RE: How many times have you thrown away your toys?

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RE: How many times have you thrown away your toys? - 8/3/2013 12:02:46 PM

theshytype

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
As an aside, the self-loathing suggestion of this thread is pretty telling.

I'm curious. Would you mind expanding this a bit more?

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RE: How many times have you thrown away your toys? - 8/3/2013 12:08:25 PM

njlauren

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Interesting, the description given is common with male crossdressers, where because either they get into a serious relationship and /or get married, o r just feel wrong about doing it, and they purge, get rid of all their stuff..and later find themselves buying more stuff, it is a cycle. One CD group I know of had a storage locker they rented, and members who wanted to 'purge' could give back their key to the place.....and then, inevitably, when the urge hit again, they could ask for the key back, when it had gotten to the point they needed to do it.

I have never thrown stuff away, other then things that broke or otherwise didn't work, but I have put them away for extended periods. Wasn't cause of guilt,more like life overwhelmed me/us and took us out of commission..

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RE: How many times have you thrown away your toys? - 8/3/2013 12:56:15 PM

MistressDarkArt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

I think the only thing I deeply regret selling was my huge collection of Estim equipment.

I would regret that too. Even if I'm not in the mood to use estim for play, I find a therapeutic use for it nearly every day. Can't tell you how many times it's knocked a stubborn knot out of my low back or has been used on acupuncture points for healing.

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RE: How many times have you thrown away your toys? - 8/3/2013 1:57:28 PM

HarryVanWinkle

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I accepted and embraced my "weirdness" many years ago. The only times I've ever thrown away toys is when they're no longer usable. That's not a rare occurrence, as I'm fond of pervertables and other inexpensive toys.

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RE: How many times have you thrown away your toys? - 8/14/2013 1:22:06 AM

MasterofSteel

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Well! Hell no! I had a vanilla girlfriend once, and she wanted me to throw my toys out, but it was her who was thrown out.

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RE: How many times have you thrown away your toys? - 8/14/2013 8:30:09 AM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterofSteel

Well! Hell no! I had a vanilla girlfriend once, and she wanted me to throw my toys out, but it was her who was thrown out.

That's pretty funny.

I was talking about this with a friend. I went through the period of time, "Am I weird?" I browsed college libraries and read Journal of Sexuality and some de Sade. This was before I was sexual myself so it didn't make a lot of sense, I just knew I was compelled to tie guys up.

What I felt *after* "the act" when it was good & intense was not necessarily the ambivalence and "shame" that some sub men tell me about, mine was sheer guilt. It was guilt for "hurting" a person I cared about, even though he enjoyed it and told me he was ok. I would cry and we'd go through it all and he would say "I would do it all over again in a heart beat" but I was satisfied so there was no need - so at THAT moment I could say, "Well I feel horribly guilty, PLUS I don't feel the need to go there again anyway, so I must be over it anyway."

I guess for subs who feel ambivalence and shame, that's where the desire to throw away toys comes from. After satisfaction comes a moment of clarity. I didn't have so much ambivalence or shame, I had guilt and confusion that I did not sort out for at least five years. I still have it sometimes but I understand it now.

Akasha

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RE: How many times have you thrown away your toys? - 8/14/2013 1:49:21 PM

foundq

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People do that? Wow, what a waste.

I wasn't even aware that I could find people "on the fence" like that on this site.

My very first sexual fantasies as a teenager were profoundly rough, maybe even a little violent. Yeah, I had my early teen years, when I didn't really know how to process the stuff in my head. Then I discovered the world of BDSM, and since then, I don't think I've ever had any doubt that I'm a thoroughly corrupted, irredeemable deviant. And I'm kinda proud of it. You should hear our dinner conversation when we go out. :3

My master owns most of our toys. The only stuff I bought myself is our estim stuff. Considering we have well over $1k worth of stuff in our set now, I dunno if I could bring myself to throw it away, even if I became a nun. After all, with the right gear, a lot can be happening under a habit.

Why are you looking at me that way. :/ I know I wasn't the only one thought of that after the word nun came up.
. . .
Sorry. :<

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RE: How many times have you thrown away your toys? - 8/14/2013 4:45:20 PM

RumpusParable

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No, I can't recall ever getting rid of stuff for any of those reasons... certainly not out of any feeling of weirdness. If I'm not feeling interested in something for a while I put it in a container and store it. Right now I'm getting rid of a lot of stuff but not due to a matter of interest in BDSM or worry of hiding; I'm selling off all of my animal-product-based toys like most of my floggers and such for other reasons.

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RE: How many times have you thrown away your toys? - 8/14/2013 5:00:13 PM

AAkasha

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Fast reply.

I was thinking a bit, and think that maybe one of the things that leads to many people NOT having issues with "toy purging" or any kind of self doubt is also the age in which they come into BDSM, or having any kind of existing information or "support community" (whether it be friends, online or munches). I think that many of the people who responded came into BDSM at a more mature stage in their life. I was very young and have been into this as far back as -- well, watching cartoons.

In my case and in some of the people I had talked to, stumbling into bdsm/femdom at an experimental age pre-Internet with no real information around, you are left with some pretty strange feelings afterward. And also when "growing up," there's also good old fashioned things like growing into identity, facing insecurity. There's nothing like being on a third date, tying a guy up, making him almost cry (even if it's "roleplaying,") going through a lot of "Are you sure you are ok?" and him saying, "Trust me, that was amazing," and there's no Internet, texting, or immediate feedback in the middle of the night besides a phone call.

The next day, when you exchange glances in a hall at school, you can't help but get a pit in your stomach and wonder....am I nuts?

Having sadistic desires that are hard to identify and communicate while also growing into adulthood and sexuality can create conflicting feelings. I LOVED my femdom side, nothing was more exhilarating. I just struggled with the guilt and how to work through it. I know subs that struggled with the ambivalence, and they often purged as a way to deal with it.

Akasha

< Message edited by AAkasha -- 8/14/2013 5:01:44 PM >

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RE: How many times have you thrown away your toys? - 8/14/2013 5:08:38 PM

Sheela22

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I never thrown away anything .however , I don't let the guy to penetrate me with the toys that have been used on others ( hygiene purpuses). So I asked him to use my fav toy Lelo on me.

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RE: How many times have you thrown away your toys? - 8/14/2013 8:44:35 PM

littlewonder

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I've thrown them out each and every single time a relationship ends. I don't want the memories and there is a vibe that is attached to them from being with someone else that for me is just fucked up.

Nowadays we rarely buy toys. We just don't really use them anymore. He's more than happy to grab something that's just lying around the house or just using his own body against mine.

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RE: How many times have you thrown away your toys? - 8/14/2013 9:31:21 PM

Winterapple

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I don't think I've ever thrown any away but I did give
someone custody of the toy bag. I wasn't interested in
keeping things that would remind me of him and I would
never have used them with anyone else. Also, toys aren't
that big a deal to me and he bought most of them anyway.

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RE: How many times have you thrown away your toys? - 8/17/2013 2:45:28 PM

experiment2

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i have frequently found myself throwing away toys. generally they are CBT items or chastity devices. the primary motive i believe is the desire to start over and free myself from the temptations to be submissive or "abnormal". it lasts for varying periods of days to several months. somehow i keep coming back and regretting to action and start buying a item or two and the process starts over again.

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RE: How many times have you thrown away your toys? - 8/17/2013 8:27:18 PM

MrRodgers

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Never !! Too many memories.

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