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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 9:32:32 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		You know that carnival game, where you take an over sized sledgehammer
and try to hit some thingamajig really hard in hopes it reaches the bell?

I'm no thingamajig, and I certainly have no interest in handing over
a sledgehammer to some random internet fella.

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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 9:59:57 PM   
VanillaKinkTwist


Posts: 17
Joined: 7/24/2013
From: Under Your Bed, Michigan
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

You know that carnival game, where you take an over sized sledgehammer
and try to hit some thingamajig really hard in hopes it reaches the bell?

I'm no thingamajig, and I certainly have no interest in handing over
a sledgehammer to some random internet fella.


Can I just love this, please? <3

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I am whatever I am and whatever I am is what I choose to be.

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 10:00:40 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		To me, it is just another way a guy demonstrates he has no finesse or game.

It really is counterproductive to discuss limits upfront or too early.

When they push or are too forward before even meeting or just having spoken to someone, it stops any interest I might have in them right then.

The smart thing would be to wait till they know I am turned on by them, then limits and everything else can be pushed.

But for so many, patience is not a virtue.

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 11:41:15 PM   
BamaD


Posts: 20687
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline 		FR
Very often when I try to talk about the person she only wants to talk about kinks and limits.
Often thy have been conditioned to discuss things in those terms.


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People don't believe they can defend themselves because they have guns, they have guns because they believe they can defend themselves.

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 12:43:36 AM   
DanielleofMists


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline 		When KnightofMists and I first began discussing my limits, from my perspective it opened the dialogue for discussing the specific things that make me nervous, things that are phobias vs fears, things I am interested in and missteps I've had etc. At the same time we discussed his experiences, mistakes that have happened, his interests, his skills etc. I found it reassuring to have the open honest discussions that included not just the fun/good times. These are also not one time discussions, they happen as often as necessary, when I need reassurance, when questions arise, as situations present themselves etc.

To answer the OP's question; yes, I do want my limits pushed. If I think back to the limits I had when I first experienced BDSM 14 or so years ago things have really changed. That came from learning opportunities, having an open mind, experiences I've had, mistakes I've made, maturity etc. I found that any limits I set were just me limiting myself, but at the time I wasn't in a place where I wanted to take that step. As his slave there are no limits per se, just opportunities to trust, to grow, to experience, to share.

As KoM mentioned in his reply he does like to dance on the edge, and he does dance with me on my edge. Do I get that nervous excitement? I sure do! Do I trust that he will do no harm? I absolutely do! Which is why I will go to the edge and dance with him...

(in reply to BamaD)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 7:49:59 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

And I don't see what the difference is between a 'first meeting' and long term relationship.


One of the easiest examples - in a long term monogamous relationship, I'll have sex without condoms (after STD tests.)

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 7:51:20 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DanielleofMists



Welcome to the forums!

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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 7:55:15 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Considering that lots of guys are very lazy when it comes to reading profiles, or think that as soon as they can get a woman to talk to them, everything else is up for negotiation, by listing it as a hard limit you'll get more mail from men who are going to want to fist you than you would if not mentioning it at all.

I'd leave it out of your profile, and mention it in private mails as a hard limit to those men you have an interest in after talking to them for a while.


Aha, this explains why I used to get so many emails about Orgasm Denial despite having listed it as a Hard Limit.

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 8:26:02 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DanielleofMists

I'll second that welcome... and keep an eye on that shifty master of yours. None of us trust him :)


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to DanielleofMists)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 9:20:33 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: DanielleofMists

I'll second that welcome... and keep an eye on that shifty master of yours. None of us trust him :)




Lol.... Nor should you!!!! Keep your women hidden from my clutches lol

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 10:12:32 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DanielleofMists



No wonder we get so many posts of guys whining about not being able to find a slave girl when KoM keeps stealing the one instance of such that comes available every half decade...

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 10:31:51 AM   
DanielleofMists


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline 		Thanks for the welcome, I will keep my eye on him
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC


quote:

ORIGINAL: DanielleofMists

I'll second that welcome... and keep an eye on that shifty master of yours. None of us trust him :)


Thanks!
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

ORIGINAL: DanielleofMists



Welcome to the forums!







(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 11:01:08 AM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline 		~FR~

The last time I asked about limits was because I was afraid of myself. To ask about pushing limits early is a big red flag.

(in reply to DanielleofMists)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 1:34:12 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: DanielleofMists



No wonder we get so many posts of guys whining about not being able to find a slave girl when KoM keeps stealing the one instance of such that comes available every half decade...


Actually... I was thinking of starting the Academy of Unicorn Hunting. It seems there is a high demand for unicorns.... But very little skill on the part of the hunters. I believe this can be a big money maker for me.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 1:40:57 PM   
tommonymous


Posts: 404
Joined: 1/21/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Actually... I was thinking of starting the Academy of Unicorn Hunting. It seems there is a high demand for unicorns.... But very little skill on the part of the hunters. I believe this can be a big money maker for me.



For some reason, this makes me think of a sign I see in bait shops periodically: "Our minnows are guaranteed to catch fish, or die trying."

_____________________________

"Remember kids. Just because it hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen at all." --Hillwilliam

And just because it worked for you, doesn't mean it will (or ought to) work for everyone.

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 1:43:32 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists


quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: DanielleofMists



No wonder we get so many posts of guys whining about not being able to find a slave girl when KoM keeps stealing the one instance of such that comes available every half decade...


Actually... I was thinking of starting the Academy of Unicorn Hunting. It seems there is a high demand for unicorns.... But very little skill on the part of the hunters. I believe this can be a big money maker for me.


Absolutely. I'd buy the book.

Though the chapters/lectures I'd be most interested in is "After finding the unicorn: how to make a loving lasting triad (quad, whatever) work long term".

Either way, if you ever write a memoir laying out the day to day life struggles, adaptations, triumphs, and memories y'all have shared over the years, I'll be the first to sign up for a copy. Considering what I've seen of your writing on this forum over the years, it would be a super interesting read.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 8/12/2013 1:44:02 PM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 1:45:13 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Seriously. That is on my to do list.... Especially now that I have retired

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 2:15:57 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
No wonder we get so many posts of guys whining about not being able to find a slave girl when KoM keeps stealing the one instance of such that comes available every half decade...

Hey, not fair. The guy's a freakin Knight for crying out loud. How am I supposed to compete with that? He's probably got a great white stallion somewhere <grumble>

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 2:34:48 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC


.....He's probably got a great white stallion somewhere <grumble>


I do and his name is George!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 4:17:59 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
He's probably got a great white stallion somewhere <grumble>


LOL he actually has two stallions... They are named Clyde and Dale and they are miniatures ;)

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 60
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