Fight or Flight vs. Subspace

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Fight or Flight vs. Subspace - 11/1/2013 4:40:53 AM

MissSeraphea

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So, before I get started, a bit about me. I'm (for the sake of simplicity) a switch with sadistic and masochistic tendencies. At points in my life, I've been willing to be a slave, however, in both cases, I have been triggered out of space and into a full fight or flight response, emphasis on fight.

As far as I know, there's no one thing that triggers me (asphyxiation one time, beaten on a cross another, and golden shower the last). What worries me is that these are not limits of mine, but I still slip in to fight or flight.

Now, from what I understand of chemical psychology, fight or flight and subspace are very, very similar (both are hormone reactions releasing epinephrine into the system to combat pain and deal with other stresses). I have never achieved the latter though, every time triggering into fight or flight.

I'll be entirely into a scene, and then...gone, and not a good gone. I've broken furniture and nearly attacked the dominant all three times, barely managing to keep cool. I've seen therapists for anger management for years, but this isn't the same thing. I have my anger at zen levels most days (I have to, I teach middle school), but I cannot prevent these responses.

Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions? Please, I desperately want to know them, as I truly feel the need to serve, and I don't want to hurt anyone I don't intend to.

-Sara

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RE: Fight or Flight vs. Subspace - 11/1/2013 5:55:42 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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What you are experiencing I call a nasty emotional trigger. It can be *very* hard to determine their root cause. I know this from personal experience.

Based on that I'd say the more you get to know the real you, the more you accept who and what you are, not just on an intellectual basis but on a visceral, primal level, the more knowledgeable you will become about what triggers you. And once you know that root cause, you can then work on that.

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RE: Fight or Flight vs. Subspace - 11/1/2013 10:02:03 AM

MissSeraphea

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How did you discover your root cause?

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RE: Fight or Flight vs. Subspace - 11/1/2013 10:53:37 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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What can I say about that?

I did not have the world's best childhood or adolescence. There was emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Incest as well. So I hit my 20s with a whole ream of issues.

Therapy helps, but only if you have a good therapist. I have been in therapy off and on since my teens. I've learned the more I know myself, the more I know what triggers me in a bad way.

I've learned to accept who I am, and to forgive my past (I had some wild teen years in those days of sex and drugs and rock n roll.)

I still hit triggers. I most likely always will, and I will be 60 this month.

But acceptance is key. Then you're able to forgive, yourself and others who have hurt you. B/c let's get real here, it's all that pain that is the source of your anger.

But you can deal with the pain in a constructive way. I used to compartmentalize it, to pretend it didn't exist. That doesn't work. You have to meet your personal demons head on.

Really, I don't know you well enough to say more. But I hope this helps in some way.

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RE: Fight or Flight vs. Subspace - 11/1/2013 11:09:32 AM

MissSeraphea

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Sadly, I did all that getting destructive to myself and others in high-school for similar reasons, but, I've dealt with most of that...I struggle with forgiveness, but I can deal with the individual.

I'm just struggling to find the root there because these aren't things he did to me by any means.

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RE: Fight or Flight vs. Subspace - 11/1/2013 11:16:24 AM

SweetAnise

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One of the best ways to figure your emotional triggers out is through therapy. You need to work some of this out with a professional and figure out what is going on...only then you will be able to find some peace about it. And it doesn't have to be something overly traumatic...it can be something you wouldn't have thought about. Find someone in your area to help you through this process and who has knowledge of BDSM. NCSF is a good place to start.

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RE: Fight or Flight vs. Subspace - 11/1/2013 11:23:01 AM

MissSeraphea

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Sadly, buckle of the Bible belt...not many of those that I haven't worked with professionally. Maybe therapy again though...

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RE: Fight or Flight vs. Subspace - 11/1/2013 11:23:54 AM

Blonderfluff

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You say you are a switch, and that the fight or flight kicked in only during your slave scenes ? Well. Maybe you just are NOT a slave. ??? Try topping for the most part, and see how you feel.
It may turn out the that the submissive role brings on the emotional triggers.

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RE: Fight or Flight vs. Subspace - 11/1/2013 11:25:52 AM

MissSeraphea

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I have been the dominant one as well and can do so easily but prefer the slave side.

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RE: Fight or Flight vs. Subspace - 11/1/2013 11:35:33 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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I live in Indiana, so I understand the Bible belt. I found a marvelous therapist quite by accident. I am very honest with her and she is extremely accepting of my relationship with my husband who is my dom, and my sub.

Yes, I needed to educate her about BDSM, but she was very open. That first session with a therapist can tell you a lot -- keep looking until you find a fit.

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RE: Fight or Flight vs. Subspace - 11/5/2013 11:11:16 AM

MariaB

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its reading responses to threads like this that make me want to stay on this site.

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RE: Fight or Flight vs. Subspace - 11/6/2013 4:27:17 AM

sheisreeds

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Sometimes the issue is trust in the relationship, and there are spaces the relationship just cannot go.

I would have this problem often in new dynamics, or if there was something off in the trust. All the things you mentioned are very heavy and powerful experiences and if the littlest thing is off between you and the dom it can send you to a bad zone.

I had a lot of childhood trauma too, and some of my triggers were related to that, and other times that I slipped from a good space into a bad one it was something else entirely. Often something relating to the comfort in the dynamic.

Also, some relationships are meant to go different places, some activities just don't fit in certain relationship dynamics.

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RE: Fight or Flight vs. Subspace - 11/6/2013 8:01:17 PM

shiftyw

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FR: I struggle with PTSD from a past sexual trauma. I don't get violent...I experience really intense shut down/breakdown.

Lots of therapy has worked for me. Its hard to find a good one. It took me a long time to recognize what had set me off and it still sneaks up on me. I need to communicate with my partner clearly...and recognize 'the ramp up' to that, and not be afraid to safeword should I sense that coming on. I still miss it sometimes but my top is wonderful an has come to therapy with me and will check in should he sense I am about to dissassociate. Best of luck to you...it isn't easy.

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