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RE: A question for experienced doms. - 7/10/2013 4:33:59 AM

DaddySatyr

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I guess I'm having a bit of an issue with "do you still want her to be her own person".

Some have used the words/terms "mature", "intelligent", and "independent". To my mind, I'm not sure that "independent" doesn't fly in the face of "submit".

quote:

ORIGINAL Submit

To yield or surrender (oneself) to the will or authority of another.

As opposed to:

quote:

ORIGINAL Independent

2. Free from the influence, guidance, or control of another or others; self-reliant

3. Not determined or influenced by someone or something else; not contingent

So, I'm not quite so sure how "independent" I want her to be. If I tell her that I need the dishes done and she decides that the strawberry plants need to be planted, I know in which order I want those tasks accomplished.

I don't think submission negates maturity or intelligence or independent thought and surely, I want her to feel free to discuss anything with me. However, I want her to always defer to my ultimate wishes. Those dishes had better be clean, when I get home. I don't care if the strawberries are planted or not.

Micro-managing sucks ... ALWAYS ! "How can that be", you might ask? This guy says he doesn't want a lady to act independently. Well, as I've shown; her, doing as I want, if she is not necessarily in agreement with me, is definitely not being "independent" but, I don't need to be standing over her to make sure it gets done.

If I leave the house with: "Good-bye, sweetheart. I love you. Please remember that I need dinner ready by 1730.", I don't care how she gets it done. She can cook. She can have something in the microwave (I'm sorry, Nana). She can order something to be delivered. To me, micro-managing is more like insisting that it be specifically one of those methods. I'm fed. I don't care how it happens. Hell, if she responds with: "Daddy, I don't think I'll have time to have dinner ready by 1730" she has still served me because I can either do it, myself or I can stop and get something. Again, I'm chowing down by 1730. I'm a happy little camper.

Okay. I've weighed in and I've been a bit more long winded than I wanted to be (also than I promised myself I would be here, from now on).

Peace and comfort,

Michael

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 7/10/2013 4:35:42 AM >

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RE: A question for experienced doms. - 7/10/2013 4:39:32 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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I'm hugely independent, and hugely submissive to my husband. I don't see the two as being mutually exclusive in the least. Either you are working together, with the dom in the lead, or you're not.

The two of us make a great team b/c we are. Himself has a highly intelligent and independent person he can count on to back him up and make him look good, always.

As far 'be your own person' -- I specifically want a sub who is a strong personality, very much his or her own person, it makes those times when they beg or cry or submit unconditionally so much sweeter.

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RE: A question for experienced doms. - 7/10/2013 9:42:21 AM

Dyfrynt

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kitty, what is your answer to this question? Do you desire to be a sub and still be your own person? And your answer includes your belief in what it means to be a sub, and what it means to be your own person.

The implication is that you see micromanagement as a negative. So second question for you to answer. Are you willing to be micromanaged? Micromanagement in and of itself can be a positive or a negative experience. The result depends on the desire of the manager. I know people who micromanage where their own needs come first and the subs needs come second. The important point is that the subs needs are taken into consideration.

I also know Dominants who micromanage because they are only interested in their own needs, and do not care about the needs of the other person. One guy in particular I know well, and he is mystified why his wife/ former slave is always unhappy, often aggressive, and sometimes out of control. He has had her under his thumb for years and she has few if any outlets. He cannot understand why she does what she does. Or he will not.

So when you answer these questions for yourself, you use that knowledge of yourself when you are talking to a prospective Dominant. When you find one whose desires reasonable match yours, you've probably found someone worth giving it a go.

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RE: A question for experienced doms. - 7/10/2013 1:13:04 PM

Kana

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quote:

We have talked about one day me not working and simply being his "it" full time. It's something I am nervous about but also like.

Oh Ko-This will be regretted.
And yes, I will sooooooooooo throw this in her face.
For ages.

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RE: A question for experienced doms. - 7/10/2013 5:58:13 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

We have talked about one day me not working and simply being his "it" full time. It's something I am nervous about but also like.

Oh Ko-This will be regretted.
And yes, I will sooooooooooo throw this in her face.
For ages.

ppfftt you already knew.

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RE: A question for experienced doms. - 7/11/2013 1:21:56 PM

SwitchNSpanky

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Read this poast/thread a while ago. Kinda walked away to chew on it before answering. But so far my partners were all vanilla before me. So color my replies accordingly. My girls seem to have all jumped into this feet first. I got em started slow and at some point I've always found myself "rushing" to catch up.

So. We start vanilla but I've always said " I can't go long term vanilla. Try out my slave thing(actual spiel is much wordier)". Then, partly cuz one of my kinks is forced orgasums I've never had a lady who didn't want to sign up for slavery. (only asked a few too. It's not like a million women are all begging me.).

It seems that micro management is what they think they want when the whole Slave thing is all new and shiney. but after the first glow wears off. They want to contribute to "us"on their own merit. Just like a vanilla chick. So over the time I've been in the scene I try to modify my demands to suit their needs.

Most extream example is my Wife. As a Cherokee she rules the house and kids. It's hers (despite me paying for) and the kids are hers and her clans. Period. I act as a regular American dad to my sisters kids. They are my clan. Not their fathers. He gets to play dad till my Sis says "get out". Then. I and my cousins make sure he gets out. Same at my house. Yet in reverse.

It's kinda diff here in modern culture. Us dads are very invested in our kids. But we still maintain a heavy interest in our "clan kids". This dynamic gets "pushed" in a stereotypical 24/7 relationship. We "play" at me running the house. But if wife decided she don't want to play... She runs the show. Or I can move to my sisters. (good god no! Not that..)

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RE: A question for experienced doms. - 7/13/2013 7:40:41 PM

MrRodgers

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

We have talked about one day me not working and simply being his "it" full time. It's something I am nervous about but also like.

Oh Ko-This will be regretted.
And yes, I will sooooooooooo throw this in her face.
For ages.

ppfftt you already knew.

A sleeping slave can be a beautiful slave. A rested slave can be a pleasurable slave. For me, being a bit of an old-school traditionalist, a slave working outside the house is so that we...save and invest, save and invest.

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RE: A question for experienced doms. - 7/14/2013 1:07:44 AM

FrankAr

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You might have to understand about the micromanaging of a person....there are different levels. I mean there are some females and males out there whom do not want to have the hassle about deciding what to cook, what to wear, what movie to go see. I mean how many times do you hear the convo go....what movie do you want to go and see, what is playing, where is it at, what time, what restaurant you want to go to, what night, go buy something to wear, do the hair.

Take that out of the equation and you have that freedom for her to know that the man or woman is happy with how you look, what you are wearing, what you are watching, what meal is being eaten...and so forth.

The female or male has the weight off the shoulders, she then can go about her day, no hassle.

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RE: A question for experienced doms. - 7/14/2013 1:24:53 AM

TieMeInKnottss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

The female or male has the weight off the shoulders, she then can go about her day, no hassle.

FINALLY!!! Someone who understands

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RE: A question for experienced doms. - 7/14/2013 8:40:29 AM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

We have talked about one day me not working and simply being his "it" full time. It's something I am nervous about but also like.

Oh Ko-This will be regretted.
And yes, I will sooooooooooo throw this in her face.
For ages.

ppfftt you already knew.

A sleeping slave can be a beautiful slave. A rested slave can be a pleasurable slave. For me, being a bit of an old-school traditionalist, a slave working outside the house is so that we...save and invest, save and invest.

Yeah,but I don't want just a slave. I want an It.

Slaves are easy.I'm for going far beyond mere servitude here.I'm talking a work of art in FT suffering/bondage/caging/deprivation.

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RE: A question for experienced doms. - 7/16/2013 11:24:45 PM

lobster123

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Im a male dom. There's the control but then there's a bit of teaching if the person is deficit in a area. Last slave was good hearted but did have add. Quite very abnormally. We worked on it together. Being a Dom isn't about just the control. It's also about helping and changing the slave to what they want to be. Everyone has a dream let them follow it. Read some psychology in why a sub becomes a sub. A fantasy that most times starts circumstantial

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RE: A question for experienced doms. - 7/17/2013 10:38:08 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
captain or the leader of a platoon of trained pros who know HOW things are to be done...the leader chooses the path, shapes the future...but he relies on his soldiers to be able to enact his vision when he is not there...

That.

I only control closely when I think, for whatever reasons, shit is likely to go wrong. I'm just way too lazy for anything else.

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RE: A question for experienced doms. - 7/18/2013 3:03:23 AM

MariaB

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Micromanaging can be fun in small doses but a person who is continually micromanaged risks becoming timid and tentative.

Ongoing and long term micromanagement says, 'I have no confidence in his/her abilities'. He doesn't allow the person to grow or improve. Someone who doesn't want his sub/slave to ever use their own initiative is in my opinion, control obsessed. He's a person who is unable to delegate or trust and the result of that is, he's stressed because keeping such a tight rein on everything is just as hard work as doing it all himself!!

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