and different type of people within the community attended. They have high standards, and they enjoy being who they are.
They did not judge me. I did not judge anyone. I think each person deserves respect.
As far as the machosist stuff, that is not important to me. I will not be allowed to have labels.
I own my slave, and yes I have a contract with him. I was trained by a BDSM Master who charged me with being a female dominant. We have a Master/slave 24/7 relastionship.
One thing is certain that I have noticed since I have entered this lifestyle. People who are critical of others, are most of the time, not real-time. It was refreshing to meet people face to face and talk about the lifestyle.
I am a pro_Domme, and I am very conservative in nature.
I am so sick of people trying to congegate the word dominate. That is another thing in itself.
I know who I am and what I believe. I met others in my own community who feel the same way who are very real.
Mr. English guy who corrects people's english, get a life.

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan



MistressDREAD -> RE: Lady Dominant-New Style? (11/13/2004 7:17:17 PM)

quote:

As far as the machosist stuff, that is not important to me.


LOL Youve answered Your Own question in a nutshell Jan

You biased fashist tunneledvisioned ProDomme pig!![:'(]



MistressDREAD -> RE: Lady Dominant-New Style? (11/13/2004 7:17:48 PM)

[8|]



stef -> RE: Lady Dominant-New Style? (11/13/2004 7:22:41 PM)

Don't drink and post. It's not the law, but it should be.

~stef



MistressDREAD -> RE: Lady Dominant-New Style? (11/14/2004 12:36:11 AM)

quote:

Don't drink and post. It's not the law, but it should be.

~stef

_____________________________

While the word "dominant" can be an adjective or a noun, "dominate" is a VERB. A person cannot be a "dominate". For the love of God, people, learn to speak your native language.

(in reply to MistressDREAD)


[8|]If this is in reply to MY WORDS...................... H O W V I L E!! To ASSume I drink.......cough,cough,cough[8|] ohhhh yes and another thiing.....while Im on the subject......cough , cough , cough... people can be the dominate factor and a verb if so desired to be used in My native language henceforth, and I wouldent use it for the love of anything and for goodness SAKES stop using the Word GOD as tho it is NOT a verb, IT IS! LOL

a verb is: (A verb is a word that shows action or state of being) henceforth for the love of GOD is a state of being and not actually a person..........duh [:)]



LadyAngelika -> RE: Lady Dominant-New Style? (11/14/2004 8:12:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 111597
They did not judge me. I did not judge anyone. I think each person deserves respect.


Ok.... Is this the same person who posted the original post or did another one of your other personalities kick in?

All jokes aside, consistency is not a bad thing you know...

- LA



GoddessJules -> RE: Lady Dominant-New Style? (11/14/2004 8:43:34 AM)

Angelika,

At first reading I recognized the post for what it was. . .a way for someone to try and pull at a few heart string to rally some support for their position. A few things I found disturbing. . .

quote:

I have been reading posts from the female dominants in the group and I wonder if I am on the same planet as everyone else.


I think that the majority of those that post regularly know that this isn't the case. The person further claims not to know a whole lot about the lifestyle YET has a group to indroduce newbies to it. (Rhetorical question: Is this a case of the blind leading the blind?)

Then to follow it up with:
quote:

People who are critical of others, are most of the time, not real-time.
Wasn't the original post a blast to all the Demonic bitch femdom that are the spawn of satan?

The thing I have most problems with is this: If this boy is the type to subject himself to systematic abuse/torture or what have you. . .then you should truly be investigating why HE would do that because realistically, you can't be with him every waking moment to "protect" him from the evil forces of the universe and the best way to ensure it doesn't happen again is to fix HIM. . .not try to change everyone else. He's a grown man that for some reason stayed in a situation that he is now calling "detrimental" to his well being.

Another aspect of this thread is that pro dommes portray themselves as mean cold people. Well, at least you know that you aren't getting someone warm and fuzzy. . .and at the end of it all. . .I'm sure the guys that seek out their services/companionship will leave crying saying how she was sooooooooooooo mean and cruel. . .yet that was what drew them to her in the first place.

I agree with the thinking of happypervert. He nailed the essence of the original post on the head.

By the way, I'm one of those notorious bitch goddess brats sprung from the loins of satan!!! [;)]And my boys love it.


Jules



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