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ORIGINAL: Airlia

As I said, to each their own. Bdsm's biggest controversy is the fact that most actions and thoughts seen to the public eye is viewed as 'wrong'. You could like a different position of sex and to someone else it may be wrong and to you it is just fine. "If you have a good conscience you can do no wrong (sin)". My taste may not be the same for you. It's arousing. It's a "fantasy". It isn't something I'm doing or currently doing. I'm certain most your personal thoughts may even be viewed as grotesque or disagreeable to your other half. You probably don't know it or don't openly admit to it. But frankly, if we go back to 'interests' on this site we are easily able to recognize different styles and likings in this area of bdsm. You may not agree with all, but they are there.

As to the male who says he should walk away and not submit. You could be right. Anyone could walk away. But that's where communication, trust and mutuality fail. Why be in a bdsm relationship based on commitment if you're going to walk away. That is the easy way out.

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ORIGINAL: Airlia

I truly do enjoy the opinions, questions and advice I receive from others. Do feel free to leave a message if it pleases you.

I've currently been speaking with someone for the course of seven months now. We've good chemistry and he is also in the bdsm community. However, due to a rough patch in his past there are a selection of behaviors he disapproves of entirely.

A selective fantasy that both tortures and excites me is the usage of multiple people being used in a relationship. To elaborate on this, and not make it entirely sound like the term 'cheating', I enjoy hurting my partner emotionally. I like to get them to the point of exasperated and desperate need for me. I feel that, through men, when getting them jealous they seem to create more of a havoc at demonstrating their emotions. I felt as though seeing their pain while watching me flirt with another male, made them upset and strive more to have me. (As this occurred in the past). There is a thrill in watching a man angry when generally they are a sweetheart. Being as good as they can be to you. I feel that, though this may be wrong, I enjoy it. But my partner thinks differently.

He calls this cheating. Something he won't tolerate.

If he were to do the same to me, I feel I would be tortured but fully enjoy it. It would make me furious to see him flirting, fondling, kissing, ect.. another girl in front of me, but he also states he would not do that because this is a monogamous and exclusive bond. In bdsm, using multiple players for their 'game' is viewed as how?

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Emotional & Mental Sadism is rather edgy business.
Especially when you are looking for genuine reactions with honest emotions.
Unless this Dude is an emotional masochist, you are playing with fire.

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ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

Emotional & Mental Sadism is rather edgy business.
Especially when you are looking for genuine reactions with honest emotions.
Unless this Dude is an emotional masochist, you are playing with fire.

If you are with somebody that's an emotional/mental masochist that can
maintain control of their actions (i.e. nothing that leads to true physical abuse
in retaliation) then why not.

If he's not into it, this relationship will come to an end with serious hard
feelings. If you roll with this behavior you'll burn through many relationships
if you have not done so already.

Good luck

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If you are with somebody that's an emotional/mental masochist that can
maintain control of their actions (i.e. nothing that leads to true physical abuse
in retaliation) then why not.

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These things, they tend to do real damage to relationships and interactions. Sometimes it's obvious for the world to see, other times it's a lot more subtle, hairline fractures that just erupt.

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I am also an emotional masochist... to a point. It requires massive aftercare. Without that, the relationship will be doomed because the recipient will develop massive amounts of distrust, not only in you, but in themselves.

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ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

This kind of reminds me of the definition of "weeds"--something that grows that you don't want.

The stuff we call "fetish" or "fun" other people refer to as "abuse" and "sick".... BUT, in order to "practice" you are going to HAVE to find at least one other person who agrees with you.

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ORIGINAL: sexyred1
I think the OP is totally insecure.

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manipulative, immature, overly dramatic, exhausting and ineffective with anyone who has self esteem.

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I'm hardly insecure but I do get a tingle from a guy who knows what buttons to push to get my emotions going.

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I just hope she's honest with whoever she's with so that there are no surprises.

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He's allowed to say this doesn't work for him. So move on and let him find someone he is compatible with. Since you clearly aren't.

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I know if Master said that to me, I would probably be doing just that until I realized I was dying from the emotional pain and I would have to leave if I wanted to survive.

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I love when twentysomethings come on and act the way you have through your posts. It makes for entertaining reading and thinking of my own 21 year old lol.

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ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Oh I have trust. More than you can possibly imagine...enough for me to know he understands my reactions. We've been together for over 7 years now.

You however, you're a whole 21 and I'm thinking it's a pretty new relationship or one that isn't all that old.

But then I love when twentysomethings come on and act the way you have through your posts. It makes for entertaining reading and thinking of my own 21 year old lol.