I have been a Dom for some years now. I've seen many wonderful, crazy, awesome, awful, and even funny things in my time in the BDSM world. I have met many couples, Doms, Master, subs, slaves, DM's, and vanilla folk alike. One thing they all share in common, the desire to be content and happy.
Not much to ask for right? Well then how is it we can go our wholes lives and never know true happiness?
I can't give you the right or wrong answer on this topic. For each person is different therefore each definition of true happiness is different. For some it's the white picket fence, 2 kids, a dog, in a subdivision. And that is the dream they will strive for. Some it's being a musician, others an artist. For me, it's complicated. On one hand I do want the white picket fence with 2 kids a dog and some fish in the fish tank. And on the other hand I want the industrial apartment, building websites, playing guitar, having crazy sex every night.
This is where decisions for your well being and your significant others come into play. My girlfriend/sub may want the subdivision life. She herself and her thoughts being important to me will now way in on my thoughts. So compromises must be made.
Being a Dom it was extremely hard for me to make compromises with anyone at first. It used to be my way or you know where the door is. As I grew and learned more I have discovered on my own, that a great Dom WILL and MUST make compromises (in everyday life). You can't always get what you want. This is a fact of life we must all deal with. As lame as it is Austen Powers had a point when he said "I want a toilet made out of solid gold but its just not in the cards now is it baby"
I have also learned that being rough and harsh all the time will not make you look bigger, better, or tougher than anyone else in the scene. (I learned this from watching how others act) I have never been a harsh person outside of the bedroom. I have noticed it online the most though. BDSM dating sites and communities online are great places to get into. They keep you up to date on the happening in the scene near you. But the profiles of some of the people who claim to be Dom or Master are just funny to read.
Four types of Doms/Masters I have encountered are
1. The brutal sadistic overweight over 50 that apparently knows everything about everything and "will make you beg and bow down" (I get a kick out of reading those profiles)
2. The barely 18 or 19 yr old that is a "Master" looking for a slave. (need I say more?)
3. The quiet ones, maybe one or two lines on their profile, with only one main pic (....hmmm its the quiet ones you need to watch out for, saying comes to mind)
4. The genuine people who know they have a Dominant outlook on life but can take advice and can admit they are still learning as much as they can whenever they can. That sign up and rsvp for munches add pics, post comments and threads. (I like to think I fall into this category)
It occurred to me while writing this how much scrutiny Doms come under, as in comparison to subs/slaves. Food for thought I suppose.
My final thoughts for today will be this, after speaking with many people who have been in the scene much much longer than I have and people who are just starting to get their toes wet; a few traits in a Dom are noticed and appreciated more than anything. Compassion, kindness, understanding, compromising when need be, respect, and yet still having a backbone.
Thank you for reading
"cited from my blog, dominance-and-submission.blogspot.com"
< Message edited by zpenguin -- 5/2/2013 6:05:59 PM >