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Proper approach for successful meet - 5/2/2013 5:32:03 AM   
Biandsubcur


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/26/2013
Status: offline 		I've been on this site for 8 years or more (most of them, not really looking) and can't seem to strike up a relationship here, if you'll pardon the pun. I've sent quite a few emails over time., to no avail.

Part of the problem is I'm not sure what tone to take in my messages. My Dom side profile says that I am easy going. I'm having trouble balancing the Dom vs the mellow.

Can anyone suggest an approach for a nice well meaning Dom that will work?
The honest and true doesn't seem to work and I'm not a liar nor stereotypical Dom ordering someone to submit the first time I contact them.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Proper approach for successful meet - 5/2/2013 5:45:17 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_1717756/mpage_1/tm.htm

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Biandsubcur)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Proper approach for successful meet - 5/2/2013 6:10:47 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		My first question would be why do you have two profiles? What happens if you find a dominant person for your sub side - does that mean you stop looking for a submissive person, or do you expect to juggle the two sides? Whatever the reason, it seems somewhat less than honest to me.

My second thought would be, why have you not bothered to fill out your profile? The profile I can see is weak. Really weak. If you can't be bothered to tell someone about yourself, why should they put in the effort to drag the information out of you? When I was looking for a partner I would be regularly (multiple times a week) messaged by guys with empty or near-empty profiles. I didn't want to be sub to someone too lazy to type a few sentences, so I didn't even bother replying to them. Women get a lot of mail. You're going to have to put some effort in if you want to be one of the lucky ones who gets replies.



_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to Biandsubcur)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Proper approach for successful meet - 5/2/2013 6:33:00 AM   
Rasciallymisty


Posts: 5749
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline 		I have to go with myotherself. You have no information in your profile that would make you appealing to me, I would by pass you, its sad but true. I know I am not a Dom so hope you do not mind my two cents. Good luck.

kar

(in reply to Biandsubcur)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Proper approach for successful meet - 5/2/2013 6:35:28 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with MOS. Your profile says "I'm kinky!" That's really not anything exciting here.

You live in Michigan. Go out to munches and groups and meet people - a LOT of kinksters live there.



_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Proper approach for successful meet - 5/2/2013 6:48:37 AM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Biandsubcur

I've been on this site for 8 years or more (most of them, not really looking) and can't seem to strike up a relationship here, if you'll pardon the pun. I've sent quite a few emails over time., to no avail.

Part of the problem is I'm not sure what tone to take in my messages. My Dom side profile says that I am easy going. I'm having trouble balancing the Dom vs the mellow.

Can anyone suggest an approach for a nice well meaning Dom that will work?
The honest and true doesn't seem to work and I'm not a liar nor stereotypical Dom ordering someone to submit the first time I contact them.

Wait, you're a Dom? Because your name clearly says to Me, "submissive"...with the "sub" and "cur" (dog).
People don't like ambiguity. If you start out by confusing people it sends the wrong message.
You don't need to be aggressive to be a Dominant, in fact some of the best ones I know are actually caring, reasonable people to talk to. But there is nothing wrong with being assertive, stating your goals, and inviting people to engage in a conversation with you. "Hello, I noticed you live in my area. I'm looking to get to know local kinksters and hopefully find a submissive. Would you like to meet for lunch sometime so we can talk?" I recommend a restaurant next to a mall, if the lunch goes well you can hang out at the shops and get to know each others "vibe" a little better.

--MM

(in reply to Biandsubcur)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Proper approach for successful meet - 5/2/2013 7:58:08 AM   
Biandsubcur


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/26/2013
Status: offline 		My new profile text:

My fantasies tend to put me in the category of being a gender
specific switch. They have me taking charge with women and
wanting to sub with men. That being said, this is the profile for
the sub side.
I have had one gay play session and found my subspace to be
fragile. I can get into spanking, etc. but can't mix it with pleasure
and vice versa.
So far, my fantasies have been somewhat vanilla for my sub side.
My standard boundaries are: no kids or animals, no blood sports or
breath play, no bondage until I get to know you, no knife play. And
absolutely nothing scat related, that includes ass to mouth,
analingus, and anything related to it that I haven't thought about yet.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Proper approach for successful meet - 5/2/2013 8:04:28 AM   
Biandsubcur


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/26/2013
Status: offline 		My new profile text:

My fantasies tend to put me in the category of being a gender
specific switch. They have me taking charge with women and
wanting to sub with men. That being said, this is the profile for
the sub side.
I have had one gay play session and found my subspace to be
fragile. I can get into spanking, etc. but can't mix it with pleasure
and vice versa.
So far, my fantasies have been somewhat vanilla for my sub side.
My standard boundaries are: no kids or animals, no blood sports or
breath play, no bondage until I get to know you, no knife play. And
absolutely nothing scat related, that includes ass to mouth,
analingus, and anything related to it that I haven't thought about yet.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Proper approach for successful meet - 5/2/2013 4:07:14 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Be yourself. It's only as hard or easy as you want it to be.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Biandsubcur)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Proper approach for successful meet - 5/2/2013 5:39:47 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		Well, you might try posting something like this from your "dom side" profile. Or better yet, creating a profile for your whole self, since you're most likely to form relationships with whole people, not "sides."

I'll recommend what I usually recommend. Find and join your local, real time BDSM community. Attend events and make friends.

(in reply to Biandsubcur)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Proper approach for successful meet - 5/2/2013 7:19:56 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Biandsubcur
Can anyone suggest an approach for a nice well meaning Dom that will work?
The honest and true doesn't seem to work and I'm not a liar nor stereotypical Dom ordering someone to submit the first time I contact them.

You say you're not a liar and I'm sure you think you're not, but having two separate profiles for the switch that you are does sound pretty dishonest to me. Why not make just one profile for you, label it switch, and elaborate in the essay portion? I think it would be more honest, and honesty appeals to most people, at least most people I know, including myself.

That being said, being a Domme, there's nothing in this particular profile of yours that's appealing to me(although I know you're looking for Dominant men). It just says you're kinky and says nothing about you as a person, so I'd pass you by. If your Dom profile is written in the same manner and style, try changing it to say more about you as a person, not just about the kinky stuff. Just my opinion.

NBMG

< Message edited by NiceButMeanGirl -- 5/2/2013 7:22:22 PM >

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to Biandsubcur)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Proper approach for successful meet - 5/3/2013 2:38:58 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Reading this thread and looking at your profile I"d have to say that D/s and your sexuality seems to be on the complicated side, nothing wrong with that, but I think it might be best presented in person. Go to real life events and be a flesh and blood entity meeting people and shaking hands, rather than a profile. It'll be easier for people to get a read on you and see if you're someone they'd be interested in, rather than relying on this medium. Good luck!

(in reply to Biandsubcur)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Proper approach for successful meet - 5/3/2013 10:22:14 AM   
absolutchocolat


Posts: 1392
Status: offline 		FR

Yeah, you should list yourself as a switch and delete a profile. When I first joined, I started talking to this guy who claimed to be a submissive, and I scrolled through Dom profiles and guess who I saw. Major turn-off.

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Proper approach for successful meet - 7/18/2013 4:45:24 AM   
hrxxx


Posts: 294
Joined: 5/13/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Biandsubcur

I've been on this site for 8 years or more (most of them, not really looking) and can't seem to strike up a relationship here, if you'll pardon the pun. I've sent quite a few emails over time., to no avail.

Part of the problem is I'm not sure what tone to take in my messages. My Dom side profile says that I am easy going. I'm having trouble balancing the Dom vs the mellow.

Can anyone suggest an approach for a nice well meaning Dom that will work?
The honest and true doesn't seem to work and I'm not a liar nor stereotypical Dom ordering someone to submit the first time I contact them.


Well I'm looking for a slave to slavery, and contact between slave and master all about limits and terms of the relationship, since there is no vanilla life in a M / S. relationship, so I'm probably not the best person to give you advice, but since I have not been a slave hunter all my life, I will make an attempt.

You probably should not write easygoing and Dominant in the same sentence, I suggest that you imagine the life that you and the submissive will get together so you clearly know what you want for a life with her, how will an ordinary day look like in your life? how will you train her? how will you play with her? how will you talk to her? how would you treat her? when you have a clear picture of how your life will look like then you paint the picture with words on your profile so a submissive can see it as clearly as you.

Once your profile is perfect and shows exactly what you are looking for, you can start to hunt, and then hunt only the submissive as you can find some common interests with, once you have found your prey, then write an email and tell about the things that you see you and her have have in common, and invite her to see your profile, and if she can look the same as you, so there is guaranteed to mail in your inbox.
Enjoy

_____________________________

I have to realize that against stupidity even the gods struggle in vain.

I do not care about your comment! Because I think so little of you!

(in reply to Biandsubcur)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Proper approach for successful meet - 7/18/2013 9:36:53 AM   
Apocalypso


Posts: 1104
Joined: 4/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Biandsubcur

My new profile text:

Put something in your profile that isn't about fetish. According to your list of interests, you're a well rounded human being. According to your profile, you have less substance than a hologram.

_____________________________

If you're going to quote from the Book of Revelation,
Don't keep calling it the "Book of Revelations",
There's no "s", it's the Book of Revelation,
As revealed to Saint John the Divine.

(in reply to Biandsubcur)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Proper approach for successful meet - 7/18/2013 9:58:26 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
Be yourself.

I have to admit, I find authenticity and honesty much easier although not always very comfortable.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Proper approach for successful meet - 7/18/2013 12:03:26 PM   
SwitchNSpanky


Posts: 418
Joined: 5/28/2013
Status: offline 		Go find real people. Be nice. Don't be a porn type Dom or sub (that shit only works in stories). don't even waste your time here. Your a dude. Dudes on here outnumber ladies 100 to one. Go to a real event and triple your odds. Or. Convert a vanilla gal. It can happen. I did it three times in a row. With three consecutive chicks. I married thr ladt chick. My best bro did it twice.

_____________________________

I am a lover AND a fighter...

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Proper approach for successful meet - 7/18/2013 12:05:24 PM   
SwitchNSpanky


Posts: 418
Joined: 5/28/2013
Status: offline 		Honestly. Give up here. You won't ever find worse odds than you will on here. Stop feeding the ladies egos. That's all your statistically likely to accomplish here.

< Message edited by SwitchNSpanky -- 7/18/2013 12:07:15 PM >

_____________________________

I am a lover AND a fighter...

(in reply to SwitchNSpanky)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Proper approach for successful meet - 7/18/2013 12:26:54 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		This is actually to the OP-

This is how [my] Master engaged me: He sent me a non-kink oriented cmail that asked interesting questions.
When I responded to those questions, He asked me more interesting questions.
It worked very well for Him; we have been together for over 4 years.



_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Biandsubcur)
Profile   Post #: 19
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