okay gents, i'm not sure where you guys are getting the idea that i am interested in doing anything with any of these guys other than pointing them in the direction of educating themselves... i guess maybe i've worded somethign incorrectly? i would never even consider a newby, never have. soooo, its not about grooming them for myself, its about keeping whoever they wind up with safe, and in good hands as possible, and if i can help with someone getting educated, or a sub having a safer top that i'm thrilled...
so i'm not sure why i'm getting definitions of what hte roles are as i clearly understand this very well, and yes, i worded ineffectively interchanging D with Top; it wasn't out of misinformaiton, ignorance or disrespect, just should have thought about my phrasing.... so other than directing these people to websites, and sending them to FL and enouraging they go to forums... am i missing an avenue they can take to learn if that is what they are wanting to do? i just don't like being passed around by anyone cuz no one seems to have the answer I need when i'm trying to get info. trying to help people out....
any suggestions would be great.
and i have pretty much "self taught" myself. as i have been seriously researching this lifestyle, its psychological propeties, and benefits, etc for nearly a decade. I'm quite intelligent in a "book smart" kind of way on the topic, and got my toes stepped on by a few very harsh "teachers of hard lessons" thankful nothing physical but a couple of emotional/psychological scares that had me rethinking my decision to explore this in real life. As I have trust issues (might explain why i want these guys educated-so perhaps i feel like they are more secure, and reliable if they are) I have thought for many years that to let go of the overbearing take charge person that i have become and digust myself with (these traits, anyway- i have probably an unattainable level of expectations for myself, and was forced into leadership and overly responsbile roles in my childhood and alll they way til about 4 yrs ago. thought that submitting would be (good practice at learnnig that others can be reliable and have my best interest at heart--if i could stomach it and not wind up taking over-i am in need of a very strong, secure D that won't let me, cuz i will if there is weakness shown-just how i am), but i have submitted (and yes, without sex-and i totally get that, that is what i am in search of primarily--however sex is a fucking awesome bonus!, but its to clean up this little bit of baggage that i can't dust off alone). anyway, i found its not about white knuckling it while someone is allowed to make decisions for me...
Its actually about 120,000 times better than even my best thought. like being flown like a kite so high that you sit next to god....
Excellent post, Incubusboy! Spot on, really!
And as DarkSteven pointed out, Dominant is personality type, and can clearly exist without much or any experience in "topping" as defined by BDSM standards. For example, I am new to CM, and compared to some others, new to BDSM. I am not new to being a Dominant. I have always been this way. I enjoy the psychology of, and the feeling associated with motivating another to completely give them self and all control over to you. Although this sometimes is associated or occurs in conjunction with sex, I get more from the control than from the sex itself. Sex is a medium that can be used to exert dominance over another. But so can hundreds of other mediums.
Sorry for the soap box, back to the regularly scheduled OP.
Case in point. When I began doing fugitive recoveries about five years ago, I did not attend a course, or have a coach, or get the blessing of the Grand Poobah of Fugitive Recovery. I decided that I was going to be a successful fugitive recovery agent. I acquired knowledge through reading, I had a few skills from the military that lent themselves to this occupation also, I had a brain, common sense, street smarts, and the WILL to be the best that I could be at finding and apprehending fugitives. And I have succeeded. The same can be done in becoming a respected Master/Dom or whatever within the community.
Just like anywhere else in life, it is buyer beware. The burden rests on you to complete your due diligence and use your common sense! And for fucks sake! Don't move in, TPE, and turn over all control over your life to a stranger that you have know for 4 hours just because his screen name says Master Whoever!