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AAkasha -> What makes you a great partner? (7/21/2013 11:08:43 AM)
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When talking to potential partners through the years and asking about their qualities, potential subs often say things like, "I love to serve," and "I am obedient and loyal." These are fairly standard. I like to have men really think about what they can say that makes them different. But these are "submissive" qualities - and often these are even "vanilla" qualities, too, if you think about it.
What makes a "bottom" a great partner though? I can think about partners who absolutely BLEW MY MIND when I dominated physically - through bondage, making the endure pain, strap on play, mindfucks, breath play, or whatever my sadistic, sensual mind was urging me to do. I can also share what a crappy partner partner did, and I was hoping others could do the same, because I feel like bottoming isn't talked about enough. It's like the red-headed stepchild of BDSM.
What does an awesome submissive bottom do?
* He reacts - intensely, honestly, passionately.
That means eye contact (if he isn't blindfolded). He tries to communicate every available emotion in his scale to my soul with the use of his eyes, often so effectivel y that I have to look away out of discomfort or blindfold him because it gives me chills or makes me ache with lust.
* He uses his mouth
I am orally fixated on a man's mouth. If I am not USING it (lol), he licks his lips (nerves, or bites his lips, thinking, etc) to make me take note of it, he does things to make me look at his mouth - it makes me think of kissing him, or using his mouth in some manner, or gagging him, or ...oh my. Just anything.
* He moves his body in subtle, suggestive ways
A bottom knows I am hyper aware of his body movements, especially hips, wrists, ankles. He struggles against restraints, but in a seductive way (no lame thrashing, unless it's just the right time, and timing is everything), he uses very understated tugs here and there, he rotates a hip, he curls a toe, he makes a fist, he outstretches a finger to try to touch my hand
* He breathes - just right
Breathing on its own is a damn fetish of mine. I will put it right out there. So he may just hold it for a second, or let it out at the right time, or change tempo, or manipulate it to give a clue to his real or manufactured level of fear, and I am caught in HIS web for a moment. His breathing when we are kissing or when I'm allowing him to speak is critical.
* Whimpering done right
I absolutely detest whiny crybabies but can be put near orgasm with whimpering - but I'm as easy to read as an open book and I give immediate feedback to a man when I have him beg for something. But I don't like to have to retrain him over and over again regarding how I want him to make soft, subtle sounds to indicate his suffering. Most important, it should not be overused. In fact, NOTHING should be overused....which brings the last and most important point....
* EMPATHY and INTUITION
Above all, knowing how to READ me. How much and when do to all of the above. I have known men that "get it" on a micro level, but then on a macro level, have no clue on how much, or when, or even why. Their timing is bad, their execution is awkward, or they overdo it (whimper constantly to the point that it's annoying after the first 5 minutes, struggle too much, etc). It's just like being a good lover in bed. So this is where it becomes art, really. A submissive and bottom has a HUGE task here - they have to be able to do ALL of these things above while dealing with pain, suffering, their own arousal, and reading me and my body language. That is NOT an easy task. That's why I do say "submitting to me is NOT easy."
What are some things that other dominant women find make a great submissive/bottom?
What are some things that subs/bottoms have found make them very attractive to partners, or have helped them be effective in pleasing their partners?
As always, YMMV!
Akasha
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