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DarkSteven -> RE: bottoms not submissive outside bedroom? (9/1/2013 2:50:22 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: njlauren
As others said, people comfortable with being D's wouldn't waste the time trying to tell a bottom they aren't authentic or need to be a sub outside the bedroom, it is a waste of time. I think a lot of the people doing this kind of thing love the idea of being a dom, think of it as being "lord of the manor', having their slavegirl, harem, whatever, and then are shocked to find that their delusion isn't the truth, that there is another person here with their own needs. The reason they keep trying IMO is because they have tried this schtick on people who know what they want, as a bottom or sub, and basically were told to pound sand, a "dom' like this would kick off the bullshit meter in about 5 seconds I suspect;)
You touched on something that fascinates me - the moment where porn and reality meet. When someone who thinks that all kink women are easy lays and will suck their cock instantly with no effort finds out that lifestyle women are not easy - what do they do about it? It always amazes me how many men insist that porn is correct and the women are fakes.
quote:
ORIGINAL: bearcatw125
There are no hard and fast rules of how to label yourself. You pretty much get to call yourself whatever you want as long as it's comfortable for you.
Now with the whole 'bottom not submissive outside the bedroom' thing, I always assumed that's what a bottom was. Someone who took the bottom role of a BDSM scene and that's it. There was no D/s interaction before and after the scene. Obviously definitions change from person to person, but that's how I'd describe a 'bottom'.
There's no universal agreement on what the labels mean. I've been with my submissive for 2.5 years now, and we still disagree on what she is. I say she's a submissive, and she says she's a bottom. We agree on our relationship, just not the label for it.
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