Gauge
Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: NoBimbosAllowed
okay, I'm "snarfing". But I thank you earnestly and sincerely for that. I LOVE the fact that there's now a nomenclature for "pay princesses".
I'm wondering if there's a cross-category of Nigerian Pay Princesses.
Which would be too bad since Nigerian women are gawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwjuss.
Yes, they are pretty... but they have the worst fucking damn luck I have ever heard of in my entire life.
One just wrote to me the other day. She told me that she used to work on Wall Street in NYC and that her father got sick and she had to go visit him in Nigeria. Well, before she left, she had to sell everything to pay for the trip over there and what she couldn't sell, she gave away to the homeless. So, she gets on the plane, and lands in Nigeria. So, at this point I am cheering for her and the fact that she is going to see her ailing father. You will never guess what happened. first of all, she got robbed by 17 angry Chinamen all named Earl Wong. If that wasn't bad enough they stole her passport, her money, her identification and her fingerprints and a vial of dirt from her homeland in Nigeria given to her by her great, great, great grandmother on her Mother's Father's side of the family. Can't get much worse, can it? WRONG! Somehow she ends up having to sell herself on a corner in order to get enough money to buy a few rags to cover herself with and also to pay some farmer for a ride in the back of his truck filled with the shit from a thousand cattle, to take her to the village where her parents live. On the way they get a flat tire, and the farmer who is on a very tight time schedule, forces her at gunpoint to lift the truck up where the flat tire is and jog along side while he takes her to her village. Did I mention it was raining, and the mudslide that washed the truck off the road, into a ditch, where she had to lay in the mud so the farmer's truck could get some traction to pull the truck out of the mud, and then the truck ran over her legs... and broke them. I am not making this up... anyway, the farmer got out of the ditch and then forced the woman to crawl under the side of the truck where the flat was and support the wheel... luckily that is when the earthquake hit. A boulder fell off of the mountain that was next to them and crushed the farmer and the truck. She narrowly escaped with her life and the truck fell into a chasm that formed from the earthquake.
Counting her blessings, she then crawled on her elbows over rocks and debris for 92 miles until she finally reached her village. No one knows what actually started the fire that destroyed everything within 2 miles around the village, but she speculated that it was either just a coincidence or that they had been under attack from rebel forces. The entire village was gone, but luck was on her side, she found the burnt corner of a note written in her Mother's handwriting explaining that they had gone to the airport to meet her and that they would be back as soon as they had picked her up. I should have thought that this was strange, but obviously this woman had really been through hell, so if she got something wrong with the story, I understood completely how that could happen. Now, the woman decided to wait until her family got back. exhausted, she fell fast asleep. When she woke up she discovered that a very large rabid yak had gnawed off her legs. Trying to keep her spirits up she began to sing a song that her Mother used to sing to her as a child. She was not certain, but she swore that she heard the same song being sung very faintly off in the distance. As the day got a bit brighter, she saw her family approaching her and they embraced and cried because they had not seen each other in years. I knew this was going to have a happy ending. I couldn't have been more wrong.
Her family bandaged her wounds and made sure she was fed and got her a better set of rags to wear. Then everyone had to leave her there and go to work, and they had all agreed that after the family came home that they would go to visit her father in the local hospital. So her family departed for the canned Potted Meat Product canning factory to put in their 21 hour shift. I guess the cause of the explosion at the factory is still under investigation, but authorities believe that a faulty mechanical chicken meat separator malfunctioned spewing volumes of flammable gas into the air... who knew that a bolt of lightning would hit at that exact same time setting off the cloud of gas and killing her entire family all at once. I know... I know... her father was in the local hospital, how in the world could the father be killed in the factory... this is where I thought it was sounding like she had made this up, but she explained that one of the machines that put the two spots of glue on the cans to hold the label on was catapulted into the air from the sheer force of the explosion and it landed on top of the hospital. Sadly the machine was full of 37 thousand gallons of fast setting glue and the glue leaked through the roof and suffocated 172 people... including her dear, dear father.
I am tearing up as I write this. This brave woman, after all she had been through decided that she must return to America because Nigeria no longer had any reason for her to stay there. All alone in the world, her mind and body wracked with grief and pain, she was able to crawl to the nearest library that had a computer... which was over 120 miles away and went through some of the most dangerous swamps in the world. This women actually made it to the library. I am not sure how this happened, but she recalled reading something somewhere on some message board about this generous man who was known for his kind heart. This man happened to be me. By some miracle she remembered the email address and was able to type out a message with her tongue, explaining her predicament and pleading with me to please send her enough money for a plane ticket so she could come home. She promised me that she would, in turn for my generosity, pledge herself to me as a slave and she would do anything that I ever asked of her and more. The cheapest plane ticket she could find was $1200 dollars and she needed the cash, I could not buy it for her because of the laws in Nigeria forbidding people from America electronically purchasing airplane tickets in Nigeria. What was I supposed to do? I sent her the money. That was three months ago. She must have lost my address.
I wonder if she was wasting my time.
< Message edited by Gauge -- 9/20/2013 12:30:21 AM >
_____________________________
"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick
I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.
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RE: No one can waste your time unless you let them - 
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.....here you go.... 
Gawd, that is so saaaaaaad!! 
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