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Improving Communications. - 11/16/2004 7:41:25 PM

111597

Posts: 22
Joined: 11/8/2004
Status: offline

Improving Communication within your lifestyle relationship.

by Mistress_JanDisciplineConnection

Communications in any relationship are very difficult in the world we live in. One thing I have found is that the lifestyle enhances the effectiveness of communication. Let's face it. When someone is facing discipline, they will communicate with you. I came up during the Wally/Beaver theology and it took a great deal of "understanding" to get me to be an effective communicator.
How does one incorporate effective communications in their lifestyle relationship? There are several activities that we do, but my slave and I have came up with an idea we want to share with you.
Let's get back to 24/7 aspect of the lifestyle. At some point your wonderful "Master" or "Mistress will have a bad day. Sometimes, we all want to sit back and relax a bit.
When I was in training, I did not relax. I was controlled the entire time. I was told what time to get up. I was told what time to go to bed. I was also expected to continually be busy being "submmissive".
Now that I am a Mistress and have met and talked with a lot of folks withing different lifestyles within the lifestyle, my slave and I have incorporated what we refer to as "Vanilla time."
When he just wants to talk with me and be himself, he will tell me, Vanilla. That way I know that he just wants to talk and will not be held accountable for any discipline. We are dating, so we like to have fun also.
Today, I did not want to train. I had a busy day with my mother, and just wanted to talk. During our session today, we talked freely. It feels really good to tell your partner, Vanilla. I don't feel like scening today. I just want to go get a pizza or something.
The experiment is working pretty well so far. He will write his feelings on this concept later. I would like your feedback and see what you think. Sooner or later, you will need time to be yourself.
My slave also has two days each week that he is off. He is off Friday and Sunday. I scene with him only to do maintenance. He is that good of a slave.
Regardless if you are that good or not, you need time to think and comprehend what you are learning. We are all human beings.

Respectfully,

Mistress Jan

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RE: Improving Communications. - 11/17/2004 1:17:04 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

I, for one, cannot constantly be on. And yet, I am always on, in a certain sense, since I am who I am. I am on when I do Pro Sessions. I am on when I am out on a F2F, getting to know a possible client, or meeting with a potential live-in slave. When I am off, it does not mean I am suddenly this weak or needy female.
I kinda, sorta hate the word "scene" because it means to Me something that is planned and then acted out. I do that in a Pro session, and I do it less formally when I "play". In a 24/7 D/s world, the dynamic is always there, or it should be.
However, I do allow, and feel it is necessary, to be able to relax and act in a vanilla manner on both sides. Going out to movie or to dinner, having vanilla friends and family over, etc. necessitate a more vanilla presentation. This does not mean that a slave should take advantage or be disrespectful. There are always ways to discreetly handle these situations. Having a code word is a good idea. Asking permission to fall out of character always works for Me. But the "falling out" simply means that I am ready and willing to listen and discuss something that may be important to the slave. And a minimum of weekly discussions happen anyway, more formally, when reviewing journal entries.
On the other side of the coin, if I have had a hard day, and want a massage or foot bath while watching a movie, am I "scening"? If I want My hair brushed, or My legs shaved, am I "scening"? Yes, that is part of the personal service I expect. Will I have a conversation during the activity? Very possibly. I am pretty casual in many areas, and I don't expect constant rituals and groveling. I would rather know the dishes are done.
So "falling out of character", and having permission to do so, does not mean, for Me anyway, carte blanche to be disrepectful or yell or become abusive. But then, I wouldn't accept that type of behavior in a vanilla situation either.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

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RE: Improving Communications. - 12/5/2004 8:13:41 PM

111597

Posts: 22
Joined: 11/8/2004
Status: offline

I agree with you. Since you are a pro-Domme, how do you balance the demands of the life verses your own self? I would be interested to know.
I will point out that we are not living together yet, but things are moving along very nicely. I do weekly maintenance to keep him on his toes, but overall, he is a wonderful slave. I cannot catch him in a lie.

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan

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RE: Improving Communications. - 12/5/2004 11:39:48 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I am always who I am 24/7
it does not matter where
or what I am. I am always
a Dominant. I am always
a Mistress to those I Own
no matter where We are at.
My ways do not change if
I am scening or shopping.
When I wake in the morning
I do not say I am going to
act this way or that nor
expect someone to treat
Me this way and then that.
I awake as a Dominant
whom expects to be treated
in the manner I am accustomed
to with in My choosen Lifestyle.
I expect the same of the
slaves I own. Of course
We are not D/s but M/s
and do not hide in any
way shape or form Our
choosen Lifestyle and ways.
Communications can
mean many things and
improving it is always
a positive experiance
between people and helps
teach tolerance of the
differances. Not everyone
communicates in the same
manner or fashions.

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