Are there differences between young and old BDSMers?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Are there differences between young and old BDSMers?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Are there differences between young and old BDSMers?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Are there differences between young and old BDSMers? - 6/14/2013 3:11:06 AM

Robertodom

Posts: 27
Joined: 6/13/2013
Status: offline

I wanted to know if you think that fantasies and desires in BDSM changes when you grow old... I discovered that I had Dominant feelings some years ago and since I discovered it, my way of thinking about Domination has changed... before, I was very interested in the physical side of BDSM, now I'm more oriented towards the "mental" side... Do you think that this changes in my way of thinking about BDSM will go on when I'll grow older and when I'll try to dominate a slave? What is your experience?

Post #: 1

RE: Are there differences between young and old BDSMers? - 6/14/2013 3:23:06 AM

Airlia

Posts: 42
Joined: 12/9/2012
Status: offline

Personally, we all happen to change as we grow older. Throughout our experiences, we are educating ourselves by understanding what we like or may not like. When we interact with others and they enhance our ideas by telling us of their own, we might grow more creative. I'm certain as we age we will find more necessity in selective areas than in others. When you are young, usually you act on hormonal changes in the system that have us to believe that sexuality should be the focus. But sometimes this sexuality can be misguiding and could possibly ruin a relationship if there is no foundation behind it. The mental part of bdsm is a cognitive perspective that ameliorates trust, which helps any relationship. It's about communication and exploration with someone you've put your trust on. That is why, as we grow to realize that sex isn't the focal point, we begin processing the other side

(in reply to Robertodom)

Post #: 2

RE: Are there differences between young and old BDSMers? - 6/14/2013 3:28:19 AM

Robertodom

Posts: 27
Joined: 6/13/2013
Status: offline

That's right... when I was younger I had a very sex-oriented view of BDSM... now I'm more interested in feelings that there are in a D/s relationship... and I now I'm also more interested in trying, in looking for a slave and beginning a relationship, while when I was younger I didn't think about it :)

(in reply to Airlia)

Post #: 3

RE: Are there differences between young and old BDSMers? - 6/14/2013 3:31:08 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

I'm seven years into my bdsm experience - and things have changed.

When I started, I was looking for and needing the physical - the rules, the beatings - the whole enchilada. As I grew more secure in who and what I was, I realized that I no longer needed the whole structure thing. It was comfortable and also a bit restrictive.

Now, I am happy with a man who isn't about rules, and honestly, isn't dominant. But he gives me what I need, and that's what is important.

I think people grow and (most) mature into any role they are given, or assume. Same with bdsm relationships.

(in reply to Airlia)

Post #: 4

RE: Are there differences between young and old BDSMers? - 6/14/2013 6:15:12 AM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline

Yes they do, because people are not static tableaus. I'm not the man I was when I was 30, or 21, or 19 when I started. They may not change drastically, but evolve and adapt to the ever-increasing amount of knowledge and experience you have. This applies to everything that makes you...you.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 5

RE: Are there differences between young and old BDSMers? - 6/14/2013 7:13:35 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Yes, now that I am older, I have this fantasy that my knees and back won't hurt after a 3 hour session.

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 6/14/2013 7:23:05 AM >

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Robertodom)

Post #: 6

RE: Are there differences between young and old BDSMers? - 6/14/2013 7:17:35 AM

katts3

Posts: 44
Joined: 4/30/2013
Status: offline

I am not as good as I once was but I am good as I need to be..B

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 7

RE: Are there differences between young and old BDSMers? - 6/14/2013 7:20:26 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

I think so, another depends on the individual. Some people are once a perv, always a perv. LOL.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to katts3)

Post #: 8

RE: Are there differences between young and old BDSMers? - 6/14/2013 7:25:46 AM

Robertodom

Posts: 27
Joined: 6/13/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Yes, now that I am older, I have this fantasy that my knees and back won't hurt after a 3 hour session.

lol :)

< Message edited by Robertodom -- 6/14/2013 7:26:08 AM >

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 9

RE: Are there differences between young and old BDSMers? - 6/14/2013 7:32:46 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
Yes, now that I am older, I have this fantasy that my knees and back won't hurt after a 3 hour session.

Man, you're not kidding there. The older I get, the more recuperation time that I need the following day.

Editing because I didn't answer the original question. (Sorry about that. It's early in My time zone.)

OP, I can't say I feel the way you do from what I think is your perspective. My drive for BDSM isn't necessarily sexual in nature. It can be but it doesn't have to be. At the same time, I've done a lot of the sexually wilder things that I've wanted to do, so it's not like I'm sitting here saying "wow, I wonder what that would be like".

Sexual Dominance has never been the end all/be all for Me. I happen to have the view that it's actually pretty easy to 'dominate' somebody in bed when they are horny as hell. I think most folks, kinky or not, are more relationship oriented as they get older.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 6/14/2013 8:13:50 AM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 10

RE: Are there differences between young and old BDSMers? - 6/14/2013 2:05:02 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Funny-I'm much less rigid ideologically than I was young, far more open, which results in me being far less constrained, physically and mentally.
I've shifted my groove in almost every way. When I was a kid, I had hard and fast rules. Now, experience has taught me that each relationship has it's own dynamic, creates it's own rules. In fact, the rules I used to lay down going in limited me, her and us.
Back in the day, if I took a gal to a dungeon, I used every tool in the bag o doom. Nowadays, I'll pick out one or two, go to town with them.
Just a few examples.
Mostly though, the biggest difference is simply how I interact with women. Go through heartache, the good times, the high hopes, bad endings, insane relationships, all the good stuff that comes with dating and living long enough and something shifted. I approach em in an entirely different fashion, see em in a different light, deal with them using different emotions, words, empathy.
So yeah, everything changes. because I change, and as I change the way I perceive and interact with the world about me changes.
If it gives you hope, I will say that I am an infinitely better dominant now than when I was a young man (Something I suspect most of us would say). That would sound like bragging, but in retrospect, I consider myself to have been a wretchedly shitty dom as a young man.
A hellacious sadist, yes. But I was a terrible freaking Master.
Age, and mostly just fucking suffering the slings and arrows of life taught me some valuable lessons, left me a better man for the experience. And that makes me a better Master.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: Are there differences between young and old BDSMers? - 6/14/2013 2:11:38 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 12

RE: Are there differences between young and old BDSMers? - 6/14/2013 2:13:54 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

I'm a better person now than I was at 18..... or 23............or41. In fact I can safely say that 55 is wonderful. I'm happier than I was at those ages, I relate to people in a totally different way and can enjoy simply interacting with strangers without having to wonder if they will think i'm strange for complimenting them on their dress, or hair or ..................... I can talk to people in line comfortably now, where it was something to avoid before.

The thing is, i'm more mature - its not all about me - people aren't watching me and judging. Heck, most people don't have the energy to worry about themselves much less me - and that realization is very freeing. I can be the person I was meant to be, and love it. And since I am a submissive, I can be the submissive and relate to people from that bend.

I agree with Kana - I don't need to pay attention to the rules as much, or they don't matter as much. One or the other. I'm more comfortable in my own skin and it shows in who I am, and how I behave, Life is great!

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 13

RE: Are there differences between young and old BDSMers? - 6/14/2013 2:14:26 PM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

Some things are common sense and everyone is different, but there are a few things that are pretty much the same. You are going to get creased, saggy, suffer more physically and it ain't pretty. Recently I was asked by someone my age if I still liked sex. Besides the implications that came with that... I wanted to say some things I didn't say. I did say: of course, I still like sex, just not with you.

Aging is an individual thing and what you learn, want, experience is yours. To prepare or not prepare or know what to expect? Hell with that... just friggin get out there and live it, enjoy it and don't be surprised if it is pretty messed up. lol No way could I prepare for those first lines in my face or my body shifting shape, though I knew they were coming. You just have to live it.

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 14

RE: Are there differences between young and old BDSMers? - 6/14/2013 2:22:54 PM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

I'm younger (25). As a newbie to this, with lots of life experiences I have yet to go through as well, things seem to change monthly or even weekly for me. I have tons to learn and I'm open/aware of that, and look forward to it.

(in reply to Rawni)

Post #: 15

RE: Are there differences between young and old BDSMers? - 6/14/2013 2:26:04 PM

Charles6682

Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline

Yes, there is a difference. It's called age. I am glad I am growing up in modern day times.

(in reply to shiftyw)

Post #: 16

RE: Are there differences between young and old BDSMers? - 6/14/2013 2:49:00 PM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

Seeing all these naked older men in my email and around the site... there is no proof that as we age we get smarter, wiser or better.

(in reply to Charles6682)

Post #: 17

RE: Are there differences between young and old BDSMers? - 6/15/2013 2:36:51 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
Yes, now that I am older, I have this fantasy that my knees and back won't hurt after a 3 hour session.

Man, you're not kidding there. The older I get, the more recuperation time that I need the following day.

Editing because I didn't answer the original question. (Sorry about that. It's early in My time zone.)

OP, I can't say I feel the way you do from what I think is your perspective. My drive for BDSM isn't necessarily sexual in nature. It can be but it doesn't have to be. At the same time, I've done a lot of the sexually wilder things that I've wanted to do, so it's not like I'm sitting here saying "wow, I wonder what that would be like".

Sexual Dominance has never been the end all/be all for Me. I happen to have the view that it's actually pretty easy to 'dominate' somebody in bed when they are horny as hell. I think most folks, kinky or not, are more relationship oriented as they get older.

I was relationship oriented in my youth. I collared my first long term (10 years or so) partner at age 15. Somewhere in my late 20s and early 30's that changed. I had a house and the focus was more on keeping the house stocked, my belly full and my passions slaked. One day I realized that to me, the relationships were more rewarding than the act of lording over my house and I became more relationship oriented as I hit my late 30s.

Things changed with time and I got excitement from different things within the relationship. As far as the OP goes, I have had a blessed life and lived out my youthful fantasies and desires. To others it looks like I have become jaded as I grew older. I don't feel jaded. I just feels like the list of things that hold that the excitement of forbidden fruit have grown smaller . . . like donkeys, midgets and shemale nuns. I feel no less passion for the long list of wonderful desires I share with my slave that don't include a midget shemale nun with a donkey. Some of our desires which immoral, illegal, fattening and against the TOS so we feel like we are having a wonderful and perverse life. We have grown a year older together and even in that short time our desires shifted slightly. She has gone through a lot of firsts and now that some things are routine, both of our excitement shifts slightly. A day with spankings or just some S&M stuff almost feels vanilla. Yet a simple chain, having her eat at my feet or other simple M/s relationship things have more energy than some S&M things.

One man's tea is another man's poison. Speaking of nuns, I have heard some real stories about lesbian nuns that sound like some hetro high school boy's ultimate fantasy. But to the nuns, it's their daily life, love and passion in a cycle of sin, forgiveness and atonement. There are people that live out what is your fantasy on regular basis. When I realized that it was all perspectives and social or personal morals, something we have control over, something I had a choice in, I started living my fantasies whether socially immoral or politically and religiously unacceptable. My partner is quite perverse, so as we come to new desires, we live them out. She now does things that only few years ago were far too perverse. So yes, things change over time. Is she getting jaded . . . I don't think so. I think the same thing is happening to her that happened to me. As I grew older, I gained more self awareness and I set my standards for life, my partner and my business on a realistic level with who I am. In my teens when I discovered BDSM I wasn't as self aware and although it was all exciting and new, I was not living as fulfilling a lifestyle as I am now.

In my years I have learned to satisfy or resolve my desires. I explored those desires and fantasies carefully. I looked at what it would take to experience them. I truly examined the cost of fulfilling those desires. After that examination, I deemed it some of them too costly and not worth the expense, effort or changes in my personal morals. Therefore, I do not desire them now that I examined them closely. I learned what it would take to fulfill them and chose not to pursue them. It's not a burning desire it you have lost your lust for it by examining the cost of it thoroughly. So my passions became steadier as grew older. Like you I did "wilder things that I've wanted to do". From the mental aspect the OP asked about, I no longer wonder about those wild things because I have done them and I lead a more tranquil life now. The things I choose to do or not to do are usually from educated choice.

Funny, like I mentioned about some M/s relationship things being more exciting than S&M, which would not have been the case in my youth, I am extremely excited that my slave is becoming a bootblack. I look forward to sharing her services with my friends. I mean, all the girls I have ever known could suck cock, cook and give a good bath but how many could put a spit shine on your friend's boots? That is classic leather lifestyle right there! That shit is exciting to me these days. So, yes, my perspective has changed over the years.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 18

RE: Are there differences between young and old BDSMers? - 6/15/2013 8:49:40 AM

njlauren

Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
Status: offline

I think with age and time, perspective shifts, as others have said. When I was younger, it seemed the trappings of BD/SM were so important, getting into new and different aspects of play, the physical sensations (In part, because I was doing this in a pro context, i.e using pro dommes). When it became lifestyle, there was this incredible world opened up, and in some ways, there was this idea that somehow to do this, we had to be doing all these things, learning the protocols, doing things 'right' or in ways that seemed to mirror those around us (and when I say learning the protocols, I am not talking issues like safety or what leather community people do, I meant the idea of that there were these 'right' ways of doing things in general). It was a new and wonderful thing, and I strained personally to try and 'achieve'....

What changed me I think was life. Life events, some beautiful ( a child, and all that goes with that, especially a musically talented one), all kinds of things to be dealt with in adulthood, crap with birth families, tragedies of the past and present, stress, unemployment, and simply having perspective that few things outside of dying have permanent importance (well, okay, other than maybe having a kid, and getting a tattoo done right the first time, though the latter can be corrected:).

At 50, I don't really care if people think I am authentic or not, after going through transition and reverting, and facing shit from too many people, I had to learn not to care, and if my/our way of doing things doesn't pass master with others, well, as Jon Bon Jovi said in one of this songs, "Have a Nice Day"..... If we want to switch roles, if I am sub but switching is my partner's desire, that is okay, doesn't change how we feel about each other. If we go to a club and play, and some numbnuts tries and tell us that we 'don't know what we are doing", we both have perfected looks that tell the person they are treading on thin ice. And basically, if we find what works, if playing in nighties isn't authentic, if play consists more of the mind and internalized desire then a rough and tumble full out play session, well, that is us (when I was younger, I could work long, hard hours at work, 12, 14 hours a day), play into the night and get up, now, my body simply isn't going to let me do that (and probably is wise for doing so, cause sleep is more important now). I think to me in some ways what we do now is a lot more 'real' to use then it was then, time has stripped away a lot of images and illusions and other things, and to paraphrase Sherlock Holmes, what is left, no matter how strange or weird or different, is us:)

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 19

RE: Are there differences between young and old BDSMers? - 6/15/2013 11:13:46 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Good topic.

My thought is, if you never change or grow, you are a boring human being. Life, good or bad, changes you.

My views on BDSM and D/s and behaviors have changed somewhat based on my life experience.

In relationships, if you get your heart broken, you do change and you look to see what in you might have contributed to it, but more importantly, how to make sure it never happens again and avoid red flags immediately, not later. Also, never expect someone to change once they demonstrate enough times they will never do so.

In BDSM and D/s, my thoughts are the same; I love what I do when I have the right man to engage in it with.

The biggest thing for me now is that I will not let my sexuality drive my relationship decisions EVER AGAIN. I have gone to the far side of that, in that I will not even consider sex with someone unless I really feel we are compatible in all the other important ways.

I had enough amazing, earth shattering great sex in my life and now I want a great partner to share everything else with. Not that I would turn down great sex, but it is just not my driving influence now. I mean, when you wake up from crazy good sex and the person next to you is not good for anything else in the relationship, what good is that?

In fact, I think (?) I would accept a less earth shattering lust in favor of a deeper more mature kind of love.

Who knows though? Life just moves on and you need to be ready to deal with everything.

(in reply to njlauren)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Are there differences between young and old BDSMers?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078