Newbie domme needs some tips

Newbie domme needs some tips (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

felicityfleece -> Newbie domme needs some tips (10/30/2013 9:45:43 PM)
Ok, so I have had a very quick initiation into the world of domme and findom over the past week or so, and more vicariously through a friend over the past 6 months, however I am just...a bit lost. I am a very nice person in general, and have a very friendly but kind of flippant and funny online persona (all my d/s interactions are strictly online only), and I DO definitely have a major bitchy and cruel side that comes out mostly only when I am attracted to someone and get angry with them for some reason. ;) So...these subs of mine that I have, I am not in love with them or hugely attracted to them. Some of them (most) want me to be horribly rude, mean, bitchy, degrading, humiliating and abusive verbally and emotionally to them. For some of them, I'm ok with that though I have yet to commence it (as we only met yesterday for the first time), but a few others...I really like them as people, they seem genuinely nice and not at all deserving of being abused. So my question is, how do I...do this? How do I go from being my normal friendly conversationalist self to a total evil bitch? lol I know a big part for me is simply learning to trust that they really do WANT this and it won't hurt them deep down forever. Also, when it's online only, what do you say? Like...what are some things dommes here actually say to be abusive and mean to their subs? Thanks!

westtxman -> RE: Newbie domme needs some tips (10/30/2013 10:07:20 PM)
Its about control. Giving control over to whom I trust. Mental and physical control. The sexual orgasm control is one step.

MissImmortalPain -> RE: Newbie domme needs some tips (10/30/2013 10:13:42 PM)
The only thing I can say here is that if you get answers to the question you asked I will be amazed. Asking a pro to come in and give you examples of how to humiliate someone sounds a great deal like something a tosser would ask so he doesn't have to pay for the service. Of course if you are seriously just a new domme asking the same question.....I will still be amazed. Any pro that would give out example; of such is in one way or the other going to kill her business. If she posts if for the world to see no one needs to pay for it...they will be getting it for free. She would also be giving away, for lack of a better term, her trade secrets. Upping her competition. The only advice I will give you is to find what comes naturally to you and if you find that it is very hard for you to be in a controlling role...find a different job. Good luck.

felicityfleece -> RE: Newbie domme needs some tips (10/30/2013 10:52:09 PM)
Thank you again. This is a steep learning curve for me, and I do apologise for the annoyance I've caused here. Oh and Lady Pact, no. That's definitely not me.

MissImmortalPain -> RE: Newbie domme needs some tips (10/30/2013 11:14:24 PM)
It is not an annoyance. You asked a question I just wanted to point out why you may not get the kind of answers you are hoping for.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Newbie domme needs some tips (10/30/2013 11:34:40 PM)
How you handle humiliation should vary with the sub. What works for one won't work for another, which means you're going to have to do the hard work of getting to know these guys. Ask them to send you a script of their favorite fantasy, though make it clear you will not follow it to the letter, will be omitting some things, expanding on others, depending on your mood. That should get you through the first few sessions until you know them better. Once the session is over, do a thorough debrief, this is good for both of you. Don't be afraid of criticism, you'll learn from it. I suggest not even attempting to go from your normal friendly self to your angry self, anger can get out of control and be misconstrued. Just be your forceful, demanding self, like when you really want something and feel entitled to get it.

felicityfleece -> RE: Newbie domme needs some tips (10/30/2013 11:48:46 PM)
Ok, that's excellent, thank you. I feel much better to know I'm not an annoyance too. lol

CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Newbie domme needs some tips (10/31/2013 12:20:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: felicityfleece Ok, so I have had a very quick initiation into the world of domme and findom over the past week or so, and more vicariously through a friend over the past 6 months, however I am just...a bit lost. I am a very nice person in general, and have a very friendly but kind of flippant and funny online persona (all my d/s interactions are strictly online only), and I DO definitely have a major bitchy and cruel side that comes out mostly only when I am attracted to someone and get angry with them for some reason. ;) So...these subs of mine that I have, I am not in love with them or hugely attracted to them. Some of them (most) want me to be horribly rude, mean, bitchy, degrading, humiliating and abusive verbally and emotionally to them. For some of them, I'm ok with that though I have yet to commence it (as we only met yesterday for the first time), but a few others...I really like them as people, they seem genuinely nice and not at all deserving of being abused. So my question is, how do I...do this? How do I go from being my normal friendly conversationalist self to a total evil bitch? lol I know a big part for me is simply learning to trust that they really do WANT this and it won't hurt them deep down forever. Also, when it's online only, what do you say? Like...what are some things dommes here actually say to be abusive and mean to their subs? Thanks! I love ChatteParfaitt's post. Now for my own two cents worth. Try it out and get your feet good and wet on other people's fantasies, and then see what feels right for you. I've tried things I thought I would hate, and loved it. Same thing in reverse...I've tried things I thought I'd love and was surprised that it didn't suit me at all. (My tastes have also changed a bit from year to year.) Having a hard time getting into the mood to humiliate one of these "nice guys"? MOST of the ones who will contact you are married cheaters, or men with a significant other who has no idea they are fapping off with someone they are talking with online. Does that make you feel properly evil? grins If you want to make yourself available for a sounding board and shoulder to cry on if the guy goes through "subdrop"...talk this over before you scene with them. Just be aware that some guys will not be sincere and will be one handed typing, while they relive how mean and cruel you were, and how (fap fap fap) it hurt their widdle feelings. [;)] At least one of the books from Greenery Press I have a copy of...have book recommendations in the back that would help you out with ideas. One book is for texting or phone sex workers who want to try kinky stuff. I'm too lazy to go upstairs and hunt through my books to find the titles, sorry about that. (Oh, and I want to get back to my Global Trades on my Pokemon X game, lol.) You might be able to type into Google "BDSM, humiliations" and find something...or better yet, give the guys homework and make them find good (and free) links to what turns them on. How do you switch gears in your head? Actors use props and uniforms sometimes; find something that makes you feel powerful and bitchy. Find a roleplay scenario that both of you would like to try out...maybe you would like to relive a time when a past boyfriend was caught cheating on you and you can use roleplay to re-write over the whole thing; don't ditch him this time, punish and humiliate "him" instead. I hope you have fun finding out what you like and exploring the kinks of guys you talk with. [;)]

fatblackbitch -> RE: Newbie domme needs some tips (10/31/2013 12:35:21 AM)
CynthiawVirginia, amazing good constructive help without cattiness or put down, excellent all sound advice

MissKittyDeVine -> RE: Newbie domme needs some tips (10/31/2013 2:12:53 AM)
Don't try to force yourself to be mean if you don't feel like being mean. Otherwise they are the ones calling the shots. Go with what you feel is right for you, at the time or in general. You are the domme; you have your own style, stick with it.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Newbie domme needs some tips (10/31/2013 2:48:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissKittyDeVine Don't try to force yourself to be mean if you don't feel like being mean. Otherwise they are the ones calling the shots. Go with what you feel is right for you, at the time or in general. You are the domme; you have your own style, stick with it. This is what I was thinking too. If it isn't you, then don't do it. There will be plenty of folks out there who like YOUR style of domination, you don't need to conform to someone else's idea of what is or isn't dominant. You've had some really good practical advice on how to get in the headspace. I agree that actual anger is not going to be productive for you. Try out the suggestions you've been given, but also be honest with yourself. If you don't want to be the bitchy ice queen, then you don't have to. Anyone complains, tell them to shut the hell up or get out of here, either they submit to what the dominant wants or they aint really submitting. You will lose some folks who are disappointed that you don't stick to their script, but the ones you keep will probably respect you more and suit you better.

VideoAdminChi -> RE: Newbie domme needs some tips (10/31/2013 2:52:46 PM)
FR, I investigated the tangent, found no merit, and removed the related posts. </tangent>

felicityfleece -> RE: Newbie domme needs some tips (10/31/2013 6:13:18 PM)
Thank you SO much. Excellent advice! I do need to keep constantly in mind that i am the domme. What i say goes or they can find another one if they like. Good.

SeekingTrinity -> RE: Newbie domme needs some tips (10/31/2013 6:43:42 PM)
~FRing it~ Herein lies the problem though. Being a Domme is really not something you should have to keep in mind. It's who you ARE...if that's who you are. It's not a uniform you put on before you head out of the locker room and onto the playing field. It just IS. I'll be honest...the questions you have asked scream from the rooftops of your newness. And that's not a big problem because we all start somewhere. It's perfectly fine to be new. I just caution you to not get so over your head with this. It kind of sounds like you are, if you want the honest truth. Slow down. Figure out who you are and what you are about. Then you find your counterparts. Rather than run around like a chicken with your head cut off...trying to be things that you might not be...just because someone tells you this is what a Domme is supposed to be. I say bullshit to that. You be the Domme YOU are. Don't be something you aren't. That's the Domme you were meant to be anyway. I've been doing this for a good little bit of time. I've developed who I was over time, rather than had it dictated to me. I'm saying this in a kind way...but you reek of novice Domme [:)]. Take your time, learn your craft, and never lose yourself in the process.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Newbie domme needs some tips (11/1/2013 6:11:16 PM)
Amazing. Ya'll know so much about men. Are we that fucking predictable?

ThePrincessKali -> RE: Newbie domme needs some tips (11/3/2013 1:07:57 AM)
OP, you mentioned that you were interested in findom and that being mean and sadistic is not something that comes naturally to you or something that makes you a bit uncomfortable. This leads me to believe it may be more about the money for you. Which is fine. Some subs prefer that but as many of the other posters stated you have to find what's right for you. You have two choices you can treat it as a job and feel out what the subs are looking for to get money or you can wait and seek out subs who's taste (so to speak) matches your own. I'm a fin domme as well and sometimes I go into total bitch mode bc that's the mood I'm in and sometimes I'm just not feeling it. Unless you're an amazing actress subs will be able to tell if you're forcing it. So my advice would be to do what feels natural for you. If you aren't comfortable with humiliation and degradation don't do it.

Page: [1]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875