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RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 7/17/2013 7:35:59 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

apparently the op doesn't like it when he is just told "not interested". So I'm betting he asked her why and that was her response. Easy and to the point. When I was single and they would come back asking why, I was just as honest because they never ever just took "not interested" as not interested. You get what you ask for.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to njlauren)

Post #: 21

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 10/4/2013 9:59:58 AM

MissOldBroad

Posts: 6
Joined: 9/18/2013
Status: offline

I am 51, and my Daddy is 10+ years older than me. I did not look at his age, I read his profile and from that I decided to contact him. So make sure you profile says the accurate things about you that you want to share.

I admit I was prejudices against Dom's that where younger than me. Not sure why! but like the word says, I Pre Judged those men without ever getting to know them. My Bad.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 22

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 10/4/2013 11:36:45 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fightdirecto
It's especially troubling to get a response like that, at age 62, from a woman who is 65 or older (like I just did yesterday)!

As a submissive, is there a chronological age which, after the Dom/Domme passes it, they are "too old"?

I know nothing about you, so I'm going to draw a conclusion that might be totally wrong, and make me look (deservedly) like a dick. But I figure, if my first impression is helpful, I might as well share it.

You sound as though you *look* old. Women are not seeing your photo and thinking of you as a sexual being, but rather as someone unfuckable. Do you think there's some truth to that? Ignore all other aspects of email contact. How dateable do you look in the photos you send?

If I'm right (and I may not be), I'd suggest you get off the internet and go to the gym. Maybe only cruise CollarChat when you are on the stationary bike or the treadmill.

Also, if you work out more, and see your body changing for the better, you'll be more likely to be happier and more optimistic. That will have an effect on your dating life.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Fightdirecto)

Post #: 23

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 10/4/2013 12:50:08 PM

noellesdestiny

Posts: 94
Joined: 9/3/2012
Status: offline

I have always preferred older, and that's usually over 55, and in 60's too.

(in reply to njlauren)

Post #: 24

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 10/4/2013 1:24:15 PM

zerogirl

Posts: 28
Joined: 9/15/2013
Status: offline

I think age like everything we look for in a partner is a matter of preference. I've always been attracted to older men and when I was younger I thought for sure I would end up with someone 15-20 years older than me but I fell in love with my Daddy/Master and He's only 5 years older than me. I always joke with Him that He just met my "Bare minimum" age requirement but it's kind of true, I used to say I needed at least 5 years between myself and a man. I dated guys my own age and it never worked out, but granted this was back when I was 19-21 and guys that age aren't known for their maturity so if I found myself single today I'd probably be more open to my age bracket now.

My belief is that if you have a strong age preference like that and you're on an online dating site (whether kinky or vanilla) then I think you should mention it in your profile that you'll be excluding people based on their age.

< Message edited by zerogirl -- 10/4/2013 1:26:24 PM >

(in reply to noellesdestiny)

Post #: 25

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 10/4/2013 4:07:09 PM

bloomswell

Posts: 52
Status: offline

I still think I'm in my twenties. I read those contact ads and I have to remember I'm really sixty. It's a cold hard shock. Fortunately I'm happily married and not seeking but if I was I'd probably be feeling deeply ashamed of having dared to grow so old.

(in reply to zerogirl)

Post #: 26

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 10/4/2013 4:34:18 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I'm going to be blunt. Your profile IS old.

Your sailboat pic is wonderful. The others show you doing sedentary things.

Your profile text doesn't grab.

Look at mnottertail's profile. His face looks alert. His writing, weird as it always is, hops smartly along.

My own profile, even though I'm 57, doesn't sound that old.

Sorry for the bluntness.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to bloomswell)

Post #: 27

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 10/5/2013 12:32:28 AM

ThePrincessKali

Posts: 424
Joined: 9/19/2012
Status: offline

With exception to the woman who was 65, how old are the women you're messaging? I'm in my mid 20s and when men in their 40s or older try to hit on me (online or in real life) I'm not into it and find it to be a little offensive. But if you are contacting women who are around your age then I don't see why they would act like this. If you're messaging women in their 30s then I can see why they may feel that way. And to play devils advocate, while I don't condone unwanted rude behavior. It is a little weird getting hit on by someone your parents age so if the women were significantly younger (like half the OP's age) I can see why they may lash out as they're probably constantly getting unwanted attention from men twice their age.

(in reply to njlauren)

Post #: 28

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 10/5/2013 12:57:32 AM

PrincessDonna11

Posts: 289
Joined: 8/7/2011
Status: offline

I prefer older subs and so do most (but not all) of my friends. They seem to be more emotionally balanced in the lifestyle, spend more time thinking of what will really please me as opposed to trying to grope all the time. I have no problem getting someone older to carry their weight without having to worry about mind changes/ I just don't play aloft games

(in reply to njlauren)

Post #: 29

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 10/5/2013 11:50:17 AM

djrems

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/12/2010
Status: offline

Better a rude answer than to get ignored anyway. Isn't it ?

(in reply to Fightdirecto)

Post #: 30

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 10/5/2013 12:17:42 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThePrincessKali
I'm in my mid 20s and when men in their 40s or older try to hit on me (online or in real life) I'm not into it and find it to be a little offensive.

I think your post is well said, and you gave good advice to the OP. But I guess I'd like to talk to you directly about this one sentence.

I don't think there's any reason to be offended unless the guys are genuinely offensive. When I turned 40, I was *shocked* at the number of 20-something women who were actively interested in me. The turning point was really at 38 -- I became "hot" for the first time in my life, and on some level I still don't understand what switch flipped. And I'm nothing special to look at. I have a decent personality, a sense of humor, and I do some cardio.

Anyway, there's a fair amount of social reinforcement that women half my age might be interested in my advances. This is especially true in kink, I believe. A lot of sub women are looking for older masters, because of daddy issues or whatever other reason; and a lot of dom women are looking for older men, because they are often more stable, less gropey, have a better sense how to please.

So, from my perspective, it's hard to know when a younger woman would want my attention, or when she would think I'm a lech. Pretty much, I try to ignore the possibility of rejection, and write someone (or ask her out) if I think we could have a good time if she said yes.

Maybe you're picking up a vibe that these guys only chase women half their age? That's not where I'm coming from, because I've happily dated older. But if the subtext is that the man is approaching you because he wants a trophy, that's objectifying you right out of the gate, and I can see how annoying that might be.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to ThePrincessKali)

Post #: 31

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 10/5/2013 3:06:29 PM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

OP, I am 30+, I had a sex marathon of 3 days non-stop fucking with a 60yr old and it was awesome. He was youthful and looked 10 years younger, had great stamina and energy, and alot more than men in their 30's have. So it's not the age, it's the man.

Anyway, it is in my personal experience that I do prefer men 40's to 50's, as they tend to be better lovers, generally.

Men my near my age usually don't work well with me, no idea why, and I have insatiable sex drive, where men who are older knows what to do with it and have more patience to satisfy me.

I have to admit that different women will form pre-conceived notions due to their personal experience. As I always had bad sex with men younger than me, I tend to already not consider them at all.

The lady who turn you down may simply have bad experiences with older men.

I also agree with many others that, you can't take stuffs like these negatively. You have to be positive. Attitude would make a huge difference. I recently met a 39 yr old that impressed me with his maturity, that I felt his really 50 instead of 39 and well, he was a rare one, because seriously, I still feel more men in their 30's are babies, and I want to be the baby, not their mom.

In your case, you got to show you are young at heart, fun and just be positive.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/5/2013 3:26:51 PM >

(in reply to njlauren)

Post #: 32

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 10/17/2013 6:14:34 PM

kevin32

Posts: 10
Joined: 9/21/2013
Status: offline

Hey Fightdirector, haven't heard from you in awhile. I think a few of us here are still optimistic about you finding the right woman. How have you been holding up lately?

< Message edited by kevin32 -- 10/17/2013 6:16:13 PM >

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 33

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 10/18/2013 10:52:50 AM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline

Well, I tell people my age limit is 40, but it's actually 47. The reason being is that if I put 40, and I get messages from people 42, 45, 47, then it's all good, but if I put 47, then I'll get messages from people 49, 52, 54, 60.

I can't comment on your situation but, as a girl who'd like to settle down and have a family, age is really important to me. There's just no point people in their 50s and 60s contacting me as they're too old to have kids and do the family thing.

Nonetheless, I get messages from people way out of my age range. The other day I got a message from a man aged 63. They tell me that the age gap doesn't matter, but I don't see them contacting submissives who are 91.

If age is just a number to you, perhaps aim for a bit older, than exactly your own age? Women live longer than men on average, so they might be looking for someone a little younger.

(in reply to Fightdirecto)

Post #: 34

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 10/18/2013 1:19:14 PM

SweetAnise

Posts: 480
Joined: 8/23/2013
Status: offline

This is the internet. There is no reason to be upset with anyone unless you AGREE WITH THEM. Take what she says with grain of salt and move on.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)

Post #: 35

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 10/24/2013 8:04:36 AM

Domnotlooking

Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline

In this mean old world, as we get older, we get less sexually desirable to the world at large.

Even if we are wonderful human beings with extensive tantric/bdsm/whatever knowledge, less and less people want to hear about it. If someone like Harrison Ford gets laughed at during his mutton dressed like lamb love scenes with his (barely tolerant) younger co-stars -really, what hope to do guys like us have?

Past 60, it's down to fucking a craggy old ass or no ass at all -assuming you can even coax said craggy old ass to upend at all. Those craggy old asses have their own mating woes baggage gumming up the whole process, just like you do.

But in your specific case, I have 2 insights:

1) Your mean female correspondent was enjoying her god given right to throw shit on the internet with insouciant impunity. She's probably less adamant on the issue in real life, but what's it to you? You have a greater chance of discovering a new planet than you do of meeting her.

2) When I went to MasT (big master and slave convention), there were indeed a few craggy old female asses on offer looking for an older dominant partner.

How craggy? Upper-medium craggy. Like I deserve any better.

(in reply to njlauren)

Post #: 36

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 10/25/2013 5:07:24 PM

allnewtoday

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/15/2013
Status: offline

I'm in my thirties, and i only date older men. Someone has recently been taking up all my attention, and he's just a few years younger than you..
If you come across as just a horny old man, then yes, women won't deal with it. If you use your intellect, experience and sensuality (not i didn't say sexuality), you will likely get more responses from nature people..don't forget that people don't always mature as they age, as in the case of the most recent email. ad

(in reply to Fightdirecto)

Post #: 37

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 10/27/2013 4:19:36 AM

Bedmonster

Posts: 11
Joined: 10/7/2013
Status: offline

OP, you should be grateful for those messages and just change your perspective on how you read them i.e "Sorry, I'm an oppinionated kunt, I also prefer my partner to be aged...." this is where you lose interest since they stopped being worth your attention.

If you want to be more appropriately concerned with the age gap itself rather than the way you were being told about it, here's an interesting read for ya :
http://www.collarchat.com/m_4568071/tm.htm

(in reply to allnewtoday)

Post #: 38

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 10/28/2013 8:00:35 AM

tommonymous

Posts: 404
Joined: 1/21/2013
Status: offline

"You're washed up, and can't get it up or keep it up, has been." makes the same point as "Thanks for your interest, but you're outside the age range I'm interested in. Good luck!" Neither might be any less true, and one doesn't cost the writer any more than the other.

However, one does display a fair amount of prejudice, and (sadly not surprisingly, given the medium of communication) bad manners. It's possible to be both completely honest and also diplomatic about it. Sparing someone's feelings does not make one weak, and vice versa.

OP: Some people are just dicks, don't let them fuck with the way you live your life.

_____________________________

"Remember kids. Just because it hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen at all." --Hillwilliam

And just because it worked for you, doesn't mean it will (or ought to) work for everyone.

(in reply to Fightdirecto)

Post #: 39

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 11/6/2013 8:26:14 PM

olderzbetter

Posts: 1
Joined: 10/5/2013
Status: offline

I know the feeling. I'm even older than you. If you want to attract younger girls, lie about your age. And it helps if you are also a billionaire. And if you take Viagra.

Just kidding. Hang in there. SOME sub wants grandpa sex.

(in reply to njlauren)

Post #: 40

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