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without love? - 10/14/2013 4:29:41 PM

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Can a master, be a master without loving the person they are dominating? Sorry, I bet this sounds stupid, but I really wonder this. I'm still learning about this world. Can a master dominate someone without being sexual with them? Just wondering.....

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RE: without love? - 10/14/2013 5:08:46 PM

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Love and sex don't go hand in hand.

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RE: without love? - 10/14/2013 5:28:06 PM

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I'm not saying they do. Those questions are two, separate questions.

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RE: without love? - 10/14/2013 5:28:40 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: petitespot

Love and sex don't go hand in hand.

Neither do BDSM and sex. There is so much more to love than sex and there are plenty of people who don't need love in the equation. There is also way more to BDSM than sex. It doesn't go hand in hand either. There doesn't need to be love involved in BDSM as much as there needs to be respect. Both parties have to have respect for the other for the dynamic to work. Now myself personally I need there to be love involved in both sex and BDSM but that is a strictly personal choice.

Ailey

< Message edited by AdorkableAiley -- 10/14/2013 6:02:18 PM >

(in reply to petitespot)

RE: without love? - 10/14/2013 5:57:49 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley

quote:

ORIGINAL: petitespot

Love and sex don't go hand in hand.

Neither do BDSM and sex. There is so much more to love than sex and there are plenty of people who don't need love in the equation. There is also way more to BDSM than sex. It doesn't go hand in hand either. There doesn't need to be lover involved in BDSM as much as there needs to be respect. Both parties have to have respect for the other for the dynamic to work. Now myself personally I need there to be love involved in both sex and BDSM but that is a strictly personal choice.

Ailey

Really, well you have made my day!

I'm soo happy to read that! So BDSM doesnt have to be sexual then.... Can friends dominate other friends who are slaves?

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RE: without love? - 10/14/2013 6:05:08 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirasen

quote:

ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley

quote:

ORIGINAL: petitespot

Love and sex don't go hand in hand.

Neither do BDSM and sex. There is so much more to love than sex and there are plenty of people who don't need love in the equation. There is also way more to BDSM than sex. It doesn't go hand in hand either. There doesn't need to be lover involved in BDSM as much as there needs to be respect. Both parties have to have respect for the other for the dynamic to work. Now myself personally I need there to be love involved in both sex and BDSM but that is a strictly personal choice.

Ailey

Really, well you have made my day! I'm soo happy to read that! So BDSM doesnt have to be sexual then.... Can friends dominate other friends who are slaves?

This can happen, sure why not? There are no rules save what both parties agree to. If you have a friend thats a dom and you want them to dom you and they want to dom you go for it. It can get tricky though. Sometimes feelings that weren't there at the get go form and often times only form for one party. You can end up doing damage to a friendship and someone could get hurt, but if you are both consenting adults and know the risks and are willing to take them anyway, well go right ahead.

Ailey

(in reply to Kirasen)

RE: without love? - 10/14/2013 6:13:15 PM

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Are you happy with the situation? Is the person(s) you're dominating happy with the situation? As long as the answer to both of those questions are yes, go full steam ahead. Nothing else matters.

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RE: without love? - 10/14/2013 6:42:51 PM

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As long as your Master is ok with it, why not?

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RE: without love? - 10/14/2013 7:26:35 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirasen

Can a master, be a master without loving the person they are dominating? Sorry, I bet this sounds stupid, but I really wonder this. I'm still learning about this world. Can a master dominate someone without being sexual with them? Just wondering.....

I think the more important question is.... Can a person master without loving them successfully?

I will ask a couple questions. Can you properly care for anything if you have no positive feelings or attachment for it? How do you treat something that you are indifferent to or dislike?

I think you have to consider what is needed to be successful in the Mastering of another. In some cases I would say love is necessary. In others it might not be necessary. But I have yet to see anyone succeed at it when there wasn't at least some sort of positive attachment and affection involved.

With regards to your second question... Sometimes yes... Sometimes no.... It really depends on the people involved.

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(in reply to Kirasen)

RE: without love? - 10/14/2013 7:56:06 PM

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Yes and yes. Not all people need or want a dynamic that necessarily includes a romantic component. Not being "in love" with somebody doesn't mean that you are indifferent about their welfare while they are with you.

Not all dynamics necessarily have a sexual component to them, either. This seems to be more common with female led relationships or those that are specifically based on a service dynamic.

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(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: without love? - 10/14/2013 8:56:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirasen

Can a master, be a master without loving the person they are dominating?

Regrettably, love doesn't have to be instrumental to the equation, as others have noted. You could ask instead can a Master be a good Master without genuinely caring for the person they dominate. I don't believe so, personally. Without a certain level of emotional depth & connectivity, I don't think a Dominant can be fully attuned to his/her s-type and truly understand their inchoate needs or unmapped limitations. Anyone with the capability/capacity can Top someone else and sense how to push the bottom's buttons. (Slaves can take turns doing this with other slaves.) That isn't on the same level, nor does that constitute a "true" D/s relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: petitspot

Love and sex don't go hand in hand.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley

Neither do BDSM and sex.

Think of this in terms of any other interpersonal relationship, whether it involves intimacy or not. Or a FWB/NSA sexual arrangement anybody might choose to have, where there's always the possibility of ensuing emotional entanglements. Compare that with a mutually fulfilling love affair, and it falls short by light-years, paling glaringly by comparison.

KnightofMists sums it up for the most part: "In some cases I would say love is necessary." What matters is what do you want from your D/s-M/s relationship? If it's love you want, then don't settle for less than that.

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(in reply to Kirasen)

RE: without love? - 10/14/2013 9:37:39 PM

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I know I can't because I simply would never want to, but how the hell should I know what someone else is capable of?

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RE: without love? - 10/15/2013 12:13:19 AM

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Sure, I've done it quite a few times. My partners and I weren't looking for the "forever together" thing, we were living in the moment, and that moment revolved around the scene. Not to say I wasn't genuinely fond of them nor concerned about them, but there was no burning emotion there. We simply used each other for what the other represented, would be about the most cogent explanation I could give. Did start to fall in love with a couple of them, but it was ephemeral and probably better it never fully blossomed.

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RE: without love? - 10/15/2013 9:53:52 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirasen

Can a master, be a master without loving the person they are dominating?

Of course they can.

First, service is service. You can provide service and accept service without loving that person, but by loving your role.

And if you've confused M/s with kinky sex, I'll also agree with what someone else posted. Sex and love aren't the same thing.

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RE: without love? - 10/16/2013 8:14:53 AM

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I suppose I could be dominant over a person who I wasn't in love with, but doubt I would. It's a lot of focus and energy to control another person in a sane and healthy way. Without an emotional connection, I wouldn't be motivated.

And for me, it's always very sexual. The head aspect of being served is only operational because it makes me hard.

So in my world, focus + emotional connection + sex = relationship.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: without love? - 10/16/2013 10:14:38 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
I think the more important question is.... Can a person master without loving them successfully?

I will ask a couple questions. Can you properly care for anything if you have no positive feelings or attachment for it? How do you treat something that you are indifferent to or dislike?

I think you have to consider what is needed to be successful in the Mastering of another. In some cases I would say love is necessary. In others it might not be necessary. But I have yet to see anyone succeed at it when there wasn't at least some sort of positive attachment and affection involved.

You can care for someone and have other positive feelings for them than romantic love. Friendship, for example.

Personally, I wouldn't want to really submit to somebody, to belong to them, unless there was love. If it's just play or part-time, I'm fine with being friends, but if I'm going to give myself to someone and make them the center of my life, I need it all. But that's me. Other people may not want romantic love in that relationship, for whatever reason.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: without love? - 10/16/2013 3:07:41 PM

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The answer to both questions is, some can, some can't.

No two doms are exactly alike. No two subs are exactly alike. No two relationships are exactly alike. What is possible and not possible in any sexual and/or BDSM relationship depends entirely on the wants, needs and personalities of the persons engaged in it.

(in reply to Kirasen)

RE: without love? - 10/16/2013 10:31:57 PM

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I have dominated those that work for me. I only required a good work ethic and output. There is no love on either side as what they wanted was a paycheck. Neither was sex involved in that relationship. It did require that I cared about them as a person. If I don't, I won't be a good employer.

That might sounds funny to you but it is done on a regular basis.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

RE: without love? - 10/17/2013 5:56:08 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirasen

Can a master, be a master without loving the person they are dominating? Sorry, I bet this sounds stupid, but I really wonder this. I'm still learning about this world. Can a master dominate someone without being sexual with them? Just wondering.....

Depends on who they are dominating. Is the individual meeting the needs of the dominated? If not, then it is not a successful pairing. That same master might be able to meet another's standards and needs though, and achieve Master status. I believe its based on the needs of the sub/slave/individual that is recieving the domination.

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