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id welcome some thoughts on this - 9/11/2013 12:52:43 PM

hylasEA

Posts: 33
Joined: 9/11/2013
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hey folks. so, im a little bit confused about my sexuality. its not really a problem. but i thought maybe somone here felt similarly or could give me some outside perspective. its about whether im more of a dom or a sub, or both.

in my fantasies when i masturbate, things are actually really clear; im always the dom. simple, right?

except, in real life, ive had some experiences with bondage, and i enjoy both tying someone up and being tied up; but i enjoy the latter much more. i enjoy straining against the ropes, i enjoy the passivity of being tied up.

when im having vanilla anal sex, i enjoy being penetrated more than penetrating; and not just because of the physcal sensation. i enjoy the idea of "being used".

although, ive come to enjoy tying people up and being the top in anal sex more in the last year or so. its like i need to slowly "acquire the taste" for it. being a sub/bottom and enjoying it seems to come more naturally to me.

but then, as i said, in my fantasies im always, always the dominant.

strange, right? im not really stressing out about it, and i know labels are not always useful. its not really a problem for me. but id welcome some thoughts on it nontheless.

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RE: id welcome some thoughts on this - 9/12/2013 10:02:37 AM

Gauge

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Joined: 6/17/2005
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I think you have basically answered your own question. There are no rules or code of conduct that govern switching roles. Do what makes you happy and don't confuse yourself.

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RE: id welcome some thoughts on this - 9/12/2013 10:26:47 AM

MrGentle

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Just do what makes you happy. Labels are for people needing order.

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RE: id welcome some thoughts on this - 9/12/2013 7:23:51 PM

TigressLily

Posts: 436
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrGentle

Just do what makes you happy. Labels are for people needing order.

Good advice, but . . . it's not advisable to come across as being confused or uncertain to total strangers. Since you sound as if you genuinely enjoy either Topping or bottoming - as opposed to being willing to Top but not enjoying doing it - I'd say you're a Switch. A Top-heavy one considering that you're a Dom in your fantasies. I'm not a Switch, but I do know a couple male subs who Top when the occasion calls for it, but they don't enjoy playing this role. And by role, I specifically refer to active participation as either T/b or both, not with how you identify yourself as Dom, sub/slave or S/switch. The former is role-playing, the latter is how you've named yourself. As with a name, if you're not satisfied with the one you have, you can always change it, but you would hardly introduce yourself to others nameless.

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RE: id welcome some thoughts on this - 9/13/2013 2:37:00 AM

hylasEA

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^yeah, "switch leaning dom" is what i currently go by. i know cathegories are not the most important thing ever, but i think they can be helpful for communication.

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RE: id welcome some thoughts on this - 9/14/2014 8:49:14 PM

BecomingV

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Fantasies are just that... sexual musings. Unless, or until, you want to act on them, then they really only matter, to you. If you enjoy them then there is no problem.

If they cause you identity confusion, then you can try thinking of your Dominant fantasies as a part of you. You get to have fun in your head as a Dominant AND have fun in real life, as a bottom, or as a submissive, or perhaps, as a masochist.

We aren't machines. We are complex people and for me, "Do as you will but harm none" is the only limit worth heeding.

I deal with variety and complexity, too. (take a look at my long, detailed profile - LOL) Being self-aware and then, being self-accepting, is not only a peaceful way to be, it's also attractive to others. THAT matters more than being easy to know or easy to understand. The right one(s), will do both anyway, IMO.

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RE: id welcome some thoughts on this - 9/21/2014 11:37:15 PM

starkem

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Well said BecomingV.

HylasEA, I strangely experience the same things. My fantasies that I masturbate to in very little way reflect the sexual activity that I am most inclined to engage. I am thinking that maturity has opened my imagination to different sexual fantasies, but my life has yet to catch up.

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RE: id welcome some thoughts on this - 10/9/2014 8:34:59 AM

roosterman1969

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I'm the have the same problem accept I'm exact opposite of you!

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RE: id welcome some thoughts on this - 10/9/2014 1:28:45 PM

Moderator3

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Any thread older than a year or around that date is locked because often times the posters are not here to respond. If you would like to discuss this topic, please start a new thread. You can always link back to this thread if you like.

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