RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme

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Born2PleezeU -> RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme (5/27/2013 8:42:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia OP, do you expect a newbie to be perfect? To have no friends to turn to? To never screw up? Forgiveness and training...have worked for me; if I had cut him loose the first time he offended me...I would have missed out on those other hundred or so times that followed, lol, and I would have missed out on owning one hell of a good slave. I just wanted to tell you how very much I appreciated this part of your reply. As a submissive who is still very new to the lifestyle, I am surprised and disheartened by how many dommes seem to expect immediate perfection, and how completely intolerant some seem to be of even relatively minor flubs, like putting my foot in my mouth in a way that may be perceived as disrespectful. That is never my intent, and I am always very apologetic and eager to learn from mistakes, but second chances can be extremely hard to come by . :-( It is somewhat reassuring that there some dommes out there who are more patient, tolerant, forgiving and willing to train a new submissive to be all that he can be. Now I just need to find one for me.

Rawni -> RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme (5/27/2013 8:53:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Born2PleezeU quote: ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia OP, do you expect a newbie to be perfect? To have no friends to turn to? To never screw up? Forgiveness and training...have worked for me; if I had cut him loose the first time he offended me...I would have missed out on those other hundred or so times that followed, lol, and I would have missed out on owning one hell of a good slave. I just wanted to tell you how very much I appreciated this part of your reply. As a submissive who is still very new to the lifestyle, I am surprised and disheartened by how many dommes seem to expect immediate perfection, and how completely intolerant some seem to be of even relatively minor flubs, like putting my foot in my mouth in a way that may be perceived as disrespectful. That is never my intent, and I am always very apologetic and eager to learn from mistakes, but second chances can be extremely hard to come by . :-( It is somewhat reassuring that there some dommes out there who are more patient, tolerant, forgiving and willing to train a new submissive to be all that he can be. Now I just need to find one for me. Many of us are understanding and don't shove fists down throats with minor things. I guess it depends on what one considers, minor. If you are into female superiority... you are in their world and being the lovely goddess's of all things life... whatever... you will tend to piss them off more often. Thank the real powers that be, that they don't have lightning and real power. If you are seeking the fun and easy going life mate, you may need to consider, seeking from the domina pool that actually wants the same thing, but can still provide the power exchange without the... need to be a superior dream. Some of us can handle different things, some would wish we could handle certain things and cannot for some reason. Our skills, requirements in life and personally are different. I don't know many that expect perfection unless it is a part of their role play and I consider lady superiors, role play, but that is my take.

littlewonder -> RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme (5/27/2013 9:04:42 PM)
meh....there are times when Master and I are just casually talking about something and I will say "I have a secret......". It's not really a secret, just something I never thought to tell him. It just never dawned on me to tell him. I'm thinking their conversation was something like that as well. It was just not something he thought would be a big deal. It was just part of a casual conversation and it was his way of saying "I was so nervous about meeting you and wanting to make sure you liked me that I asked a friend that I know online for her advice since she's a domme as well". I personally don't see the problem. I used to do stuff like that with all kinds of relationships. I did it when I first met Master. I would talk to my best friend and ask her what she thought. I would talk to people I knew only online just to make sure I was seeing things clearly or maybe I was missing something. Again, no big deal. I assume most people do that. But who knows I guess.

Born2PleezeU -> RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme (5/27/2013 9:13:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rawni quote: ORIGINAL: Born2PleezeU quote: ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia OP, do you expect a newbie to be perfect? To have no friends to turn to? To never screw up? Forgiveness and training...have worked for me; if I had cut him loose the first time he offended me...I would have missed out on those other hundred or so times that followed, lol, and I would have missed out on owning one hell of a good slave. I just wanted to tell you how very much I appreciated this part of your reply. As a submissive who is still very new to the lifestyle, I am surprised and disheartened by how many dommes seem to expect immediate perfection, and how completely intolerant some seem to be of even relatively minor flubs, like putting my foot in my mouth in a way that may be perceived as disrespectful. That is never my intent, and I am always very apologetic and eager to learn from mistakes, but second chances can be extremely hard to come by . :-( It is somewhat reassuring that there some dommes out there who are more patient, tolerant, forgiving and willing to train a new submissive to be all that he can be. Now I just need to find one for me. Many of us are understanding and don't shove fists down throats with minor things. I guess it depends on what one considers, minor. If you are into female superiority... you are in their world and being the lovely goddess's of all things life... whatever... you will tend to piss them off more often. Thank the real powers that be, that they don't have lightning and real power. If you are seeking the fun and easy going life mate, you may need to consider, seeking from the domina pool that actually wants the same thing, but can still provide the power exchange without the... need to be a superior dream. Some of us can handle different things, some would wish we could handle certain things and cannot for some reason. Our skills, requirements in life and personally are different. I don't know many that expect perfection unless it is a part of their role play and I consider lady superiors, role play, but that is my take. Thank you very much for your thoughtful input. However, I don't wish to make this thread about me; I was just expressing some appreciation. :-)

HarryVanWinkle -> RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme (5/27/2013 9:37:02 PM)
~FR~ Much ado about very little.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme (5/28/2013 12:13:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rawni What domina one wants, likes or wants to have happen isn't what domina two wants. Talk to the domina in the picture. We go on and on about communication around here and then we put limits on when it is okay to talk about things or inform... who you can and cannot share with and start looking like we limit conversation between adults because they do it wrong. If I don't want a new guy to me or a guy I rushed in with, talking about what I share with him, I have that right. He has a right to share... or could... but then he also has the right to walk the fuck right off my phone, messenger and email. [:D] First, I really don't believe that she was giving him advice on how to be her submissive. I got the impression it was more, the should I let her choose the place, or should I, generic stuff. And I agree, you have every right to walk away from someone who does that, as you obviously have some different opinions on behavior. However, even though you have the right to come to a message board and complain about it, and you even have the right to come off looking bat shit crazy, you shouldn't do that, and you certainly should be as butthurt as she is after one meeting. Keep in mind, she never said what they talked about, other than sharing "private" conversations. She didn't even elaborate on the conversations, so their view of what should remain private or not could vary greatly. ETA: While I still don't think he did anything wrong, I agree she has the right to not like it. However, it is her reaction that is the bigger issue here for me.

LadyPact -> RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme (5/28/2013 1:29:30 AM)
That's one thing I hate about threads like this. The OP comes on, churns out a quick post about what the issue is concerning and then never returns to clarify certain terms. Then, all folks can do to try to help is fill in the gaps from what they have from their own experiences, without ever really knowing what the phrases really meant to the OP. With this in mind, I'll offer the following. From what I read, I don't think there was any "secret" about it. What I gathered from the limited details in the original post, the OP and the new guy were just getting to know each other and had made it to the first in-person type meet. I may be in the minority here, but if I'm getting to know someone through the course of emails, etc, My priority isn't necessarily going to be going through who I talk to online. We're talking about a span of a few weeks here. I'm more likely to be talking about things like compatibility, rather than friends or conversations. Two of the other words that I have problems with that weren't defined were "vanilla" and "intimate". This is where this gets really messy and I have to try to remember that other people don't work the way that I do. Unless I've got a really long term sense of familiarity with a person, there aren't going to be enough "vanilla" details that are going to be an issue. The term "intimate" is wide open. I've got no idea if the OP is discussing certain sexual proclivities or what she actually considers intimate. It could be about kinks that she doesn't exactly want to be known about her or anything under the sun. Just to pull something out of My behind, maybe she's a Domme who also enjoys the AB/DL side of her, and puts that out front to any potentials, but doesn't want it known in general. I've also got issues with the term "virtual stranger". People have varying opinions on how much or little they invest in an online/phone only vrs a face to face friend. I'm usually on the other side of this debate but I am going to say this. I've been on this site for over six years. I know there are people that I've conversed with for multiple years that I don't consider strangers at all. I couldn't even begin to estimate how many hours upon hours I spent talking with them and how well a certain, select few know more about Me than anyone, except for the people I sleep with. One of which, if I printed up all of the emails and chat conversations on paper, it would be considered novel length and his phone number is still sticking on My separate hard drive on a post-it. Once again, I am very grateful that I'm not a submissive. If someone I had barely met felt they were more entitled to know My history with others with whom I've had long term associations, in the course of just a few weeks, I'd probably tell somebody to shove it.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme (5/29/2013 8:36:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetCrush Ok so after a few weeks of texts and phone calls met up with a sub who I thought had potential that suited me. During dinner he offers up that he knows a Domme in HI(we are in MD)only via online contact, and though they have never scened and she is just a friend, he has kept this from me. Additionally he has been asking her advice on how to act with me. I found this revolting. It is almost like having another Domme directing by proxy, in my opinion. It is one thing to ask questions about generalized lifestyle issues. However, actively seeking guidance and behavior directives without permission seems very disrespectful. I would never presume to instruct a sub on how to treat their Mistress, and I don't appreciate the unwarranted interference. He isn't a newbie. Each and every one of us is unique. He was sharing our intimate private conversations with a virtual stranger. Asking her opinions on these mostly Vanilla conversations. Asking her to judge my reactions to things he said and give her advice on how he should react. Ok so she can tell him what she would like and how she would want and expect him to behave. That doesn't help me at all. She doesn't know me. But it does explain why he was such an a$$ and idiot at times that seemed utterly out of character. So how do you deal with a sub clinging to other dommes and downplaying it? Should a Domme interfere with another D/s? Apparantly she asks him how to treat her sub as well when she can't figure him out. I am disgusted by them both honestly. The whole thing is sordid and disrespectful because it was/is done behind my back. Valium...take one. You don't know her....she lives on the other side of the planet....he has a penis. Valium....take one. Chill the fuck out.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme (5/30/2013 12:34:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie quote: ORIGINAL: SweetCrush Ok so after a few weeks of texts and phone calls met up with a sub who I thought had potential that suited me. During dinner he offers up that he knows a Domme in HI(we are in MD)only via online contact, and though they have never scened and she is just a friend, he has kept this from me. Additionally he has been asking her advice on how to act with me. I found this revolting. It is almost like having another Domme directing by proxy, in my opinion. It is one thing to ask questions about generalized lifestyle issues. However, actively seeking guidance and behavior directives without permission seems very disrespectful. I would never presume to instruct a sub on how to treat their Mistress, and I don't appreciate the unwarranted interference. He isn't a newbie. Each and every one of us is unique. He was sharing our intimate private conversations with a virtual stranger. Asking her opinions on these mostly Vanilla conversations. Asking her to judge my reactions to things he said and give her advice on how he should react. Ok so she can tell him what she would like and how she would want and expect him to behave. That doesn't help me at all. She doesn't know me. But it does explain why he was such an a$$ and idiot at times that seemed utterly out of character. So how do you deal with a sub clinging to other dommes and downplaying it? Should a Domme interfere with another D/s? Apparantly she asks him how to treat her sub as well when she can't figure him out. I am disgusted by them both honestly. The whole thing is sordid and disrespectful because it was/is done behind my back. Valium...take one. You don't know her....she lives on the other side of the planet....he has a penis. Valium....take one. Chill the fuck out. So she should take two valium and chill out. Very succinct. We all could have saved so many words. But there is only one Lookie, so....

tazzygirl -> RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme (5/30/2013 2:43:29 AM)
~FR quote: Should a Domme interfere with another D/s? First meet... What "D/s" was there to interfere with?

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme (5/30/2013 7:47:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl ~FR quote: Should a Domme interfere with another D/s? First meet... What "D/s" was there to interfere with? That's what I thought too. NBMG

OsideGirl -> RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme (5/30/2013 9:10:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I've also got issues with the term "virtual stranger". People have varying opinions on how much or little they invest in an online/phone only vs. a face to face friend. I'm usually on the other side of this debate but I am going to say this. I've been on this site for over six years. I know there are people that I've conversed with for multiple years that I don't consider strangers at all. I consider people that I talk to online to be people that I'm friendly with, rather than being a full fledged friend. But, regardless of that classification, the OP in this situation wasn't in a different category up until they actually met face to face. I'll also add that someone that I'm meeting for the very first time is not going to garner more loyalty than someone that I consider a friend and have history with.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme (5/30/2013 3:25:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady quote: ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie quote: ORIGINAL: SweetCrush Ok so after a few weeks of texts and phone calls met up with a sub who I thought had potential that suited me. During dinner he offers up that he knows a Domme in HI(we are in MD)only via online contact, and though they have never scened and she is just a friend, he has kept this from me. Additionally he has been asking her advice on how to act with me. I found this revolting. It is almost like having another Domme directing by proxy, in my opinion. It is one thing to ask questions about generalized lifestyle issues. However, actively seeking guidance and behavior directives without permission seems very disrespectful. I would never presume to instruct a sub on how to treat their Mistress, and I don't appreciate the unwarranted interference. He isn't a newbie. Each and every one of us is unique. He was sharing our intimate private conversations with a virtual stranger. Asking her opinions on these mostly Vanilla conversations. Asking her to judge my reactions to things he said and give her advice on how he should react. Ok so she can tell him what she would like and how she would want and expect him to behave. That doesn't help me at all. She doesn't know me. But it does explain why he was such an a$$ and idiot at times that seemed utterly out of character. So how do you deal with a sub clinging to other dommes and downplaying it? Should a Domme interfere with another D/s? Apparantly she asks him how to treat her sub as well when she can't figure him out. I am disgusted by them both honestly. The whole thing is sordid and disrespectful because it was/is done behind my back. Valium...take one. You don't know her....she lives on the other side of the planet....he has a penis. Valium....take one. Chill the fuck out. So she should take two valium and chill out. Very succinct. We all could have saved so many words. But there is only one Lookie, so.... Perzackly.

wannapleez -> RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme (5/30/2013 4:00:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TNDommeK The problem I have is the word "secretly". If it is a friend, why is it secret? There is so "secret" -- that word was used by the OP, apparently to try to sensationalize the issue. She'd make a great headline writer or Fox News correspondent.

OsideGirl -> RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme (5/30/2013 4:25:03 PM)
Kind of moot at this point since her profile is gone.

LadyPact -> RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme (5/30/2013 9:52:22 PM)
The profile might be gone here, but there's a thread on the other site under the same name with a much different spin on the story. I guess the OP thought she's get more folks who would commiserate with her if the slant was from another angle.

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme (5/30/2013 10:05:53 PM)
LP, is that the one called "Domme/Mistress perspective trusting a new sub?" Just curious. I found her on the "F" site. NBMG

LadyPact -> RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme (5/31/2013 1:18:50 AM)
That would be it.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme (5/31/2013 2:58:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact That would be it. What she said.

OsideGirl -> RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme (5/31/2013 3:51:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact The profile might be gone here, but there's a thread on the other site under the same name with a much different spin on the story. I guess the OP thought she's get more folks who would commiserate with her if the slant was from another angle. From my point of view, it didn't paint her in a better light. It showed that she tried to engage in a power dynamic with someone that she hadn't even met yet (which she did in her OP here as well), then disliked that he expected her to behave like a Dominant when they finally met face to face. If ya don't want to be treated like a duck.....don't quack.

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