RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ?

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RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/26/2013 2:59:31 PM

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Not Spiritedsub obviously, but a mainstream belief about the psychology of rapists is that they are motivated by power, not sex. Evidence for this includes the fact that many rapists don't ejaculate during the act. (Not sure how many is many.) I read maybe six months ago that some psychologists are moving away from that belief, in favor of rape having a primarily sexual motivation after all. No links, I'm afraid, but I imagine it's a contentious issue.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/26/2013 3:12:22 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Not Spiritedsub obviously, but a mainstream belief about the psychology of rapists is that they are motivated by power, not sex. Evidence for this includes the fact that many rapists don't ejaculate during the act. (Not sure how many is many.) I read maybe six months ago that some psychologists are moving away from that belief, in favor of rape having a primarily sexual motivation after all. No links, I'm afraid, but I imagine it's a contentious issue.

Interesting. I'd often wondered about the view that 'rape is about power, not sex'. Clearly, rape does have a lot to do with power - but is sex entirely *irrelevant*?

And rapists can get erections, but (sometimes?/ often?) don't ejaculate?

This is all odd.

Go in search of those links, Red! Well, OK, I could do that myself . . . .

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RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/26/2013 4:01:33 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

*wonders if anyone else understood the Audrey 2 reference*

LOL... I wondered the same thing myself :)

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RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/26/2013 4:22:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkmatter24

So it's basically a way to cope with your personality and anger issues. All the more evidence to establish "financial domination" as something that shouldn't exist in the kink realm.

I totally disagree with your logic.

A woman who likes you will give you a back rub. Otherwise, go pay a masseuse. The reason someone becomes a masseuse has nothing to do with whether or not massage should or should not be allowed.

But let's say you're right in some sense that satisfies your moral indignation. Go police the internet now and makes sure that everyone knows that "financial domination" shouldn't exist in the kink realm. How are you going to enforce it when the free sites happen to survive because there's a demand for it, and the clientele also end up supporting those sites?

You're just pissed off that those pics you find attractive, with descriptions which imply no strings and you can straight from"hello" to "fetish play" belong to findommes.

Did you really expect to find women anywhere who are just waiting for some guy, any guy, and then they'll say indiscriminately "Oh FINALLY.. a horny guy who wants kink... You know how long I've been waiting for someone like that to come along? Bend over and let's get started!!!!!"

Seriously?

You want fetish without a relationship, open your wallet.
You want fetish with an intimate relationship, open your heart.

aka You gotta get into my head to get into my bed.

or cuffs, as the case may be.

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RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/26/2013 4:39:32 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Not Spiritedsub obviously, but a mainstream belief about the psychology of rapists is that they are motivated by power, not sex. Evidence for this includes the fact that many rapists don't ejaculate during the act. (Not sure how many is many.) I read maybe six months ago that some psychologists are moving away from that belief, in favor of rape having a primarily sexual motivation after all. No links, I'm afraid, but I imagine it's a contentious issue.

Interesting. I'd often wondered about the view that 'rape is about power, not sex'. Clearly, rape does have a lot to do with power - but is sex entirely *irrelevant*?

And rapists can get erections, but (sometimes?/ often?) don't ejaculate?

This is all odd.

Go in search of those links, Red! Well, OK, I could do that myself . . . .

Rape is the ultimate "Fuck you".

Think about prison rape. There are plenty of guys in prison willing to be on the receiving end. But that's not what a rape or gang rape in prison is about. It's about subjugation with malice. The fact that it feels good to the perp while it's excruciating and horrifying to the victim is a perk, a pleasurable means to an end.

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What you permit, you promote.

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RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/26/2013 5:45:18 PM

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I know that it's a legitimate fetish, but that doesn't stop me from thinking most financial domination accounts on here are scams.

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RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/26/2013 6:18:42 PM

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Until you run into the ones who don't scam... You're going to think that.

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RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/26/2013 6:31:36 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Not Spiritedsub obviously, but a mainstream belief about the psychology of rapists is that they are motivated by power, not sex. Evidence for this includes the fact that many rapists don't ejaculate during the act. (Not sure how many is many.) I read maybe six months ago that some psychologists are moving away from that belief, in favor of rape having a primarily sexual motivation after all. No links, I'm afraid, but I imagine it's a contentious issue.

I've seen the articles that cite power and control as the motivation behind rape, but to me it seems obvious that rape is about violence, both physical and psychological. Humans generally understand that rape is perceived by victims of both genders as falling near the extreme end of of the violence spectrum, which I think is why people rape.

An exception to that would be severely mentally disabled people who rape; in that instance the motivation would likely be sexual release.

All statements herein are just my own opinion, except for the general theory noted in the first sentence.

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RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/26/2013 7:54:51 PM

ThePrincessKali

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Epicurus341BC

I know that it's a legitimate fetish, but that doesn't stop me from thinking most financial domination accounts on here are scams.

I've also found that a good portion of "submissives" on here aren't actually submissive. They have a specific fetish they want fulfilled that. Ex: Hello Mistress. I'm a submissive. I want you to whore me out, make me smell panties, force me to suck cock, lick your heels, blah blah blah. To me, that is not true submissive behavior. It's wanting to get your kink filled and your rocks off without thought into how that would benefit the domme. But that doesn't mean I believe anyone who lists themselves as being a sub are like this. So I wouldn't make sweeping generalizations.

(in reply to Epicurus341BC)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/26/2013 8:16:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

I've seen the articles that cite power and control as the motivation behind rape, but to me it seems obvious that rape is about violence, both physical and psychological.

Well, thanks for the disclaimer. I appreciate that after the swipe about intelligence.

There certainly are different motivations leading to the decision to rape, but the popular social science view of rape is that there is no sexual motivation inherent in rape. It is literally said (and repeated) that rape is not about sex; it's about power, control, and violence, despite the fact that rape, by definition, involves overt sexual contact. The well documented occurrence of coerced sex in the wild among other animal species set aside, such claims create a false dichotomy in that they see sex, violence, and control as exclusive elements that are not, in any way, connected. The reality is lust, aggression, and control are wound quite closely in the instinct of sex. I have yet to read any paper or comprehensive study that proves sexuality is absolutely not interrelated somehow. I think what we have, instead, is a social agenda behind such sterile truisms that would rather not see the primal, chaotic, and daemonic force that sex represents or gives rise to.

Anyway, apologies for the thread hijack.

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RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/26/2013 9:10:55 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
Go in search of those links, Red! Well, OK, I could do that myself . . . .

This is rather weak of me, but at least you'll have a starting point.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causes_of_sexual_violence

and a study that seems to show a fair amount of sexual dysfunction on the part of the rapist, and also that the rape victim doesn't accurately remember whether ejaculation occurred.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1545946

I can't pinpoint the recent stuff I read that made it sound as though mainstream psych might be moving closer to a sexual motivation for rape, instead of a power motivation. So maybe it doesn't exist, or my google scholar skills are weak.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to PeonForHer)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/27/2013 9:51:07 AM

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How is it a scam though? Men, for some reason unbeknownst to me, always think they deserve to be with a woman who's 10 in the looks department, regardless of where they are looks-wise. If you look like a troll and you want to get with a beautiful woman you should expect that you're going to have to compensate her in a very tangible way. The real scam here would be if ugly dudes were getting hot women to dominate them for free.

(in reply to Epicurus341BC)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/30/2013 4:49:42 AM

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Hi,

I am new here but I would like to offer my experience with financial. I met someone about 4 years ago on NF. I didn't call a fin line, but after a few calls I really connected with the person I talked to. Long story short, they ended up having some interests that I didn't quite share, but because I really liked them I ended up getting into a few of these things.

After about 6 months we started talking off NF every day (usually 3-4 times a day). They convinced me to break up with my girlfriend at the time and I started sending her gifts via amazon every time I got paid. I didn't really ever send a huge amount of money but I was probably spending $200 a month on things. In addition, orgasm control was her big kink, so for over three years she also decided when/how I would release.

About six months ago she invited me to fly down to meet her. I did it over a long weekend and got a hotel room, etc.... When I met her she was a completely different person then the person I had seen literally over 1000 pictures of.

Getting over this has been extremely difficult and I actually feel like someone has died. I was always really private about things, but the reason I added my real photo to this site is because if I am going to meet someone I have decided I want it to be for real, as I can not go through this again. For me, it is less about the money and more about the emotional damage it has done to me.

My advice, as someone who is trying to recover from this, is to never send money to anyone who you have not met in real life - and that includes someone you have seen on cam. In the long run the toll it can take on you is not worth it.

Sorry if this is TMI for people. Just my two cents.

(in reply to CoCoCapitalist)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/30/2013 5:26:31 PM

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That^^^ would be a scam

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Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

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RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 11/30/2013 5:55:32 PM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

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WOW, that's pretty traumatic, and I have to agree with TNDommeK, DEFINITELY a scam!

THREE YEARS? That's a long time. Did you actually ever CAM chat with her in all that time or was it all just photos? This is one reason I don't place much value on photos for establishing a relationship. D/s for the sheer sake of Service is one thing, but you have to admit, it was rather foolish to establish a ROMANTIC link with someone based on photos when you'd never seen them in person. Online D/s is one thing, but you gave up a real life girlfriend as well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: billy204ma

Hi,

I am new here but I would like to offer my experience with financial. I met someone about 4 years ago on NF. I didn't call a fin line, but after a few calls I really connected with the person I talked to. Long story short, they ended up having some interests that I didn't quite share, but because I really liked them I ended up getting into a few of these things.

After about 6 months we started talking off NF every day (usually 3-4 times a day). They convinced me to break up with my girlfriend at the time and I started sending her gifts via amazon every time I got paid. I didn't really ever send a huge amount of money but I was probably spending $200 a month on things. In addition, orgasm control was her big kink, so for over three years she also decided when/how I would release.

About six months ago she invited me to fly down to meet her. I did it over a long weekend and got a hotel room, etc.... When I met her she was a completely different person then the person I had seen literally over 1000 pictures of.

Getting over this has been extremely difficult and I actually feel like someone has died. I was always really private about things, but the reason I added my real photo to this site is because if I am going to meet someone I have decided I want it to be for real, as I can not go through this again. For me, it is less about the money and more about the emotional damage it has done to me.

My advice, as someone who is trying to recover from this, is to never send money to anyone who you have not met in real life - and that includes someone you have seen on cam. In the long run the toll it can take on you is not worth it.

Sorry if this is TMI for people. Just my two cents.

(in reply to billy204ma)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 12/1/2013 4:12:14 AM

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Yes, I did cam with this person as well. Believe me, I know I got scammed. Like I said, still getting over it.

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 12/1/2013 6:56:41 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Epicurus341BC

I know that it's a legitimate fetish, but that doesn't stop me from thinking most financial domination accounts on here are scams.

I can totally understand that. I know there are many reasons a guy might come on CM bitching about findommes, but that doesn't stop me from thinking they are just pissed because they can't get a girl to touch them any other way.

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RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 12/1/2013 7:21:28 AM

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My thoughts are as follow..... If you are asked right off the back for money and you willingly give then it is what it is. Some give because there could be some self esteem issues and the feeling is let me buy who I want. Within the first few minutes you can tell if someone is interested in Persueing you or your money. Send them on their way plain and simple.

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RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 12/1/2013 8:18:00 AM

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What Billy is saying is a scam or at the least not right
A few years ago I would have said FinDomme is a bad thing - not now, not now how I have seen so many sub men bugging any girl at all to please do their fettishes to them - without ever at all finding out anything about the girl or finding if that would in any way please them
So if there are some people who have found a way to get something THEY want out of doing to a guy what HE wants and everyone knows upfront that this is what this relationship is then its no bad thing really
If a guy is going to take the time to get to know someone and find ot what they are into then it is more likely they will find someone who is willing to find out about their kinks and possibly enjoy them

If someone is just wanting to wave his hard on about in the hope that someone will be desperate to do something about it then really he should figure out what the woman is going to get out of it - and quit crying and either learn how to deal with real human beings - or pay someone

(in reply to Ladytisha)

RE: Financial Domination / What are your thoughts & Why ? - 12/1/2013 11:37:12 AM

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Just to clarify, I'm not against someone who is into FinDomme. I'm not into it (and never really have been). I was in a situation where I was more into someone who I had thought was a particular person and they were not.

Had they told me a month or two into the relationship I was having with them that they were using some other pics and then showed me who they really were I would have honestly been ok with it. Instead, I went through several years of not only buying this person things (again, this was more my choice then forced) and also helping them through some emotional things that they lied about (example - family member committing suicide that never happened).

I guess what I mean to say is before one gets too invested (financially or otherwise) in a person online make sure you 100% know who you're dealing with - and this means more then cam verify IMHO.

Again, not putting anyone or any interests down. The main reason I came online with my real pics is to try to work through this and meet someone cool.

(in reply to JetOnly)

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