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talking about no sex submission - 8/2/2013 10:27:56 PM

AAkasha

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My best (non kinky, but kink curious - she is amused at my femdom stuff and has observed and semi participated a handful of times in our 20 year friendship) go to the same place for lunch 3-4 times a month. We have a flirtatious, cute waiter, probably in his mid 20s. We know most of his story. We're obviously cougar territory to him. We flirt but it's always harmless. We talk a lot about travel with him. He's very handsome, in great shape, and a very attentive gentleman.

She and I are planning a girls' vacation to Hawaii. What started as a joke has turned into something we may pursue. Because we joked with him once when we told him we were off to Vegas for the weekend and maybe we'd take him along to carry our bags and bring us drinks he said "I would SO do that for you ladies!"

We are thinking of paying for his plane ticket, getting him an adjoining room, and having him come with us to be our "butler" and personal assistant. To carry our bags, handle our various reservations, accompany us to bars (bodyguard, lol), bring us drinks when we are on the beach or at the pool, carry our bags when shopping. There would be no sex, not even any joking "massages," no riff raff, no bondage, no overtones. Both of us have very attentive husbands and when traveling like to have things just "handled." We would draw this up in writing so he knew exactly what we meant.

He does not have a girlfriend. We are pretty certain of his character as we've know him now nearly 2 years. Yes, part of this is because he's handsome, has an awesome body, and we'd enjoy just sitting on the beach watching him walk around and get stared at but know he's our property basically. We have no risk of falling into a threesome - our wild days are long behind and we have great self control.

As a femdom, this scenario is HIGHLY appealing to me on an emotional level, and there is "no sex involved." To my "non kinky friend" it is also very appealing (I saw every woman probably has a smidgen of femdom in her). To any sub who thinks "hell I would do this in a heartbeat" this isn't an application request, I mean I would totally consider requests but realistically there's NO way to be safe with strangers - you know that. And that goes for your safety too. Plus imagine if there's zero level of chemistry and you are stuck somewhere.

Has anyone ever had a totally platonic, friendship-based service weekend of this kind? What were any snags? We also plan to have a schedule and he'd have "free time." I also thought I would state that we'd pay for all his meals but with a caveat of a drink limit; not that I want to be an ass, but I have NO idea if he's a big drinker and if he wants to go out and party all night after we turn in, he should pay for that, right?

Akasha

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RE: talking about no sex submission - 8/2/2013 11:25:50 PM

MistressDarkArt

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Hell, go for it.

He may surprise you and say 'no', but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Let us know how it turns out.

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RE: talking about no sex submission - 8/3/2013 1:49:20 AM

jola37

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Sounds like wholesome fun D/s to me :-)

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RE: talking about no sex submission - 8/3/2013 1:09:08 PM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

Hell, go for it.

He may surprise you and say 'no', but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Let us know how it turns out.

Oh absolutely. The reality is that he's a great waiter. All his kindness, attentiveness, just the right level of semi-flirtation is him doing his job. I'm not naive :)
It's actually a long-shot if you break it down! But it sure is fun to think about!

Akasha

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RE: talking about no sex submission - 8/3/2013 1:41:27 PM

Damacis

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The most important thing, which you have already well taken consideration of is being completely honest and upfront about expectations. As long as all parties understand and are in agreement it sounds like a total win-win. The only potential snag is that, from what I gather, you've only seen him as a waiter -- never in any other environment, there could be differences in his personality based on his situation (eg if he got drunk), but, there's always risks. The rewards sound like they well outweigh them.

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RE: talking about no sex submission - 8/3/2013 2:02:34 PM

Miyani

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I would be head over heels for that kind of weekend, especially with someone I trusted to keep things platonic. I *almost* had that, with someone I've known for a couple of years, but then... yeah, he tried to kiss me. Ugh. It can be hard for some guys to stick to, but given that he has a service based relationship with you already, he's probably safer than most.

As for the drink limit - I think it's absolutely reasonable, and if it were me, I'd phrase it more as "we'll pay for your meals, and the drinks that accompany them within reason. Anything you want to do on your time is on you." Because of course, if he's doing something outside the context of his service to you, he should be responsible for that. I'm sure some guys would absolutely go for this, but to me a stated "drink limit" where he can have, say, two drinks per meal is a little off-putting, whereas him having to look to me for approval before ordering another glass of wine is hot.

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RE: talking about no sex submission - 8/4/2013 5:20:03 PM

DesFIP

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I think you need to talk more explicitly to him. Because I imagine he may well be thinking that this would eventually turn into cougar sex.

If it's all laid out, and he's good with the platonic element of the relationship, then go for it. He'll know exactly what he needs to do in order to earn the free vacation. And hell, he might decide he's cut out to be a butler which is a better paid career path than being a server.

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RE: talking about no sex submission - 8/4/2013 5:41:10 PM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I think you need to talk more explicitly to him. Because I imagine he may well be thinking that this would eventually turn into cougar sex.

If it's all laid out, and he's good with the platonic element of the relationship, then go for it. He'll know exactly what he needs to do in order to earn the free vacation. And hell, he might decide he's cut out to be a butler which is a better paid career path than being a server.

Yes, I'm actually going to have it typed out into a contract like document. In fact as a part-joke but real, I might even have a lawyer(slave, lol) write it, because it's going to say there's no sex. He knows we're both happily married as he's served us both as couples but usually sees us on our regularly scheduled girls' lunches. And again, his great, attentive service just might be because we're great tippers and he's good at his job. It sure is fun to think about though! We're going to present the idea to him in the next 30 days so I will keep everyone posted.

Akasha

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RE: talking about no sex submission - 8/4/2013 10:55:52 PM

MistressDarkArt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

It sure is fun to think about though! We're going to present the idea to him in the next 30 days so I will keep everyone posted.

Akasha

You sound absolutely girlish about this, AAkasha.

Carry on!

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RE: talking about no sex submission - 8/5/2013 10:52:19 AM

Charles6682

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Sounds like fun. Go for it.

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RE: talking about no sex submission - 8/6/2013 4:19:06 AM

peterpeter

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This is more like male escort companionship but without paying him. This makes me think if male escort companionship has certain connections to the Femdom philosophy? Naturally not purposely from both hobbyists and providers viewpoints?

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