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Making Some Headway - 7/13/2013 11:18:45 PM   
AWingedGuardian


Posts: 22
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Status: offline 		Disclaimer: This post is likely to be riddled with an utter plethora of ignorance. If that doesn't bother you? Then by all means, read on.


As a young Dominant male, one begins to ponder where to start. As such, many tend to look at you and really question just whether or not you are filling the role as much as you claim. "Inexperienced? Well then they obviously can't know that much about themselves yet" right? Even so, I'm going to keep going with the Dominant mentality. Whether or not this is even the proper forum to be posting this in, I have no idea. Yet I have had this on my mind for a good while.

However even at the end of the day, when you come home and yank that tie free to finally feel a chance to relax...? What does one do when most of your friends are not like-minded in the sense that none of them are even aware of the Lifestyle, let alone participants? Sure, you can introduce and educate them. But what is there to introduce if you lack a community to step into? I can meddle about in forums and private messages all day, though it doesn't really bring me any closer to stepping into a local group. Does Fetlife tend to be a better option for connecting with the local scene? Locating venues or dungeons? A Munch would be great, though I seem to be flying a bit blind. I was under the assumption that an individual doesn't simply step in and introduce themselves, so much as a member of the group invites them.

So how does a "fresh" Dom really make his entrance? Where does he find his fellow naughty folk? As much fun as it is getting the odd looks or quirked brows when mentioning certain interests, I'd much rather have a look of understanding; appreciation wouldn't hurt, either. Are there certain "do"s and "don't"s that are very clearly defined? Not looking to step on toes, here.

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RE: Making Some Headway - 7/13/2013 11:43:25 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		I am not sure where you got the idea you had to be invited; everyone was new sometime.

http://www.jaywiseman.com/SEX_BDSM_MunchGuide.php

http://www.arizonapowerexchange.org/links.html
(includes the link for Fetlife)

And because of your age, you fall into the TNG category: http://tng-az.org/home.php

And finally someone compiled a BDSM booklist:
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm

Best wishes!


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RE: Making Some Headway - 7/13/2013 11:52:53 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		You're in Phoenix. There's no "lack of community" there. I got 153 hits for groups that have the word "Phoenix" in the title. Everything from kink, to poly, to singles groups, to rope enthusiasts, to AB/DL. In less than five minutes, I found the requirements to attend events in your area from one of the groups. (You have to attend a coffee before attending parties/events where actual play happens with that particular organization.)

I think you're confusing the difference between private and public events. Sometimes, you have to go through a more extensive vetting process when looking to do private events, but these days, public events are open to just about anybody. From the looks of what I found, you'll just have to let folks have a chance to get to know you before you'll make the group's events list.

Yep. I found the group's do's and don'ts list. Seems like pretty common dungeon rules to Me. Don't touch if something/somebody doesn't belong to you. Don't interrupt other people's scenes. So on and so on.

Type "Phoenix" into the search box on the other site and you'll find the same info.




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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: Making Some Headway - 7/14/2013 1:16:47 AM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		Some events, especially if they are held at a private home, will require you to be "interviewed" (for lack of a better word) to get invited...even things that are pretty tame like a discussion group... Sounds more daunting than it is...especially with free sites like Fet and CM..you could end up with lookie-loos who just want to come and make fun of everybody to crazies who "demonstrate"... The hosts just want to know you are actually interested before telling you the details...

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RE: Making Some Headway - 7/14/2013 2:59:22 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Fet is a better place for connecting with local groups.

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RE: Making Some Headway - 7/14/2013 8:32:20 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

A Munch would be great, though I seem to be flying a bit blind. I was under the assumption that an individual doesn't simply step in and introduce themselves, so much as a member of the group invites them.


I dunno bout Phoenix,but here in sweaty MD,that's exactly what you do.You show up,intriduce yourself,try to not be too much of a nimrod,then go get Pizza.
Only time you need an invite is if it's a private deal.

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RE: Making Some Headway - 7/15/2013 10:10:48 AM   
SwitchNSpanky


Posts: 418
Joined: 5/28/2013
Status: offline 		First. As a Young Dominant Male you put on a very thick skin and your big boy panties and search your local munch. Or. You do like I did and roll the dice to see if you can convert some vanilla broad. I scored "seven or eleven" when I rolled the dice on this choice three times. Yet my bros were not so lucky. But you vastly increase the odds of scoring big if you attend events where kink chicks congregate. So totally go there. Also. Read this forum twice. Get ready to hear BS like "your young-you don't know what you want!" or. "you have to start at the bottom to learn how
to top". And my personal favorite "a Master is someone with experiance. You earn that title. (a master is a dude who owns a slave-obviously-but you can earn Master type "merrit Badges frim various groups and sine ove thise do hold a ton of respect and are well earned. fact is. I'm sure you have had plenty of fantisies that tell you what gets you hot or turns you cold. If you like the idea of bending a bitch to your knee your a top. If you like being subjugated by a Goddess Incarnate your prob pretty bottom. Don't let someone tell you your jerk fantasies are invalid just cuz they sound experianced or are in the in crowd like in High School.

But also remain humble and remember your new and some of these folks have been whipping people longer than you've been alive. Take advantage of that and learn all you can. Folks like to teach a good student. Take advantage of that and bind your arrogance at home.

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I am a lover AND a fighter...

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RE: Making Some Headway - 7/16/2013 6:50:43 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

A Munch would be great, though I seem to be flying a bit blind. I was under the assumption that an individual doesn't simply step in and introduce themselves, so much as a member of the group invites them.


You're assumption is could not be more wrong. The Phoenix area has a HUGE and very active BDSM community, with multiple play parties nearly every weekend and several coffee get-togethers and/or munches every week. While there are some invitation only events, they're not many. The best way to find your local community is on FL. Once you've joined and made a profile, go to the "Places" link at the top of the page and follow the links from there.

(in reply to AWingedGuardian)
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RE: Making Some Headway - 7/16/2013 7:12:09 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Some things in the community are invite only. Particularly when it's at a person private home. But there are many public events that are not invite only.

As for an entrance. Go to the event with the idea everyone knows everyone.. Except you! Be polite use basic simple manners and introduce yourself slowly among the group. Take time to listen learn of the person. Avoid asking overly person questions at first, sometimes it's best to keep the question similar to what is being asked you. Most of all. Take your time don't rush. Come back again and again and again


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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Making Some Headway - 7/16/2013 11:45:29 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		I get a kick out of these questions. It's not a mystery event. Typically public gatherings are held at a restaurant. So act like you would at any social gathering. Yep it's really that simple. Introduce yourself, make small talk as most of the conversation is not going to be about kink.

Enjoi yourself

BadOne

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: Making Some Headway - 7/16/2013 11:49:39 PM   
splatterpunk


Posts: 119
Joined: 7/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

So how does a "fresh" Dom really make his entrance? Where does he find his fellow naughty folk? As much fun as it is getting the odd looks or quirked brows when mentioning certain interests, I'd much rather have a look of understanding; appreciation wouldn't hurt, either. Are there certain "do"s and "don't"s that are very clearly defined? Not looking to step on toes, here.


walk into any bar frequented by sorority girls on a friday night. make sure you're dressed in black on black on black on black on black. jump up on a table and perform samuel l jackson's monologue (this one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2WK_eWihdU ) from pulp fiction verbatim. when you're done calmly walk to the bar and order a shot of their "most premium tequila." down the shot and stand at the bar wordlessly waiting for the first alpha gam to crawl up and kiss your engineer boots.

you're welcome :D

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RE: Making Some Headway - 7/17/2013 9:57:57 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AWingedGuardian
So how does a "fresh" Dom really make his entrance?

For me it was collarme which led to a local contact (*waves at SimplyMichael*) which led to a munch and from there to MAsT. Do bring an open mind. Don't be an asshat. Really I didn't find any unusual social rules. If you can navigate normal society then you'll do fine. By the way, i was struggling pretty hard with my prejudices at my first few meetings and I'd say I failed at the "open mind" and "don't be an asshat" rules. Things still worked out.

Examples of things which are not fine?

Walking up to some random stranger and demanding they kneel.

But seriously... who does that except on the internet?


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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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