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DarkSteven -> RE: Hello All from Singapore (10/16/2013 4:29:47 AM)
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Welcome to the lifestyle.
The idea isn't that you get a ready-for-use slave. You get a woman with a submissive side, and convince her that you're worth her using that side with you.
1. You do not want a slave. First, the supply of subs is much greater. Second, slaves expect years of experience at a high level.
2. You've "been having the urge to dominate and own a slave for quite a long time and its finally time to make it real." Sounds to me like you're either freshly divorced or else married and cheating.
3. You "don't want to "rush in" blindly with all [your] own expectations and disregarding the needs of [your] potential partner alltogether." Nope. It's not a meeting of kink lists. A good D/s relationship is like a blend of a vanilla adult relationship and a parent-child relationship. Your job will be to get to know HER - what she wants and above all what she needs. That can be giving her a hard spanking when she doesn't want it but is clearly off kilter, making her have a quiet evening when her nerves are frazzled, etc. Being a Dom is a lot of work, but if you crave having the control, it will work.
4. "what are the rules so nobody gets hurt or shortchanged in the relationship." Beautiful. I like that it's not just you getting your rocks off, but worried that both get what they need and nobody gets hurt. Sorry, but it's a relationship and people will get hurt. The only difference here is that fire play, needle play, serious bondage, etc., have risks if you don't know what you're doing. If there are kink clubs in Singapore, join them and go to tutorials and demos. If not, go slow at first.
5. You "have never "owned" anyone before". And you won't be owning anyone for a while. I didn't own my first sub until I had been in the lifestyle eight years. That's a serious commitment, akin to an engagement. Get to know someone, date her, and play with her. Don't collar her until you know things will go well long term.
6. You "want to reach [your] goals, not get mired down when the other gets uncomfortable with the direction." No, just no. If she gets uncomfortable, it's time to talk with her and see what's up. There are times when a sub likes to resist and have herself overruled, but that's a delicate thing. If you want to introduce something that's a genuine hard limit and you override her, she'll likely leave. If she's got a soft limit, then you need to take the time and energy to push it gently at first. Being a Dom takes more than being in a vanilla relationship.
Welcome to the lifestyle.
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