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RE: Abuse in the lifestyle - 8/7/2013 12:25:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MindOverMatter47

My grandmother was a switchboard operator and she talked to my grandfather -- never saw him, only talked -- for 6 months before they dated. They dated 3 times and married for their whole life. So how is falling in love on the phone in 1912 any different than falling in love over the phone today?

And until the day they met, they were still strangers to each other.
It turned out well for them, but that was well before internet scamming became an industry.

Did your grandmother give your grandfather money too, or was that something he would never have thought of to ask for, even if he had a need?

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(in reply to MindOverMatter47)

RE: Abuse in the lifestyle - 8/7/2013 12:45:39 PM

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TY, my dear. I aim to please.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

RE: Abuse in the lifestyle - 8/7/2013 12:49:12 PM

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Joined: 8/4/2013
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And there's the dynamic. Honest people who offer you good will will tell you the truth. Con men and thieves will offer you smooth flattery. So you've decided, right there, to avoid honest people who take the time to care about you, and give all of your attention to anyone willing to play you.

I hope it works for you. It doesn't work for anyone else.

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: Abuse in the lifestyle - 8/7/2013 1:34:29 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

quote:

ORIGINAL: MindOverMatter47

My grandmother was a switchboard operator and she talked to my grandfather -- never saw him, only talked -- for 6 months before they dated. They dated 3 times and married for their whole life. So how is falling in love on the phone in 1912 any different than falling in love over the phone today?

And until the day they met, they were still strangers to each other.
It turned out well for them, but that was well before internet scamming became an industry.

Yup. Two words: Manti Te'o

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(in reply to angelikaJ)

RE: Abuse in the lifestyle - 8/7/2013 2:16:22 PM

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MindOverMatter47, I don't actually care that you are in your 50s For all I know, you may of been in a relationship for 30 of them.
I'm not worried that you sent money to this guy and you now understand him to be a con man. That's a tough lesson for you but maybe you needed a tough lesson.
What I am worried about is, you may as well of had 'VULNERABLE' inked across your forehead from that post you made. What's the betting you are going to have all these sympathisers writing to you in private. White knights run amok on this site and they are always looking out for victims such as yourself. White knights prey on people who are looking for sympathy.

People have spoken frankly to you here and you can't take that because what you want is sympathy and understanding when actually what you do need is a serious talking to. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and take something away from this that will help you in the future.

All the best Maria

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RE: Abuse in the lifestyle - 8/7/2013 4:23:55 PM

MindOverMatter47

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Thank you. This message was very comforting and informative.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

RE: Abuse in the lifestyle - 8/7/2013 4:50:26 PM

MindOverMatter47

Posts: 8
Joined: 7/14/2013
Status: offline

Thanks. Your response is also helpful without being venomous. The first couple of responses I had were non-constructive criticism -- basically I was told that I was boring everyone.... wow.

But hey, I'm over this now. And as for my profile, I change that every week. I posted what I did to affect him - I don't really care about other "Doms'" reactions.

And I realize no one on this thread knows me. I am not feeling sorry for myself. I was in shock .... and disappointed with myself mostly, for going outside my comfort zone in a relationship.

I am a very strong woman - a successful business owner for 12 years now. I am a college graduate with a background in mathematics and science. I am a single mom to two highly intelligent and well adjusted teens - both in a auxiliary military program slated for high ranking military careers. Believe me - there is nothing to feel sorry about in me or my life.

(in reply to MariaB)

RE: Abuse in the lifestyle - 8/7/2013 5:52:29 PM

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If you perceived any part of my posts on this thread to be "venomous", then just wow.

I had no ill intentions.
I did not write out of a desire to shame you or make you feel worse.

My suggestion to you is this:
with brutal honesty, reassess everything that transpired between the 2 of you and write down all the uneasy feelings and niggling doubts along with any red flags you brushed aside no matter how faint they were or how easy it was to reason them away with an excuse.

My educated guess is that once you put them all down on paper you will be surprised how much you convinced yourself to dismiss.

And that is the trick with con-men.
Often it is not so much that they directly con you, but that they are masters at getting their target to suspend belief and any and all reasonable doubts.
You believe them because doubting them would make you feel bad.

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The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to MindOverMatter47)

RE: Abuse in the lifestyle - 8/7/2013 6:14:22 PM

MindOverMatter47

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Joined: 7/14/2013
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Thanks. I really appreciate your words and guidance.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

RE: Abuse in the lifestyle - 8/8/2013 4:03:26 AM

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Joined: 8/4/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

To address the OP: abuse was as prevalent in the beginning of time as it is now. We just hear about it more with so many ways to communicate. It's a dark force of human nature I am not proud of, and it makes me sad to think about its insidiousness.

Thanks for replying. I believe I need to ask another question. By your response I just figured out I am the OP. Ummmm..... What's an OP?

Thanks in advance for letting me know.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

RE: Abuse in the lifestyle - 8/8/2013 4:44:45 AM

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Original Poster

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RE: Abuse in the lifestyle - 8/22/2013 11:17:57 AM

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Joined: 6/7/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: incubusboy

And there's the dynamic. Honest people who offer you good will, will tell you the truth. Con men and thieves will offer you smooth flattery. So you've decided, right there, to avoid honest people who take the time to care about you, and give all of your attention to anyone willing to play you.

I hope it works for you. It doesn't work for anyone else.

I second that.

(in reply to incubusboy)

RE: Abuse in the lifestyle - 8/22/2013 5:27:07 PM

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Joined: 6/9/2012
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quote:

I have been out of the lifestyle for awhile. And I am wondering if we have progressed as a culture.

I can remember when outright abuse was fairly common. But back then there was no such thing as a safeword. I even had a friend who ran a slave rehabilitation home. He'd take in broken girls and help them get back to being functional.

Have we as a culture progressed to where this is not as much of an issue as it used to be? I know that you can still have a bad experience, especially if your not smart enough to play safe. But is abuse as common as it was?

1. Safewords go back to the early mid-70's, and it's quite possible that it was even part of the Leatherman's Handbook back in the 50's.

2. A safeword does not prevent abuse. A safeword does not mean that one is playing safe. It merely provides an opportunity to avoid misunderstanding. Nothing more. When no doesn't really mean no, a safeword means no.

In other words, safewords predate the internet. They predate remote control and color tv.

They clearly predate you.

Frankly, I commend the other posters for their tact and diplomacy regarding their "skepticism".

Ten thousand flies can't be wrong...........

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What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to Jasmine777)

RE: Abuse in the lifestyle - 9/28/2013 10:15:38 AM

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Joined: 9/14/2013
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I don't see why we are categorizing it. Abuse is abuse its all bad, so even if lets say BDSM abuse was declining theres other people that suffer vanilla or not from it.

(in reply to MindOverMatter47)

RE: Abuse in the lifestyle - 9/28/2013 11:39:38 AM

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Joined: 6/22/2007
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I think you are making a valid point.
However, WIITWD can look like abuse to someone who isn't into BDSM, and for an uneducated newbie who falls in with a predator type (predator types aren't interested in the well informed) figuring out what is and isn't abuse can be a bit tricky.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to AllysBaby)

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