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RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme - 5/27/2013 8:42:09 PM   
Born2PleezeU


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/3/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia


OP, do you expect a newbie to be perfect? To have no friends to turn to? To never screw up? Forgiveness and training...have worked for me; if I had cut him loose the first time he offended me...I would have missed out on those other hundred or so times that followed, lol, and I would have missed out on owning one hell of a good slave.


I just wanted to tell you how very much I appreciated this part of your reply. As a submissive who is still very new to the lifestyle, I am surprised and disheartened by how many dommes seem to expect immediate perfection, and how completely intolerant some seem to be of even relatively minor flubs, like putting my foot in my mouth in a way that may be perceived as disrespectful. That is never my intent, and I am always very apologetic and eager to learn from mistakes, but second chances can be extremely hard to come by . :-( It is somewhat reassuring that there some dommes out there who are more patient, tolerant, forgiving and willing to train a new submissive to be all that he can be. Now I just need to find one for me.

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme - 5/27/2013 8:53:30 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Born2PleezeU


quote:

ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia


OP, do you expect a newbie to be perfect? To have no friends to turn to? To never screw up? Forgiveness and training...have worked for me; if I had cut him loose the first time he offended me...I would have missed out on those other hundred or so times that followed, lol, and I would have missed out on owning one hell of a good slave.


I just wanted to tell you how very much I appreciated this part of your reply. As a submissive who is still very new to the lifestyle, I am surprised and disheartened by how many dommes seem to expect immediate perfection, and how completely intolerant some seem to be of even relatively minor flubs, like putting my foot in my mouth in a way that may be perceived as disrespectful. That is never my intent, and I am always very apologetic and eager to learn from mistakes, but second chances can be extremely hard to come by . :-( It is somewhat reassuring that there some dommes out there who are more patient, tolerant, forgiving and willing to train a new submissive to be all that he can be. Now I just need to find one for me.



Many of us are understanding and don't shove fists down throats with minor things. I guess it depends on what one considers, minor. If you are into female superiority... you are in their world and being the lovely goddess's of all things life... whatever... you will tend to piss them off more often. Thank the real powers that be, that they don't have lightning and real power.

If you are seeking the fun and easy going life mate, you may need to consider, seeking from the domina pool that actually wants the same thing, but can still provide the power exchange without the... need to be a superior dream.

Some of us can handle different things, some would wish we could handle certain things and cannot for some reason. Our skills, requirements in life and personally are different. I don't know many that expect perfection unless it is a part of their role play and I consider lady superiors, role play, but that is my take.

(in reply to Born2PleezeU)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme - 5/27/2013 9:04:42 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		meh....there are times when Master and I are just casually talking about something and I will say "I have a secret......". It's not really a secret, just something I never thought to tell him. It just never dawned on me to tell him. I'm thinking their conversation was something like that as well. It was just not something he thought would be a big deal. It was just part of a casual conversation and it was his way of saying "I was so nervous about meeting you and wanting to make sure you liked me that I asked a friend that I know online for her advice since she's a domme as well". I personally don't see the problem. I used to do stuff like that with all kinds of relationships. I did it when I first met Master. I would talk to my best friend and ask her what she thought. I would talk to people I knew only online just to make sure I was seeing things clearly or maybe I was missing something. Again, no big deal. I assume most people do that. But who knows I guess.



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme - 5/27/2013 9:13:48 PM   
Born2PleezeU


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/3/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni


quote:

ORIGINAL: Born2PleezeU


quote:

ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia


OP, do you expect a newbie to be perfect? To have no friends to turn to? To never screw up? Forgiveness and training...have worked for me; if I had cut him loose the first time he offended me...I would have missed out on those other hundred or so times that followed, lol, and I would have missed out on owning one hell of a good slave.


I just wanted to tell you how very much I appreciated this part of your reply. As a submissive who is still very new to the lifestyle, I am surprised and disheartened by how many dommes seem to expect immediate perfection, and how completely intolerant some seem to be of even relatively minor flubs, like putting my foot in my mouth in a way that may be perceived as disrespectful. That is never my intent, and I am always very apologetic and eager to learn from mistakes, but second chances can be extremely hard to come by . :-( It is somewhat reassuring that there some dommes out there who are more patient, tolerant, forgiving and willing to train a new submissive to be all that he can be. Now I just need to find one for me.



Many of us are understanding and don't shove fists down throats with minor things. I guess it depends on what one considers, minor. If you are into female superiority... you are in their world and being the lovely goddess's of all things life... whatever... you will tend to piss them off more often. Thank the real powers that be, that they don't have lightning and real power.

If you are seeking the fun and easy going life mate, you may need to consider, seeking from the domina pool that actually wants the same thing, but can still provide the power exchange without the... need to be a superior dream.

Some of us can handle different things, some would wish we could handle certain things and cannot for some reason. Our skills, requirements in life and personally are different. I don't know many that expect perfection unless it is a part of their role play and I consider lady superiors, role play, but that is my take.


Thank you very much for your thoughtful input. However, I don't wish to make this thread about me; I was just expressing some appreciation. :-)

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme - 5/27/2013 9:37:02 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		~FR~

Much ado about very little.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme - 5/28/2013 12:13:31 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

What domina one wants, likes or wants to have happen isn't what domina two wants. Talk to the domina in the picture. We go on and on about communication around here and then we put limits on when it is okay to talk about things or inform... who you can and cannot share with and start looking like we limit conversation between adults because they do it wrong. If I don't want a new guy to me or a guy I rushed in with, talking about what I share with him, I have that right. He has a right to share... or could... but then he also has the right to walk the fuck right off my phone, messenger and email.


First, I really don't believe that she was giving him advice on how to be her submissive. I got the impression it was more, the should I let her choose the place, or should I, generic stuff.

And I agree, you have every right to walk away from someone who does that, as you obviously have some different opinions on behavior. However, even though you have the right to come to a message board and complain about it, and you even have the right to come off looking bat shit crazy, you shouldn't do that, and you certainly should be as butthurt as she is after one meeting. Keep in mind, she never said what they talked about, other than sharing "private" conversations. She didn't even elaborate on the conversations, so their view of what should remain private or not could vary greatly.

ETA: While I still don't think he did anything wrong, I agree she has the right to not like it. However, it is her reaction that is the bigger issue here for me.

< Message edited by LafayetteLady -- 5/28/2013 12:16:28 AM >

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme - 5/28/2013 1:29:30 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		That's one thing I hate about threads like this. The OP comes on, churns out a quick post about what the issue is concerning and then never returns to clarify certain terms. Then, all folks can do to try to help is fill in the gaps from what they have from their own experiences, without ever really knowing what the phrases really meant to the OP. With this in mind, I'll offer the following.

From what I read, I don't think there was any "secret" about it. What I gathered from the limited details in the original post, the OP and the new guy were just getting to know each other and had made it to the first in-person type meet. I may be in the minority here, but if I'm getting to know someone through the course of emails, etc, My priority isn't necessarily going to be going through who I talk to online. We're talking about a span of a few weeks here. I'm more likely to be talking about things like compatibility, rather than friends or conversations.

Two of the other words that I have problems with that weren't defined were "vanilla" and "intimate". This is where this gets really messy and I have to try to remember that other people don't work the way that I do. Unless I've got a really long term sense of familiarity with a person, there aren't going to be enough "vanilla" details that are going to be an issue. The term "intimate" is wide open. I've got no idea if the OP is discussing certain sexual proclivities or what she actually considers intimate. It could be about kinks that she doesn't exactly want to be known about her or anything under the sun. Just to pull something out of My behind, maybe she's a Domme who also enjoys the AB/DL side of her, and puts that out front to any potentials, but doesn't want it known in general.

I've also got issues with the term "virtual stranger". People have varying opinions on how much or little they invest in an online/phone only vrs a face to face friend. I'm usually on the other side of this debate but I am going to say this. I've been on this site for over six years. I know there are people that I've conversed with for multiple years that I don't consider strangers at all. I couldn't even begin to estimate how many hours upon hours I spent talking with them and how well a certain, select few know more about Me than anyone, except for the people I sleep with. One of which, if I printed up all of the emails and chat conversations on paper, it would be considered novel length and his phone number is still sticking on My separate hard drive on a post-it.

Once again, I am very grateful that I'm not a submissive. If someone I had barely met felt they were more entitled to know My history with others with whom I've had long term associations, in the course of just a few weeks, I'd probably tell somebody to shove it.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme - 5/29/2013 8:36:21 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetCrush

Ok so after a few weeks of texts and phone calls met up with a sub who I thought had potential that suited me. During dinner he offers up that he knows a Domme in HI(we are in MD)only via online contact, and though they have never scened and she is just a friend, he has kept this from me. Additionally he has been asking her advice on how to act with me. I found this revolting.

It is almost like having another Domme directing by proxy, in my opinion. It is one thing to ask questions about generalized lifestyle issues. However, actively seeking guidance and behavior directives without permission seems very disrespectful. I would never presume to instruct a sub on how to treat their Mistress, and I don't appreciate the unwarranted interference. He isn't a newbie. Each and every one of us is unique.

He was sharing our intimate private conversations with a virtual stranger. Asking her opinions on these mostly Vanilla conversations. Asking her to judge my reactions to things he said and give her advice on how he should react. Ok so she can tell him what she would like and how she would want and expect him to behave. That doesn't help me at all. She doesn't know me. But it does explain why he was such an a$$ and idiot at times that seemed utterly out of character.

So how do you deal with a sub clinging to other dommes and downplaying it? Should a Domme interfere with another D/s? Apparantly she asks him how to treat her sub as well when she can't figure him out. I am disgusted by them both honestly. The whole thing is sordid and disrespectful because it was/is done behind my back.


Valium...take one.

You don't know her....she lives on the other side of the planet....he has a penis.

Valium....take one.

Chill the fuck out.

(in reply to SweetCrush)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme - 5/30/2013 12:34:48 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetCrush

Ok so after a few weeks of texts and phone calls met up with a sub who I thought had potential that suited me. During dinner he offers up that he knows a Domme in HI(we are in MD)only via online contact, and though they have never scened and she is just a friend, he has kept this from me. Additionally he has been asking her advice on how to act with me. I found this revolting.

It is almost like having another Domme directing by proxy, in my opinion. It is one thing to ask questions about generalized lifestyle issues. However, actively seeking guidance and behavior directives without permission seems very disrespectful. I would never presume to instruct a sub on how to treat their Mistress, and I don't appreciate the unwarranted interference. He isn't a newbie. Each and every one of us is unique.

He was sharing our intimate private conversations with a virtual stranger. Asking her opinions on these mostly Vanilla conversations. Asking her to judge my reactions to things he said and give her advice on how he should react. Ok so she can tell him what she would like and how she would want and expect him to behave. That doesn't help me at all. She doesn't know me. But it does explain why he was such an a$$ and idiot at times that seemed utterly out of character.

So how do you deal with a sub clinging to other dommes and downplaying it? Should a Domme interfere with another D/s? Apparantly she asks him how to treat her sub as well when she can't figure him out. I am disgusted by them both honestly. The whole thing is sordid and disrespectful because it was/is done behind my back.


Valium...take one.

You don't know her....she lives on the other side of the planet....he has a penis.

Valium....take one.

Chill the fuck out.


So she should take two valium and chill out. Very succinct. We all could have saved so many words. But there is only one Lookie, so....

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme - 5/30/2013 2:43:29 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		~FR

quote:

Should a Domme interfere with another D/s?


First meet... What "D/s" was there to interfere with?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme - 5/30/2013 7:47:20 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

~FR

quote:

Should a Domme interfere with another D/s?


First meet... What "D/s" was there to interfere with?

That's what I thought too.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme - 5/30/2013 9:10:07 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact


I've also got issues with the term "virtual stranger". People have varying opinions on how much or little they invest in an online/phone only vs. a face to face friend. I'm usually on the other side of this debate but I am going to say this. I've been on this site for over six years. I know there are people that I've conversed with for multiple years that I don't consider strangers at all.


I consider people that I talk to online to be people that I'm friendly with, rather than being a full fledged friend. But, regardless of that classification, the OP in this situation wasn't in a different category up until they actually met face to face.

I'll also add that someone that I'm meeting for the very first time is not going to garner more loyalty than someone that I consider a friend and have history with.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme - 5/30/2013 3:25:56 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetCrush

Ok so after a few weeks of texts and phone calls met up with a sub who I thought had potential that suited me. During dinner he offers up that he knows a Domme in HI(we are in MD)only via online contact, and though they have never scened and she is just a friend, he has kept this from me. Additionally he has been asking her advice on how to act with me. I found this revolting.

It is almost like having another Domme directing by proxy, in my opinion. It is one thing to ask questions about generalized lifestyle issues. However, actively seeking guidance and behavior directives without permission seems very disrespectful. I would never presume to instruct a sub on how to treat their Mistress, and I don't appreciate the unwarranted interference. He isn't a newbie. Each and every one of us is unique.

He was sharing our intimate private conversations with a virtual stranger. Asking her opinions on these mostly Vanilla conversations. Asking her to judge my reactions to things he said and give her advice on how he should react. Ok so she can tell him what she would like and how she would want and expect him to behave. That doesn't help me at all. She doesn't know me. But it does explain why he was such an a$$ and idiot at times that seemed utterly out of character.

So how do you deal with a sub clinging to other dommes and downplaying it? Should a Domme interfere with another D/s? Apparantly she asks him how to treat her sub as well when she can't figure him out. I am disgusted by them both honestly. The whole thing is sordid and disrespectful because it was/is done behind my back.


Valium...take one.

You don't know her....she lives on the other side of the planet....he has a penis.

Valium....take one.

Chill the fuck out.


So she should take two valium and chill out. Very succinct. We all could have saved so many words. But there is only one Lookie, so....



Perzackly.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme - 5/30/2013 4:00:56 PM   
wannapleez


Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

The problem I have is the word "secretly". If it is a friend, why is it secret?


There is so "secret" -- that word was used by the OP, apparently to try to sensationalize the issue. She'd make a great headline writer or Fox News correspondent.

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme - 5/30/2013 4:25:03 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Kind of moot at this point since her profile is gone.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to wannapleez)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme - 5/30/2013 9:52:22 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		The profile might be gone here, but there's a thread on the other site under the same name with a much different spin on the story. I guess the OP thought she's get more folks who would commiserate with her if the slant was from another angle.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme - 5/30/2013 10:05:53 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		LP, is that the one called "Domme/Mistress perspective trusting a new sub?" Just curious. I found her on the "F" site.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme - 5/31/2013 1:18:50 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		That would be it.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme - 5/31/2013 2:58:58 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

That would be it.



What she said.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Sub secretly chatting with other Domme - 5/31/2013 3:51:20 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

The profile might be gone here, but there's a thread on the other site under the same name with a much different spin on the story. I guess the OP thought she's get more folks who would commiserate with her if the slant was from another angle.



From my point of view, it didn't paint her in a better light. It showed that she tried to engage in a power dynamic with someone that she hadn't even met yet (which she did in her OP here as well), then disliked that he expected her to behave like a Dominant when they finally met face to face.

If ya don't want to be treated like a duck.....don't quack.




_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 80
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