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Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and BDSM - 7/2/2006 12:26:30 AM

LadyOrchid

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/15/2006
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My question is,
is it safe for someone with post traumatic stress disorder to take a Dominant role in a relationship? Is it potentially dangerous to the submissive/slave? Are there others doing so here who'd care to elaborate? Those who've had such bad experiences that they won't pursue it at all now?
If you can't reply here either Mistress/slave, please message Me with your responses.
It would be a tremendous help in making an informed decision.

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RE: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and BDSM - 7/2/2006 1:41:50 AM

Calandra

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I think the question as asked is too general to be fair...

I have PTSD, and have worked tirelessly through therapy and medication to understand my triggers (sometimes not knowing why is the worst part), and to develop tools that help both me and my beloveds to cope when I do have problems.

Different people have different levels of PTSD. They have different triggers, different techniques when dealing with an episode, and different levels of maturity. If a person is basically not one who takes personal responsibility, then absolutely NOT, they should not be Dominant over anyone...

We all have challenges in life... PTSD only magnifies them... If those who serve the Dominant are well aware of the triggers, and have been taught proper "aftercare" then I believe it is totally safe.

(in reply to LadyOrchid)

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RE: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and BDSM - 7/2/2006 2:21:24 AM

cynthiamarie

Posts: 205
Joined: 3/11/2005
From: Bluefield, WV, USA
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I have PTSD too, and can't really add to anything to the areas Calandra has covered so well.

Some of us who have "been there, done that" are very good influences on subs who have PTSD and need to be led into counseling and healing. We won't say stupid things like..."Why didn't you..." "Get over it, it's in the past" and "There you go, getting all dramatic again."

We understand the flashbacks, night terrors, nightmares, why all the lights have to be on in the house at night if they're scared, how certain scents or whatever can trigger a panic attack, etc. We're survivors who treat others in pain with compassion and understanding, not like they're broken people who should spend the rest of their lives locked away so that the rest of the world can feel safe and secure.

We can heal, but the scars never go away and have to be dealt with responsibly by both people in a relationship.

I don't feel like I'm any LESS for surviving, or for having PTSD as a natural consequence.

(in reply to Calandra)

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RE: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and BDSM - 7/3/2006 9:07:52 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyOrchid

My question is,
is it safe for someone with post traumatic stress disorder to take a Dominant role in a relationship? Is it potentially dangerous to the submissive/slave? Are there others doing so here who'd care to elaborate? Those who've had such bad experiences that they won't pursue it at all now?
If you can't reply here either Mistress/slave, please message Me with your responses.
It would be a tremendous help in making an informed decision.

The only way it would be unsafe is if the person in question is not in therapy and dealing with the events that caused the PTSD or they have not dealt with it in the past and come up with a positive way of coping.

It may never go away, it is caused by trauma afterall, but you can learn to recognize it and deal with it in positive ways.

Remember, the top can have a safewords too. Be honest with your partner and use those safewords if you feel triggers rising. A good partner will respect you for this and see strength in your addressing your issues in a positive fashion.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LadyOrchid)

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RE: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and BDSM - 7/3/2006 10:03:38 AM

SweetDommes

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I have it, and have dealt with it mostly on my own. I am down to having flashbacks less than once a year (last one was in September or October of last year, last one before that was in July of '04) and I have gotten to that point without any more therapy than what I went to to be diagnosed (2-3 sessions, I believe, then classes and money issues got in the way).

I agree that not everyone can deal with this on their own, in fact, most people can't/shouldn't - although, technically, I didn't do it on my own either, I just didn't have professional help - but the implication that no one can deal with their past on their own kind of irritates me. I let people that I'm with (this includes potential submissives - even though they aren't *with* us yet) know that I have issues and that I'm dealing with them the best that I can without insurance or scads of excess money. I let them make the decision of whether they can deal with my periodic depression and my infrequent flashbacks/night terrors - if they think they can, then we continue chatting, if they don't, then we all move on.

In my opinion, this is just like any other potential deal breaker in a relationship (BDSM/non-BDSM/whatever) - you have to be honest with yourself and your prospective partner so that everyone knows what they are going to be getting into if the relationship progresses. Be honest about the fact that you have PTSD, what caused it (if you remember it) and what you are doing about it (therapy/medication/whatever). Dominants are just as human as anyone else, and sometimes, it actually helps to set a submissive a little more at ease to know that you do, indeed, have flaws/problems, just like other people.

< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 7/3/2006 10:04:04 AM >

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RE: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and BDSM - 7/3/2006 11:26:26 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

I agree that not everyone can deal with this on their own, in fact, most people can't/shouldn't - although, technically, I didn't do it on my own either, I just didn't have professional help - but the implication that no one can deal with their past on their own kind of irritates me.

I'm sorry if you felt this is what I was saying.

It was not what I was saying at all if you reread: "The only way it would be unsafe is if the person in question is not in therapy and dealing with the events that caused the PTSD or they have not dealt with it in the past and come up with a positive way of coping."

The point is to recognize what is a problem and find a way to deal with it -- therapy is often a step, I'd say a good first step so you can identify the issues and effects but it is not the only way.

The point of therapy is to help a person learn to cope and heal and change on her own, it is not meant to be a continuous lifetime arrangment. If it takes 1 session, 100 or 1000 is dependent on many factors.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to SweetDommes)

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RE: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and BDSM - 7/3/2006 9:21:26 PM

SweetDommes

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thank you for explaining what you meant.

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RE: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and BDSM - 7/5/2006 11:30:36 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

thank you for explaining what you meant.

I totally understand why you read it as you did; if I hadn't written it, I might have done the same thing.

I have MPD and probably PTSD too though I think just the history of abuse I survived is a bigger issue than either of these.

We've always found money for my therapy cause I felt I needed that objectivity to make up for never having had any growing up and thus not learning how to be objective especially about myself. Its started our twice a week then moved to once a few times a year. Right now the entire family goes once a month cause Fox's own issues were affecting us all. Again, we decided this was our best course of action.

Most of the time (95%) we hear we are a really healthy and dynamic and loving family. That can be very reassuring for us to hear. Those other 5% we come up with strategies in therapy, a truly neutral environment, that I'm not sure we could come up with in our house.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to SweetDommes)

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RE: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and BDSM - 7/5/2006 6:37:58 PM

ladylexington

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Joined: 6/7/2005
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Lady Orchid,

Thanks for asking this question. We often discuss the effects of triggers and past trauma on subs. It's good to remember that tops deal with similar issues.

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If you must gamble your lives sexually, don't play a lone hand too much. -- Mark Twain

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RE: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and BDSM - 7/5/2006 7:48:33 PM

MistressDREAD

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

We all have challenges in life... PTSD only magnifies them... If those who serve the Dominant are well aware of the triggers, and have been taught proper "aftercare" then I believe it is totally safe.

Its important too for the Dominant to know how to cope with the PTSD and not involve others when triggered. Dominants have safe words and safe acts too. Mine was caused by war in the past.

(in reply to ladylexington)

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