Where to start

Where to start (Full Version)

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JustAsking31 -> Where to start (7/7/2013 8:54:21 AM)
I am a sub by nature. I am wanting to learn how to teach my boyfriend how to dominate me a little, no a lot more then he does now. He has finally learned how to talk to me. And he's learning how to smack my ass, but he is still afraid of hurting me. He can't see himself choking me. How can I, in a sense, break him and turn him? He is ex-military so he is use to structure. I'm needing help.

MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: Where to start (7/7/2013 9:03:41 AM)
Are you sure he's got a Dominant nature to begin with? Don't forget HIS needs to express his own nature. If he's a submissive (yes, some military men are) then he might have no real stomach for dominating you. You might need to switch roles occasionally for BOTH of you to get your needs met. There is a book I've seen many recommend, "The Loving Dominant". Last I knew Amazon was still selling it. There are also instructional BDSM and D/s books to be found there as well. Invest a little, enjoy reading them together. Good luck!

DarkSteven -> RE: Where to start (7/7/2013 2:11:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JustAsking31 I am a sub by nature. I am wanting to learn how to teach my boyfriend how to dominate me a little, no a lot more then he does now. He has finally learned how to talk to me. And he's learning how to smack my ass, but he is still afraid of hurting me. He can't see himself choking me. How can I, in a sense, break him and turn him? He is ex-military so he is use to structure. I'm needing help. You don't break a Dom. You entered a relationship with a vanilla, knowing that you really needed a relationship with a Dom. Now you're stuck with the job of converting a vanilla, with no guarantee it'll actually work. You're getting impatient. Forget about him choking you. And it sounds like he's not giving you the sort of spanking you want. I suspect you may be hitting a plateau with him getting Dommified. As a last effort, give him a copy of When Someone You Love is Kinky. Good luck.

theRose4U -> RE: Where to start (7/7/2013 5:33:50 PM)
Book suggestions are both good, my caution is know EXACTLY what your boyfriend went though when deployed. Hands around your neck isn't the time for a raging case of PTSD!! My thought run similar to those above. Its entirely possible he isn't wired for this & the only thing that keeps him "normal" is kindness & gentleness he didn't get in the military. What you are doing is called "topping from the bottom" directing what you want, how you want it & criticizing when you don't get it...that's the farthest thing from submission you can get!! Try kneeling in front of him asking how you can please him (I know novel concept when you want him in charge). Make his favorite meals especially stuff you hate. Blow jobs without the expectation of your own pleasure & STOP TELLING HIM WHAT TO DO are how you figure out for sure what he's made of.

SeekingTrinity -> RE: Where to start (7/7/2013 8:53:35 PM)
~FRing it~ I'd caution you against trying to make someone be something that they might not be. Everything I've heard you say (granted its not a lot) tells me you have ideas about where you want to go and how you'd like to get there, but he might not be the guy to get you there. All you can really do is talk honestly with him, not try to break him.

SwitchNSpanky -> RE: Where to start (7/8/2013 2:13:49 PM)
Shit. Give him some time to develope into his role. It took years to teach him to respect women. Not to hit or humiliate them. He prob can't undo all that training over night. Just be real open about what gets you hot, and then when he does that, he will see the effect and try to "go bigger" in order to get a bigger reaction out of you. After sex have a debriefing and be pretty honest about howit went. Tell him. "I loved it when you spanked me and called me names. That was hot. ... You could even spank me harder next time... I get crazy turned on if I get spanked so hard I want to cry." Next time. He might be thinking crazy turned on she says... OK!!!

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