Mercnbeth
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Having just returned from watching my replicant graduate I couldn't help recall some of his classroom experiences... A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Merc. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then little Merc says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on," but I like your thinking." LITTLE MERC ON MATH Little Merc returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" I ask? "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'" I said "6", replies Little Merc. "But that's right!" I say. "Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2?'" "What's the fucking difference?" I shrug. "That's what I said!" LITTLE MERC ON ENGLISH Little Merc goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Little Merc says "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Little Merc, that's a mouthful." Little Merc says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow-job." LITTLE MERC ON GRAMMAR Little Merc was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!" The teacher replied, 'Now, Little Merc, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little Merc, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!" LITTLE MERC ON GRAMMAR One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully." She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Having already been Little Merc's Grammar, Math, and English teacher, she reluctantly called on little Merc. "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said "'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'" LITTLE MERC ON GETTING OLDER Little Merc was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." Little Merc replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" Little Merc answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business. Disclaimer: This is posted in the humor section. These are jokes received in my email, personalized for 'fun'; in the hope of bringing a touch of frivolity into an often too serious world. I am the author of "Little Merc" (NOT his real name) but not the anecdotes. ENJOY! (?)
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"Replicant" Humor... - 
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