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RE: Too Polite - 8/1/2006 1:20:02 PM

luciddream

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Sometimes its the little 'please...' or '...thank you' that makes all the difference!

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RE: Too Polite - 8/1/2006 7:13:35 PM

shadevarr

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When I am topping I use a polite with an underline of "if I have to say it again, it won't be pretty". I enjoy it as it gives me that level of edge to ensure my commands are followed.

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RE: Too Polite - 8/1/2006 7:15:43 PM

tangldupinblue

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i am polite to a fault, sometimes i thank Daddy so much it annoys him.

blue

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RE: Too Polite - 8/3/2006 12:37:55 PM

Rogueswitch

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Joined: 7/23/2006
From: Newcastle
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polite asking is my first request eg would u please remove thse panties , then i become less poling if i have to ask a second time . Thankyou also when im subbing makes me feel appreciated and recognised.

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RE: Too Polite - 8/3/2006 12:54:56 PM

spankmepink11

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There is nothing more attractive to me than a Gentleman Dominant/Sadist

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RE: Too Polite - 8/5/2006 7:47:53 AM

LotusSong

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ArtimisBlack

I used to consider myself a "switch" but then I realized I don't really like being submissive in the bedroom. The problem is, I feel uncomfortable not being polite; and this often occurs in situations where politeness is really unnecessary and often a distraction. "Excuse me, could you please....." just isn't the behavior most subs seem to seek from a Dom. Should I even try to overcome this? Should I just call myself a switch even though I don't like being dominated by others and trust the label to explain? Maybe I just really need a mentor to help show me the way to express my Dom side. (sigh) Any suggestion will be much appreciated. Thanks.

Artimis :)

I hear you :) Although I am not a switch, I too had a problem doing some scenes with my male that involved humiliaiton or extreme roughness. This is how I preped my mind doe it: He would be kneeling before me.. I'd take his face in my hands and tell him that I care for and respect him. What I will be saying during this scene, I will not really mean. I reinforce that is just play and to not think for a minute I mean the words. Then I tell the boy to stand and we begin. THEN I let him have it!

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RE: Too Polite - 9/4/2006 5:51:44 PM

Celeste43

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Saying "would you" may make them feel as if they have a choice and that's confusing. Saying "please go do the dishes right now" is polite and clear whereas "would you do the dishes" doesn't show that you want it done immediately. And certainly "thank you for doing such a good job on getting the fingerprints off the wine glasses" shows that you're paying attention and appreciate the work done.

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RE: Too Polite - 9/12/2006 8:49:35 AM

Desiree2

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there's nothing wrong with politeness-- as long as you are firm and consistent, as well.
tell 'em nicely, and then expect to be served-- if not- the punishment is more severe, especially because you are polite. I could see that being a serious turn on for a sub.
I say don't worry about it-- use to your advantage- keep 'em off guard!!

< Message edited by Desiree2 -- 9/12/2006 8:50:54 AM >

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RE: Too Polite - 10/8/2006 3:26:22 PM

analboytoyxxx

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Artimas there is no set rule that says a Dom ro sub has to be rude or polite I thihnk in time you will find a sub who would enjoy a would you please do this or thank you slut or slave like caretaker said earlier .
the bdsm lifestyle can be more confusing at times than a vanilla one due to teh fact that each sub?Dom has their own spin on things and its just you haveing the patience to find the right subby whod want their Domme to say would you kindly lick harder , or would you please like this strap on in your ass oh it feels good well thank your mistress etc...
yes there are the ones who like the suck me you whore type but there are a equal amount that would love to hear some kindness, whats that old saying , kill them in kindness lol.....
I know Im a switch , well till recently was a Dom only and now wish to explore my sub side , but as a dom I was always more the romantic and polite type as you are , for me I got more out of nutureing slave or sub, but being strict when needed .
Id rather have a sub fall for me out of love then fear .
so i say stick with who you are if its a polite Domme than call on me i know thats exactly what id love to have spanking my ass,

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RE: Too Polite - 10/8/2006 3:55:34 PM

MrrPete

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Ah Artemis :) I'm VERY polite with Slave. My orders are presented as "requests".. and he indeed knows they are orders no matter how they are delivered. Nothing is classier than a woman who knows her power and delivers it like a Woman. There is no need to change who you are.

Lotus

Ah Artemis :) I'm VERY polite with Slave. My orders are presented as "requests".. and SHE indeed knows they are orders no matter how they are delivered. Nothing is classier than a MAN who knows HIS power and delivers it like a GENTLEMAN. There is no need to change who you are.

A lot of people think that good manners don't belong in the lifestyle; I disagree whole heartedly I was raised a gentleman not a gentle man. Well, sometimes I am. WEG

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RE: Too Polite - 10/9/2006 1:06:20 AM

MaamJay

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Ditto! Good manners are an asset to both Dominant and submissive in My book. Master is unfailingly polite to my sub side violet, and i love it. Though He is careful to phrase things unambiguously eg "I want some lunch in the next 20 minutes please" rather than using "would you" or "could you" which really have different answers. "please", "thank you" and "I'm sorry" are some of the most important words in the English language in my opinion, and acts of politeness such as opening doors, helping me on with my coat etc are ways in which He shows me how much He loves me. His appreciation makes it so much easier for me to continue finding joy in my service of Him.

Similarly My Dominant side is polite and caring by nature. There are a lot of male subs who seem caught up with the "cold bitch Domme" ... I say at the outset that I am not, nor ever could be, that sort of Domme. That weeds them out! There are plenty of others who heave a sigh of relief when I say that, and tell Me they want to feel loved and appreciated. So Artemis, persevere, be the person you are and disarm them with your impeccable manners!
Good luck!
Mistress Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Too Polite - 10/9/2006 7:19:15 AM

KnifeCandy

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Artimis,

When I first read your question, it surprised me that you would doubt that you were dominant simply due to your polite choice of language. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I've never actually done a scene with anyone quite so polite, but I am drooling with anticipation because this thread has sooooo many good suggestions! A couple of my faves:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr
Oh, it's not really so hard to be elegant-yet nasty.

I very seldom raise my voice, or bark like a doggie. While it fails to come across in this medium, the use of voice is very important to cultivate.

For instance, if I simply take a firm grasp in the hair..You know the place,back of the head,just above the nape of the neck.......And just sort of sidle up, and growl into an ear........"Off with the panties and bend over..I'm going to hurt you,little bitch." But my voice is smiling......

See, I have made a polite request-no need to be crude!

AMEN! Your "the use of voice is very important to cultivate" comment is so dead-on as to almost negate the remainder of the thread. Dominance isn't so much in *what* is said, as *how* it's spoken. Authority need not be loud and obnoxious.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SCORPIOXXX
In the D/s dynamic/BDSM relationship/ plain old Scene & Play, there are ways of being polite and still also be deliciously Dominant -- "Be good enough to (whatever)", implying that if the sub is not 'good enough' there will be severe consequences; or "Would you be good etc."; Might you consider...", and so on... A lot of it is in how you intone the question: at times matter of factly, other times sarcastically, perhaps in some accented manner (pick your region), or snidely, as if doubting the sub has the wits and capacity to do as asked; and then, there is always that wonderfully haughty and patronizing Oxford English!

Mmmm, yup. Nothin' like an accent (in my case, even the annoying cockney of Monty Python works) to get your subbie worked up!

Perhaps most importantly, though:

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich
Ask yourself this; what is your reaction when a polite request is ignored?

I especially like the element that this gives to an interaction. Just as in any other aspect of life, you ask nicely. When that is not acted upon...let the fun begin! <VEG>

So please, don't let your urbane instincts make you feel as though you must apply some arbitrary label to yourself...you sound like you've found your true nature as a dominant...don't let your inculcation with politeness stand in the way of making the most of it!

Just my 2cents,
KC

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RE: Too Polite - 10/13/2006 8:24:38 PM

urslave1978

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You are not a real Domme.......You are more on the submissive side........

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RE: Too Polite - 10/13/2006 8:34:46 PM

gooddogbenji

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Well, if politeness makes you submissive, then I am about as Dominant as they come. And I have heard that Dominants come a lot.

Yours,

benji

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RE: Too Polite - 11/16/2006 7:39:34 PM

medievalwench

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Master is very polite to his girl, unless she is being punished or doing something she does not like much (or at all!). For example, He thanked me for managing not to get whiney when He wouldn't take me to get a pack of cigarettes because He knows i'm struggling with my depression today and that i was holding it back - when He thanked me i was suprised to be honest, and asked why He was thanking me because i feel it is not my place as His sub to complain about His refusal to do something, He said He had noticed i wasn't myself and wanted to give me a boost :0)
My own politeness can be a problem though, i apologise too often and annoy Master, i think i picked up on my Mother's guilt thing, so i'm working on that,
i don't think politeness is a bad thing in a Dominant, after all, everyone is different, i think its only a problem if it stops You from doing what You want to do,
Sincerely,
wench

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RE: Too Polite - 11/20/2006 4:20:28 AM

LadyAyla7053

Posts: 52
Joined: 9/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ArtimisBlack

I used to consider myself a "switch" but then I realized I don't really like being submissive in the bedroom. The problem is, I feel uncomfortable not being polite; and this often occurs in situations where politeness is really unnecessary and often a distraction. "Excuse me, could you please....." just isn't the behavior most subs seem to seek from a Dom. Should I even try to overcome this? Should I just call myself a switch even though I don't like being dominated by others and trust the label to explain? Maybe I just really need a mentor to help show me the way to express my Dom side. (sigh) Any suggestion will be much appreciated. Thanks.

Hmmmm let's see where to begin. First off as everyone else has so graciously pointed out being polite isn't a bad thing. Let's put it into a bit of lamen(sp?) terms. How would you feel if your boss at work decided to yell and scream every order or demand he or she put to you? I doubt it would be a job that you would last at. Not due to lack of skills simply because either (a) the boss let you go or (b) you said although not in so many words. "Take this job and shove it." Now let's go in the opposite direction. You go into work and your boss is usually pleasant and instead of making hard and unreasonable demands on you and just plain being mean he or she politely asks you for the report on what ever you are doing. It would make things a lot easier wouldn't it. It would also help in getting what you needed to do done. You would continue to work there and both you and your boss would be happy.

Now let's take this into the lifestyle or into play. As some of these lovely people have pointed out speaking in a low and barely a whisper of a voice can make the submissive, bottom, slave, etc... Strain to hear and let's face it when a Top is holding an instrument of pain and smiling kindly at the poor lil submissive, slave, etc that is tied up or bound in some form and the bottom sees it the blood starts to flow into overdrive. *Laughs* Sorry I had to add that in there. To finish being polite doesn't break a dominant or switch when we are in dominant mode. It is simple habit for most of us whether it was from who raised us, where we were raised or a combination of the two.

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RE: Too Polite - 12/15/2006 8:09:41 PM

TheLadySays

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I often get told by subs I am too polite, because I dislike swearing and I always say thank you after they did something good without asking twice! They think it devalues your role as a domme to be nice!
This is 1 thing which makes me sick to the teeth about many submissives, that is their idea that a domme should be robotic, impolite, inhuman beings.
There are too many wannabes and not enough real ones in my experience. I have met 14 from collarme and only 4 were great!
Actually one sub left me because I wasn't polite enough, but the poor dear had some issues anyways.
I've learned to let whatever a sub says about you, run over your head, and not take it to heart, because everyone looks for different things. If a sub cannot accept you as who you are as a person, or fully be as you would like them to be, you must reconsider whether they are suitable for you!
For heavens sake, we dont need 2nd best, it what makes us different from subs!

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RE: Too Polite - 12/17/2006 10:54:31 AM

Kramel

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Politeness, even in the face of adversity, is a strength. And of course, if a sub fails to undertake what is asked of them, their failure is all the more punishible. "I even asked you nicely"

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