dh76513
Posts: 7
Joined: 12/18/2004
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To all those individuals who are newcomers to lifestyle welcome. Please do not be too critical of your limited knowledge or your novice skills as everyone has had a “beginning” or a starting point like with any new skill, path or knowledge one seeks in life. Whether you are here because you are new to the BDSM lifestyle or just curious, be honest. On this website there are many good people, dominant and submissive alike, whom I have had the honor of meeting. Many have a great deal of experience, knowledge, and wisdom about lifestyle and are willing to share their realities, coach, and in some case even mentor beginners. Equally important, there are also frauds or individuals who use this platform in general and lifestyle in particular for bad motives. As such, I have provided you with a short list of some potential pitfalls to avoid.
1. Avoid any requests for nude pictures unless you know the individual very well and trust has truly been established. Even where these relationship characteristics have been developed, sending such pictures may still be an act of poor judgment as email accounts in similar sites have been hacked with pictures haphazardly being publically illustrated. So if you still desire to send a photograph, make certain you are at least unable to be identified.
2. Avoid anyone you are yet to personally meet who is requesting “sex on demand” immediately upon meeting you for the first time regardless of how long you have been communicating on the telephone or computer. Remember submission and dominance are gifts and true gifts can only be given. In fact, you may no longer feel that person is worthy of such a gift after meeting them personally or the chemistry may just not be there.
3. Avoid anyone who is requesting money or sensitive information from you.
4. Avoid anyone who is requesting you to engage in any activity that may be harmful to your health. Although you are likely to find in lifestyle some of the most sexually open-minded people you have ever met, please be weary of anyone who claims to be experienced in lifestyle, but demands unhealthy activities that are unhealthy or have a potential for serious harm.
5. Avoid anyone who is requesting to you engage illegal activities. Recently, I had a submissive tell me a story in which her Master insisted she suck his cock while standing beside his car in a busy mall parking lot where children were even present. While public sex may be a well-known activity among individuals in lifestyle, this is an unrealistic demand when there are no precautions taken for public regard and any such exposures could lead to arrest.
6. Avoid cyber-only relationships. In my opinion, many humans forgave control for a façade of “greater control” and all under the process of “staying connected” when in fact people have become more disconnected. And this is the very reason I do not desire a cell phone. I am not advocating that everyone destroy their cell phones and computers. However, I am claiming that with the advent of the cell phone, electronic communications, and computers, we have forfeited a great deal of control over our lives and made it very easy to become someone other than ourselves and unfortunately live in an unreal world that only exists in our minds. So with that being said, you are only doing yourself an injustice and disservice to exist in a relationship without any true human exchange of empathy and touch.
7. Avoid anyone who had no regard for consensual value. Even in non-sexual play or educational demonstrations at lifestyle events or parties, I have always secured consent. Again, how can anyone truly feel the beautiful gift of dominance or submissiveness without any consent? People true to the lifestyle will always understand and respect the value of consent.
8. Avoid anyone who demands or professes “no limits” in reality. Here, it is important to note that fantasy and reality are certainly separated in most scenes. For example, as a Master of humiliation, I often enjoy the many complexities found in mind-control or obedience training where there are “no limits” in fantasy play in which I may demand a submissive to verbally commit to engaging in activities that in reality she and I both know I would never ask her to do. While such games are frequently played in lifestyle, no person is without limits. Therefore, anyone claiming or demanding such a relationship should be avoided. This is not to say that limits should not be explored, pushed, discussed, or new paths tried as much as it is to validate that one’s limited should be respected. In all my lifestyle experiences, I am yet to meet anyone who does not have any “real” limits. And here, these valuable insights can only be established with open and honest communication between the dominant and submissive.
9. Avoid sexual and non-sexual play during times of intoxication where there is a potential for impaired judgment. Here, I am referring to drugs and alcohol. While I do not want to rant or prohibit anyone from having a drink during play, it is not wise to engage in a scene with anyone who has an impaired judgment through intoxication and are unable to adequately gage their own sensibilities or give proper consent. This is the very reason that most public lifestyle clubs do not allow alcohol on the premises.
10. Avoid meeting anyone for the first time without letting at least a close friend know where and with whom you are visiting. Some may feel the need for a “safe call” or some other form of communication and most people in lifestyle not only understand this process, but expect it.
Please be familiar with a very important lifestyle rule that is infrequently discussed on such websites and ask yourself one question, “Is the request or activity safe, sane, and consensual?” Now while many lifestyle request or activities may appear unsafe, insane, and forced to those of the vanilla world, we do not need to get bogged down here in game of semantics as most lifestyle people do understand my point. Furthermore, know that all of the foregoing pitfalls that I have listed are consistent with a true lifestyle philosophy – safe, sane, and consensual. Although everyone may not likely agree with my words, most individuals who are true to lifestyle and have been deeply involved in such relationships as well as this community understand the importance and value of open and honest communication. In fact, I would argue that these characteristics have a more significant role in lifestyle than vanilla relationships. And, for the most part, this may be the very reason greater levels of intimacy appear to be reached typically quicker in lifestyle relationships. So with these words, accept yourself wherever you are on the path of lifestyle, do not engage in irresponsible behavior and enjoy what develops within your “real” world and limits.
Safe Journeys,
~Sir (David)
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Advice to Newcomers to the World of BDSM - 
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It really isn't rocket science... nor is how to meet people, even kinky one's and know how to proceed without instruction, warnings and knights.
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