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ORIGINAL: WarMachine904

Excellent post, Incubusboy! Spot on, really!

And as DarkSteven pointed out, Dominant is personality type, and can clearly exist without much or any experience in "topping" as defined by BDSM standards. For example, I am new to CM, and compared to some others, new to BDSM. I am not new to being a Dominant. I have always been this way. I enjoy the psychology of, and the feeling associated with motivating another to completely give them self and all control over to you. Although this sometimes is associated or occurs in conjunction with sex, I get more from the control than from the sex itself. Sex is a medium that can be used to exert dominance over another. But so can hundreds of other mediums.

Sorry for the soap box, back to the regularly scheduled OP.

Case in point. When I began doing fugitive recoveries about five years ago, I did not attend a course, or have a coach, or get the blessing of the Grand Poobah of Fugitive Recovery. I decided that I was going to be a successful fugitive recovery agent. I acquired knowledge through reading, I had a few skills from the military that lent themselves to this occupation also, I had a brain, common sense, street smarts, and the WILL to be the best that I could be at finding and apprehending fugitives. And I have succeeded. The same can be done in becoming a respected Master/Dom or whatever within the community.

Just like anywhere else in life, it is buyer beware. The burden rests on you to complete your due diligence and use your common sense! And for fucks sake! Don't move in, TPE, and turn over all control over your life to a stranger that you have know for 4 hours just because his screen name says Master Whoever!

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ORIGINAL: HisBestStory

totally makes sense... thank you for that... i guess i intrinsically knew that, just didn't roll it around... i can definitely "feel" a D's message right away, and often by scanning his profile briefly... so yes, i get that there is a specific way, presence, a way of commanding attention without "flair or demands", something that makes me sit down and shut up, if you know what i mean...

So any help on where to send the young/new ones that are asking for my opinion on how to get some Top training? i am finding too, and i think it's funny, that these new to the scene ones are very adverse to the term Top... they don't realize where the term started so they assume that I think they are homosexual. Most don't even google BDSM let alone BDSM roles. it truly sad that they think a check box and a filthy, disrespectful mouth is what a Dom or Master is.. wish there was a way to "test" them on the way in. vocab or something. lol

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So any help on where to send the young/new ones that are asking for my opinion on how to get some Top training?

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who would be a good resource for men (because that is who contacts me) who want to be mentored under a Dom. My concern is that i have told a few to possibly seek a switch rather than asking a sub... is this incorrect information? if not, i would really appreciate it if i could direct these people to a place where they can learn, so few of the newer ones that claim dominance ask anything.

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ORIGINAL: HisBestStory
I admit that I have told a couple of older nice, yet potential "Dom" posers why they shouldn't claim to be what they are not and that they may want to seek out switches to possibly help them learn the role a Dom might play as well as learning the role from a sub's perspective also and how the power dynamic works.

I'm wondering if I shouldn't do that because i started wondering if switches are getting the numbers of newbies coming to them as I seem to be getting. If not a switch, what is the best way for a D to get some mentoring? they certainly need it, there's some scary ones out there... I just don't want to blindly send people your way and assume that this is the correct route if its not.

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ORIGINAL: NiceAnimal

I don't think you should advise these people of anything much. Maybe direct them to a good book. You learn stuff primarily by doing it.

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
I learned 99% of my topping skills from female subs and bottoms who were more experienced than I was, but wanted me to beat on them anyway, and told me what they liked most, what their limits were, and what was straight-up dangerous. I've been to classes and demos also, and read a few things, but the interaction with the human beings I was hurting is by far the most important.

Also, I thought your OP came off as deeply uninformed. I do not believe that you have read a lot -- or, rather, I believe you've read a lot of words, but very little content. Otherwise, you'd be able to suggest immediately to a dom who wanted more topping skills that he read The Loving Dominant, The Topping Book, that he watch the Knotty Boys Youtube channel, things like that. When you mean "reading" you probably mean "spent a lot of time with fiction and with the internet." And, if that's true, then you are at a greater disadvantage than a dominant man who knows nothing except that he wants to tie up and hit girls, then make breakfast for them in the morning. You've been filling your mind with things that are false.

My advice: get out into the world and meet real people in real-time D/s relationships. As friends. See first-hand the sorts of relationship compromises kinky people make to remain a team in the face of real life.

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ORIGINAL: incubusboy

World keeps on turning, little one, and on it, the internets are a bus station.

Two points there. One is that every day, people of every age and predilection decide to begin pleasing themselves (or someone else). Just as there are virgins deflowered every day, there are doms, subs, switches, puppies, assholes, thieves, and murderers who get started. There never was and never will be a day when everybody is skilled and experienced, or everyone tells the truth, or everyone knows what they want and who they want it with/from. What you identify as a glut of newbies these days is not a change in the world. It is a change in what YOU are doing. You are reaching out and meeting more people, so you will meet more of everything. It's the change in you, only.

Second point. Consider how many people you know who cook for their households. Now consider how many of those cooks are skillful and creative in the kitchen and bring pleasure to everyone who forks their grits. As opposed to the much larger number of cooks who make the same handful of dishes over and over for decades without variation to minimal applause, if any.

In every human endeavor, there are the many who fumble along and the few who learn and practice real skill with passion and judgement. When you're in your circle or in somebody's kitchen, you know who's who, and you might even have more snappy chefs than not. In that little circle. But the internets are a bus station, where absolutely anyone can come in for any reason with or without preparation of any kind. Talking to someone new on the WWWeb is close to picking someone at random off the street to cook your supper. Since most are not skilled, the odds are against you. That's why, if you're prudent, you talk to a candidate long enough and specifically enough to make sure at least s/he knows the difference between braising and boiling, between Birdseye and Serrano peppers, between skirt steak and loin, between eggplants, between apples, between flours. You won't let a stranger in your kitchen who doesn't know a spatula from a wooden spoon.

You certainly won't assume any random git can cook. Regardless of what hat he wears. So why do you expect to know, without getting acquainted, that the next dom knows his TENS from his single tail? That he's not some serial abuser in a second hand leather vest, or an innocent boy mesmerized by a black lace merrywidow?

But none of this is the point, is it? Your only real complaint is that you want to get to it, and you don't want to put in the time acquainting the next candidate with what you like and expect. I'll wildguess that feels like topping to you, and you want just once to skip the boot camp and get to the war games.

Well then, why not have enough conversation to disqualify the many rookies and wait for one of the few skilled misters to appear? Is it the waiting that chafes? Is that really it?

This is a bus station. And nobody came here to make an omelette your way. That's what introductions and negotiations are for.

Doncha think?