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JessieMe -> A question (6/30/2006 3:20:20 PM)
Hopefully I will word this so it can be understood. As a switch, do you when in submissive mode, look for a dominant that matches you when you are in dominant mode? Or do you look for someone with a totally different dominant style than your own? For me, I never thought I would play with someone who would be as strict and controlling as I was. Until I met Him>>> LOL>. then I was lost. Any takers?

ArchangelMichael -> RE: A question (6/30/2006 3:43:24 PM)
I tend to like the same things as a submissive that I like as a Dominant. This includes the S&M aspects and the D/s aspects. I need to have a strong sense of control on either side. And I like cuddling and kneeling during quiet personal time.

WyrdRich -> RE: A question (6/30/2006 6:14:29 PM)
Ok, I'm medicated here, so if this reads incoherently, blame my dentist.... As a bottom, I'm looking for a completely different experience than what I dish out from the top.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: A question (6/30/2006 6:52:24 PM)
I don't look. But I find someone who I connect with. In some ways we're alike and in some ways we're different. Switches can enjoy vastly different things as subs versus as doms (or masochists vs sadists), or they can enjoy very similar things, or some mix of both.

Evanesce -> RE: A question (7/1/2006 8:55:28 PM)
quote: As a bottom, I'm looking for a completely different experience than what I dish out from the top. Me too! As a bottom, I'm a bit of a wuss, in that I really don't like pain (but I love where it takes me), and I need a rather lengthy warmup before I can handle full force blows. As a Top, however, I'm mean. I taunt the bottoms I play with, and they don't always get a warmup, unless I'm feeling particularly benevolent. I'll use things on them that I HATE having used on me - like the lexan paddle with the holes in it - simply because I can. Maybe that's why most of the dominants I know in person are afraid to play with me... they've seen me top.

WindAssassin -> RE: A question (7/2/2006 9:21:08 AM)
Ok.....trying to get some of the "lingo" worked out here......In most books on this subject of BDSM or simillar lifestyle the terms "Top" and "Bottom" are a bit different than what everyone is associating them with in these discussion boards. "Top" is the person who is.....here, let me quote so it's understandable....since I can screw things up...lol....: "A 'top' applies physical stimulation to the bottom without requiring a complementary submission on the bottom's part." (taken from 'The Loving Dominant' by John Warren Ph.D.) This is also different than the other terms such as Submissive and Dominant. And again different from Sadism and Masochism. Sorry.......didn't mean to upset anyone out there. I just have a few friends that are new in this scene and keep mailing me confused as hell by the termonology!chuckle It is all a bit overwhelming. On to the actual question (so I don't get yelled at for posting something that wasn't related to the topic...lol) Funny thing is, I don't "look" for them....him.....whatever..lol..... When I'm attracted to someone I would like to be with on a long term basis....it seems to just fall into place. Just like when you date someone a few times, and you just don't seem to mesh. Something tells you it's just not right. My regular "public" self seems to reflect enough that I do attract guys.......well...after weeding out the obvious dorks.... that we have more of a chance of connecting on the more "unique" sexual level (this lifestyle). If we sit down and talk about it (if we've made it that far....I definately don't start a first date with BDSM lifestyle chat) we find out what the other likes.....that goes a long way. Don't know if that quite helped....My brain has decided to start shutting down...it just realized it's a holiday weekend! LOL Take care all! Yours, ~WindAssassin

fyrekittyn -> RE: A question (7/2/2006 1:58:04 PM)
The things that I like as a Top and the things that I like as a bottom are totally different. As a bottom, I am not very submissive, but I sure as hell want to get the crap beat out of me. (I'm a painslut) As a top, I am much more into the D/s side of things than the S/M. I am not very sadistic at all, and prefer to use pain as punishment, not as pleasure. In a Top, I look for experience and similar kinks.

NikoB -> RE: A question (7/2/2006 3:14:00 PM)
I like quite different things as a top than as a bottom. As a top I am a LOT more sadistic then I am moschoistic as a bottom. However the control factor is a major factor for me both as Dom and a sub, as I Dom I want a lot of it, and as a sub I want to lose a lot of it...

MistressJan -> RE: A question (7/3/2006 1:55:58 PM)
If I get to switch, it is usually with someone who is much stronger than I am. It is not that I am trying to fight them, but rather in awe of their skill level. I am always wanting to improve my skills, and the best way to do it is to work with someone more knowledgeable than yourself. At the same time, I can spot Dom's trying to play for sex in a heartbeat. I just tell them I am not interested in the sexual side of the life and they go away. The goal that my slave and I have is to find a strong Domme to let us serve her. When the time comes, we will be ready. Respectfully, Mistress_Jan

SmokeyM -> RE: A question (7/3/2006 3:43:48 PM)
I tend to like the same things as both a Dominant and a submissive. It really is all to the persons own likings. ~Smokey

MistressTheaZ -> RE: A question (7/4/2006 10:30:02 AM)
(fast reply) I've only had one ongoing switch playmate in recent years, and count it fairly lucky that We have similar enough interests to keep one another moving forward while still having a great time. It helps to share a grounding in sadomasochistic leanings. That said, I tend to think the actual activities mean less than the desired feeling - that place you want to get to and experience under the Top - since interests grow and change when the play gets mentally provocative. [:D] I had a playmate some years ago - My first switch playmate I ever liked to any point - and We did not share the element of Sadistic Top/Masochistic Bottom. He enjoyed more corporal, 'punishment'-oriented play, and while I was open to this, the progression was lacking.While intriguing from the jump, it fizzled after some time and became somewhat stale without being able to tap into a shared wavelength and 'feel' where and how to push those buttons. ;) Best, ~Thea

Eir -> RE: A question (7/5/2006 8:02:10 AM)
There are VERY few that I can submit to... it's rather hard for me to find a dom that I would be able to submit to because the personality has to so intiminating... thank the Gods that I have at least one man like that in my life. The reason why I like it when I am feeling submissive and I go to him is that I know that he is more then I am, I can't fight back but I do that alot... If I try to fight back I will be punished. I am more of a dom and I am also glad that I have someone that I love and adore in my life that is a total masochist and he is also so submissive... Care. Eir

SusanofO -> RE: A question (7/5/2006 9:52:16 PM)
Speaking as a potential 'newbie' to Switching, I'd have to think feeling a personal connection would be the most important thing (for me) first. I really have to like somebody's personality or I have a hard time doing anything (I might be a terrible Top if someone just ordered me to "do someone" as part of a scene. I'd probably blow it. - Susan

Nuke718 -> RE: A question (7/6/2006 2:00:39 PM)
Susan hit the nail on the head, at least for me. The connection with the other person comes first. Usually, regardless of which role I will br taking on, there has been some conversation on experiences, expectations, physical limitations, and psychological limits (altho the actual conversation doesn't sound sl clinical). As for what I like, I tend to morph at least a little towards what my partner at the time enjoys. I guess if I boil it down tho... For Ds I like em more Dominant than I am, and for SM I like to get it harder than I give it. But those are generalizations. Nuke }:-

sleazybutterfly -> RE: A question (7/6/2006 8:55:22 PM)
When I am with a Dom.. I submit totally to him..I want and crave the pain. I am finding though when I am Dom myself... I am more into the sexual dominance..maybe some humiliation that type of thing. I am not much a physical pain person in giving. ~Andrea

shadevarr -> RE: A question (7/6/2006 9:16:19 PM)
I tend to stick to the same things as a top or bottom, but being a pain slut I do feel let down when I can't play as hard when the roles are reversed. Meh, it's just a matter of time.

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