Your Philosophy of BDSM (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress



Message

TexasMaam -> Your Philosophy of BDSM (6/24/2006 8:54:22 PM)

"What's Your Philosophy of BDSM?"

I hate that question.  I get it all the time.  When I ask it in return I receive no response.  It's a litmus test of BDSM verifiability.

I've never read a single Gorean novel and don't intend to, so I don't subscribe to Gorean Philosophy. I'm not knocking it, I'm just not interested in it.

My best friend and mentor is a Dominant Male in Dallas who is a Master and who upholds the Master/slave philosophy.  Good for Him.  I like Him anyway.

I don't believe in Female Supremacy.  I am a Domina but that doesn't mean I'm Superior to a man just because he has an outee little pee pee and I don't.  I don't believe men are superior to women, either.  Both gender are of equal value to Me.  I do happen to think that men make better subs than they do Doms but that's just personal opinion, not philosophy. No offense guys, I call 'em as I see 'em!

I have always longed for a slave, a man with a true slave mindset, to have, to own, and to keep close to My hearth and My heart.  I've been fortunate to have been served by several good subs, and one wonderful slave, and am presently served by an exemplary sub who's a joy to be with,. just not often enough to meet My needs.

I am a true Sadist.  I get high when I mete out corporal punishment.

I'm not Old Guard; I'm not of the Leather Community, I'm not Old School, although I insist upon strict protocol and discipline.

So what's YOUR "Philosophy of BDSM"?

I'm looking forward to reading the responses.

TexasMaam




MistressLorelei -> RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM (6/24/2006 10:19:36 PM)

Hmmmm... bdsm philosophy.... do I have one of those? 
 
I don't want a lot of  hard requirements or hard limits.   I want to define the requirements and limits as we go.  I am of the 'I'll write the script as we go along' mentality. 

I think female-led relationships are the way to go, and think that the males led by these women should find happiness in pleasing the women leading them.

My relationship should be D/s always... no on/off switch.  Even during vanilla times, the D/s connection remains strong.... be it a look, a gesture, or tone of voice, and the male will be reminded of his place in the relationship.

I prefer my hands and my mind over the use of traditional toys.  I have more fun with some common household goods, than toys purchased at the fetish store (Except for the anal toys.... gotta have those).

I most enjoy the more emotional elements of bdsm (chastity/orgasm control, humiliation, total power exchange).

I do not wish to own a slave in the traditional sense.... I want a relationship with someone, not something.  I want the long-term strong, emotional connection.... almost traditional, but with a twist.  If the dynamics are right, I would find a cuckold relationship to be where I'd like to go.

I do subscribe to Female Supremacy to a degree.  Females are far less likely to be motivated and controlled by their sexual desires..... this alone, is a huge weakness males have, and Females have the flip side- a huge element of power and control over them.   I like males, probably more than most women, but I don't see that a male could be my equal.... especially where any relationship would be concerned.

I do not care a lot for role playing.... there may be roles, but they all fit into the reality of the relationship.  To me, if it is not real, then it isn't for me.  I like protocol to be followed, and for the submissive to always do his best to please.  I have no desire for a bratty submissive, though he should be able to have fun and laugh.

Reality is my philosophy...  I don't want to play a D/s game, I want to live it.



iliv2servher -> RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM (6/25/2006 8:02:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

"What's Your Philosophy of BDSM?"



Always be true to yourself.



jonathan -> RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM (6/25/2006 8:33:25 AM)

Yes, i've developed a philosophy over the years, as experience and reflection have guided me. And at every turn i surprised myself, learning about my needs & desires and slowly growing into them. i share Your opinion of males. male doms? Ain't no such thing, IMHO. But, not about Women. i have become a Female Supremacist. Guess it's from spending too much time around Women who are at least as, or more, intelligent than i, and i'm Mensa material. <smiles> i agree with what MistressLorelei has to say. i think that the biggest stumbling block to all of us being happy is that the boys are engrossed in the purely physical aspects of BDSM and have no idea of how it can enrich a real relationship. The "do me" issue and clueless about the emotional and psychological investment a Domme makes when She is serious about a submissve male. i've been fortunate recently, and am on a path that i think will lead to what i've wanted most. A real relationship grounded in D/s.

i think that one of You ought to snap up CuteIrishM4F right quick. he's new, presents hemself well, and is ready to learn.

"I have always longed for a slave, a man with a true slave mindset, to have, to own, and to keep close to My hearth and My heart. I've been fortunate to have been served by several good subs, and one wonderful slave, and am presently served by an exemplary sub who's a joy to be with,. just not often enough to meet My needs."

This is me, looking for One that wants this, and i may have found it here with GoddessDustyGold.



MHOO314 -> RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM (6/25/2006 9:27:12 AM)

I had to cogitate on this one over night---as My first reponse would be, it is simply what I am, but it isnt that simple! So TexasMaam, a great question and here goes:
 
It is life for Me, as Lorelei said, there is no on/off switch--it is D/s 24/7--I am Dominant "out there" and Dominant "in here"--yet I do not believe in  a single gender supremacy--note I said gender, for I see strength and weakeness' in both genders. For Me it is---"what I am" that drives Me.
 
quote:

My relationship should be D/s always... no on/off switch.  Even during vanilla times, the D/s connection remains strong.... be it a look, a gesture, or tone of voice, and the male will be reminded of his place in the relationship.


I cannot agree with this more, in fact I don't know where the on/off switch even is!
 
I am filled with love, laughter, warmth, strength--yet I am stern and serious and sadistic--I want a slave, but not as many refer to,  not one with no thought or action but I don't want a brat--for in that I want passion, intense emotion, intense commitment and a deep bond. 
 
For Me, it is all encompassing, the emotional, the physical and I too prefer My head, My hands, other implements to toys--
 
Rituals and clear rules--punishment--but also things negotiated as we grow and evolve.
 
I need to live it, it isn't a game, a "scene" or a "session"--it is the very breath I take.
 
He must be able to suffer for My pleasure and love Me for it.
 



anthrosub -> RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM (6/25/2006 10:00:40 AM)

I don't know if I have a philosophy per se.  I studied philosophy for many years and have always used the term in its basic meaning, "love of wisdom."  But I'm not lost on the question.
 
To me, BDSM is partly an activity and mostly an outlook.  The activities express the outlook and are also used to explore the meaning of living within its structure.  For most people, I think it's mistaken as a synonym for "kink" (especially kinky sex).  BDSM provides a construct, a model within which people find the meaning they seek in life and their place in the grand scheme of things.
 
People who live the "lifestyle" find ways to express their orientation in all the things that they do and to varying degrees.  Sex is just one of them and most people are obsessed with sex, hence the disproportionate focus on that aspect and the difficulties it imposes on finding a partner.  Imagine how difficult it would be to find a job if there was a strong sexual element in the context of work.
 
I think people tend to either be followers or leaders and those who feel a strong need to express their orientation above and beyond the "normal" pecking order that exists in society eventually find BDSM and incorporate it into their lives.
 
anthrosub



Evanesce -> RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM (6/25/2006 6:05:27 PM)

My philosophy?  Know who you are.  Know what you want.  And if you're going to serve me, learn what you're getting yourself into first, and be ready, willing and able to obey.  Life is fun.  My lifestyle is flexible and spontaneous, and I've learned never to take myself, or anyone else, too seriously.



TeeGO -> RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM (6/25/2006 8:27:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

My philosophy?  Know who you are.  Know what you want.  And if you're going to serve me, learn what you're getting yourself into first, and be ready, willing and able to obey.  Life is fun.  My lifestyle is flexible and spontaneous, and I've learned never to take myself, or anyone else, too seriously.

I just wanted to say that is a GREAT way of putting it. 

Thank you.



Saint -> RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM (6/25/2006 9:02:19 PM)

I think my philosophy of this lifestyle is simple: Know yourself and be prepared to keep an open mind to change.

But then again, that only matters if you can keep your hope and spirit alive. Beyond that, it doesnt matter anymore what philosophy you partake in.



LadyHugs -> RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM (6/25/2006 9:54:49 PM)

Dear TexasMaam, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
My personal philosophy of BDSM, is more within the boundaries of a Master/Mistress-slave relationship and dynamics.  Being respectful to others and not expect the same respect returned.  Being honest with myself as to know what I wish in my life and the intent of my life.  Being compassionate and helpful to others when at all possible.   Being a good listener, so I can be a good teacher, mentor or instructor.  Being fair and by doing so, not be afraid to speak up and present a different position in support of fairness.  Being a kind person and helpful person.  Being a loving dominant woman with a wonderful sadistic mind.  Being myself as much as possible but, always a lady but, knowing to be fierce and defend those who need me to do so and, not be the skirt where cowards hide under.  Love for my slave is how I dominate--not with cruelty but, fair disciplines, protocols, etiquettes and manners.  I am she who will be obeyed.
 
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs
 



mistressrose10 -> RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM (6/26/2006 7:31:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressLorelei



I don't want a lot of  hard requirements or hard limits.   I want to define the requirements and limits as we go.  I am of the 'I'll write the script as we go along' mentality. 

I think female-led relationships are the way to go, and think that the males led by these women should find happiness in pleasing the women leading them.

My relationship should be D/s always... no on/off switch.  Even during vanilla times, the D/s connection remains strong.... be it a look, a gesture, or tone of voice, and the male will be reminded of his place in the relationship.

I prefer my hands and my mind over the use of traditional toys.  I have more fun with some common household goods, than toys purchased at the fetish store ...

I most enjoy the more emotional elements of bdsm (chastity/orgasm control, humiliation, total power exchange).

I do not wish to own a slave in the traditional sense.... I want a relationship with someone, not something.  I want the long-term strong, emotional connection.... almost traditional, but with a twist.  If the dynamics are right, I would find a cuckold relationship to be where I'd like to go.
.  To me, if it is not real, then it isn't for me.  I like protocol to be followed, and for the submissive to always do his best to please.  I have no desire for a bratty submissive, though he should be able to have fun and laugh.

Reality is my philosophy...  I don't want to play a D/s game, I want to live it.


I think MistressLorelei's response mirrors to a great degree how I see BDSM.I do not believe in being a slave to protocol and ritual and like to make adjustments as I go.What my sub must always be aware of is who is in charge whether in play or out.While props and gadgets can be fun -and I love leather-the accoutrements don't make me more or less Dominant.
My sub must be able to anticipate my pleasure once he has learned what pleases me.He must exercise some degree of intiative in this respect as well.The micro management style is not for me!





thetammyjo -> RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM (6/26/2006 9:59:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

So what's YOUR "Philosophy of BDSM"?



Me.

And I so complex that I could possibly explain to any of your online.

To list things risks being misunderstood but I'll try.

Mutual, informed consent.

Mutual responsibility toward self and partner(s).

Recognization of and support of a hierarchy. (this is because I do Ds primary with a side of SM)

Recognization of and support of polyness.



MisPandora -> RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM (6/26/2006 11:03:41 AM)

Well said, jonathan, and good luck on your collaring.

And yes, cuteirish seems to present himself well.  He'll be an exceptional specimen for a woman wanting something long distance, that's for certain!



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM (6/26/2006 12:35:21 PM)

quote:

To me, BDSM is partly an activity and mostly an outlook.  The activities express the outlook and are also used to explore the meaning of living within its structure.  For most people, I think it's mistaken as a synonym for "kink" (especially kinky sex).  BDSM provides a construct, a model within which people find the meaning they seek in life and their place in the grand scheme of things.
 
People who live the "lifestyle" find ways to express their orientation in all the things that they do and to varying degrees.  Sex is just one of them and most people are obsessed with sex, hence the disproportionate focus on that aspect and the difficulties it imposes on finding a partner.
I like this as it pretty much how I feel on the question of philosophy and BDSM.

I've never thought of my life/thoughts/feelings as a philosophy, but simply what I've come to learn about myself as a person and the way I want to conduct my life, hopefully with a male counterpart.   My role would be of the ruler in the household/his life, and his would be of the obedient, service loving, fem-dominant respecting counterpart.   M



cloudboy -> RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM (6/26/2006 12:44:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

I insist upon strict protocol and discipline.


I suppose this means in speech, manner, behavior, attitude & obedience --- meaning a discipline of being and discipline for not so being.

Clearly there is an upside of strict protocol and discipline, but I am curious if you believe in downtime or more informal relations as well --- or would you see that as D/S devolvement?



Evanesce -> RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM (6/26/2006 8:27:01 PM)

quote:

I just wanted to say that is a GREAT way of putting it. 

Thank you.


[:)]  Thanks, Teego.



TexasMaam -> RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM (6/26/2006 9:16:49 PM)

What interesting and gracious responses, All!  I'm still pondering My own question.

cloudboy:  absolutely I "believe" in 'downtime', or casual and informal relations.  I rarely engage in casual time with a sub, however. 

Not because I see that as D/s devolvement, per se, but because the sub who can capture My attention in all topics is a rare bird, indeed!  Whether or not it devolves the D/s dynamic really depends entirely upon the sub; a true submissive heart will always defer to Me as a Domme, gently, sweetly and even entertainingly, especially when being informal or casual.

; )

TexasMaam



Sylph -> RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM (6/28/2006 8:23:28 AM)

Hmmm my philosophy in BDSM......

I am simply am impish little sadist. This is a nice way to play with sensations and emotions. It gets the neurochemicals all excited. On a relationship level, I need to be the one who has the final say. I don't get off on micromanagement, so I choose pple who don't need that in the dynamic. I am comfortable in nontraditional relationships, so I avoid pple who need a white picket fence. I live with a geeky, cuddly, bratty little masochist, who I slap with a ruler if the toilet seat is left up.

I have a mission statement for my career , my educational plans, and parenting. I just have so many reality checks due to the career that I cannot  take this aspect of my life too seriously. I like it, I have someone who likes it too, the rest is irrelevant. If I loose my Domme card over this I suppose I will just have to smack without a license.

Sylph



LTRsubNW -> RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM (6/29/2006 6:54:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressLorelei
I do not wish to own a slave in the traditional sense.... I want a relationship with someone, not something.  I want the long-term strong, emotional connection.... almost traditional, but with a twist.  If the dynamics are right, I would find a cuckold relationship to be where I'd like to go.


Ya know...there's just no way to argue with that :)



LadiesBladewing -> RE: Your Philosophy of BDSM (6/30/2006 12:44:22 PM)

I think I have a "Life" philosophy, and not a "BDSM" or "D/s" or "M/s" philosophy.

The first thing I'll say on my own behalf is that I don't consider BDSM, and D/s-M/s the same thing. I think that some aspects of D/s-M/s are incorporated into BDSM, but to me, BDSM isn't a "lifestyle"... it's a series of activities.

D/s and M/s may or may not incorporate aspects of BDSM, but, to me, these -are- a lifestyle... a long-term yielding up, and the depth to which that yielding happens and is accepted makes the difference, to me, between the two. It is also important to note when reading my work that D/s means Dominant/servant, and M/s means Master/servant... when I choose to bring a servant into our home to train, and it is not yet a long-term committment, we are D/s... when we decide that we are going to work towards having that servant become a permanent, fully-contributing member of our household, that relationship, for us, becomes M/s.

That being said, as I said earlier, I don't have a philosophy about BDSM/Ds/Ms specifically. I think that people should use their lives to become more completely themselves. If that means living in service to another, I find that to be a completely worthy way to choose to live one's life. If one says that he or she wishes to live in service to our household, I will expect that he or she is telling the truth, and will do everything in -my- power to make sure that he or she fully expresses that desired existence. If an individual discovers that this -wasn't- what he or she thought it was, that's ok -- that person is welcome to move on, and as long as nobody within our family was hurt in the process, there is no ill will....

Havens forfend that anyone, top, bottom, servant, dominant, etc., harms a member of our household, though -- Justice may be blind, but she's also not stupid and her hammer is swift and falls true. The few who have mostly escaped her touch after screwing over a member of our home have made sure to stay -far- away for a LONG time... not because of anything we said, but because they knew they got off easy, and didn't want to provoke Lady Justice any more than they already had.

I enjoy doing the things that evoke a person's essence. I like flogging, if it brings out the true nature of a servant... I like lecturing, if I see the light of that essence in his or her eyes. SR adores humiliation and castigation, nitpicking and being demanding. I cherish her nature, and enjoy seeing her work a servant through his or her paces in a way that makes them both flourish. THAT is my BDSM philosophy -- my life-philosophy of "If it doesn't move me forward or the person I'm working with forward, and feel good to my spirit (even if it is difficult, boring, or a pain in the butt), I won't do it." If I feel that something is dangerous, or diminishes another being with whom I share this plane of existence, it doesn't get put on the books. (Even SR humiliating someone is a shared fetish with the people she uses it with). Everything else is subject to discussion.

ZWD



Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2024
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.0234375