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RE: Lessons of online. - 9/23/2013 8:07:44 AM

NiceAnimal

Posts: 35
Joined: 9/6/2013
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Check out the tv show catfish. The internet is full of lying.

You need tone of voice, and facial expression and familiarity to detect lies with any accuracy, if the person is skilled.

Thanks for the story. This is probably more common in BDSM than other scenes or places.

(in reply to AllisonWilder)

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Post #: 21

RE: Lessons of online. - 9/23/2013 8:11:39 AM

NiceAnimal

Posts: 35
Joined: 9/6/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: brunettelace
Taking it is harder than dishing it out. The Sub is the strong one. And that is a delicious irony.

True that. The more you can take, the less that can stop you.

(in reply to brunettelace)

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Post #: 22

RE: Lessons of online. - 9/23/2013 8:18:28 AM

SlipSlidingAway

Posts: 223
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline

Similar experience. I'm so sorry you went through that. I just recently stopped talking to my "Him", after 13 years. We too met online, I fell in love, we met...and it was supposed to become 24/7. It never did. We remained "friends" after the break, but I realized that, by staying friends with him? I was defining my submission through what I'd shared with HIM and not being fair to myself or any other potential partner. I was living in the past, not growing, not allowing myself any closure.

What I learned is that, whether it be online or long distance, in general? If things are not progressing, there is usually a reason, and that distance can hide MANY things. Continuing to be emotionally invested when you are not physically together, and there is nothing concrete that commits you, is like Russian roulette. Sometimes people get lucky, other times? Not so much. LOL, and I also learned that some of us learn our lessons much more slowly than others!

_____________________________

"...ethical behavior should be based...on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death. " —Albert Einstein

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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RE: Lessons of online. - 9/26/2013 9:11:53 PM

WoundedHeart1213

Posts: 1
Joined: 9/10/2013
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OP, your story really hit home with me, right down to the jail part. I have been involved with someone for almost 5 years. He lived in a different state. Over and over, he informed me that I was his, that he owned me, I was his property. He was going to sell his house and move to me, but I could not move due to obligations here. We would speak on the phone everyday, text every day, we even met face to face when he came out here. He continued to tell me I was his, he owned me. I even told him I would move to him, sell my beloved motorcycle and everything. And Every thing was great...Until about 3 weeks ago.

I spoke to him on the phone on a Saturday. The last thing he said to me was "I love you". On Monday I received an email telling me he had gone out after work with some friends, he met someone who took him home and he now wanted "to see where this goes. I'm sorry". To say I was crushed is probably a huge understatement. I have not spoken to him on the phone since that last Saturday. There have been maybe 2 non committal emails from him attempting to explain his position, and when I last wrote asking if I was officially released, I have received no response. I can only assume that is the case. He won't even respond to tell me why? I beat myself up, still do a bit, wondering what I had done wrong, how I had failed him. But I've come to the conclusion that I probably didn't do anything wrong. He lied to me, I too turned a blind eye. I too wanted to believe. I thought I knew him, and discovered how little I apparently really did know.

I feel lost, I feel abandoned, I hurt. I have cried, gone without sleep and eating. However, apparently he doesn't even have the guts to talk to me to let me know why, practically over night, everything changed. So, I've come to the conclusion that he is no Master. He's simply a player. Yes, it still hurts, yes I'm still lost, but I will, in fact, get over it.

< Message edited by WoundedHeart1213 -- 9/26/2013 9:44:17 PM >

(in reply to SlipSlidingAway)

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RE: Lessons of online. - 10/15/2013 10:24:08 PM

Ariluna

Posts: 8
Joined: 9/25/2013
Status: offline

@ sexy red: excellent definition of a Dom
In general, The conversation, yes, they are real. The feelings, the thoughts, no one can take that away from you. However, is there really trust?

(in reply to AllisonWilder)

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Post #: 25

RE: Lessons of online. - 10/15/2013 10:42:01 PM

Toysinbabeland

Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WoundedHeart1213

OP, your story really hit home with me, right down to the jail part. I have been involved with someone for almost 5 years. He lived in a different state. Over and over, he informed me that I was his, that he owned me, I was his property. He was going to sell his house and move to me, but I could not move due to obligations here. We would speak on the phone everyday, text every day, we even met face to face when he came out here. He continued to tell me I was his, he owned me. I even told him I would move to him, sell my beloved motorcycle and everything. And Every thing was great...Until about 3 weeks ago.

I spoke to him on the phone on a Saturday. The last thing he said to me was "I love you". On Monday I received an email telling me he had gone out after work with some friends, he met someone who took him home and he now wanted "to see where this goes. I'm sorry". To say I was crushed is probably a huge understatement. I have not spoken to him on the phone since that last Saturday. There have been maybe 2 non committal emails from him attempting to explain his position, and when I last wrote asking if I was officially released, I have received no response. I can only assume that is the case. He won't even respond to tell me why? I beat myself up, still do a bit, wondering what I had done wrong, how I had failed him. But I've come to the conclusion that I probably didn't do anything wrong. He lied to me, I too turned a blind eye. I too wanted to believe. I thought I knew him, and discovered how little I apparently really did know.

I feel lost, I feel abandoned, I hurt. I have cried, gone without sleep and eating. However, apparently he doesn't even have the guts to talk to me to let me know why, practically over night, everything changed. So, I've come to the conclusion that he is no Master. He's simply a player. Yes, it still hurts, yes I'm still lost, but I will, in fact, get over it.

I feel your pain.

Fuck him.

He never deserved you.

There are plenty of nice real people out there.

Move on and do better.

You can do this.
Respectfully,
toys

(in reply to WoundedHeart1213)

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Post #: 26

RE: Lessons of online. - 10/15/2013 10:51:58 PM

NoBimbosAllowed

Posts: 1450
Joined: 9/19/2013
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and this is why so many men are ashamed to have testicles.

_____________________________

It's all about the curvature of the female azzzzzzzzzzz, meaning Niki Minaj and Serena Williams and Kate Cerebrano, NEVER Kylie Minogue! Wooden Spoons and Ottoman scenes from Story of O, baby dolls!

(in reply to Toysinbabeland)

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RE: Lessons of online. - 10/16/2013 7:47:37 AM

Domnotlooking

Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
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Your courageous telling of your story will certainly help heal someone today who is stuck in a likewise clusterfuck. Thanks for that.

My own escape from a lying hell (dishonest sub milking me for $$$'s while professing love) followed a similar path:

-recoil from the pain of the lie

-explain the lie away

-construct elaborate rationalizations to protect the lie so you can keep getting whatever

-and then finally, watch the lie simply crash and implode under its own absurd weight.

These days, I live in a lie-free relationship. We get that ANY lie is like the drop of piss that spoils the beer.

She called me earlier and said she'd been trying to get me on the phone for an hour. Then she called me back and said she was exaggerating it was really more like a 1/2 hour. It's a small thing, but for us it's a huge thing to have that basic foundation of trust.

Must also comment on the detail where he all but confesses he's a liar early in. This is a staple of the con man pathological mind set. It aint enough to deceive you, they also always have to rub it in a bit. Once you keep taking bites of the shit sandwich after being dissed, you earn their contempt. Then they sort of feel "allowed" to treat you badly. Then they get addicted to it.

We all have our role in creating and enabling these monsters. We have (as you have shown) a moral obligation to disengage from liars and abusers so that they will eventually seek healing, and stop serially abusing others.

Going forward, I'll bet you live a better life. You got bit by the zombie but it didn't kill you. You are now inoculated (though hardly immune). You are strong. You are clear. You are true. A lot of good men will find that hot. Your best days are ahead of you.

Again, thanks for your story. It wasn't exactly an up-read, but it made my day to see a good person give the heave ho to such an evil leech.

(in reply to NoBimbosAllowed)

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RE: Lessons of online. - 10/16/2013 8:15:41 AM

Moonlightmaddnes

Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
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You wrote that so well. I am sorry he could not just apologize for lying and try to make it right, you sounded so happy. I am glad you are in a better place now.

_____________________________

Submission is a gift that must be earned. It can be given, but never taken

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RE: Lessons of online. - 10/17/2013 4:12:17 PM

MMistress

Posts: 80
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: N.E. Ohio
Status: offline

After sitting weeping while reading all the posts in this thread, I'm amazed at how many of the posts hit the nail on the head concerning my personal experience. I was with (live and in person) my so called Master for two years, then he decided to persue other interests, which was not initially disclosed. He just sort of made himself unavailable. After a time he contacted me and stated that he wanted to remain friends. Like a fool, I was okay with that.
In that friendship, it became a online relationship for another three years. It has been a short period of time since all that came crashing down around me. I loved him and craved the relationship and did not allow myself to move on.
I am inspired to do so now. I thank the OP and all others for giving me the strength to do so.

_____________________________

MMistress
The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible. Arthur C. Clarke

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Post #: 30

RE: Lessons of online. - 10/21/2013 7:20:14 AM

tallandsweet16

Posts: 72
Joined: 10/17/2013
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this post was articulate and beautifully written. the follow up comments, too, have been eye opening and much can be learned from the time i spent reading this entire post. i thank you all for courage and insight.

to the original poster-- hugs! lots of them.

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RE: Lessons of online. - 10/22/2013 12:31:09 PM

Blankpain

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Joined: 5/20/2010
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That was very emotionally honest!

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Post #: 32