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RE: Breaking in a completely beginner submissive? - 8/20/2013 12:39:26 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

She has some desires, right? So start with them. Start with things that she's predisposed to enjoy. Because otherwise she wouldn't have been fantasizing about them.

And she isn't a total beginner, she is the expert on her. She knows if she wants you to call her names or not. She knows if she's curious about something or not. Ask her what she likes the idea of.

And then start slowly. Talk during it, does she like it, can she take a little more, tell her how well she's doing and how proud of her you are.

And talk afterward, and the next few days as she begins to process things.

But you need to discuss aftercare, because she may not know how emotional she'll feel. Or if she's shaking with cold after. So be prepared. Have water, protein snacks and a blanket. And check in with her the next day. Suggest she keeps some chocolate on hand and don't plan anything if the next day will be rough on her.

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(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 21

RE: Breaking in a completely beginner submissive? - 8/20/2013 12:52:03 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

Welcome, LatinDom!

+1 for having a 'checklist review' date. There are a plethora of checklists online if you google 'bdsm checklist'. I love to do these in person because it opens up so much discussion. You can level the playing field by addressing each item from her sub (receiving) point of view and your dom (dishing it out) view, or if you really want to get wild, switch as though she's the domme and you're the sub (fun stuff, huh? You both may learn something new by doing this.)

Good luck! Congratulations on finding a person you enjoy exploring with :-)

(in reply to LatinDomTX)

Post #: 22

RE: Breaking in a completely beginner submissive? - 8/20/2013 5:26:09 PM

Maybeher

Posts: 31
Joined: 4/2/2013
Status: offline

keep getting to know her, take it slow. Show her all your toys and how each feels, maybe light bondage and 3 minute spanking followed by relaxing and a movie :-)

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 23

RE: Breaking in a completely beginner submissive? - 8/20/2013 5:28:53 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

Good thoughts on proceeding slowly; as a submissive, when I meet new Dominant men, the last thing I want is for them to go all Domly on my ass when I don't even know if I like them yet or if I'm not sure on where we're going yet. Fastest way to get me to kick you to the curb is to proceed like I have a Go sign plastered across my forehead. Fuck that. I have absolutely no problem walking out on that asap or giving a swift kick to the balls as the situation demands it.

She's thinking she's maybe kinky, maybe submissive, let her have a safe space with you to figure it all out. I can't stand feeling pressured. As a submissive, I want to be so hot for someone and so convinced that they're the best thing since sliced bread, that I offer myself up on a silver platter - that comes with security, not with someone throwing stuff at me or trying to get something from me.

If you haven't met yet then go on a date and do regular date stuff. Be the leader. Be responsive to her cues and ask for her input, there is something sexy about a man in relaxed control. When you get to the point of kissing, try being more forceful, holding her chin, tugging a bit on the hair, a bite on the neck, easy does it. When you get to the bedroom I'd consider not introducing toys right away. The first time give her direction, restrain her wrists, give her a swat or two across the bottom. See what she responds to. Ask along the way if she likes it, if she does, go a step further.

Definitely do a check list together first, and discuss limits and safewords; for time number 2 bring a toy or two that showed up on the list. Spanking, hair pulling, wrist restraints are generally beginner type things because lots of people like those things and they're pretty safe to start with. Unless she's got issues with any of that, which you will know, because you already talked with her about limits.

I'll just add that anyone who overwhelms me because he "thinks" that is what Dominant men do, comes across in that moment of false bravado as being ridiculous, immature, and not anyone worthy of my attention. Men who think they have to push the envelope seem rather desperate and like they're playing a part, rather being the real thing. Arrogance and being an asshat is never attractive. Less is more. Definitely.
Good luck, let us know how it turns out!!

(in reply to LatinDomTX)

Post #: 24

RE: Breaking in a completely beginner submissive? - 8/20/2013 6:25:09 PM

LeatherBentOne51

Posts: 89
Joined: 12/28/2012
Status: offline

It would seem to me that if you had over 10 yrs experience, like your profile states, you might have acquired enough COMMON SENSE to not have to ask such a question.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 25

RE: Breaking in a completely beginner submissive? - 8/20/2013 6:27:27 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

There's really no secret to this.

Talk before, talk during, talk after. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Take it slow and continually make sure you are both on the same page.

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Everything has changed

(in reply to LatinDomTX)

Post #: 26

RE: Breaking in a completely beginner submissive? - 8/20/2013 8:21:14 PM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

so be Dominate or instead be not

quote:

in a dominate leadership role.

For the love of God...it's "dominant". Dominate is a verb.

OP, I'll give you something to think about: The women that have replied here are all sub females. We're giving you our point of view and ultimately we're your target audience.

You have to watch the forum posters, they like to spell check and correct the use of words. It is amusing.

The only one to reply here other than forum women how hang out here about most of their time is a successful Dom with actual experience. Think about it.

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 27

RE: Breaking in a completely beginner submissive? - 8/20/2013 8:56:50 PM

punisher440

Posts: 4122
Joined: 4/10/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

so be Dominate or instead be not

quote:

in a dominate leadership role.

For the love of God...it's "dominant". Dominate is a verb.

OP, I'll give you something to think about: The women that have replied here are all sub females. We're giving you our point of view and ultimately we're your target audience.

You have to watch the forum posters, they like to spell check and correct the use of words. It is amusing.

The only one to reply here other than forum women how hang out here about most of their time is a successful Dom with actual experience. Think about it.

Since you are clueless about my experience level and partners,I'll just class this response right along with the other "dominate" posts you are noted for. To the OP, you've been given mostly wise information by most of the posters here. This is not rocket science here if you just use basic common sense you'll be ok.

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(in reply to Arturas)

Post #: 28

RE: Breaking in a completely beginner submissive? - 8/20/2013 9:04:10 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LeatherBentOne51

It would seem to me that if you had over 10 yrs experience, like your profile states, you might have acquired enough COMMON SENSE to not have to ask such a question.

I have over 30 years and I'm not afraid to ask questions.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to LeatherBentOne51)

Post #: 29

RE: Breaking in a completely beginner submissive? - 8/20/2013 9:05:01 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

You have to watch the forum posters, they like to spell check and correct the use of words. It is amusing.

The only one to reply here other than forum women how hang out here about most of their time is a successful Dom with actual experience. Think about it.

Yes OP, think about the fact that not one person on this thread including yourself thinks it's a good idea to overwhelm this woman with Domliness. Also think about the fact that success and experience in one's kinky life is very subjective to the one who is living it - what is a measure of success? What constitutes experience? Certainly not everyone would find the same meanings to be a universal standard.

Sometimes people make spelling mistakes and they're rather run of the mill; when the mistakes become funny is when it's something that the writer professes to be....that IS amusing!

(in reply to Arturas)

Post #: 30

RE: Breaking in a completely beginner submissive? - 8/20/2013 9:34:05 PM

Extravagasm

Posts: 230
Joined: 9/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

sexyred1 Post20: When I met some dominant men in the past, sometimes the smallest gesture was enough to trigger something. . . He did small things at dinner, like take my wrist and just hold it. When we left, he kissed me at my car and just held my hair really hard and pulled it slightly. . . Sometimes, being dominant is a whisper

I adore this. You had someone who really knew what he was/were doing.
I have kissed the eyes and whispered, next time they'll have tears in them.

_____________________________

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(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 31

RE: Breaking in a completely beginner submissive? - 8/20/2013 9:34:55 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

You have to watch the forum posters, they like to spell check and correct the use of words. It is amusing.

The only one to reply here other than forum women how hang out here about most of their time is a successful Dom with actual experience. Think about it.

Being 'forum women' doesn't take away from the fact that several of the people responding are submissives in successful long-term relationships. I don't know why you would assume that your dom-experience is worth more than their sub-experience.

Minor derail: Who brings children on a first date?!

_____________________________

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Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Arturas)

Post #: 32

RE: Breaking in a completely beginner submissive? - 8/20/2013 9:49:48 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I'd go straight for her mind.

I'd have her assume a submissive position like kneeling. Tell her to open her knees a bit more, arch her back a bit more... you get the idea. Make her stroke her own face and neck. Tell her to focus on your voice. Have her repeat back what you say - "While you are with me, your submission is mine. What did I say?" "When I am with you, my submission is yours."

I'd avoid her breasts and other sexual spots for the first session, and wouldn't touch her anywhere until some time had passed. If you think she's getting off on it, then slowly and confidently grab her by the hair and slowly pull her face to yours.

_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 33

RE: Breaking in a completely beginner submissive? - 8/20/2013 9:55:39 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

The only one to reply here other than forum women how hang out here about most of their time is a successful Dom with actual experience. Think about it.

Thank you for mentioning me.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to Arturas)

Post #: 34

RE: Breaking in a completely beginner submissive? - 8/20/2013 11:13:48 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I'd go straight for her mind.
If you think she's getting off on it, then slowly and confidently grab her by the hair and slowly pull her face to yours.

OMG!!! The hair pulling always sends me over the edge!! Call me easy, but had I been around in caveman days..I would constantly just be running from the cave so I could be dragged back..

OK...now back to the regularly scheduled program!!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 35

RE: Breaking in a completely beginner submissive? - 8/20/2013 11:18:49 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
Call me easy, but had I been around in caveman days..I would constantly just be running from the cave so I could be dragged back..

Ok that made me laugh.

Sunny QOTD nominee, please!

< Message edited by NuevaVida -- 8/20/2013 11:19:09 PM >

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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 36

RE: Breaking in a completely beginner submissive? - 8/21/2013 1:27:35 AM

Sheela22

Posts: 199
Status: offline

Take it from a sub who was overwhelmed by her Dom , ended up bleeding an ran away from him , DON"T RUSH IN TO STUFF! TAKE YOUR TIME EXPLORING HERS & YOURS DESIRES... and COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE!! I was madly in love with him but ended up leaving him..go figure which side is right

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I type from my IPad.. please excuse my typos

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 37

RE: Breaking in a completely beginner submissive? - 8/21/2013 1:31:24 AM

Sheela22

Posts: 199
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

You have to watch the forum posters, they like to spell check and correct the use of words. It is amusing.

The only one to reply here other than forum women how hang out here about most of their time is a successful Dom with actual experience. Think about it.

Being 'forum women' doesn't take away from the fact that several of the people responding are submissives in successful long-term relationships. I don't know why you would assume that your dom-experience is worth more than their sub-experience.

Minor derail: Who brings children on a first date?!

That's what I thought! First date and she brought her kids?? I thought you don't introduce the guy to the kid until you know him really well

_____________________________

I type from my IPad.. please excuse my typos

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 38

RE: Breaking in a completely beginner submissive? - 8/21/2013 5:40:44 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LeatherBentOne51

It would seem to me that if you had over 10 yrs experience, like your profile states, you might have acquired enough COMMON SENSE to not have to ask such a question.

Not at all; some people can interact just fine with seasoned folks but have zero experience in dealing with "newbies", or else they are simply arrogant and don't think they need to adjust their protocols.

I think it is great that the OP is willing to say he doesn't know and is willing to ask.

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(in reply to LeatherBentOne51)

Post #: 39

RE: Breaking in a completely beginner submissive? - 8/21/2013 6:24:32 AM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Minor derail: Who brings children on a first date?!

I've been on one or 2.

It's a first meeting and I get a frantic call saying "Sorry, I've got to cancel, the babysitter can't make it"
Meh, bring em.

Then I get to find out of she had cold feet and was BSing me or if she is really interested.

I'm going to have to deal with them sooner or later anyway.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 40

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